You know the Oscars aren’t really about objective quality, right? There’s all kinds of things that go into it, that end up with the exact same kind of people and things on the list every single year. As a mental challenge, I am going to break down the categories I see and then we can see if you can find them in Indian film. And to make this hard but not impossible, I’m gonna limit it to 2018-2019.
(you are also allowed to use this as a cheat sheet when watching the Real Oscars, because I am pretty confident you will find something for every category)
Old Guy Who May Not Be Around Forever So We Better Nominate Him Now
????
Hot New Actor the Industry is Excited About But Regular People Don’t Know Yet
??????
Big Blockbuster Star Who Played Gay/Mentally Ill/Disabled/Historical Figure/Ideally All Three
Boring Hardworking Actor/Actress Who Turned in a Legitimately Brilliant Performance We Can’t Ignore
????
Frequent Flyer We Nominate Every Year Because S/He is Accepted as the Good Actor in the Industry
Hot New It Girl
??????
The Last Hot New It Girl Who is Struggling to Stay Relevant and Campaigned Hard
Pretty Woman Who Played “Unattractive”
Old Woman We Forgot Was Still Alive
Frequent Flyer Director Nominee in the Autumn of His Career
?????
Established Outsider Type Director
Young Genius Director Whose First Movie Made Such a Mark He Has to Be Acknowledged
Regular Journeyman Director Who Lucked into a Really Good Script
?????
Person who isn’t that famous but is really good on the red carpet so they always get invited
And of course, the movies themselves:
Movie About an Important Issue
Biopic
Movie That Was So Technically Brilliant We Have to Acknowledge It
Movie With a Really Unusual Plot and Good Script
?????
Inspiring True Story
And of course:
Woman Director: Not Applicable
dontcallitbollywood 
Old Guy Who May Not Be Around Forever So We Better Nominate Him Now
Does Naseeruddin Shah count? Or is he still too young?
Hot New Actor the Industry is Excited About But Regular People Don’t Know Yet
This one is tough because of how the industry launches people. I would say maybe Siddhant Chaturvedi but people know him because of Gully Boy.
Boring Hardworking Actor/Actress Who Turned in a Legitimately Brilliant Performance We Can’t Ignore
I’m also ??? Can’t think of any boring people who somehow broke out. Maybe Gajraj Rao and Neena Gupta? Not that they are boring but they are older and have somehow broken out to become this fantastic jodi.
Hot New It Girl
KJo wanted it to be Tara or Ananya but nope.
Frequent Flyer Director Nominee in the Autumn of His Career
Mahesh Bhatt except his film is coming out in 2020.
Regular Journeyman Director Who Lucked into a Really Good Script
The dude who directed Dream Girl?
Movie With a Really Unusual Plot and Good Script
Not 100% sure about the good script but maybe Bharat?
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Thank you for taking this with the seriousness it deserves!
My first instinct is that Naseerji is too young, but then his best friend and fellow young upstart of the 70s Tom Alter is already dead, so I guess not! Also, I made Madhuri the “she’s still alive!” actress, so kind of mean not to include Naseerji.
Yes! Siddhant is PERFECT! People know him, but in a “that guy from Gully Boy” kind of way, and yet the industry is signing him like gangbusters and next year everyone will know him.
Bad year for boring break out performances. Except for Sonakshi and ARK in Kalank, but no one watched that enough to notice them. Sid M in Ittefaq, Sonakshi in Lootera, Sonam in Neerja, there’s usually some sort of pretty person cast against type role and I can’t think of anything from this year.
Oh! Maybe the It girl is Kiara? She had Kabir singh this year, but also Good Newwz which was kind of a flatline.
Ramesh Sippy would have been perfect as a frequent flyer in the autumn, that one last movie in your 70s after a decade break is a classic “holding out for a career tribute Oscar” move. But then no one watched Shimla Mirch so he is out
Or dude who directed Badhai Ho?
Maybe Bharat! It’s that kind of epic sweep story that makes you feel like you’ve really seen A Movie and it should get some kind of award
On Sat, Feb 8, 2020 at 8:15 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Old Guy Who May Not Be Around Forever So We Better Nominate Him Now
This is mean, but…
Rishi Kapoor
Rakesh Roshan
Maybe Irrfan Khan
All due to health crises.
Hot New Actor the Industry is Excited About But Regular People Don’t Know Yet
Agree on Siddanth
Also
Vikrant Massey
Dulquer Salman
Not so new but being treated as new
Vikram Verma
Manav Kaul
Boring Hardworking Actor/Actress Who Turned in a Legitimately Brilliant Performance We Can’t Ignore
Surekha Sikri, The grandmother in Badhaai Ho.
Like the svengali teacher in Whiplash, both have been journeyman actors of stage screen and TV for decades, but that 1 performance in their silver years put them on the map.
Also the parents in Badhaai Ho
Person who isn’t that famous but is really good on the red carpet so they always get invited
Before Malang, I would have said Disha Patani. Best body in the business.
Hot new It girl
Kiara for sure. She’ll get Best Debutante.
Jhanvi Kapoor.
Alaya F. She was def hot in the end credits song of her first film.
Disha Patani, after Malang (if that’s a hit)
Former It girl trying to stay relevant
Radhika Apte
What happened to her? She disappeared at 1-2 years of overexposure.
Diana Penty, Vaani Kapoor
Kangana Ranaut
Why do you think Alia is “trying to stay relevant”? Isn’t she still relevant? Everyone loved her in Gully Boy and Raazi. Kalank tarnishes her winning streak but then so did Shandaar. I don’t think the average cinegoer cares.
