Silly Sunday: Quickie Bonus FanFics! Snowed in with SRK

My first fanfic post was very long, had no SRK, and only had one story option.  All of these things have resulted in the past in a lack of interest from the readership.  So to make it up I am going to do something short, with a lot of options, and lots of SRK.

Kashmiri Super Soldier Shahrukh and Strong Village Woman Tabu

Okay, I know there are complicated things in Kashmir with the army and stuff.  But don’t worry!  I have a way to make this work!

Shahrukh is an extra special soldier, assigned directly to the ministry of defense.  He was sent to Kashmir to investigate accusations of misconduct against the soldiers.  “Officially” he is there on an information gathering tour, but the soldiers know what is up.  They take him out on patrol, beat him up, and abandon him.  To be found by Kashmiri strong widow woman Tabu.

Image result for shahrukh jab tak hai jaan

(Cool experienced soldier Shahrukh)

Tabu takes him back to her house, where her children want to kill him because “soldiers are bad and killed our father”, but Tabu stops them and tells them that all killing is bad, death is the real enemy, and they will fight that enemy off from Shahrukh.  Tabu cleans his wounds and watches him through the night.  She sneaks in a doctor, so the neighbors won’t know she has a soldier in her house.  Shahrukh hallucinates through the night, but sees her in his dreams.  The next morning, he wakes up to find the two kids staring at him and makes faces at them.  He flirts slightly with Tabu, who realizes he is high on painkillers and ignores him.  Eventually he comes back to himself a little more and talks with her a bit, asks about the childrens’ father and learns he was killed by soldiers, and sincerely apologizes.  The cabin is snowed in for a week and they start to get close.  But then, the kids say something by accident at school, and the rest of the village finds out there is a soldier at Tabu’s house.  They come, ready to drag him out.  Shahrukh tells the children to hide under his bed and pulls out his hidden gun, ready to defend them.  But before he can, Tabu goes out and talks to her people and convinces them to go away, argues that they should choose peace, that Shahrukh himself, the individual person, has done nothing to harm them.  They disperse, and Shahrukh is even more intrigued by Tabu.

As he gets better, they get closer and closer, but eventually the snow around the village melts enough for Shahrukh to walk to a phone and Shahrukh is able to get in contact with his boss in Delhi.  And is ordered to return to his mission, to pretend to have no memory of what happened, to believe he was attacked by separatists and be filled with a desire for revenge.  Play the soft Delhi type who has never experienced violence before and now has an unhealthy thirst for it.  Shahrukh returns to the village to find a patrol there and realizes he has to start his new identity now, joins them and becomes a thoughtless aggressive soldier type, while Tabu watches in horror.  He goes back to her house to get his bag and say good-bye to the kids, but can’t explain fully what he is doing, and she slaps him for the terrible things he said about Kashmiris in the town square and sends him away.  Until, 6 months later, she sees coverage on television, the greatest internal affairs investigation in the Indian Army history, and the key testimony given by…….Shahrukh!!!!  And in his testimony he gives a stirring tribute to the people of Kashmir, their resilience, their strength, their wisdom, their kindness, their beauty, clearly talking about Tabu.  Tabu is struck, and goes to the one telephone in the townsquare and calls Delhi trying to reach him at the number he left.  But is told he has resigned his commission and no one knows where he is.  She goes home, sad, and hears noises inside.  And enters to find Shahrukh playing with the two kids.  She rushes into his arms.

Image result for shahrukh tabu

(They have such a great strong mature vibe together)

 

Workaholic Shahrukh Snowed in at Holiday Resort with Single Mom Juhi

Juhi is a harried single Mom trying to run a guest house at a snow town while running after her 3 kids.  Shahrukh is a workaholic businessman who is on his way to a conference at a luxury resort.  But on the way he runs into a massive snow storm and the car slides off the road into a snowbank.  Humorously cursing and complaining, he gets out of the car and walks to the nearest lighted house, which turns out to be Juhi’s inn.

