Box Office: Jab Harry Met Sejal, Not As Bad As it Could Be!

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Okay, are we all ready to set aside our expectations and our prejudices and look at raw figures?  Are we excited?  Do we have our calculators out and our common sense hats on?  Are we ready to try to figure out a pun based on the title of this movie, because I couldn’t and I need help?  (The best I could come up with was “Jab Harry Met Slow Business”, which isn’t great).

Thank you bollywoodhungama for putting these figures out a day earlier than usual! (full info available here)

And it’s an exciting week, because it’s a Khan release week!  Which means we have to totally change our usual box office standards.  Overseas per screen, $4,000-$6,000 per screen is “normal”.  At home, 20 crore per day is “normal”.  In India, that’s partly the massive push for opening night from the fan clubs, and the inflated ticket prices.  Overseas, that’s just straight up excited audiences.  Tickets are normal prices, we don’t have huge fan clubs buying out theaters, we just like our Khans.

So, how did we do?  What does the Jab Harry Met Sejal report card say?

I’ll start at home, which means BAD NUMBERS.  I am sure someone in India has good numbers for this film, probably somebody in Red Chillies corporate.  But I have no faith that this mysterious person is sharing those solid figures with the press.

(Bad numbers)

So, here’s the best I can do.  I always get my Indian figures from Taran Adarsh.  Who is probably about the same in accuracy as anywhere else.  But, since I always get my numbers from him, I can at least know they are consistently inaccurate in the same way.  Where you run into huge huge inaccuracies is if you look at Taran’s numbers for one film and compare it with, say, Box Office India numbers for another film.  Because if Taran always tends to go low and BOI always tends to go high, you end up thinking one film is a lot better than the other just because of the difference in their calculation metrics.

Taran’s numbers are 15 crore Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  Which is baaaaaaaaaaad. In two ways.  First, Fan (that incredibly uncommercial film) made 19 crore opening day.  That’s a measure of the power of the SRK fan clubs and the SRK name.  Not the film itself.  If Jab Harry Met Sejal has dropped 4 crore, that means SRK has dropped 4 crore in Box Office power.

Plus, it held steady over Friday, Saturday, Sunday.  Which is also baaaaaaaaad.  Figures should go up slightly over the weekend.  Because of common sense, people work on Fridays.  So more people can go to more shows on Saturday and Sunday because they have the whole day off.  Standard box office is to go up 2-5 crore over those three days.  And then drop on Monday when people go back to work.

Tubelight, for comparison, opened at 20 crore and stayed at 20 crore over the weekend.  But that was Eid.  So, actually, equally bad!  Figure an extra 5 crore just because it was a holiday, it’s still way lower than it should have been.  And held steady again, instead of going up as is normal just based on number of shows and stuff over the weekend.

What we are looking at here is a wide release, inflated tickets, and normal curiosity for a big highly promoted release.  But not people actually liking the movie, talking it up to their friends, or wanting to go back for a second show.  Probably means the box office is going to drop hard over the week, and even worse in the second weekend (which is what happened with Tubelight).

(It’s really not hard to follow this stuff, just let Madhuri teach you how to count)

Now, the second question is, did the distributors/producers expect this?  Let’s go back to Tubelight and that post I did on risk/reward in Indian film.  There is a big responsibility on the major Khan releases, they are supposed to carry everyone in the industry from studio owners on down to popcorn sellers for a whole quarter of profits.  And Tubelight failed in that responsibility.  It took the Eid release slot, possibly the biggest one of the year (Diwale is bigger within India, but Eid has the global reach), and it failed to capitalize on that.  Worst of all, it scared away all the other films from releasing nearby, they were all worried about a Salman Eid release and no producers scheduled movies for around it.  Not just for that weekend, but for the weekends before and after.  Theaters were like ghost towns for weeks and weeks.  And that’s on top of Ramadan.

The JHMS producers announced a few months back, they were moving off the holiday weekend, and moving so that there would be a moderate film right before (Mubarakan, which is doing okay still in week two), and a major film right after on the actual holiday (Toilet).  This is ultimately the best thing they could have done.  First, they got a bigger box office for themselves than they would have otherwise, benefited from that large number of screens/nothing else new playing little bump.  But more importantly, this is super healthy for the industry!  At all levels.

If I am running a movie theater, opening weekend of this film is probably good for me.  Not great, but not a loss.  It will drop off during the week (based on how figures are looking so far), but I’ve got Toilet coming out next week and two more semi-big films the week after, so this isn’t the horrible disaster it could have been.  And if I am working from the production side of things, I could work on Mubarakan, Toilet, Qaidi Band, Bareilly Ki Barfi, A Gentleman, or any one of the many many other films coming out between now and Diwale, I don’t have to worry about having an empty resume because everyone is focused on one film.  If the producers knew this was going to be a modest release, then they were very generous to move it to a date when it would have minimal negative impact.

In terms of profit, this is all talking about the theater’s side of things so far.  Where they will probably be okay.  Not as good as they were hoping, but they have Toilet coming up to save them.  What about the producers?

I am guessing they are okay too?  It’s hard to know, since budget figures are hard to find.  But we are looking at a solid 40 crore at least just from opening weekend.  Figuring that the whole budget was 100 crore (which seems pretty standard now), add in music sales and satellite rights, the projected box office is probably going to be enough to break even at least.  For the producers.

(Remember, don’t stop counting!)

Let’s look at distributors!  In the US, it was Yash Raj.  I am guessing they are fine.  Partly because they are too smart to overpay, but also because the US figures are solid.  But what about in India?  Hopefully, distributors were paying attention to the lackluster performance of the last few SRK films and didn’t overbuy.  Because 15 crore every day for the first weekend is plenty of money to make a profit.  If you expected about that much and didn’t overbid for the rights to begin with.  If they did overbid, that’s also where Red Chillies/SRK himself is going to take a loss.  Because standard procedure (as we learned when Dilwale did not do as well as expected) is for the star/production house to cover the distributors’ losses if there is a bad flop.

So, generally speaking, not great box office, would be a disaster if there weren’t other movies coming out over the next few weeks to balance the losses, but as it is the industry will recover okay.  And if the distributors and production house were savvy about what to expect from it, they will be okay too.  If they weren’t, well, then sucks to be them!  But really, they should have been able to tell it wasn’t going to be great box office, clearly adult themes and stuff that cuts down on the all ages repeat viewing.  And Imtiaz, who hasn’t had a big hit in 10 years.

 

All of that is India, let’s move on and look at global!!!  Where the numbers are rock solid (thank goodness).

I’ll start with the US, $4,066 per screen on 254 screens.  For comparison, going back to my own archives, Tubelight opened on over 300 screens and only did $2,214 per screen.  That’s what a flop looks like.  A flop, and a stupid release strategy.  Why 300 screens?  Dumb dumb dumb.  And the rest of the industry is going to be paying for that, as all those theaters that don’t usually play Indian films and took a risk on Tubelight won’t be willing to risk again for months and months.

For another example, Badrinath Ki Dulhania only opened on about 150 screens, and did $4,100 per screen.  That’s a smart release, if anything it was underscreened, and the per screen figures were solidly in the Major Hit category (well, major hit for a non-Khan release).

(Probably a terrible per screen if you compare it with the film this song originally came from.  Tickets sold per film, “footfalls” in theaters, have been steadily dropping since the 80s)

For the most relevant example, Raees opened on 265 screens and made $5,000 per screen.  So, ouch!  This is a drop.  Both in expectations (screen count is lower) and in audience interest (per screen is lower).

I’m just talking US numbers here, but it is pretty consistent in every market.  A very large number of screens, if it weren’t a Khan release.  And a very high per screen, if it weren’t a Khan release.

That consistency, that’s what I find interesting!  Raees was very inconsistent market to market.  Super good and few screens in Canada and Australia.  Not so good and too many screens in the UK, for instance.

