Shahrukh Summer: Happy Endings for Sad Shahrukh Movies

I don’t actually think these are “better” endings, I just like happy endings, even if they aren’t true to the rest of the narrative. Every film should end with a marriage and a baby and a happy reprise of the title song. So in my headcanon, these are how these movies end. Happy happy!

Baazigar

Shahrukh having finally achieved vengeance for his family slow bleeds to death in the rain, cradled in the arms of Kajol, the woman he betrayed and then learned to love. When suddenly, a passing stranger out for a stroll stops and says “I am a doctor! Can I help?”

The doctor saves Shahrukh’s life and rushes him to his clinic. Shahrukh slowly wakes up, Kajol and his mother by his side. But his first words are “where is father?” revealing that he has forgotten the past 20 years of his life. The police arrive to arrest him for his many many murders, but are convinced by his amnesia, and besides Kajol says that he has hurt her more than anyone and if she can forgive him, why can’t they? The police are convinced and leave.

They deserve a happy ending!

Shahrukh slowly grows up while at the clinic. He doesn’t regain his memory, but he does learn how to grow from a 12 year old boy to a 22 year old man. Kajol doesn’t pressure him, pretends she is just a friend, but eventually he falls in love with her all over again and she for him. He proposes, but Kajol is torn TORN over whether it is unfaithful to the memory of her sister and her father (both killed by Shahrukh) to marry him. But Shahrukh’s mother gives her wise words about how this is a new Shahrukh, washed clean of the past, and she should just live her life happily, that is the best way to honor the memory of her family. She and Shahrukh have a simple wedding and start life in the small house he shares with his mother. They have a baby 9 months later, and name her for Shilpa.

Darr

Oh oh! I already wrote this one! Just gonna copy and paste:

Shahrukh is stabbed, beaten, and thrown in the ocean. But survives! And then is taken to the police where Sunny tries to make sure he goes to jail, but Juhi in the end goes to the court and pleas for mercy, asks that Shahrukh get the treatment he needs.

Shahrukh is finally in a stable place, years out of the asylum and into deep talk therapy.  His therapist recommends that as part of his therapy, he should meet with present-day Juhi and apologize and take responsibility.  Unexpectedly, their meeting turns into a friendship, they have a similar taste in books and sensitive way of looking at the world.  Juhi invites him home to meet her husband (as is the proper thing to do when you have an intense opposite-sex friendship), and Sunny is boorish and insensitive, doesn’t trust Shahrukh still, gets drunk and is aggressive towards Juhi.  Shahrukh holds back and doesn’t do anything, but later gently says something to Juhi about how he is worried about her or wishes her husband treated her with more respect.

Shahrukh and Juhi build a friendship that never crosses the line into anything inappropriate (because Shahrukh is hyper-vigilante and careful not to repeat his previous patterns) but does include him encouraging her to have self-respect and value herself and not put up with the treatment Sunny gives her.  Juhi even starts seeing his same therapist and they have a few joint sessions where they work through their previous interactions, Shahrukh confirms that it was entirely his fault and he was in the wrong, but Juhi comes to realize that her brother and Sunny exacerbated the situation by not believing her, by minimizing her fears, that Shahrukh was not the only man putting her in danger.  Her growing strength comes to threaten Sunny until she finally flees the house in fear of her physical safety, and goes to Shahrukh because he is the only person she knows who would take her in and not try to make her go back to Sunny.  Sunny brings in the police and their past triangle is brought out, Sunny suggests that Shahrukh has kidnapped her again, Shahrukh peacefully allows himself to be arrested because he feels he never truly paid the price for his past sins, but Juhi is angry.  In the end, Juhi gives an impassioned speech in court about how Shahrukh made her fear as a young woman, but it was Sunny who made her fear for the rest of her life.  That Shahrukh is now a different person, he could be “cured” from his delusions, but Sunny can never be “cured” because his aggression and violence are an innate part of himself, and she is done putting up with it.

