Valentine's Week of Sex Discussion Post: Of the Couples Who Don't Have Sex in the Film, Who Will Have the Hottest Sex Once They Do?

Get ready to RANK! And this is going to be hard. I am picking only the sexiest sweetest couples, and you have to pick who is sexier than whom. And yes, I am aware this is a silly thing to discuss and I am lowering the tone of conversation and blah blah. Join me on the low road! (also, if you pick anything besides JHMS for number 1, you are wrong)

Jab Harry Met Sejal

Definitely don’t have sex in the film, but he is super super sexual and super super attracted to her.

Image result for jab harry met sejal

Zamaana-Deewana

Don’t have sex on film but come very close to it and are very very attracted to each other.

Image result for zamaana deewana

Hasee to Phasee

Very physically intimate, holding each other and touching and very aware of each other.

Image result for hasee to phasee

Daawat E Ishq

They both really enjoy food, and he enjoys her enjoying.

Image result for daawat e ishq

Ohm Shaanti Oshaana

She is enthusiastic and confident, he is slow and patient.

Image result for ohm shaanti oshaana

War

Hrithik is confident and older, Tiger is young and hopelessly in love

Image result for hrithik tiger

Mujshe Dosti Karoge

Hrithik is INSANE. That’s gotta be hot, right?

Image result for mujshe dosti karoge

Aiyyaa

Rani is very sensual, Prithviraj is very tired

Image result for aiyyaa

Khoobsurat

She’s wild and free, he’s precise and trapped, until passion breaks through

Image result for khoobsurat

Jab We Met

They take a long time to even like each other, let alone be attracted to each other, but then it hits all of a sudden.

Image result for jab we met

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

Patient flirtation, teasing, hugging, holding, waiting for that first kiss, but can it possibly be worth the wait?

Image result for dilwale dulhania le jayenge

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

10 years of desire and longing, a magical soul connection, but will it translate to great sex?

Image result for kuch kuch hota hai

Hum Aapke Hain Koun

Secret flirtation, holding hands under the table, is the excitement from love or just the secret? Will it still be fun once they are married and everyone knows?

Image result for hum aapke hain kaun

Okay, ready for my rankings? And I suggest copying and pasting this list into your comment to make creating your own ranks easier.

  1. JHMS
  2. Hasee To Phasee
  3. Daawat E Ishq
  4. Khoobsurat
  5. MDK Crazy Hrithik
  6. War
  7. Jab We Met
  8. HAHK
  9. Ohm Shaanti Oshaana
  10. DDLJ (gonna be a let down)
  11. KKHH (know each other too well)
  12. Zamaana-Deewana (peaked too soon)
  13. Aiyyaa (Prithvi is just tooooooo tired)
  14. MDK Sane Hrithik (no one wants that)

42 thoughts on “Valentine's Week of Sex Discussion Post: Of the Couples Who Don't Have Sex in the Film, Who Will Have the Hottest Sex Once They Do?

    • Prithviraj didn’t even have the energy to ask her out on a date! He’s been watching her for weeks and falling asleep instead of talking to her. I’m picturing a First Night with her all excited, and he just curls up and drops off because finally he has a night off.

      But the hand slipping off the table scene in JWM is so hot! Surely they can build to sexual connection, versus just being funny together?

      On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 2:46 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • So Aiyyaa is your choice for all time sexiest eventual sex? Beating JHMS and War? That seems a bit crazy, I have to say.

          On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 3:00 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Well, I’ve only seen three of these, so (not really, I watched all the classic SRK movies ages ago but I don’t remember them, shhh). It wouldn’t beat out War, I think. They’re going to marathon it for two weeks. For me it’s Aiyyaa, War, JWM.

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          • Daawat e Ishq! I think you might like it just for the hero’s costume sense:

            On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 2:16 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Yes! He plays a small town guy who runs the family restaurant. He romances Pari by bringing her greasy delicious beef kebabs, and she looks down on him because he dresses weird and is too loud and cooks food. Because she is a FOOL!!!!