This time, a solidly low end box office (for a Khan film) and mid-range (for a Khan film) number of screens everywhere.  Which I guess shows that Shahrukh the romantic lover is equally popular/unpopular everywhere in the world.

So, what does this mean for his career?  The thing we all care about the most?  It’s not great.  But it’s not the end.  His box office has been steadily slipping since Chennai Express.  But so have his film qualities.  At least, commercial quality.  Not critical quality.  Fan, brilliant.  Dear Zindagi, wonderful.  Raees, uneven but mostly good.  And this film, which I liked in its own quiet way.  But none of them were positioned to be massive all ages hits.  And his last two massive hit type films, Dilwale and Happy New Year, just felt tired and lazy somehow.

If he manages to pull out of this slump, has one more massive record breaker hit, he will be back on top in no time.  This isn’t unfixable.  But the thing I am wondering more and more as I look at his list of recent and upcoming films is if he wants to “fix” it?  He’s working with more and more kind of interesting directors who like to dig in to characters and pull out performances.  He’s also working with more and more out there sort of scripts.  And, most importantly, he is doing more films per year than he has in ages.

Since Dilwale, he’s gone film to film, all interesting smaller films with really creative directors and talented co-stars.  In terms of the health of the industry, this might be a good thing?  Both that more people are getting work, the film crews and the co-stars who wouldn’t make the cut for a really major film, and that more minor hit films are coming out per year.

If we look at the screen numbers, it feels like maybe this was never supposed to be a huge huge hit.  A big film, sure, the kind of film that a theater will make a solid profit on.  But not a record breaker, we aren’t looking at huge number of overseas screens.

Instead, we are looking at targeted screens.  Angie in Italy got to see this in theaters (right?  Correct me if I am wrong Angie), and Rentrack is showing a release on 53 screens in Germany, which is of course Shahrukh territory.  So if Shahrukh is moving into a new phase of his career, this might look more like slightly targeted releases to an audience that will be interested in slightly more off beat films that still have his star power in them.  And a box office that makes more money per year over all, but spread across multiple films instead of bundled in one.

 

Overall, what I am saying is that this is a healthy box office and release strategy for the industry as a whole and for Red Chillies.  Unlike Tubelight, which made more money in round numbers but was much more damaging in its effects.  But yes, it is also a signal that Shahrukh Khan no longer has the box office clout and/or ability and willingness to pick hit films that he once did.  The slide continues and does not look likely to end any time soon.

97 thoughts on “Box Office: Jab Harry Met Sejal, Not As Bad As it Could Be!”

  1. So sadly, I believe you and it makes me so so sad. I think he has done such interesting work and he isn’t getting the appreciation for it. Amitabh had a slump at exactly this age. Maybe its too in between. If ONLY he’d do a movie with one of his original co-stars: Juhi, Mahuri….

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    • On the other hand, that’s what Dilwale was supposed to be, and it didn’t work.

      Overall, for the health of the industry, this is a good thing. First, if Shahrukh is no longer chasing the massive box office, he can explore more interesting roles. In a lot of ways, this movie reminded me of KANK (two broken people healing each other), but KANK without the songs and extravaganza that hid the message. It’s good that he can take roles like this now. If nothing else, this is an all around better movie than Dilwale was, his last attempt at a major hit. Better to make a small odd film and do it well, then a big film poorly.

      And second, having multiple smaller releases coming out every weekend for the next 6 weeks is something we haven’t seen in years! Normally Eid through Christmas is dominated by a few major releases. I am very excited about this sudden turn towards modesty.

      And of course 3rd, there is the “nature abhors a vacuum” theory. If the 3 Khans are stepping down, someone or something is naturally going to rise up and fill their place. As they themselves rose up to fill Amitabh’s place.

      On Mon, Aug 7, 2017 at 1:13 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. I saw the film two times, once on Saturday and once on Sunday. Both times the hall was 90 percent empty. This is in an Indian-heavy part of the US where Dangal ran in packed houses opening weekend. So I see what you mean.

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    • Well first, very jealous you got to see it twice! My friend who was supposed to see it with me on Sunday cancelled on me, and I couldn’t justify going alone when I know I will be seeing it at least twice more with friends (including the one who cancelled, once she is free next weekend hopefully).

      I saw it at a funky theater that doesn’t always play Indian films, so the audience is never that large because they don’t know to check and see if something is playing there. It is the same place I saw Mubarakan, and there were only 3 other people besides us there that time. This time, on opening night, it was maybe a couple dozen people. One thing that really struck me, the reason I saw it at that funky theater, is that my other possible theaters didn’t have good showtimes. Like, they only have 1 in the afternoon, and 9pm on weekdays. The “good” 6-7 slot isn’t available. Which is another factor in this low release, they cut down on the screens, and also on the number of shows. Healthy overall, means the theaters aren’t taking a loss since they can play another more popular film during the good slot, but bad for this particular box office.

      On Mon, Aug 7, 2017 at 1:28 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • I was thinking that while I was writing it. If nothing else, I do get very passionate about numbers, which is probably entertaining to watch.

      On Mon, Aug 7, 2017 at 2:26 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  4. Yes, I have seen it in the theatre. It was one old cinema known for showing “different” kind of movies. But the show was organised by some desi guys and no the owners of the cinema. I was thinking a lot how they did it.
    They brought Baahubali, the punjabi version of Sairat, and tried show Mom (but seems that nobody was interested so it was cancelled). They organised 3 screenings of Tubelight too but I think it was a failure, because now they were very explicit that there will be only one show and nothing else.
    There were like 60 or 70 people yesterday, 90% of them were Indians. I understand now how you feel when people in cinema look like you have mistaken shows 😉

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    • Thank you, that is fascinating! That is how it started in the US, back in the 90s when films were first available internationally. A local Indian association, or just a desi entrepreneur, would rent space at a theater, advertise in the local language press, and show the movie. And then within about 5 years, mainstream theaters started showing them directly. Although there is still some overlap, I am pretty sure that Bahubali at the theater closest to me was shown by an exhibitor who just rented the space, not the theater itself.

      And you see what I mean about the damage Tubelight did? This film only played once, but if there were 60-70 people there, I am sure they made a profit. And so are more likely to try again with a different movie. Rather than if they had played it 2-3 times, made more money overall, but less of a profit because they also had to pay for the space.

      On Mon, Aug 7, 2017 at 4:36 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. I just saw it for the second time, in a different theater. I have seen a couple of other films there all by myself (I nearly always go midday on a weekday. Just like the first time, there were many more people there than usual, all women this this time, all but me desi. All applauding at the end, the little girls dancing in front. Still not a full house, but some folks clearly like it.

    Also, I swear the sexy parts were sexier the second time around.

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  6. I’ve been thinking about the “transition” period that the Khans are going through…I think that age really has begun to catch up with them (all four of them…because of course I include Saif, too). Irrfan’s in his own category. I know you’ve argued that there will never be a triumvirate like the three big Khans again, actors that make movies happen so to speak.

    Even though I’m keeping an open mind about JHMS and anticipate liking it on several superficial levels…the final box office numbers have to be considered the beginning (middle?) of the end of his romantic hero persona. I don’t have great expectations for the Rai film as I suspect it will be go over more like Fan than Paa. I’m fine with the end of this period of his career (though I wouldn’t mind some mature couple romances, of course!) as it will lead him to experiment more and more with his film choices. I can’t help thinking that he’s becoming more and more self indulgent as time goes on.

    Salman Khan hit a speed bump with Tubelight but he’ll be back to form easily in Tiger Zindha Hai. And his action hero persona still has many more miles in the tank. He’ll be doing the Hindi version of The Expendables someday (that’s a Hollywood remake I’d like to see!). If Stallone can keep churning out the hits, so can Salman.