Can we agree this is not the greatest relationship?

Once Juhi is finally divorced, she talks to the therapist and slowly works through her feelings (over a time passing montage, lets say, she gets a job and her own place and visits her kids at boarding school and all that).  She eventually decides that she never loved young Shahrukh, he was a monster.  But this new mature Shahrukh is a different person, and she is a different person too after all those years with Sunny, and these two new people could have a real relationship.  Only Shahrukh would never make a move to start that relationship because he still feels in the wrong.  During this intensive therapy and personal growth period (lets say it’s been a year) she and Shahrukh have stayed close friends, meeting for coffee and dinner parties and going to gallery openings together and so on.  And now that Juhi feels like she finally knows what she wants and what Shahrukh wants, she asks him to meet at the same place they met the first time for him to apologize and confesses her feelings.  He flees from her at first, uncomfortable with what she is saying, but she follows him (the stalking returns, but different, she is the one chasing and she knows he truly returns the feelings).  Finally she corners him in a cab and forces him to listen to the arguments she just went through with the therapist, convinces him that he feels completely different about her this time, that he loves her mind and her intellect and her spirit, not just her body, that he actually knows her.  And then we cut to their quiet registry marriage. And BABY!!!

Ram Jaane

Shahrukh, the bad gangster, steps aside so his childhood crush Juhi can marry Good Boring Man. And then is sentenced to death for his crimes. But! At the last minute! His body is whisked away and resuscitated for a “Suicide Squad” type experiment. They want him to go into deep undercover and use his skills as an informer for the police.

Over a montage song, Shahrukh does all kinds of brave heroic things in order to pay back his previous sins against society. Finally, he returns to the old neighborhood in disguise (wearing a shirt, no one recognizes him). He stops by the orphanage and sees Juhi with Good Boring Man and sadly turns away, Only to be stopped by a little orphan who has lost his ball. Shahrukh helps him find the ball and along the way learns that Juhi and Boring Man are not married after all!!!!! Juhi is still single! They call each other “brother” and “sister”! In fact, Juhi is living like a widow in memory of Shahrukh, who she realized she truly loved only after he died.

How could she give this up for Boring Man?

Shahrukh comes back that night and sings a love song outside her window until she is tempted to come out and see him. At first she thinks she is hallucinating, but Shahrukh convinces her that he is real and alive. And says that after living their whole lives serving Good Boring Man, they deserve to find happiness for themselves. Juhi comes with him right then and joins him in his life of adventure, after a small improvised wedding.

Mohabbatein

Aishwarya, Shahrukh, and Amitabh walk through the gates of the school, having turned it into a happier better place. Amitabh goes in first, Shahrukh waves him on, and then once he and Aishwarya are alone, he tells her “See, I told you it would work! We will give him a few more years to feel guilty over your death, and then explain that it was all a fake so we could elope and you aren’t a ghost after all. And then we can bring our son to meet his grandfather.”

It just makes so much more sense as a ghost prank, versus an actual ghost!

Devdas

Dev slowly cinamatically bleeds out in front of Paro’s door as she tries to reach him. She is cut off at the last minute. The people outside gather to watch him die. Until finally the practical village midwife and farm woman pushes her way forward and says “are you all crazy? Why are you just watching him die?!?! Pick him up and take him to my house!”

The midwife slowly heals Dev. He wakes up and immediately starts poetically blathering on again, but she has no patience for it and just sends him out to clean the barn or feed the cattle any time he starts to whine. Dev learns to appreciate the simple joys of life and get his head out of his butt. Eventually, the farm woman proposes marriage, since she can use a man around the place and he says he is homeless. Dev accepts. They start the marriage out of practical need, but eventually come to have a quiet sane sort of love between them. Dev sees Paro riding in her carriage through the village occasionally, and turns away so she won’t recognize him. He and the farm woman have many children and grandchildren and live a long happy life together.