There is much humor as he complains about not having high speed internet, or expresso for breakfast, or all the other luxuries he is used to.  The kids are bored too, since there is too much snow for them to even go out and play in it, and the power goes out so they can’t watch TV either.  At first the 3 kids and Shahrukh get into a prank war, but finally they make peace when Juhi throws them all out of the house with snow shovels and tells them that they can’t come back inside until the whole drive out to the main road is clear.  They start shoveling unhappily, it turns into a snow fight, they all exhaust themselves and come back the best of friends.

As the snow continues, the roof starts to leak.  Juhi spends the night going around replacing buckets and Shahrukh hears her and silently takes the buckets away from her and makes her go to sleep on the couch, putting a blanket over her.  It is a simple act of kindness because he appreciates how hard she is working, but in the morning when he wakes up on the floor next to her, having moved buckets all night, he sees her sleeping face in the sunlight and is suddenly struck by her incredible beauty.  Over the course of the next day, he can’t stop looking at her, and he starts to give her the sex eyes over morning coffee and while he is supposed to be playing with the kids.  That night, after the kids are asleep, he brings her hot chocolate and asks if they can talk for a while.  They sit up all night, talking, and eventually he kisses her, and then backs away. She stands up and starts to walk to her bedroom, then looks back over her shoulder and signals for him to come with her.

The next morning, Shahrukh wakes up in Juhi’s bed, happy and confused and rumpled.  Juhi is gone, he sneaks out to look for her, grabs her from behind and kisses her neck, but then the kids come around the corner and he has to back off.  The kids are all excited because the radio says that the roads are clear.  And the internet is back up.  And just then Shahrukh’s forgotten smart phone starts ringing, the oldest kid answers it and hands it to him, so Shahrukh has to answer as well, the world is closing in.  Before he has a chance to talk to Juhi, his assistant is there with a new rental car, ready to take him away.  And, worst of all, the assistant tries to pay Juhi, which she misunderstands and refuses the money with anger, and so when Shahrukh comes back to talk to her, tells him that he was just a good time for her, it gets lonely with just the kids, she has needs, but he can leave now.  Shahrukh goes home, but is missing her, and Juhi is missing him.  Until, finally, he shows up just as the snow starts to melt, to ask if he can marry her and help her run her “funky little inn with her three crazy kids” (the insulting description he used when he first arrived).

 

Shahrukh as Bodyguard/Fixer and Anushka as Fake Mistress

Shahrukh is a tired ex-soldier turned security specialist for a big Ambani type company.  He hates his job, but not quite enough to quit, and the money is good, and he has a kind of indulgent big brother feeling towards his boss.  His newest assignment is to take his boss’s mistress out to a remote vacation house in Switzerland and keep her there until she agrees to a pay off and a non-disclosure agreement, because she is making a fuss.

Meanwhile, the mistress is next door neighbors with Anushka Sharma.  Anushka has a tiny one room apartment, the mistress has a huge luxury flat.  But the mistress (let’s say Neha Sharma) is always over at Anushka’s place because it is “homey” and it reminds her of her favorite aunties apartment.  Anushka has been her sounding board and emotional support during this whole thing, and now Neha is explaining that she is finally going to take Anushka’s advice, she is going to marry that nice boy she met on the bus, but she can only do it if she has the start up cash from the pay out from her old “boyfriend”.  Only, she can’t go to the resort for the meeting and cash because her boyfriend has a job in Dubai and they have to leave right now.  Neha knows her old “boyfriend” won’t be there because he doesn’t do anything messy or complicated like this, so no one will recognize her.  All Anushka has to do is show up, pretend to be Neha, sign the paper and take the money.  And she gets a free trip to Switzerland out of it!  Anushka feels bad for Neha, and wants an adventure, and so agrees.