    Aamir is in the best position since he’s already made the transition to serious dramatic or social message films easily. But even he’s not immune to vanity and not wanting to give up the flashy screen romance either (Dhoom 3 and possibly Thugs?).

    And finally, my favorite Saif (though he’s on my sh*t list because of the terrible nepotism letter). He’s still trying to coast on the urban playboy thing but I hope he continues to pick edgier things and I think he’s really smart to go the Netflix series path.

    I think there will still be superstars that endure in the industry and I do think that there are some prime candidates among the current generation. Ranbir and Ranveer for instance.

    End rambling…

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    • I’d love for this “transition” to herald the start of a new age. Like you say, Salman is still hanging on, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Thugs flops and that is the end of Aamir as the golden boy superstar. And Shahrukh seems to just not care as much any more, at least not about box office. He seems to be caring more and more about his legacy as an actor, which is exactly what he has been saying in interviews for the past 2 years, and I guess we just haven’t been listening or believing it! Oh, and Salman is also the one in the worst physical shape by far, one of his many many many debilitating conditions could pop tomorrow and force him to move on from “action star” to “character actor”.

      There have been so many “almost” moments in the past 15 years, starting all the way back with Hrithik. And then Shahid ten years ago, and Ranbir after Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani. There were all kinds of reasons they didn’t take off (Shahid made that movie with his Dad and dropped out of site for 2 years, Ranbir went artsy and slowed his output, etc. etc.), but timing would be the biggest reason, they couldn’t really take off with the Khans still looming over everything. But now could be the time! The next “next big thing” could actually be the next big thing.

      Or else the corporations and studios will take further control and drown out the next generation of possible stars. Which is where I was placing my bets until recently, but with the slow collapse of most corporate houses, maybe not!

      On Mon, Aug 7, 2017 at 7:24 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • You’re right about Salman’s health! Steroids will break a man down! He can still rely more on the stunt guy right?

        Yes, so many contenders, but the only one quietly getting it down in the shadow of the Khans was Akshay Kumar.

        Who do you think the next big thing is when it comes to male stars will be? If you were to take an educated guess from the one-film old people or the young men rumored to make a move into films. We can’t really predict what “outsiders” will turn up but we can guess among the star kids. I still am very interested to see if Harshvardhan Kapoor can have a better sophomore effort, but he doesn’t strike me as a superstar-wanna be, he might take a page from Sonam’s book and be more driven by passion projects or smaller more independent films that put him front and center. I think he’s a bit of an art cinema snob based on some of his interviews. I think Saif’s son and SRK’s son will make debuts someday and then there’s Shahid’s brother. Aadar Jain will be a blip on the screen I predict though he’ll probably get a second chance because he’s a Kapoor!

        It just seems like there are so many more new female debutantes vying for the next big thing than men debutante’s in waiting. Plus those actresses that are older and much more “actresses” than starlets like Richa Chadda and Radhika Apte that are making a name for themselves. Just doesn’t seem to be that level of diversity on the men’s side since the Khans still dominate.

        And maybe the superstar system in the industry is really going away and the playing field will continue to be more and more diverse with a better variety of roles and smaller films will truly expand the film fraternity. There have always been character actors and actresses but I feel like even those actors can dominate their roles in the industry, i.e. Anupam Kher’s father roles or Paresh Rawal’s comedic roles.

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        • I’m leaning more and more towards Varun, largely because of Niki in the comments here. She’s been keeping me up to date on all his really smart business moves lately. Plus, the fact that a younger fan is that dedicated to him already is a really good sign.

          But mostly he seems to be embracing all the parts that are required for stardom. He’s making connections, he’s working in a variety of films, he’s sitting in on music sessions and picking projects and working closely with producers. Just seems to be a little more committed than some of the other up and comers.

          Ranveer would be my next choice, because he seems to have a really good idea of how to work his image. Not just promoting a film, but promoting himself as a whole package.

          Ranbir, no way. He doesn’t seem to even want it, picks projects that interest him, not ones that serve his fans or build his brand, doesn’t play the connections game, and doesn’t seem that savvy about how the industry works.

          But I would also be unsurprised if a total outsider came from nowhere. That’s what happened with SRK. Aamir and Salman had hits and were slowly building their fanbase, and then Shahrukh came in 4 years after them and rapidly caught up. Could be Varun/Ranveer/and ?

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          • As much as I hate to admit it, I think you, Niki and a million fans are probably right. Varun knows how to ingratiate himself in the industry (and that’s a deliberate word choice:)). I think Arjun is also doing the right things in that respect…he just doesn’t seem to have the same universal appeal that Varun seems to have. Both come off as a bit clinical in their climb to the top. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Their paths were paved for them and they seem to be making the right steps along the way.

            Ranveer is his own special kind of star. He is the whole package but he’s also a live wire and could flame out someday.

            I kind of think that twenty years from know, we’ll still be looking back at Ranbir Kapoor’s body of work and seeing that he’s the real enduring star, almost because of the big chances he took. Bombay Velvet and Jagga Jasoos will be cult favorites and much more impactful than a million Main Tera Heros and Judwaas. For all of his missteps there have also been some really big wins (Barfi, Wake Up Sid, ADHM). And the way that he can channel the Kapoor magic is something. Maybe I’m still on a Kapoor hangover from the Jain book. I guess I’m thinking about all of those times that his fellow industry members on KWK pick him as the best actor of the younger generations and how your contemporaries view you seems to factor more in Bollywood than in Hollywood since it’s such a small world.

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          • I could see Ranbir slotting in as the “best actor” level really comfortable. Like Sanjeev Kumar, or Dilip Kumar. Respected, does good work, but never runs his own production house or really guides the industry the way others do.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 1:55 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  7. Ok, as an official old person — 68 — I say that if anyone can have a romantic career after 50, it’s Shah Rukh Khan. It’s not the abs, it’s the eyes, and the acting. All I ask is that he stop dyeing his beard (and probably his hair). A silver fox SRK would be divine. There are romantic stories for every age, and we need them to remind people that life doesn’t end at forty.

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    • I agree! As I said in my comment, I want to see more mature romances in Hindi cinema and SRK should definitely being doing them in the future. I’m over forty myself and wish there were more Hindi equivalents of films like Laws of Attraction (with Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Moore) or Cairo Time (with Patricia Clarkson and Alexander Siddiqui). But I still think the more and more SRK does the cosmetic stuff to look younger and romances the much younger heroines in roles that could and maybe should have been played by actors 10-20 years younger…I just worry…I don’t want it to be pathetic someday, you know? He must have an amazing hairdresser to fluff his hair so much that it makes it look thicker, too:)

      I can’t picture a silver fox SRK in my mind but I could definitely go for a salt and pepper look, I think! I always find Akshay Kumar more attractive in off-set photos where he has his normal graying hair and beard.

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        • I like a younger Cary Grant (the screwball comedy years not the Hitchcock years), but I’ve always loved Richard Gere. And he managed to do the prematurely gray thing so well. Gere also grew up in my hometown so my mom and I have a special fondness for him because of that (and Pretty Woman, of course). My mom went to high school with him though she was a couple of years younger. His pictures in the yearbook are cute. My great aunt and uncle used to play bridge with his parents:)

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          • My life is Donald Duck-Fred Astaire-Cary Grant-Gene Kelly-Frankie Avalon-Colin Firth-Shahrukh Shahrukh Shahrukh-Andy Lau-Shahrukh Shahrukh Shahrukh.

            Also, random recommendation, if you haven’t seen it yet and can track down a copy, Walk Don’t Run is a really great late Cary Grant. He’s in his silver fox years, but the plot is like the kind of thing he would have done when he was younger.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 8:55 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • I love the Donald Duck to Shahrukh trajectory! It’s fun to think of how our film crushes define us! I think I would be Kirk Cameron-Patrick Swayze-Daniel Day-Lewis-Richard Armitage-Hrithik-Hrithik-Hrithik. But I wouldn’t say I have an actor obsession nowadays…maybe because Arjun Kapoor, Abhishek, and Ranbir Kapoor are just fighting it out at the top for me.