This man really needs a woman who has no patience for his drama and sends him out to feed chickens whenever he starts to get drippy.

Kal Ho Na Ho

Shahrukh’s doctor Sonali Bendre tells him there is a heart available for transplant, he can live after all. But Preity and Saif are already married and now happy together. Shahrukh decides to fake everyone out with a fake death scene. After they all leave, Shahrukh sends his mother away as well, tells her that she has spent the last 10 years worrying about him and caring for him, she deserves some joy too, he is sending her on a pilgrimage trip to the temples of India along with her best friend and neighbor from back home. With his mother gone, Sonali asks Shahrukh what he is going to do now, and he says he doesn’t know. She suggests a trip too, to a fun resort town where he can relax and enjoy. Shahrukh says he doesn’t want to go alone, Sonali offers to come with him, as a hardworking doctor she needs to relax too.

They have a wonderful time, get drunk, walk on the beach, dance and sing. And one drunken night, they kiss. Shahrukh immediately feels terrible and apologizes, and then Sonali starts to cry and confesses that her marriage has fallen apart. She explains that it just wasn’t working, he wanted a wife who would play with him and cook for him and always be available, and she was too passionate about her job, no hard feelings but the marriage is dead. She cries, Shahrukh cries, they mourn the relationship together (since Shahrukh was friends with both of them), and then go out the next day feeling cleansed. A couple of days later, Shahrukh sees a thing on Facebook or something about Preity and Saif being super super happy, and he has to do his own mourning. He talks it out with Sonali, how his love for Preity was so strong and so sudden and so painful and all that, and Sonali points out that, just possibly, he only felt those things because he thought he was dying and it was more of stress and trauma response than actual emotions. This gives Shahrukh something to think about too. The night before they are supposed to return to “real life”, Shahrukh asks Sonali to have sex with him. He’s never had sex, because of his heart condition, and he wants to have that experience now and he trusts her to be his first. Sonali agrees because she has never had sex except with her husband, and she wants to move on. They have a wonderful night together that gives them both what they need in the moment.

Image result for shahrukh sonali bendre kal ho na ho
Best Couple!!!!

Shahrukh returns to India and moves in with his mother again, starts picking up his life where it was before he got so sick, running his restaurant (somehow I see him as a restaurant manager, but like a fancy nice one), going for walks along the ocean, sitting at home in the evenings with his mother, and so on. He reaches out to Sonali first, saying something like after all those years as her as his doctor, telling her everything in his life, it feels strange not to be in touch. They start talking and emailing on a more-than-daily basis. Eventually, he decides to go to New York to visit her and attend a restaurant conference. They have a wonderful time, go for long walks and drink coffee together and visit museums and laugh. Until they run into Preity and Saif with their baby. It’s super awkward until Shahrukh explains they don’t have to feel guilty, he has moved on as well, he and Sonali are engaged. Everyone is happy, Preity and Saif insist on a double date, Shahrukh agrees while Sonali tries to protest. After they go away, Sonali is all worried about Shahrukh’s heart, and he laughs and says something witty about how she took such good care of his “heart” that it isn’t broken any more. In fact, he would like to offer her a life time job taking care of his heart, if she will have him. 6 months later, everything is happy, Shahrukh sold his Bombay restaurant and opened a branch in New York instead. But he is only open 4 days a week and only for dinner, the rest of the time he is home taking care of Sonali, being the supportive loving partner so she can succeed. Oh, and this day is exciting, because they were just approved as foster parents for one of Sonali’s patients, a little boy in the foster care system who needs a heart surgery.