(The kind of light farcical misunderstanding these trailers promised but we didn’t quite get)

So Shahrukh shows up in Switzerland ready to look down on this woman who wants a pay out, and Anushka shows up in Neha’s sexy clothes putting on her best fake “other woman” kind of attitude.  The first meeting goes terribly, Anushka decides to refuse to sign until the next day just because she is so mad at Shahrukh, and that night the lodge is snowed in so they are stuck together until the snow clears.  Slowly, Anushka’s fake attitude slips away, Shahrukh softens too, becoming less boring and professional, they sing old film songs to each other and have snow fights, and Shahrukh asks her why a “nice” girl like she clearly is ended up turning “bad” and Anushka spins a whole fake story of seduction and deceit and dying relatives.  It all comes to a farcical conclusion when Shahrukh’s boss shows up after the snow has cleared, and Shahrukh punches him in the face and gives a long speech about how he shouldn’t have seduced this innocent woman and so on and so on, until finally the boss can manage to talk again and says that he has never seen Anushka before in his life.  And Shahrukh is fired.  And the boss may be suing both of them.  Shahrukh looks at Anushka all betrayed, but she is all upset and can’t find the words to explain.

Cut to 6 months later, Shahrukh in his tiny private investigator office gets a letter telling him he has won a free trip to Switzerland.  Anushka, in her boring cubicle computer job, gets the same letter.  They both show up at the lodge, are given the room key, notice it is a suite, walk into the central room and find each other.  And then see Neha Sharma!  She explains that this is all her fault for being too cowardly to just face her ex herself, so she wants to fix it too.  And she explains to Shahrukh that Anushka is a nice girl and a good friend who was just trying to do her a favor and maybe got a little carried away, and Shahrukh wasn’t helping by assuming the worst.  And she explains to Anushka that Shahrukh isn’t as old-fashioned and close-minded as he seems, he helped her get that money after all, he tracked her down and helped her.  And then Neha tells them that she can’t make it snow, but she’s tried the next best thing, the hotel staff have orders not to let them out of these rooms until the next morning. And then Neha leaves and closes the door behind her.  And Shahrukh and Anushka look at each other kind of awkwardly, and then finally Anushka holds out her hand and says “Hi.  I’m Anushka.”  And Shahrukh smiles and holds out his hand and says “Hi.  I’m Shahrukh” and it is clearly a new beginning.

 

 

 

Okay, which do you like best?  Casting thoughts?  Plot changes?

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22 thoughts on “Silly Sunday: Quickie Bonus FanFics! Snowed in with SRK

  1. I like all three! Juhi and Tabu are tied for first, jodi and story-wise. I was thinking–a Hindi remake of White Christmas would be amazing! Shah Rukh as the Bing Crosby character, and Akshay as Danny Kaye (not so happy with this one–who might be better? has to be light and goofy but with a fragile little heart). Amitabh as the retired general of course. Who as the general’s daughter? Madhuri as Rosemary Clooney (because she has to end up with SRK), and Preity for Vera Ellen.

    And, sorry for breaking with the winter/snow theme, but have you seen this? https://twitter.com/iamsrk/status/962637296519598081

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    • Oh, and I forgot to suggest a couple of plot changes with Juhi. I think it would be better if Juhi has 2 kids who have grown up and gone to the city, who don’t call her and leave her to run the inn on her own. Juhi has 2 really good, wisecracking, women friends who support her (they both live close enough to the inn to get there through the snow). When Shah Rukh shows up and acts annoying, one of the friends picks up on the chemistry right away, and one of them doesn’t like him. They both tell Juhi she should take advantage of having a man stuck around the place to help her with all those little repairs, and she guilts him into it. The the leakage, etc, occurs. Then the kissing, sexing occurs too.

      Then when the thaw happens, and Shah Rukh’s assistant shows up, Juhi’s kids show up too and are patronizing to Juhi and rude to Shah Rukh. Double the obstacles! Shah Rukh leaves but comes back the next day to tell off the kids and ask Juhi if he can become her permanent partner and handyman. 🙂

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      • Yes! Yes yes to all of this! One small change, maybe make Juhi’s friends ones that she can reach by old-fashioned partyline landline even when the power is out and the cell phones are dead. She gives messages through them which is why Shahrukh’s assistant knows where he is and can come once the snow stops. But even the phone goes out the second night, so Juhi and Shahrukh are totally cut off. When her friends told her to guilt him into doing chores, and maybe flirt a little just for fun, she laughed them off, but once she is stuck awkwardly with Shahrukh and no other human contact, she can’t help remembering what they said.