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          • I forgot about Daniel Day Lewis! Slot him in right before Colin Firth for me. Obviously, both of them just in the one role. Unlike the others who I love in everything. And for single role crushes, I also have to throw in Dana Andrews (Laura) and Channing Tatum (She’s the Man)

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 1:59 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • I suppose I had a thing for Colin Firth, too, right before Richard Armitage. The latter I only really like in two things North and South and MI-5…not a big fan of The Hobbit. So, yeah, a lot of one-off crushes, too, like Tom Hardy as Heathcliff, Tom Hiddleston in well a lot, Jude Law in Holiday, Rupert Penry-Jones in MI-6, Stephen Dillane in Firelight, Mads Mikkelsen in A Royal Affair, and that’s just the Hollywood ones:) Channing Tatum, hah! He’s a great dancer…I’ll give him that:)

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    • If he is moving into his “Amitabh” era, that could be exactly what we get! Baghban, Cheeni Kum, Buddha Hoga Tera Baap. Sure, he plays a lot of “avenging father” roles and other stuff, but there is a fair mixture of mature romance in there as well. Even the little storyline between him and Jaya in K3G, if Shahrukh played something like that, he could sell it like gangbusters.

      On Mon, Aug 7, 2017 at 7:36 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  8. SRK hasn’t done the solid action hero film in his life so maybe that’s something he should try. Although not sure where he is heath wise. Remakes I think SRK would be brilliant in if they keep the entire original plot are: Anand with SRK as Anand, Bawarchi, Funny People (the Adam Sandler film) would be amazing with SRK playing the bitter, cynical waning star, Mirchi where he’s Jai adapted for his age but the story and the action remains the same and maybe Amitabh can play Satyaraj’s role, 2012 adapted for India, Major (the Russian film), The Wailing (the Korean horror).

    What I would absolutely love to see SRK do is lower his fee and work with small filmmakers “as a favor” and do regional cinema too. He’s big enough to “do favors” and get brownie points for being magnanimous. He is skilled enough to make a small offbeat film an instant classic. His cameo in tubelight proves the market for collaborations is ripe.

    In fact, all the top stars pushing 55 should be doing films as “favors”. It gives them the perfect guise to experiment, to work with smaller filmmakers and do offbeat things without really bearing the responsibility for the film if it turns out to be bad. Fan, if it were made by a southern filmmaker, probably would have been better accepted. SRK speaking tamil or telugu would be a novelty too. I know you don’t speak Hindi but let me tell you when SRK speaks with the solid middle class Delhi dialect, his sexiness goes through the roof. Especially the way he uses “tu, tere”

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    • I feel like SRK already did Anand without really doing it with Kal Ho Na Ho. Which is to say, I agree! He has done the “dying man in love with life” thing and he was great at it! I’d love to see that again.

      One thing I know for sure is that Shahrukh already lowers his fee. Or rather, doesn’t have a fee. He’s said in plenty of interviews through out his career that he never discusses fees when he signs a film. Obviously, he does get paid eventually. But he does the ads and the weddings and stuff so that he doesn’t have to do films for money. And if you look at his filmography, there are plenty of movies that he clearly couldn’t have been paid for. Dulha Mil Gaya, for instance. His cameo in Tubelight. Hey Ram.

      Now, what I want is for him to do more films as a “favor” that aren’t just because he is helping out an old friend, but because he loves the script and wants to work in this small film for the experience. More Dear Zindagis!

      And oh man, Shahrukh speaking Hindi is SO SEXY! I don’t even have to know the language to get that. You can tell that it just ripples off his tongue in a way the other stars aren’t comfortable with. I’d love to see him in more solid Delhi-ite roles if only so we could get more of that Hindi.

      On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 2:18 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • The scene in the JHMS trailer where he’s telling her he’s not a nice guy is sort of what I’m talking about. The Delhi dialect is pretty harsh sounding. Lots of tu-tadaka. I don’t know where you’re at in your hindi proficiency but the pronoun Aap when used with verbs Hain, honge is very respectful. Aap used with ho, hoge is slightly less so but acceptable. Tum is the acceptable and respectable way to address those closer in age to you or younger than you. Tu is used in either extremely familiar relations or derogatively. SRK uses tu very rarely both in films and public appearances. But whenever he does, it is SEXY. He always uses it with comedian Kapil Sharma and he’s always Delhi-style mean to that guy. 😁 Mean SRK is better than any other SRK. Mean, snarky, bratty- that suits him. Makes him feel real. The polished and refined middle class guy who got rich is good but the mean guy with the street slang is superawesomesexy!!! Because his expressions change with it. Do watch his appearances on the kapil sharma show (it was previously called comedy nights with kapil sharma).

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        • Thank you for the tutorial! In FAN when Aryan was in Gaurav’s parents apartment yelling at Gaurav over the phone, it was so freaking hot. Now I can pick out better those Hindi changes which come with the slang-y street-wise types. I agree angry mean SRK is superawesomesexy. I like him in that type much better than smug lover-boy. Sincere lover-boy or older sadder lover-man is a whole other matter.

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          • I will definitely do these.. Slowly but surely. I’ve crushed on men from other cultures too and I’ve had a lot of help from people translating videos for me. I’d be glad to pay or forward.

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          • Thank you again–even sharing with us the bits you particularly like would be great. A community of cross-cultural crushes. I love it! Sadly I don’t speak any other languages fluently except English.

            Happy Friday!

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          • @procrastinatrix it was a pleasure!

            @Margaret: Yes the aadab did originate in Hyderabad but it is prevalent all over the Indian Muslim community. It is a tenet of the Awadhi Nawabi culture. Nawab Jafar Mir Abdullah who claims to be the descendant of the Awadh RF, was once featured in an hour-long TV special on how to do the aadab ‘properly’. In fact, you can tell the class a person belongs to by how delicate their ‘aadab’ is!

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          • A little background on The Kapil Sharma Show and Kapil Sharma for those who aren’t familiar with them. So India didn’t have a proper stand-up comedy scene till the mid-00s and the talk show format comedy show isn’t something that’s very widespread even today. Kapil himself won a stand-up comedy reality TV contest The Great Indian Laughter Challenge that brought forward some of the finest and classiest stand up comics and hasyaras poets of the time. Kapil Sharma was widely appreciated for his Punjabi Hindu, small-town smart alec persona. His show is one of the must-do events for Bollywood promotions right now. Kapil makes use of his “new-money” persona on the show a lot and the gag is used by celebrities that are invited on the show. SRK really milks this gag to perfection. So if it looks like he’s being really mean to Kapil, it’s really a part of the gag plus real-life SRK being real-life mean Delhi guy to real-life Delhi-adjacent smart alec Kapil. In India, a big star like SRK mocking you (giving you a dose of ’beizzati’) is an honour so the meaner SRK is the better it is for Kapil. Plus Kapil has really let success get to his head so SRK bringing him down a peg or two is really delicious.
            Sidenote on SRK’s wardrobe and gestures:
            So SRK has this absolutely adorable habit of wearing sherwanis and pathan suits in public appearances. That’s him being true to his Khan heritage. Which is almost a rarity in Indian Muslim celebrities as most of them just assume Hindu mannerisms in public or at any rate downplay their Muslim-ness. IT IS ANNOYING because Indian Muslim culture is supercute and Indian Muslim guys are HOT!!! SRK is almost unique in how he uses what are very common mannerisms for north Indian Muslims.
            The most adorable bit about SRK’s intro is the ‘aadab’ that he does. The ‘adaab’ is unique to Indian Muslims and it is a sign of refinement and in Indian Islam, a sign of multi-plurality and tolerance. The gesture was literally the signature move for Muslim nobles and even today, watching someone do it correctly is really thrilling. I guess the western equivalent of the thrill would be to see someone execute the perfect courtesy. SRK always does the aadab whenever he appears in public. IT IS ADORABLE!
            The hug greeting also significant. The shallow hug that Kapil gets is SRK being magnanimous and “allowing” Kapil to hug him. The Namaste plus closer hug that Siddhu gets is SRK being respectful. Siddhu is a sitting MP and a cricket legend. Watch out for the one Nawaz gets.