Movie With a Really Unusual Plot and Good Script
Andhadhun. No brainer.
Inspiring true story
Gully Boy
Sky is pink
Woman director
Zoya akhtar
Reema Kagti
Shonali Bose
Meghna Gulzar
Ashwini Iyer Tiwari
Alankrita Srivastava
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* Vijay Verma
Also unusual plot good script
Sky is Pink
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I think alia has lost her “It Girl’ status, if only because she has moved on to “It Woman”. No longer the fresh new face, but the established face on the way to becoming boring and tired. Luckily, it’s one of those categories that makes more sense for Hollywood than Indian film I think, Indian film actresses have a longer shelflife.
And isn’t it interesting that “woman director” is not an empty category in India! I mean, there’s obviously women directors in America too, but they rarely reach the level that gets them nominated. While in India we can rattle off all those women.
On Sat, Feb 8, 2020 at 11:48 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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These are all deeply on point, though Sanju is too long ago, right? One of these should go to Akshay as a reward for his endless sucking up, and then one should go to one of the women in Mission Mangal as a consolation prize.
As a very hardcore Douglas Fairbanks fan, it pains me to see what the Oscars are now, which is basically the opposite of what he intended.
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I love that in the year of our Lord 2020 there are hardcore Douglas Fairbanks fans in the world.
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May there be more for the next hundred years!
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What did he intend? what I learned from a class somewhere was that they were meant to legitimize film acting in the face of scandals, and a general feeling that “stage’ actors were somehow better. Still works for those reasons I think, all the fuss over “important” stories and “serious” performances and stuff.
On Sun, Feb 9, 2020 at 3:01 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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That’s true, though you can compare how stigmatised film was when Douglas Fairbanks etc. started to how early film was stigmatised in India. And so for him and his generation it did come from a much more genuine place. He really wanted to prove film was worthwhile, and also, as a socialist, to see appreciation for the crew and workers on films and not just stars. Now, (a certain kind of) film has been accepted as deep art for so long, it’s not the same thing at all.
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Douglas Fairbanks was a socialist??? I clearly need to learn more about him. I know he and Mary Pickford were legit film royalty at a time when the public unreservedly worshipped movie stars.
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And they named their estate “Pickfair”, which always distracts me because I start trying to list out all the other possible options. Also, Mary Pickford and Joan Crawford as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the trashy campy miniseries we deserve.
On Sun, Feb 9, 2020 at 3:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Yes, he, Mary Pickford and Charlie Chaplin all were, Chaplin a bit more famously than the others. But this is why they unionised in UA. When it comes to the US, they and Lilian Gish really were the founding actors of the film industry. I really recommend watching a few of his action movies, because he had a background as an acrobat, and basically all of his stunts are still replicated today. Like half the ones in the first Pirates of the Caribbean I recognised from his movies. The Thief of Bagdad was especially influential in India.
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And in other news of Hot Old Dead Actors, have you seen Wings ever? First Oscar winning film? Gary Cooper is onscreen for maybe 3 minutes, and oh my gosh, you fall in love that fast.
On Sun, Feb 9, 2020 at 11:34 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Yes I have seen Wings, the incredibly gay silent movie starring CLARA BOW and also Buddy Rogers, famous gay martyr and bff of Mae West. It’s basically a movie made especially for me, thank you the past. Gary Cooper is lovely but I’m too busy looking at Clara Bow, sorryyyyy.
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Nope, I’m all about Gary Cooper. A whole epic movie thingy with Clara Bow, and all I’m doing is obsessing about Gary Cooper’s 5 minutes onscreen.
On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 2:28 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Is Gary Cooper even gay in it?
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He is beyond sexual identities. But Buddy Rogers is totally gay for him.
I was gonna ask you if I should finally get around to watching Design For Living, but you are a TERRIBLE person to ask! It could be the most boring melodramatic dated movie ever, and you would still say it was amazing and perfect just because it is within your particular interest area.
On the other hand, you know Some Like it Hot? There is a semi-obscure 1960s teen movie remake called Ski Party that you should hunt down and devour. Not related really to anything we are talking about, but I’ve been meaning to mention it and I keep forgetting.
On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 7:14 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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That’s a great rec, thanks! Looks great.
Actually, I don’t watch many talkies, so I haven’t seen it (I know!), but it’s Lubitsch and I do know him very well, and his stuff is basically always good. Light in tone, funny, interesting, cute when he wants it to be cute, edgy when he wants it to be edgy. Plus, always wonderful cinematography. I imagine you have a tolerance for early talkies because they have their own problems.
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Early talkies were my meat and drink before I found Indian film at 18. Lubitsch is not my favorite, a little too weird in some of his male-female stuff which might have been his no code European sensibilities running into code problems in America and turning odd.
On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 7:37 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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That’s funny, because his earlier stuff is pretty equal and normal in its sexual politics compared to some other stuff of the era. I did a review of Rosita recently and that’s so sensible. But I think everything or nearly everything I’ve seen of his is silent. Anyway, Design for Living is pre-code, so maybe it’s alright?
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And Design for Living is a lot more Noel Coward than Lubitsch.
On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 9:17 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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IDK, it seems pretty low risk to me, I should probably watch it myself.
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“Hot New Actor the Industry is Excited About But Regular People Don’t Know Yet”
Unfortunately in hindi industry it’s more like: “Nepo child we will push down people throats no matter what”. They are never excited for outsiders till the outsiders just can’t be ignored anymore e. g Rajkummar or Ayushmann.
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Well, there’s Vicky who definitely won that category last year. And Siddhant who has two-three films signed already this year.
On Sun, Feb 9, 2020 at 7:34 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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