        And how about this, the kids are there because Juhi’s inn desperately needs repairs and updating and money poured into it, so they want her to give up and sell and move in with them in the city even though she loves her independence. They aren’t exactly rotten kids, they just see her as “Mom” instead of as a person and want to take care of her.She reluctantly agrees, so heartbroken by the Shahrukh experience that she has lost her will to fight, but tells her sons to handle everything. And then only a couple of days later, she gets a call that the inn is sold and the new owner is coming to tour it. And of course, the new owner is Shahrukh, he tells her he has decided on a career change into “hospitality” and he is taking his golden parachute money and putting it into her inn as his second career.

        On Sun, Feb 11, 2018 at 4:20 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • Oh yes, I love everything about this. I like having the kids not be outright rotten, but worried in a condescending way. Who should play the kids? Will print this story out and carry it in my wallet in case I run into Shah Rukh or Juhi in Heathrow sometime, haha.

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          • Hmm. Juhi’s 51, so the kids could be anything from 21 to 31 looking. How about Rajkummar as an overly responsible successful office worker with the perfect wife and perfect children who doesn’t know how to handle his wacky mother living alone in the country and wishes she could be more of a “proper” mother who lives with him and helps take care of his kids. And Deepika as a somewhat wild successful model type who wants her mother to move in with her and have “fun” together in the city. They both want her to live with them and love her, but they can’t see that she is more than their mother and needs her own life.

            That also means Shahrukh can marry into a readymade family, he gets to play with Rajkummar’s kids and tease Dips about her boyfriend drama, and spoil Rajkummar’s wife, Juhi’s family (once they learn to stop worrying about her) is a bonus, not a negative.

            On Sun, Feb 11, 2018 at 8:58 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • Shahrukh and Saif! They would be a perfect Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. Or, Akshay and Saif, bringing back a classic comic pairing. Otherwise, everything is perfect.

      And I have seen the SRK status. It’s not my favorite video to thank the fans, but it’s pretty nice.

      On Sun, Feb 11, 2018 at 4:12 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. The video is a little silly but I appreciate the effort which has gone into it. .
    All the script ideas look great. I love Shahrukh as a soulful soldier. Samar saved the awful plot of JTHJ from being a total disaster for me.

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    • Yes! and then we lost our interesting Samar in Kashmir and he was replaced by the boring regular Shahrukh in London.

      On Mon, Feb 12, 2018 at 7:50 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. I’m just at the top of this page and dude, this couldn’t have come at a more complicated time! The Supreme Court literally just quashed a petition demanding action against an armyman who was involved in firing against stone pelters AND we had a terror attack foiled at a camp yesterday! i hate that i have that context in my head as i read this!

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  4. Story 1: You have no love for Tabu!! She always gets short stories!!

    But I do like this one. Some additions to it, because I can’t help overimagining things in other people’s fanfics!!!

    SRK IS on that mission. But the soldiers that beat him up have good reason to believe that he is colluding with the separatists. There are pictures of him visiting villages and being seen with “suspects”. But their seniors have dismissed those as being part of an op he was running. PLUS, these soldiers have had a personal grudge against SRK from previous postings in the Naxal areas. With a dodgy reputation, the personal grudge and suspicions of higher ups protecting him, SRK is nobody’s favorite in this camp. The soldiers plan to leave him to die during the next ambush from separatists and they think he won’t be able to survive because he’s a pampered Delhi type!
    Ambush happens, in the middle of a snowstorm. We don’t know who hits whom. SRK is hit and falls in a river. He is discovered lying unconscious face down by Tabu’s dog in a small, insignificant hamlet downstream. She is the only lady doctor in the entire district and as such, when the villagers report her having a soldier in her house, she doesn’t hand him over to the separatists and she faces them all off saying she is the only one making sure THEIR wives can bring THEIR kids into the world and that if she can play god for them, she can also play god for this man and grant him a chance at life.

