Poor Salman! A Christmas baby. He has to share his Sunday fanfic theme post with Christmas theme post. But it’s kind of a good fit, right? Salman has that warm sort of vibe that feels kind of Christmassy.
Salman Adopts Baby from Nativity Scene
I’m gonna throw you a curve, Salman is introduced as a suave international business shark lawyer type. NOT as an action hero!!!! He is in London to coordinate a ruthless corporate takeover of Some White Man’s company. But he isn’t evil, after he gets Some White Man to sign over the company, he goes and gives a speech to the employees, reassuring them that none of them will be let go, in fact some may receive promotions after the transition team comes in to assess their abilities. And to welcome them into the new company, they are all receiving bonuses! And then he calls his boss Jackie Shroff to tell him the takeover was handled smoothly and ask for his next assignment. Jackie is all “you should take a break! You’ve been working nonstop since I hired you except for a break to go to your mother’s funeral!” And Salman is all “it was my mother’s dream to see her son a success, I can’t dishonor all her sacrifice to send me through school and get me started in life, I need to keep working”.
(We know he loves his mothers)
And then he has a sad montage of walking through the city streets, seeing all the families celebrating Christmas, and flashing back to his childhood and young adulthood with his hardworking widowed mother (flashback Salman played by one of his nephews, mother played by Helen obviously), she drops him at school carrying her cleaning supplies and then goes off to clean apartments. The other boys tease him, he ignores her when she comes to pick him up, then sees her sadly walking away and can’t stand it, and runs after her and embraces her. Years later, he rushes to show her his acceptance letter to college, reads it aloud to her because of course she is illiterate. Finally, she gives him a blessing at the airport as he flies away to overseas lawschool. He watches her walk away alone again, looks back at the gate, at the ticket in his hand, and then at his mother sadly walking alone and starts to follow. Before stopping himself as he remembers her telling him before his first day of school when he was crying about leaving her “sometimes we have to leave the ones we love, so that we can go on to do better things than they ever could”. And then, 3 months later, while at a Christmas party in his dorm with caroling in the background, he got a call from the police. His mother collapsed in the street, alone, and died on Christmas Eve. SO SAD!
Salman pulls himself together and focuses on where he is, discovering that his wanderings have brought him to the front of a church where there is a life size nativity scene. He starts to turn away when he hears a baby crying. There’s a real baby in the manger! With a note “Please take care of my daughter since I cannot”. Salman of course takes off his jacket and wraps it around the baby, and then bangs on the church door, but it’s locked. So next thing he is at the police station, he goes up to the desk to make a report, but the sergeant waves him over to the chairs. So he has time to look down at the baby’s itty-bitty face and think. And he starts talking to the baby, telling it that his mother always told him that he had to leave her so he could do something better than she ever managed, and that’s what he is telling Baby, he has to leave her here so she can be raised by a nice family and have a better life than he could give her. Just as he did more than his mother did, because she walked away from him. His mother, who got up at 4am every morning to wash his little uniform and lay it out and make his breakfast so it would be ready for him when he woke up alone after she was already at work. His mother, who sometimes came home so late he only knew she was there because he felt her kiss on his cheek. Who scrimped and saved and worked herself to death to pay for his school tuition. What could he possibly do that would be more than that? What has he been doing with his life all this time? This is the greatest challenge anyone could have, raising a child. This is his destiny!
And then there’s some cute bits. He goes back to India and all his servants freak out about having to take care of the baby. At work, he shows up with spit up on his clothes and sleeps through meetings and everyone indulges him for a while, and then Jackie sadly tells him that he has to get his priorities in order or else Jackie will have to let him go. And Salman agrees, it is time for him to get his priorities in order. He’s quitting. If Jackie will let him, he will transfer to the contracts department, be one of the associates there, and be home every night for his daughter.
And, as part of changing his life over, he has to change his apartment! So he brings in Twinkle Khanna! Okay, now it is turning into Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai. But whatever, I loved them together in that. Twinkle is the very successful interior decorator who originally designed his place. She is at first a little insulted that he wants to redo it again, but then sympathetic when he introduces her to the “reason” for the remodel. Later, she goes and talks to her gay best friend Karan Johar (obviously) about how sweet and sensitive and handsome and amazing Salman was. And Karan’s all “then go for it! Get on that!” But Twinkle is nervous because she isn’t really good with kids. Karan is all “just fake it! Tell him you love kids, whatever he wants to hear”.