            Transcript:
            Kapil: Yo. Good evening and welcome to the Kapil Sharma show. Paaji (Siddu), our guest today is the guy who stepped into Bollywood as Deewana and after that, till date has been ruling the hearts of the audience. He is very versatile, I mean, if I say too many lines (about him) it would feel like I’m wasting words. You all love him very much, I love him very much. He is known as the King Khan of our Bollywood. Please welcome, Mr. Shahrukh Khan.
            (SRK enters with the adorable aadab!)
            KS: that you all very much for you love. (to random female fan in the crowd) Behanji (sister), please don’t fall.
            SRK: Thank you
            KS: OK. So you want me to leave? (to random female fan) Madam, I want to ask you something. Before Shahrukh Bhai come on, you were blowing me kisses. Was that cheating (sic) (meaning fake)?
            Female fan: Shahrukh, I just love you, I’m your biggest fan.
            SRK: Thank you thank you
            Fan: I’m just here for you. I just love you. I just love you so much.
            SRK: thank you
            Fan: (continues gushing)
            SRK: Actually Kapil invites me on the show so that he can get a few kisses blown his way otherwise he won’t get any.
            Fan: you are just awesome Shahrukh I must tell you. I just love you from the bottom of my heart
            SRK: blow him (Kapil) a kiss
            Fan: Kapil I love you too (blows a kiss)
            KS: look you’ve hurt me. You wore your elder brother’s shirt today but… thank you, thank you. And thanks for your love for Shahrukh Bhai.
            SRK: Thank you very much (does the adorable aadab again!)
            KS: Shahrukh hai, please have a seat. (‘virajman ho jaiye’ is a courtly phrase)
            KS: SRK also opened our show (when it launched). We’re cunning. We know SRK will come on the show and the ratings will go through the roof. (To SRK) Bhai we didn’t ruin your name. We’ve maintained our ratings all this time.
            SRK: You’ve kept the rating as much as it opened with, right?
            KS: no, there was a problem. It went up a bit.
            SRK: oh, it went up a bit?
            KS: a big round of applause for Shahrukh Bhai.
            SRK: thank you, thank you very much
            SRK sits
            KS: Shahrukh Bhai, congratulations on completing 25 years in Bollywood. A big round of applause.
            KS (To siddhu): Paaji (Paaji is an honorific used for Punjabi males. It is used respectfully for elder brothers) do you know what Shahrukh means?
            Siddhu: do tell
            KS: It means ‘the face of a baadshah’ (emperor). And he really is the baadshah of Bollywood. (To SRK) sir, did you family know that the boy, whichever field he goes into, would be a baadshah?
            SRK: No the name was given to me by the nurse. As soon as I was born she said ‘baadshah is here. Baadshah is here’. So the nurse kept my name.
            KS: i didn’t know nurses also know astrology (and can tell the future)
            KS: Bhai your film is coming out soon Raees. The trailer is beautiful. Congratulations on that.
            SRK: thank you
            KS: though congratulating you seems like we’re buttering you (flattering you) because your films touch 200-300-400 crores just like that
            SRK: no dost (buddy), it’s been a few years since that’s happened. (I loved that he used the word ‘dost’ here!)
            KS: Shahrukh bhai, do you know that guy? (points to someone in teh crowd) the one with the large head sitting there the one waving.
            SRK: umm, should I know him?
            Rajiv Dhingra: sir, you should recognize me. (Rajiv directed the show Comedy Nights with Kapil Sharma that evolved into The Kapil Sharma Show)
            SRK: yeah, I recognize him now. I’m a bit under the weather so I took me a while recognizing him (SRK uses the word nasaaz here!) I was looking at the guy behind him. (to Rajiv) sorry.
            KS: he’s a big director. He directing my film.
            SRK: acha (oh really)
            KS: (to guy) Rajiv, would you like to say something?
            Rajiv: Sir, we’re looking forward to watching Raees because as usual you’re a rockstar, you’re a superstar of India. After Rajesh Khanna sir, you’re the rockstar, superstar…
            KS: I just realized this. This dude is a very, bad guy. He never speaks but today he’s speaking so nicely because our aura is such. But he’s making a nice film.
            SRK: oh is it nice?
            KS: yes. (to rajiv) so how do like working with me? (a running gag on the show where KS pretends he’s a big deal)
            Rajiv: had I not been a friend, it would have been tough to work with Kapil Sharma.
            SRK: why?
            Rajiv: because his own parameters are very high.
            SRK: meaning he bothers you? Behaves like a star without being a star?
            Rajiv: I won’t be able to say that!
            SRK: NO, no, go ahead and say it. He’s stuck in continuity, he cant fire you now.
            KS: what you want to say, Rajiv?
            Rajiv: All the best for Raees. Please watch Firangi (the KS film) It’s a beautiful film. And it’s a beautiful film.
            SRK: thank you very much. Even if don’t watch raees, I’d surely watch Firangi and I appeal to the public, please go watch firangi.
            Rajiv: you’re a big man
            KS: anything else you want to say Rajiv?
            Rajiv: i don’t want to add anything because you should be talking about Raees. I’ll talk about (my film) when Firangi is about to release.
            KS: bhai I would give you a situation now. You have to tell me what situation you’d use baniya dimag (a merchant’s wits) in and in what situation you’d use Miyan Bhai’s daring in. See I’m giving you a question about your film (Ks is fishing for compliments)
            SRK: (doing a beizzati) yea that because you’re very intelligent. That’s your main thing. I’m a fan of your intelligence.
            KS: )to everyone): he’s saying that seriously.
            SRK: yes I mean that seriously.
            KS: yea?
            KS: so just assume Shahrukh bhai. you love you fans a lot. On your birthday, thousands gather outside your house. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re surrounded by your fans. Sorry it’s a very crude question. Not crude actually, it’s about nature’s call.
            SRK: meaning, it’s the kind of question YOU’D ask so it won’t be “crude”. Don’t worry ask away. (he uses ‘tu’ for Kapil!)
            KS: I mean imagine you’re surrounded by your fans and you really have to go… the liquid type.. It would have been better had I phrased it more directly. (gets up) so you’re surrounded by fans and you have the craving to go number 1. Well, you can’t have a craving for that. So you, would you use the baniya dimag to run to a bathroom or would you use Miyan bhai’s daring to control the urge? It’s a very intelligent question by the way!
            SRK: actually this happened to me in real life once. I was in jaipur for a function and I got late. And I arrived by a private plane and everyone was waiting and I landed and i just had to get to the stage ASAP and thousands were waiting so the poor organizers were like SRK sir just get on the stage quickly but I had the “craving” to go number 1! So I thought what can I do what can I do. And I was walking with someone and i had clothes similar to what I have on right now a sherwani it was some Indian function. (To the audience) please don’t tell this to people outside.
            KS: no, what happens within the family will stay within the family
            SRK: yea, keep it to yourselves
            KS: yeah, just 150 crore people will watch this but not more
            SRK: yes, it shouldn’t be known to more than that (feigns humility)
            KS: i mean…
            SRK: that’s family. The 150 crores. This (anecdote) shouldn’t be known to anyone beyond the 150 crore people.
            KS: Who beyond this are they going to go tell? Will they tell people in Mongolia? So don’t worry this will stay within India and not go beyond that.
            SRK: So I was there backstage talking… There were these plastic water bottles and I was (stretches) no but seriously I was in a big spot of bother otherwise I wouldn’t have done something so rude and crude I was would have used the baniya dimag and found a loo. But I wasn’t able to control at all. And this (plastic bottle) was better than being on stage and shaking a leg like this (to hide having pissed my pants)
            KS: (feigning self righteousness) when i asked this question you called me ‘cheap’ (crude) but what you just did, was it better? The thing with the bottle? Meaning… to this extent…?
            SRK: there must be a lot of people here like this. Sometimes when you’re stuck you have to do things like these. I’ve done this. Forgive me for this. It was nature’s call. God’s given it to us so we HAVE to do this.
            KS: look at god’s mysterious ways. We have a superstar here- Shahrukh khan- and look what we’re talking about!