    The separatists go away mumbling about how she was making a mistake. Tabu gets the most lip from a young boy- Vikrant Massey- who just won’t shut up. Tabu slaps him. She’s his mother. He runs off in anger. Semi-awake SRK has seen all of this and Tabu finds him by a window in the attic, topless, with his gun, eyeing the leaving crowd. She coldly tells him to not bother with the gun because she’s messed with it and it won’t fire anymore. SRK checks. She wasn’t lying. Tabu sits him down in front of the wooden stove and dresses his wounds. Then tells him who she is- that she was the wife of Ismail Khan, a known separatist who is a big name in PoK. She had three kids, the older boy is also coming up the ranks in the cause locally and she remains an active opponent of the atrocities committed by the Indian side. She tells him that in saving him, she is only keeping her oath as a doctor. Once well, he would have to walk out of there on his own two feet and she wont help him with whatever he faces out there.

    That’s how it goes for a few days. There’s a lot of sass from Tabu, the people who visit her house for treatment, her son. But the two younger kids are great with him. He gives them chocolates etc.
    One day Tabu is having an argument with him, just then, vikrant, who was listening to them from the corridor, barges in and starts hurling abuses at SRK and the army and how he was going to martyr himself one day and take 100 Indian soldiers with him. SRK starts laughing. The mother and boy are shocked and scared. Tempers rise. Guns are pointed. SRK slaps them both and snatches their guns and holds them at gunpoint. And then tells them both that he knows that she has no husband, the money she receives from the local separatist leader aren’t from her husband, they’re from her father who was a retired army medic and that Vikrant was a lovechild she had with a separatist leader’s nephew when she was in college who had died in a car accident but his death was claimed to have occurred at the hands of an Indian army soldier for propaganda purposes. Tabu is gutted but she tells him she isn’t afraid of the Indian army and the lies they make up. They will never get Kashmir, etc. She tells him to get out of her house and to fear the day Ismail Khan gets to know SRK was standing in his kitchen and saying that shit to his family. SRK laughs again and tells them that is unlikely to happen because HE is Ismail Khan.

    Interval

    Post interval we see SRK being hosted warmly by the separatists and him going to their meetings and discussing strategy etc. And there are a few action sequences with the army etc. He takes Vikrant under his wing and trains him to get the enemy instead of blowing himself up. He tells Tabu that he was grateful that she’d adopted the children of their fallen comrades (the two younger kids) and that she was working for peace while not giving up on her cause since someone also need to build something instead of everyone blowing everything up. We later see him telling the separatists that they need to utilize soft power since getting arms is going to get tougher in the coming days and they can’t afford to lose more young men to a better armed Indian army. It does nothing for their cause. Tabu is getting soft on him.

    Then one day, she discovers him talking to his CO in the army about the mission using a wireless. She confronts him and yells at him for being one of the enemies of her people, that he was just like the rest of the army people who only wanted to exploit the people, etc. They’re in the middle of a heated argument when gunshots are heard in the village. SRK rushes to see to it, he gets caught in a gunfight, the army captures him and takes him away. Tabu doesn’t tell anyone what she discovered about him and she remains quite bitter about him till one day she watches him on TV giving an interview about his testimony to the armed forces tribunal about the atrocities being committed by some units of the army in Kashmir in contravention of the orders given to them. He tells the interviewer that he has faced what “suspects” face while he was undercover for this investigation. His mission earns him a presidential medal, national praise and top separatist leaders in Kashmir condone his efforts in highlighting the situation.

    Tabu is all misty eyed and regular people from the village tell her about how nice he was as a person etc. She is tormented and heartbroken and there’s a lovely nostalgic song at the end of which we see SRK pushing a ski kart up her driveway. He’s come with medical supplies and books and tells her that if she was going to be the only lady doctor in the district she might as well be a well-equipped one. The whole village arrives by then and people are happy to see him but also skeptical. He tells them that they aren’t enemies, just people on the opposite end of an argument and they won’t get anywhere if they don’t talk to each other. He then announces that he has been appointed a mediator and he’s going to have to come to their town often to talk to their leaders. Tabu’s youngest asks him if he’ll bring chocolates and everyone sorta laughs.