So their first date is a bit of a comedy of errors with Twinkle showing up super fancy and Salman wanting to just have dinner at home, and Baby spitting food on Twinkle’s dress, and so on and so forth, until Salman gets a call from Jackie and has to take it and excuses himself and Twinkle is left alone with Baby. She tries to feed her, Baby gets upset, Twinkle gets upset, and Salman returns to find both of them crying together and he takes Baby up in one arm and Twinkle in the other and moves them over to the couch, where Twinkle explains through tears that she doesn’t know anything about babies, she was just pretending, and now Baby hates her and Salman is going to hate her too and everything is terrible! Naturally Salman laughs and reassures her and tells her that he didn’t know anything about babies either, but Baby will teach her. If she likes them (Salman and Baby) enough to want to stick around. Twinkle of course says she does, and love song! Love song which ends with legal papers being delivered, ooga-booga-booga!!!! Baby’s grandfather is suing for custody!!!!
And then it turns into a legal drama which I always find kind of boring, so I am going to skip through this part quickly. Baby’s grandfather is Boman Irani. Baby’s mother was a drug addict who died of an overdose shortly after she abandoned Baby. Boman is a powerful politician who wants his granddaughter, and only heir, back. Salman is initially open-minded, but then visits Boman and learns that Baby would be raised by nannies in an isolated nursery, instead of with the loving attention of a parent, and sent off to boarding schools as soon as she was 6, and changes his mind. He insists he is not giving up Baby, and goes to court to represent himself! Lots of big speeches about how what makes a family is love and so on and so forth. Until final his closing argument, evidence that Twinkle dug up, a surprise witness! An elderly woman who used to live next door to them when Salman was a little boy. To explain that….Salman himself was adopted! His mother was a prostitute who lived in the same building, she died of AIDs, no one else was willing to take the baby or even touch the apartment, but Salman’s mother went in and took the baby out and raised him and so on and so on. Everyone’s in tears, Judge Danny Denzongpa declares that by every logic in the world Salman IS this baby’s father, and applause applause.
Salman and Twinkle and Baby go home to celebrate Christmas together, and Salman notices lonely looking Boman standing outside the building. Boman explains that he knows he messed up with Baby’s mother and he doesn’t know how to make it right, he thought fighting for her daughter would be what she wanted, but now he is not so sure. Salman tells him “I think she would want you, and her daughter, to be happy and loved”. And then he invites Boman to come in and enjoy their family Christmas with them.
And happy end credit montage song! Of several years of Christmases in a row. Baby gets bigger, Boman dresses up and gets silly with her. Twinkle gets pregnant, then there are twin boys the next year being chased by their big sister, and so on and so on. MERRY CHRISTMAS, VERY HAPPY!!!!
Salman as Joseph
I already did my massive 3 part Christmas story last week, but I want to take another stab at the Joseph-Mary love story. Because it’s just such a great Salman role! Salman in Prem mode.
Salman, sweet and Prem-like, comes back home for Christmas, to stay with his oldest sister who is hosting all his younger brothers and sisters along with him. And they all greet him with the news that he has put it off long enough arranging for their happiness, it is time for him to get married! Salman is embarrassed, but pleased, and lets himself be hussled off to meet a prospective bride. She is sweet and shy and, I don’t know, Sonam? Deepika? Someone not necessarily a teenager, but definitely noticeably young for him. Enough that even Salman notices it and gently indicates that there might be a better choice. But her family and his family talk him out of it, he is established in his life and respectable and from a good family. And besides, she saw his photo and age and everything in advance and agreed to the engagement. And so, against his better judgement, Salman agrees as well. There is a lovely lyrical love song as he looks at her across the room and then tenderly takes her hand to put on the engagement ring and so on and so forth. And then he goes back to his job overseas, with plans to return in 8 months for the wedding.
(Love song like this)
Only, 6 months later, he gets a call from his sister telling him that the engagement has to be off. He’s all “why? what happened?” and she won’t tell him, just says he should forget he ever met Sonam/Deepika. Salman tries, but there is another sad love song as he sees her everywhere he goes. Finally he takes leave from work and returns home to surprise his family and demand to know what went wrong. They all exchange glances, and finally his oldest sister (Bhagyashree, of course) sends them all out so she can talk to him alone. And she explains that, unfortunately, Sonam/Deepika is going to be a mother. Salman is all “ah, so she married someone else”, and Bhagyashree is all “noooooooooo” and finally Salman gets it. He asks where she is now, and Bhagyashree says that her parents threw her out, it was a scandal, she is staying at the home for unwed mothers. Salman has a meal with the family, everyone tries to be happy but it is strained and he is distracted. Afterwards, he excuses himself and drives over to the unwed mother home. Where he sees poor Sonam/Deepika visibly pregnant and struggling with her chores. He catches her eye, she looks ashamed, and then makes herself look up and meet his eye. Salman goes home and paces around for a while longer. The next day, he goes back to the home to talk to the Nun in charge. And explain that he is a traditional man and he believes it is correct to speak with the elders of the family about a relationship. Since Sonam/Deepika’s elders have thrown her out, he is speaking to the Nun. He would very much like to marry her, still, if she is willing to have him. No hurry in getting him an answer, he will leave his number, she can talk to Sonam/Deepika, and get back to him.