            KS: and you know Bhai nobody expects every intellectual conversation from me anyway. People don’t think I’m intelligent at all. But I’m a very intellectual guy.
            KS (TO SRK): see?
            KS: so Bhai sometimes when you’re on set, shooting and you have to hug a heroine, it’s a scene. Sometimes it isn’t a scene and you kinda just do it (hug the heroine)…
            SRK: YOU must be doing THAT!
            KS: no Bhai. I didn’t happen with me. I had 4 heroines with me in my first film and a scene like this wasn’t in the film.
            SRK: yeah, with you the heroines have it written in their contracts that HE can’t touch us.
            KS: no, no…
            SRK: and with me they have it written that he’ll touch us, touch us, touch us, only then we’d work on this film! That’s because you’re not stupid like me. You’re “intellectual”. That’s why they write so in their contracts for your films.
            SIddhu: (to KS) looks like it’s not your day!
            KS: girls, do you think I’m that kinda guy? I’m not like ‘that’. You can be my friend.
            SRK: don’t ask the audience for a poll though. All of them will make you their brother.
            KS: yea, Sonakshi Sinha already made me her brother.
            SRK: yeah?
            KS: (nods)
            SRK: don’t worry all of them (heroines) will do that soon!
            KS: ok moving on! Fun and games aside… this dude is going to be a big director (points to Rajiv) he’s made a very good film. (To cameraman) close-up, close-up, I’m promoting my own film dude!
            KS: though this creative guy is very bold backstage. Today he’s in front of the camera and he’s so nervous every time he sees the camera he’s licking his lips. (to Rajiv) Rajiv, I’m proud of you. Firangi!
            SRK: firangi, firangi, firangi!
            KS: K9 films presents firangi!
            SRK: K9 films presents Firangi in which Kapil is acting. And Rajiv is directing it. He’s a big director whose face you’ve seen today and you all will remember this face for the rest of your lives!
            KS: The good thing is that he also has a large face! (To Rajiv) sorry yaar, you’re like my brother. We have to do films in the future too so don’t be mad at me (for mocking you)
            KS: so Bhai imagine you’re doing an intimate scene with a heroine and the (romantic) mood is all set and Gauri bhabhi arrives just then (Kapil uses the phrase ‘upar se’ which literally means ‘from above’ but in colloquial use just adds emphasis to a sentence or means ‘just then’)
            SRK: from above where? Does she arrive from the roof?
            KS: I mean she arrives from the side.
            SRK: so she arrives normally. Imagine the sight- my wife arriving from above flying in from the roof! Imagine her coming in flying on wires!
            KS: She’s Shahrukh Khan’s wife, she CAN.
            SRK: so my wife is coming flying in on wires! The next time you’re at my house… (mock threatening KS)
            KS: so Gauri bhabhi is there. And you know the scene is romantic. And the swaying-by-the-heroine’s-neck thing that you do. I do not know to this day what that’s supposed to be but it looks right. So if your wife is there. Would you do that scene? Show Miyan Bhai’s daring or will you become a baniya then?
            SRK: maybe you were so focused on the ‘necks’ that you never noticed that I never shoot these scenes in India. I always do these abroad.
            KS: that’s it. That’s what I have to learn from you.
            SRK: I only go close to the necks only in Switzerland. In India I stay away from them.
            KS: so that’s why! When I was in Rajasthan with Abbas-Mastan. They told me to pull the girl closer like this and that the girl would then twirl further away. I never understood why they did that. They could have just told the girl to walk from here to there. Why did they need me in the middle for that?
            SRK: Bhai you have a problem. You’re face itself is very brotherly. You won’t be able to pull off romantic scenes.
            KS: so I’ll ask the girls here. Girls, any two of you to whom i do not appear as a ‘brother’? Oh no, all the married girls have raised their hands!
            SRK: even Rajiv is saying he wants to change the title of his film to Rakhabandhan!
            KS: so once again we will talk about Firangi and firangi is a fantastic film!
            KS: so imagine it’s 11pm. And your friend circle is huge, so. What if someone calls you up at 11pm for a party? At that time, would you show your daring and say yes Gauri I’m going for a party or would you make an excuse like my friend’s in the hospital and it’s critical so I have to go?
            SRK: no it’s that late I’d say I’m going to shoot for the Kapil Sharma Show.
            (Enter Chandan Prabhakar. He’s a regular sidekick on the show)
            CP: Shahrukh sir, you got busy with the applause so I left you to it. So I brought you here for this. So, the fare for my auto?
            KS: what’s wrong with you? You’re asking Shahrukh Khan for auto fare?
            SRK: what do you mean (you need me to pay) the fare? You’re a good comedian. You’re good at mimicry. But what’s all this about me paying the fare? I came to the studio in my own car. And your truck (it’s so worn out) it needs to be pushed to get in here. There should be some logic. Just because it’s a comedy show doesn’t mean you’d put in anything here.
            CP: no sir what I meant was…
            SRK: So tell me what you meant by (I need to pay) the fare. Had you not brought me in, wont I have arrived? Whose idea was this? You’re asking me for money? Have you no shame?
            KS: who gave you the truck?
            SRK: and you expect me to have money on me? I’m Shahrukh khan. You think I carry a wallet with money on me? Had you carried me in here in your arms I might not have given you any money still!
            KS: wearing a tuxedo doesn’t make you intelligent! You get three of these (bowties) for 25 bucks!
            CP: I’m leaving!
            KS: come back. Listen.
            KS: seriously paaji you get these (bowtie) three for 25 bucks.
            CP: Shahrukh Bhai you joined him too?
            KS: that thing you’re wearing, what if you choke?
            CP: I’m choking already. I can’t speak. You made me wear all this.
            SRK: who bathed you today?
            KS: first tell me who gave you truck?
            CP: somebody backstage told me ‘SRK is coming. You have to give him a grand entry’. I said ok.
            KS: so that was a grand entry according to you? SO Shahrukh Khan is arriving here in his imported car and you’re giving him THIS entry?
            CP: so it’s like this. What he smuggles in the film (booze) is expensive so I got milk (meaning I got what I could afford *re the truck)
            SRK: so now you’ll ask me for money for the milk too?
            KS: (to Siddhu) So paaji have you noticed the Sony TV logo on the right there? that’s been put there so people have something nice to look at on the right side of the screen. When he enters from the right, we need to blur the right side out a bit.
            CP: (TO siddhu) yes, he’s right because the left from where he (Kapil) enters is welcoming Shakira every day.
            KS: what did you say?
            CP: no, I was talking about the doctor’s daughter. You enter from the centre anyway don’t you?
            KS: what do you mean ‘tum’?
            CP: if I call you ‘aap’ people would think I’m supporting a political party. (AAP is a political party that Siddhu was running his campaign against at the time of the shoot)
            KS: how did you get so much confidence that you can support s political party?
            CP: (to Siddhu) paaji you know why some men don’t achieve success?
            Siddhu: why?
            CP: because he’s put bangles on them (meaning Kapil has them acting in drag) he told me to try drag too. I refused. I did try twice. I didn’t like myself as a she. Shahrukh bhai I was wearing a suit and put on a fake bun. When I put on red lipstick … (Chandan uses the word ‘pehni’ which means ‘wore’ instead of ‘lagayi’ which means ‘applied’)
            KS: what? Repeat that?
            CP: when I APPLIED red lipstick
            KS: what’s the spelling of ‘red lipstick’?
            CP: listen to me (Sitting) be nice to me. I’m friends with Shahrukh Bhai. (Chandan uses the phrase ‘uthna-baithna’ which literally translates as ‘sitting with’ and it indicates familial terms)
            KS: you don’t have ‘uthna-baithna’ with Shahurkh bhai, you have maangna-gidgidana (begging) terms with him
            CP: listen, my ammijaan says…
            KS: since when you call your mother ammijaan? You used to call her ‘mummy’.
            CP: according to the show and the film (we’re promoting) Shahrukh Bhai you can see I’m promoting Raees (my own way)
            SRK: I appreciate it so much, you’ve done so much for me. You brought me out here on the truck, you’re promoting my film. Had you not been with me I’d be nothing. Thank you very much Chandan bhai.
            KS: and Shahrukh Bhai raees is going to be a big hit because look a pauper (Chandan) is promoting the film!