    I think I wanna end this story at that. Real life is way too complicated for Kashmir to make sense.

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    • Tabu and Shahrukh are so strong together that they don’t need elaborate plots to support them!

      But I do love your additions, making Tabu the village doctor is brilliant and fills in a lot of the plotholes. I don’t know if she needs quite so complicated a backstory, I might lean towards keeping it simple and having her son’s father be a dead campus rebel type. Not an actual separatist, but someone who went to speeches and things and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time and was caught in the crossfire. She was at medical school, and came back to the village with a baby and lied that they had been married and occasionally built him up as a little more of a hero in order to get people to listen to her. And yes, definitely the two youngest are orphans she took in, that makes complete sense. And also explains the age gap, with her oldest being a young man and the younger two being around 6-8.

      Oh heck, one more addition, can we make Shahrukh from a Kashmiri family? Like, he grew up there until he was 14, and then joined the army and so on. So returning to Kashmir in his retirement is returning to his roots.

      On Tue, Feb 13, 2018 at 1:29 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • SRK as the Kashmiri boy who got perceived as the Delhi types when he returned years later makes total sense.

        If we skip the lie Tabu tells, we can’t have her accepted as loyal to the separatists because her father is an armyman (in this story). And her hatred for the army and loyalty to the separatists would be unquestionable if she were a young widow who got sucked into the propaganda. She takes on the name of Ismail Khan because he’s so elusive and everyone’s heard his name but no-one has met him. Perfect for SRK’s undercover op backstory. Also, then we don’t know where his loyalties lie till he gets caught with the wireless.

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        • Wait, so the audience would know that Shahrukh is a Kashmiri boy who is now in the army, but we wouldn’t be sure if he is an elusive separatist who is undercover in the army, or a brilliant army man who is undercover with the separatists? Tricky!

          So long as the ending is that he is working for the army, but only in order to find and prosecute vicious evil army guys. So he is trying to do the right thing by playing both sides and Tabu has her faith rewarded in the end.

          If we keep your elaborate Tabu backstory, can we have it be that they just decided to let the village, and maybe even Vikrant Massay, believe that Shahrukh and Tabu really did have an affair 20 years earlier and she’s been telling the truth all this time? Because I kind of love that, that the whole village will just accept this relationship as romantic reunited lost loves, but Shahrukh and Tabu will know that they met for the first time a month ago. And it will let Shahrukh bring the hammer down all “I AM YOUR LOST FATHER, LISTEN TO ME” on Vikrant Massay.

          There’s an LM Montgomery short story that kind of has that plot and I love it. A spinster woman spins an elaborate lie about a lost love and then randomly the guy whose name she picked out of the newspaper comes to town and it is very awkward.

          On Tue, Feb 13, 2018 at 10:03 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Well I want it to be more like vikrant is shocked that his mother had spun this lie and never told him about his real father. Since he’s a vulnerable youth, SRK tells him that he knew his father (which wouldn’t be a lie) and that softens the boy up a bit. I think that instead of the whole village knowing SRK is ismail would be a huge security risk if this were a real life situation. So there are rumors about who SRK is in the village but only the top leadership are told of his identity. Which isn’t fake because he had been Ismail during a precious mission.

            The short story, that’s a whole other Tabu movie isn’t it??!! 😂 can we have Ajay Devgn in it as the stranger?? 😁

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          • Yes! Yes Ajay!!!!! He seems much more likely to settle down to a boring retirement herding goats in a Kashmiri village than SRK. SRK definitely needs the whole negotiator role to keep himself entertained.

            On Tue, Feb 13, 2018 at 10:27 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Oh yes, I was thinking the original short version just has a simple ending of our army guy retiring to live with Tabu and raise goats or something, and Tabu is just a striaghtforward village school teacher/farm woman, nothing complicated. Ajay would be good at the less complicated, more of an investigator than an undercover spy, sort of army guy.

            On Tue, Feb 13, 2018 at 10:54 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. Pingback: FanFic/Silly Sunday Index! All the Filmi Fantasies Here! | dontcallitbollywood

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