Salman returns home, and that night gets a phone call, then returns to the family dinner table to announce he is getting married. Everyone is thrilled and excited and asks who it is, and Salman says “the woman you picked out for me…Sonam/Deepika”. And then everyone gets very silent and uncomfortable. It turns into a big family fight, which turns into a big family make-up one by one as they realize that if this is who Salman wants, that is all they need to know, and they plan for him the kind of wedding he deserves. And so on and so on.
Huge wedding, followed by awkward first night. She is all veiled and sitting on the bed with her slightly prominent tummy. Salman comes in and sits next to her and says that he spoke with the Nun. He knows that the doctor recommended against sexual activity for her because of a danger to the baby (I know this is almost certainly not a real thing, but whatever, it’s a Hindi movie, they make up medical stuff all the time). He understands. She can just lay down and he will rub her back. And she starts to cry. He is all “what? What’s wrong? See, I’ll be funny! I’ll make you laugh! Don’t cry!” And it just makes her cry harder. Until finally he says he will go get his sister for her, to help with the baby or whatever it is. And that’s when Sonam/Deepika finally stops him and explains that she is crying because she is so happy and she doesn’t deserve it, he will hate her once he knows the truth. He is all “what truth?” And she says that the truth is, she never planned to marry him, not from the start. She had a boyfriend at college, she thought he loved her, he gave her rides on his bike and promised that once he spoke to his father, they would be married. Her family wanted her to meet Salman and get engaged, and she wanted to tell them the truth that she was in love. Her boyfriend forced her to lie, she got mad at him, they had a big fight, and then he said she had to “prove” she loved him, and they had sex. Everything was wonderful for a few weeks, until he stopped meeting her and the next thing she knew, she heard through a friend that he was engaged to some wealthy industrialist’s daughter, and realized she herself was pregnant. In despair, she tried to kill herself, and when her family found her suicide note and learned the truth, they took her to the hospital and saved her life, and then sent her away. She is a bad bad woman and doesn’t deserve the wonderful happiness he is offering. And Salman is all sweet and just silently and supportively takes her hands and wipes her eyes.
(I love supportive trying to cheer her up Salman)
And, slow building love story! Salman is in love with her but isn’t sure how she feels about him, especially with the whole “no sex” thing. But there are little moments of her waiting up with his dinner and wanting only him with her when she gets scared at a doctor’s appointment and so on and so forth. And Salman is adorably supportive in all ways, rushing out at night for her pregnancy cravings, and distracting her by goofing around and talking to her belly when she is uncomfortable, and just generally being great. It seems like things might finally work out when she goes into labor and refers to the baby as “Salman’s son” and holds his hand all through labor and so on. But then, when Salman comes back to the hospital the next day, he finds that there is a strange man looking through the window at the baby. It’s Rajkummar Rao!!!! Who tells Salman, thinking he is a random stranger, that that is his son in there. He missed the birth and so much more, but he isn’t missing anything else. He has broken with his father and his family and spent the past 6 months looking for his family, and now he has finally found them. Salman, being the ultimate good guy, just wishes him luck and shakes his hand and walks away.
He walks and walks, and eventually returns to his sad empty apartment. Only to turn on the lights to see his whole family! And a Christmas tree and all kinds of decorations! And finally, Sonam/Deepika! With Baby! And she gives a teary speech about how this Christmas she got the greatest gift of all, Baby, but last Christmas she got something just as good, Salman. She didn’t realize it at first, she was blind, but now she knows that becoming his wife is the true reason she was put on this earth, and he is this baby’s true father. Love isn’t the boy who writes you love notes and gives you rides on his motorcycle, it is the man who rubs your back and brings you ice cream. And that is the man she wants to spend this Christmas, and every Christmas for the rest of her life, with. HAPPY ENDING AGAIN, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Normally I would do one more, but now I have to run around washing sheets and hiding presents before my sister arrives tonight, so you will have to make do with two this week!
Out of these two:
Which would you make if you could only make one?
Who would you pick as the heroine’s for each one?
Any plot changes?