            On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 8:52 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • Any votes for runner up among the films you have seen on this list? War, MDK, OSO? War, Aiyyaa, OSO, MDK?

      On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 3:24 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  1. I haven’t seen that many of these! But of the ones I have seen:

    1. War: No explanation needed
    2. Ohm Shaanti Oshaana: She’s been hot for him for years, even if all he does is lay there she will do all that’s needed for peak sexy times.
    3. HAHK: She almost married his brother! The relief sex is bound to be hot.
    4. MDK Crazy Hrithik: Crazy hot
    5. Khoobsurat: As much as I love Fahad, I think the prince might be a wincey bit too uptight for the sex to truly be off the chain. OTOH, maybe some scotch and a hit from the joint Sonam no doubt keeps under her mattress might do the trick.

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    • Had not considered the “relief sex” part of HAHK!!! You are right, this changes everything. If they had gotten married all normal and boring, could have been kind of a bland night, but all that drama and anxiety suddenly washing away makes it a whole different thing.

      I’m just worried that there is too much pressure on the OSO first night. But maybe if they fool around a little during the engagement, just for practice.

      Can we agree that MDK Sane Hrithik is the worst possible option?

      On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 3:40 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Nobody wants sane Hrithik. Too bouncy.

        OSO fanfic prompt: Nazriya is a doctor and she knows where to go for information about sex that is genuinely helpful and not just a lot of porn that takes away women’s agency. She’s spent hours poring over the information and getting comfortable with what she likes and doesn’t like. And then on their wedding night it turns out Nivin knows nothing! He’s had some encounters with women but they’ve been furtive and embarrassing and he feels like he’s missing out on something important but unlike Nazriya he doesn’t know where to go for information and his dumbass friends tell him all the wrong things. At first Nazriya is terribly disappointed but then she realizes that she can establish a sexual relationship right from the start that is mutually respectful, enjoyable and joyous. She patiently teaches him about his own body and hers and they go on to have a fantastic marital sex life.

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        • Woo, fanfic!

          I agree totally with the Nazriya side of things, she would do research and utilize the med school resources and know everything. But from the Nivin side, I would guess that he already had a sexual encounter with Nazriya’s cousin/his serious high school girlfriend. But I would also guess that after that one serious relationship he was all chaste and restrained and killed that part of himself totally. So while he has this very romantic poetic view of sex based on his one and only sex partner and then years of dreaming, Nazriya has a very practical and sensible view of things. Their first night is total disconnect because she is being blunt and clear in what she wants, and he is uncomfortable and wants to be romanced. Nothing ends up happening, Nivin goes to sleep in the barn and Nazriya is furious with him. She keeps trying to seduce him and he keeps avoiding because he wants to take it slow, until finally he says he is going away for a month to some training program and she moves back in with her parents while he is gone. But she dreams of him everywhere, and when he returns she is waiting in their house and tells him that she doesn’t care about sex, she just wants to be with him. Which is the romance he was looking for, and they finally have an emotionally connected soft sweet first night together.

          I guess I am just continuing the gender flip of the rest of the movie! If she is the stalker in the romance and he is the unreadible object of desire, than post marriage he is the one holding back and wanting to feel safe and loved while she is the one struggling to respect his wishes.

          On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 4:29 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. JHMS, then War.
    That’s my favorite thing about both movies, that the passion is viscerally on fire and yet still forbidden. I need a cold shower after haha.
    I guess modern Indian movies don’t do two sided lusty love without sex well, unless they are art films or Bhatt movies, but then again in Bhatt movies they usually do have sex, even if it’s implied. So I might add Lootera as a distant 3rd.
    Otherwise, the black and white era movies describe desire- without- sex better.

    The others in your list are interchangeable to me. Though i might say, any movie where the woman loves or lusts after the man more – eg KKHH, Aiiyyaa, OSO – might be tender and romantic but will never be off the chain on fire until someday when the man goes from gratitude sex to craving the woman just as much as she craves him. (The same could be said with the genders flipped, but then again do we ever see that in Indian film? Usually the woman lustily falls for the stalkery man after his incessant stalkery overtures.)