            (This is till round the 16:07 mark because I got really tired and a little lost in SRK and then my boyfriend and mom wanted to watch the show too so i couldn’t transcribe anymore. Will do it for sure at some point this week!)

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          • Wow! Thank you so much, Asmita! This must have taken you forever. I noticed the “adaab” that Shah Rukh always does, and looked it up online to see what it meant. Your explanation of how he embraces or shows his Muslim-ness in public is so interesting. I remember Margaret pointing out about his recent Ted talk that he started with a “Namaste”, but ended with an adaab and “Shukriya”.

            Cracks me up that Shah Rukh is perfectly willing to answer the question about needing to pee, but completely sidesteps the question about Gauri watching him shoot a romantic scene. 🙂

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          • I just skipped over to wikipedia to look up the “adaab”. Which says that it was very common in Hyderabad in particular. Which is where Shahrukh’s mother’s family was from. And none of this is particularly interesting or adds anything to the discussion, I just found it fun to think about, if the “adaab” came from his Hyderabadi mother’s side instead of his Pathan father.

            On Mon, Aug 14, 2017 at 9:56 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Those are chocolate action films. High on style low on actual fight scenes. Both the Don films made obvious use of a body double but that’s due to his injuries. Forgivable but a definite gap in his resume. That’s why it would make a very good surprise. If he can pull it off physically that is. No film is worth a serious injury.

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        • Has he ever played a cop? Besides Saathiya? That’s something I would love to see, older experienced Delhi police officer. Something Talaash-y.

          On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 10:33 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Totally. Now that I’ve had the image of SRK in hardcore action avatar, like fistfights, high kicks, running full pace, delivering head butts I can’t get it out of my head. I hope Aryan does full action hero type films when he launches.

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          • Karan is (obviously) going to be handling his launch. Wouldn’t it be great if Karan made his first action film, with Aryan? Because I think he could really do it (his Bombay Talkies section is super gritty and dark, and of course he produced Agneepath), and I’d love to see him using Shahrukh’s son to start a new kind of film.

            Oh oh! And Shahrukh could play the noble cop father who is killed in the first 20 minutes, thus inspiring his feckless son to join the police force and avenge his father! Nyssa can be the sexy spunky college girlfriend heroine, Ibrahim can be the funny best friend. And Juhi can be the widowed mother. And Jhanvi can show up for an item number. And AbRam can play Aryan in the childhood flashbacks. It’s the perfect movie!

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 10:56 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Oh dear God!! Can you please tweet this to SRK??? This film NEEDS to get made!!!! Oh and can we have Kajol do a cameo as the witness SRK dies protecting? Or a lawyer or something that’s crucial to why SRK dies? Better yet, can both Aryan and Suhana make their debut together as a brother sister action duo??? With his Bahubali experience, KJo sure would be able to pull a solid action film!!!!

            Liked by 1 person

          • It is classic in the action film for the hero to have a younger sister, right? Shahrukh dies protecting Kajol, Aryan takes up his mantle, Suhana is the younger sister still in college, but a little more interesting, like she serves as a sounding board and helps him figure out the mystery. Nyssa is spunky girl next door type girlfriend, liked him since before he was a dedicated cop (so we don’t have to waste much time on their romance). Suhana can have a crush in Ibrahim who is, like, Aryan’s roommate from officers training/partner in the police force. Jhanvi can get a great death scene after doing a sexy song number (which will also mean Boney will help put up the money to fund this thing). In the end, Suhana and Nyssa are both kidnapped (on the day of their joint wedding if we want to get super 70s), and Aryan has to rescue them. Oh oh! And Suhana can be his adopted Muslim sister! Like, her parents were killed and Shahrukh brought her home. Also very 70s, the hero is Hindu but the sister and best friend are Muslim.

            I feel like we are leaving someone on the table? Can Rajesh Khanna’s grandson show up for a cameo at the end as the new head of station or whatever the terminology is?

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 11:05 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Oh no. I meant more like they’re just a gear apart in age and BOTH become cops to avenge their father. Or maybe they’re twins. Either way, I want suhana to have a non-heroine debut for sure. If they both debut together, they technically don’t need a love story or a romantic interest to complete the story. Young brother sister cop duo take on the system and win.

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          • Separated siblings? Johnny Mera Naam style? Honest Cop Shahrukh is killed, Young Aryan/Abram goes running after the killer, Suhana stays back with her mother. Years later, Suhana has become an up and coming dedicated cop, Aryan is the low level gangster she is chasing. Their mother is of course insane. And Aryan, from the wrong side the law, and Suhana, from the right side, are both trying to track down the gangster that they know killed their father. And I don’t know why they don’t recognize each other right away. Maybe Suhana was blind or something until she had surgery so she can’t recognize Aryan? But Aryan recognizes her once they meet an hour into the film in interrogation, pretends not to know her because he doesn’t want to endanger her/break his mother’s heart, then spends the rest of the film secretly protecting her and visiting his insane mother who recognizes him but Suhana thinks it is just more insanity.

            Oh, and Nyssa is still his girlfriend. And Ibrahim is still courting Suhana. And Jhanvi still does an item number.

            And at the end we finally see the face of the gangster they are chasing, and it is Karan Johar! In a fun little cameo in his own movie.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 11:24 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Hah!!! I was thinking more like SRK is an honest IG (he’s gotta have a high rank) unveiling a crime ring. He dies protecting a journalist/witness Kajol who is fighting the case in the court with little to no luck. The kids were 15 and 14 when SRK was brought home dead, they remember the hero’s farewell he got, they remember the hushed meetings their father’s colleagues had with their mum telling her how he was right about the crime ring etc. The kids grow up with a mission. They confide in each other. They’ve been gathering info on this crime ring and it’s boss since their dad died. Their mom got a government job as a clerk in place of the fallen hero (that’s what happens actually) and their father’s friends help them prepare for the services. They get in, during their stint in the academy (awesome training montage for both) we see that they’re both a little too edgy. They’re focused, cool, composed, unafraid officer-cadets who kick butt when they’re being ragged by seniors and they kick butt so hard their victims don’t dare report them.

            The postings they get turn out to be an alibi for them. They start to investigate their dad’s murder, run into Kajol who also gets murdered. This pushes them to the edge. They take matters into their own hands. Head out to the villain’s den in the night. Big sey fight scene. Imagine both of them running down a well lit Street through the city with no traffic, their shirts flying open, the vests they have underneath dirty with dried blood on it, them catching up tother bad guys and smashing their car windows etc. Maybe they can run and fight with machetes!! The story ends with them killing the bad guys, burying evidence against themselves and framing the dead baddies as wanted criminals that got killed in an encounter. They also have the main bad guy who killed their dad under their control. Maybe he’s now the governor of their region and he’s handing them presidential medals of bravery for their feat and they look him dead in the eye when receiving it and the guy’s hands tremble in fear. The movie ends with the siblings walking away triumphantly with a picture of their father in their hands.

