Happy Good Friday! Posting this super early this week, because I know a lot of offices are closing early for the holiday. And I also now that at least some of you are dealing with holiday stress and could really really use the distracting. And so, welcome to my second annual Jesus themed TGIF post. Designed to make you declare “Yes indeed, he is RISEN!!!!”
If you are a historian, you know Jesus probably looked something like this:
But if you were raised in America, you know that Jesus looked like this:
European features, longish (but not too long!) hair, and beard. Also usually tall with high cheekbones. Basically, our Lord and Savior was a hot hippy who took a lot of baths.
That Jesus-look is awfully attractive though, isn’t it? And so, for this Holy Friday, I thought we would take a look at some hot Jesus-looking men. Oh, and it’s not offensive, because I’m Christian myself and I teach Sunday School and everything. Okay, maybe it’s a little offensive, but just enough to make it sexier.
Let’s start with Hrithik as Jesus-a-little-hungover-after-a-late-night-at-the-club:
And then Hrithik as Jesus-about-to-angrily-throw-moneylenders-out-of-the-temple
And then Shahrukh, as peaceful-Jesus-Sexily-About-to-Turn-Water-Into-Wine-But-Too-Holy-To-Really-Be-Into-It
John Abraham, as Jesus-caught-without-sins-and-without-a-shirt
Salman Khan as Jesus-about-to-take-on-Peter-in-a-wrestling-match-and-prove-who-is-the-real-“Rock”
Arjun Rampal, as Jesus-after-an-image-consultant-told-him-to-be-more-“professional”
Kunal Kapoor as Jesus-after-that-image-consultant-changed-her-mind-and-said-he-should-be-more-sexy
Aamir Khan as Jesus-who-is-remembering-a-funny-joke-Mary Magdelene-told-him
Varun Dhawan as Jesus-after-John the Baptist-Ducked-His-Head-Under-Water-And-Messed-Up-His-Hair
Sushant Singh Rajput as Jesus-when-he-was-still-just-a-carpenter-and-kind-of-dorky
Ranveer Singh as Jesus-crazy-cut-after-40-days-in-the-desert
Prithviraj as Jesus-about-to-work-his-gentle-magic-and-recruit-another-disciple
Dulquer as Jesus-enjoying-himself-at-the-Wedding-at-Cana
Sanjay Dutt as Jesus-well-this-one-is-self-explanatory
Prabhas as Jesus in his desert temptation considering life as a war leader of the Jews who wins every battle.
Nivin as Jesus-who-is-enjoying-sitting-back-and-listening-to-Judas-and-Peter-snipe-at-each-other
And finally, young Amitabh as Jesus-relaxing-after-a-hard-day-preaching-peace-and-justice-for-the-oppressed
dontcallitbollywood 
Lolololol! This is amazing! I have a mild cold and some work drama and I’m feeling crappy so this was the pick-me-up I needed. I’m really feeling bearded-sunglasses Hrithik. I would add to John Abraham that he’s Jesus-caught-without-sins-and-without-a-shirt-but-still-in-touch-with-his-waxer.
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The forgotten 13th disciple, the waxer. He traveled with them everywhere.
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I forgot to ask why the hell Sanjay is getting crucified in that movie?
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It’s from Sadak, he tried to rescue his prostitute girlfriend from her evil Hijra madam. they got caught, the evil Hijra madam is making an example of Sanjay so no one else will try to take one of her girls. It’s a surprisingly good movie! Way better than that plot summary sounds.
On Fri, Mar 30, 2018 at 7:40 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I literally laughed out loud when I saw this, I remember watching Mohenjo Daro with my sister and the first thing she said when the movie started was “He looks like Jesus!”
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Wait, isn’t the opening of Mohenjo Daro Hrithik wrestling an alligator? Is that in a different version of the Bible? Can I read that version?
On Fri, Mar 30, 2018 at 2:21 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I think she said it a bit later on, when he was talking about going to Mohenjo Daro to sell whatever it was he was selling but you’re definitely right, that version of the Bible sounds like fun haha!
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Well, there are the “lost years”, maybe between 12 and 30 Jesus was an itinerant alligator wrestler, we have no way of knowing!
On Fri, Mar 30, 2018 at 2:26 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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You do know of the theory that during those “lost years”, Jesus was actually in India, right? 😉
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Okay, THAT’S the movie I want to see!!!!! Hrithik as Jesus, wandering around India, maybe learning how to cook, doing a song about loaves and fishes with the chorus in abstract loaf and fish costumes-it’s perfect!
On Fri, Mar 30, 2018 at 2:44 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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No, he was supposed to have been studying philosophy with a Hindu/Buddhist monk. 🙂
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Buddy picture!!!!!
On Fri, Mar 30, 2018 at 3:06 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Hah. I’m having a crisis of faith over here. Shah Rukh is not in the least Christlike. Like, at all. I can’t even think of any characters that way. He’s just too urbane. I can see him as Matthew or Pilate from Jesus’ contemporaries, or Paul. I’d like to nominate Irrfan, with longer curly hair (his own, not the terrible wigs he’s been made to wear sometimes), as hot renegade Rabbi Jesus.
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Or, of course, Aditya Roy Kapur as the hot Rabbi Jesus. Maybe not the super wise and superior older Jesus, but the young earnest finding himself one.
On Fri, Mar 30, 2018 at 11:44 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Wow, Hrithik looks just like Jesus, and Salman the least! Can we have Hrithik as Jesus and Aditya Roy Kapoor as Moses in a movie please?
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We could do a buddy movie, Aditya Roy Kapoor as John the Baptist and Hrithik as his cousin Jesus.
On Sat, Mar 31, 2018 at 12:08 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Ya that would be such an explosion of good looks!
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Since you’ve done the Good Friday and Passover posts, I thought I would mention that today is Hanuman Jayanti (birthday of Hanuman). However, instead of asking you to find images or songs about Hanuman, or me doing the same, I’ll just recommend a Telugu movie to you, Sri Anjaneyam. Good story, excellent acting by the actor playing Hanuman, and Charmee Kaur’s debut role (if you know who she is). Try it, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. (Of course, you don’t have to watch it today. 🙂 )
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I do like Hanuman. Talented, humble, caring, everything good.
On Sat, Mar 31, 2018 at 10:07 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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BTW, Sri Anjaneyam is a social drama set in the modern day.
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Directed by Krishna Vamsi (if you know him); otherwise you can think of him as Ramya Krishna’s husband. 🙂 She makes a brief cameo in the film, btw.
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