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    • You just blew my mind with the “woman desires, man acquises” pattern point. I would argue that KKHH gets past that, the gazebo scene shows that Shahrukh is over his hangups and truly wants Kajol. Actually the whole second half is a slow build of him wanting her as much as she wants him. But agree about OSO and Aiyyaa, the men love the women, but there isn’t that feeling of total lusty desire from their side as there is from the female side.

      On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 9:15 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. JHMS – yeah, no argument
    Daawat E Ishq – giving them high points for sensuality, adventurousness, lack of moral hang-ups, and being really into each other
    Aiyyaa – this movie isn’t that high on my list but the sexual chemistry is strong, Rani’s got that mature I know what I want drive and Prithviraj is all earthy manliness
    Jab We Met – she’s a wild Punjabi girl, he’s got a wicked sense of humor under all those good manners…I can see some nights of waking up the family compound
    War – this would be higher if there were an actual romance, still big hotness points and unrelieved tension
    Ohm Shaanti Oshaana – she will devour him
    KKHH – I think they’re old enough and have been through enough that the emotional connection will carry through any awkwardness, but both are so passive that it’s bound to start off kind of fumbly
    HAHK – young, lusty, into each other good, but in the parents’ house and Madhuri still seems inhibited, plus emotional wreckage of what they just went through could cut either way
    DDLJ – never even kissed, so much to learn!
    Khoobsurat – Sonam is pretty but she’s not sexy at all to me in this movie, not even Farhad can make me see her that way

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    • Daawat E Ishq: More filmmakers should use the sex=food thing to give us a hint of how the couple will interact. ARK’s obsession with feeding Pari is a very good sign

      JWM: Had forgotten Shahid’s naughty quiet sense of humor! Oh yeah, definitely a good sign.

      DDLJ: glad we agree this will be a disaster for many years. Somewhere after the birth of their second child, I think they will figure it out. Or else Kajol’s cool friend Tina will lend her a Cosmo.

      Khoobsurat: Funny, the last person to put this on the bottom blamed Fawad and his restraint. Just generally not a good couple, I guess.

      On Mon, Feb 10, 2020 at 11:01 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  4. Ngl, MDK is the only movie other than Jodhaa Akbar where I really fell in love with Hrithik. Yes, I’m not proud of that fact but still..I really bought him as the tormented, angry lover slowly going out of control.

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    • Yes! There’s something about Insane Hrithik that is just mesmerizing. It was probably an accident of bad acting, like his character was supposed to be slightly distressed and not INSANE WITH PASSION and Hrithik turned it up too high. But it is a delightful accident!

      On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 7:23 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. JHMS (with an experienced Harry) as no.1 for me – no doubt about that.
    I’ve not watched all of the other movies, but I would put JWM, KKHH and DDLJ on the same level with a lot of playful sex and laughter and trust.
    I have hopes for Khoobsurat and Aiyyaa…and Hritihik in both the movies, too ( although I still see him performing better in a hetero relationship…)

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    • I considered adding Ram-Leela! Which I also hate, but it’s so sexy. Only I decided Death Sex doesn’t count.

      On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 11:36 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • If you reconsider Death Sex, then I’m adding Dil Se as the hottest of hot. Manisha is healed of her trauma at the instant of death, and she and Shah Rukh enjoy paradise together in a very corporeal way. 🙂

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  6. Khoobsurat: Fawad has so much pent up tension and Sonam is clearly experianced and inventive and both are ridiculously attracted to each other. Definitely the winner for me!

    I am going with the recommendation from the comment above and adding Ram Leela next. I generally don’t like SLB movies, but man I love Ram Leela because of the ridiculous sexual chemistry between Ranveer and Deepika.

    Hasee to Phasee: because the blouse tying scene is just the most ridiculously sensuous thing I have seen. Plus they are both so into each other and have had to stay apart for far too long.