            Liked by 1 person

          • See, I went 70s and you went southern!

            I kind of want the kids to be separated by the plot, so they can both shine. If it is Suhana and Aryan sharing the screen the whole time, he is going to get all the credit instead of her (Parineeti versus Arjun in Ishaqzaade, for instance). We gotta split them up so Suhana can have her own little story line and really show her stuff.

            What if Aryan has to go undercover? So after officer’s training, he pretends to be drunken and horrible and corrupt (there’s our Jhanvi item number), Suhana pretends to have a big fight with him, and then he is thrown out of the police force. But actually he is being sent on a special secret mission to join a gang and root out police corruption from the outside. Suhana goes on to confront sexism in the police department and prove her worth and advance rapidly, while Aryan is working undercover and bumping into his old childhood sweetheart Nyssa who is shocked to see he is a gunda now but still loves him. And then they have a reunion at the end before finally coming together and confronting the bad guys, him with his street fighting and her with her perfect aim and police training and stuff. And Suhana can have her own romance when she arrests a rich lawyer who then gets obsessed with her and eventually wins her over with his charm and decency (that can be Kaka’s grandson. What’s his name? I want to say Aarav).

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 11:50 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Hah! Funny that you’d see it like that. I guess by the time they both are ready for the debut, the burden of expectations would be really high and anything resembling anything from SRK’s career would draw comparisons. Plus, the actual sexism in our industry means if suhana and aryan are separated, he’d end up getting more credit anyway. So, if they get the exact same role, with the same level of action and the gender expectations would kind of not matter. She isn’t very curvy so far so the near androgynous young cop academy graduate look would put her at par with aryan look wise since he’d also be lean and not too built. The love interests actually might make the film very southern so I definitely don’t want that. It’s two star kids plus SRK in the film. SRK would need at least a 5-15 minute long intro plus he has to die too. With their training montage and academy time, it would already be interval by the time they’re joining duty. Introducing love interests within an action film with two debutants not romancing each other would make it too crowded. I’m worried about the crowding.

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          • Cameo type love interests? I’m assuming Nyssa is already launched by then (Kajol has pointed out in interviews that both she and Ajay were working full time at 16, and she wants that for her kids too). So she could do kind of a Parineeti in Dishoom thing, just there long enough for a song and a hit of a plot. I just want Nyssa to help launch Aryan! I’m sentimental that way.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 12:08 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Damsel in distress, but with a fun confident song number that shows her individuality! and maybe also she helps rescue herself, like has somehow already gotten free and is running away by the time Aryan shows up to save her. From whatever, I have totally lost track of our plot at this point.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 12:17 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • No! You have to finish your Prabhas fanfic first! I am WAITING!

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 12:48 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • It’s gotten kind of intense. I have part two ready but I’d need to write a part three to wrap up the story. It’s kind of taken a life of its own and I’m scared of where it’s going. Let me post the second part tomorrow morning. I can’t keep working on that draft anymore.

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          • So, time travel? Or reincarnation? That’s what I was really hoping Mohenjo Daro would be based on the early teaser, and then it wasn’t. His hair just naturally grew like that, with no assistance from modern salons.

            Also, if Prabhas is in a perfectly cut 1940s style western three piece suit, I am HERE for that.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 12:49 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • I’m wondering what Neil Nitin Mukesh is doing in the film. Is he going to be a gora British officer? Or a brown sahib? How does the high tech part come in? Do they time travel? Do they bring dead 1940s prabhas back to life like captain America?

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          • I guess Neil could play gora. And certainly could act better than those horrible white actors they usually get.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 12:53 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Nobody can ever replace Tom Alter as the resident gora British dude in hindi cinema. Agree about the typical white dudes. Speaking of, there have been some really good white dudes in diaspora films. Like they fit in with the Indianness of those films. Rob Lowe in Speedy Singhs, Jonathan rhys meyers in bend it, Josh Hamilton I thought was especially good in Outsourced.

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          • Also, both of us are age-inappropriate for Aryan, right? He has grown up so handsome, but I always feel guilty when I notice that, because I literally remember him as a toddler and it’s just WRONG.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 10:56 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • I stopped feeling guilty about younger guys with Zac Efron!! Lol.. Plus beau is five years my junior so in real life too I have zero discomfort ogling younger hotties!! I’m officially a female with a male gaze. 😁

            Liked by 1 person

          • Zac Efron! Samesies! High School Musical came out right when I was in college, and I watched it and thought “I am way too old to be enjoying this film this much.”

            One odd little advantage industry outsiders have, I can admire Siddharth Malhotra without thinking “wait, I watched you grow up and this is weird and wrong!”

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 11:07 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Oh oh! THAT would be a GREAT Aryan launch film! Aryan=Zac, Chandler=Shahrukh, Older love interest=Kajol, younger sister=Suhana. Funny older best friend=Abhishek. High school principal=Aish?

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 11:20 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Maybe the second one. I think Aryan should be kept away from the romantic hero genre for the first three films. After he’s comfortable enough in front of the camera, he can do an edgy action-romance. I definitely want Aryan to break free of his father’s romance king image and for suhana to break free of soppy heroine stereotypes and do solid roles right from the start.

            Like

          • I’d love to see Suhana take on some of her father’s roles. Like, can you imagine a gender flipped version of Baazigar or Darr? How cool would that be! The romances would be even better, Suhana as the flirty aggressive NRI type going after a chaste Indian boy and winning over his family.

            On Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 11:28 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Ugh, I totally hate the heroine must marry genre. Maybe her debut romance could an already married one. 18-year old girl is married off to a clueless engineer and she struggles between this sweet family guy husband and her lying cheating seriously sexy married older boyfriend. She also hates her family because they didn’t want her to study further. Her goal is to complete her studies and get a job and the sweet husband sort of helps her accomplish while the sexy boyfriend only wanted her to be arm candy so she ‘picks’ the husband and discovers love within her marriage. A little tanu weds manu except suhana is more alia from udta punjab. She’s a girl making the best of the circumstances she can’t fight.

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          • That concept doesn’t even work anymore. We’ve moved on to AIB Honest series, Girliyapa, BB ki Vines. We’re actually pretty set on the generic contemporary Indian story/spoof etc. The desi middle class genre is hot.

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  10. mukhprishth.wordpress.com/2017/08/09/prabhas-alia-bhatt-nawazuddin-siddiqui-huma-qureshi-kamal-hasan-fanfic-part-ii/

    So here’s the second part of the Prabhas-Alia fanfic. I liked writing it. Some parts wrote themselves and I was surprised by them myself. Like I said before, it’s taken a life of its own and I’m not exactly sure where it’s gonna end up. I’m hoping to finish part 3 soon. I might take a half day off to do that today. I do want to wrap it up soon. It’s very emotionally draining. Grungy Prabhas is very emotionally draining!

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    • Finally got a chance to read it (watching JHMS 3 times in one week takes a lot of time). SO GOOD! I forgot to mention, if you like this kind of strong personalities dominating each other thing, have you read Anne Macaffrey? Especially Dragonflight? She’s not exactly to my taste, but I do like her stuff, and it reminds me a lot of this. In the tone of the romance not anything else.

      Also, my goodness you shock me! This casual attitude towards sex and love is not what I am used to from my Hindi films!

      On Wed, Aug 9, 2017 at 2:18 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • You’ve been watching the wrong hindi films then 😁 I guess as I wrote, Alia and Prabhas personas took over the story. She’s a Pisces and he’s a scorpio in real life so I guess that’s where that came from.

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  11. Pingback: Box Office Report: A Rising Tide Lifts All Ships | dontcallitbollywood

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