Veer-Zaara

Veer and Zaara are reunited, after being separated for 20 years for no good reason, finally returning together to his village. And then his eyes open, and he wakes up! It was all a dream!!!!!! He is asleep on the bus shortly after saying good-bye to Kirron Kher and leaving Pakistan. He begs the driver to stop, says it is a matter of true love, the driver is convinced, and he runs away from the bus as the other passengers cheer. He steals over the wall into Preity’s house and finds her as she is preparing for her wedding. At first she refuses to listen to him, but finally he convinces her that this is crazy, she has the strength within her to deny her parents wishes, what does their happiness for a few years matter against her happiness for a life time? Preity and Shahrukh run away from the wedding together. Her evil fiance calls up his gundas who give chase! There is a massive fight scene! Just as all appears lost, Boman Irani and Kirran Kher arrive and shout out “NAAAHAIIIIIINNN”. Seeing their daughter in danger makes them realize how much they love her, and how much she loves Shahrukh. They would rather she be happy than anything else, forget society and respect and all that!!!!

Boman and Kirron travel to Shahrukh’s village with Shahrukh and Preity and are greeted in a big song and dance number lead by Amitabh. Shahrukh declares his love for Preity following the village tradition with the offering of grain and she accepts. They have a wonderful multicultural wedding. And then we see them in the present day, surrounded by their family and the loving villagers, and Shahrukh has one sudden poignant vision of himself in jail, before shaking it off and returning to reality.

Reality!

Fan

Gaurav falls off the side of the building in suicide, having finally accepted that he means nothing to Aryan. But then lands on a soft pile of mattresses! Aryan rushes down and calls the police and an ambulance. He pays for Gaurav’s medical care, and also insists that his parents talk with him about therapy and other mental health treatments. Gaurav is in the hospital for years, slowly regaining a balanced attitude towards life. Aryan writes to him and visits him regularly. Finally, he is released and Aryan has funded a new computer cafe for him. Gaurav is now quiet and shy and awkward. His old friend/girlfriend returns to the neighborhood, she went to the US and got married and got divorced and returned home in the time he was being treated. She is also awkward and feels like she doesn’t belong in the neighborhood any more, she and Gaurav end up clinging together. Aryan comes to visit and spends time with both of them, and Gaurav asks advice, he is worried he is hallucinating again, because he keeps imagining that she is falling in love with him. Aryan spends time with both of them, and tells Gaurav that he isn’t imagining things, she IS falling in love with him! Gaurav shyly proposes with Aryan acting as his intermediary, Aryan performs at their wedding.

Image result for shriya pilgaonkar fan
They could be happy together! After much much therapy!

Zero

Anushka tearfully says good-bye to Shahrukh over the video link. The rocket starts to take off. And then, ABORT ABORT!!!!! There was a last minute mechanical glitch discovered! Maddy, running down the highway in his wedding outfit, has come to save him! Shahrukh is rushed out of the rocket and back to the ground. Anushka, in tears, is waiting for him at mission control. They are reunited, now knowing how close to death he came, and swear never to be apart again. They go home and play with the baby for about 15 minutes of screen time. The monkey goes to Mars.

Image result for zero poster
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5 thoughts on “Shahrukh Summer: Happy Endings for Sad Shahrukh Movies

  1. I LOVE your alternate KHNH ending…that would have made a great movie one that I could watch more often (I also love happy endings.)

    I really, really disliked Zero so in my mind these not a lot that could save it. But I will say that I’d enjoy seeing Shah Rukh and Anushka together instead of the weird 15 year thing.

    Like

    • I feel like 15 minutes of Anushka and Shahrukh playing with a baby can save almost any movie.

      And yes, Kal Ho Na Ho is the best! I didn’t realize until I was writing it, but Shahrukh and Sonali have better chemistry in their 5 minutes onscreen than Preity with either guy.

      On Wed, Jul 17, 2019 at 6:49 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

      >

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes to the KHNH ending! though I had to laugh at the fake death scene. Of course, that’s how to solve most tricky situations in your life. 🙂

    Like

    • I mean, what else could he have done? Said, “whoops, I’m actually cured! Sorry Preity, now you are stuck married to the second choice.” I really like the idea of him faking death and then running off to Bora Bora with Sonali.

      On Thu, Jul 18, 2019 at 8:36 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

      >

      Like

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