    War (once Tiger comes back to life)

    The rest of them are kind of equal because I think either the sex will be kind of boring and expected or I just can’t imagine one or both of the partners being very good at it (e.g.,Mujse Dosti Karoge: crazy Hrithik is clearly hot but I cannot imagine Rani will be very good at it)

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    • Forgot that Sonam was experienced in Khoobsurat! Yeah, that changes things.

      And really? JHMS is not even on your list? Madness!

      MDK sequel, 3 years later Crazy Hrithik and Rani’s marriage falls apart because the chemistry just isn’t right, Hrithik is still determined to make it work but Rani is done with his passionate need for her and leaves him. Hrithik connects with a free spirit sexual new co-worker who offers to help him loosen up and learn to separate sex and love so he can return to Rani with the “experience” and “lack of obsession” that she is asking for. But then of course they start to fall in love, only she thinks that Hrithik is forever and ever in love with Rani and Hrithik thinks that she is only interested in something casual. The point is, Crazy Hrithik combined with Free Spirit Sexually Experienced Older Woman would be HOTT!!!!

      On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 5:20 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • I know, I suck for not having JHMS on my list. I should have apologized in advance for that one.

        Also re: Hrithik, I am pretty sure you just described his arc in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara except of Katrina being older.

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        • And now I feel like I should do “who had best sex of those who had sex” and start with ZNMD

          On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 6:51 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • I just did not really see the chemistry between them for most of the movie. When I first watched the film, I found it kind of boring. I really like SRK and Anushka, but while I was watching it, I felt detached from the characters and never got drawn into the movie. Maybe, a more detailed backstory or some flashbacks of SRK and Anushka before they met would have helped. It’s the same problem that I had with Kalank. They all had back stories that defined them, which we told but didn’t really see or feel.

            After reading Margaret’s many reviews and all of the DCIB community’s in-depth discussion, which I really really enjoyed, I rewatched it and have definitely grown to appreciate it more. For example, maybe, it was because I knew what to expect from the characters, I was able to enjoy the comedy more. I hate the Johnny Lever style random comedy that is otherwise interjected into films and I really liked that this film did not do that. Here the comedy was brilliant. I liked that it is a part of the story. It was the interaction between the two main characters and their journey that was genuinely funny and yet heartwarming.

            I do think this is one movie, I would really love to rewatch with people who love it and see if I change my mind some more.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Makes sense. It definitely helped me to have the discussion here explaining that Sejal is a “type” of sheltered, rich but not super rich, Gujarati character. Otherwise her actions at the beginning of the film don’t make much sense. For me, everything past the Radha song is pure chemistry though. 🙂

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    • And I refer you to my fanfic post where I suggest how their first night will pan out!

      On Wed, Feb 12, 2020 at 4:44 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  7. Just going to rank the ones I’ve seen. And I’m crying cuz I really can’t take time to read all the comments and I REALLY want to!

    1. JHMS–his experience, passion, and care for her and her newfound confidence and sense of adventure is a winning combination!
    2. Aiyyaa–it is possible to have great sex while being tired–fewer boundaries and inhibitions, can be very dreamlike. Also, Rani will make sure he gets what he needs in and out of the bedroom, so he won’t always be so tired. And he’ll be so, so grateful and reciprocative (did I make that word up?)
    3. Daawat E Ishq–for the reasons you said
    4. Jab We Met–based on chemistry alone
    5. DDLJ–at first Kajol will need to be tipsy, but for the sake of her liver, Shah Rukh will help her see that sex is good and important in a relationship
    6. Zamaana-Deewana–I mean if they can do all that without even touching…
    7. KKHH–eh, this movie irritates me too much to think about it

    Ohm Shaanti Oshaana–I have GOT to see this movie. So many movies, so little time!

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    • Well, you inspired me, now I have to write a whole post proving that JHMS is, in fact, super sexy.

      On Fri, Feb 14, 2020 at 8:20 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Hmmmm…. I will read it. But no promises on whether it will change my mind. On the other hand, I just rewatched Band Baaja Baraat last night again because I needed a pick me up. It. Is. Brilliant! And sooo frickin sexy!!!!

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        • No no no no no no! Ranveer is horrible and Anushka shouldn’t forgive him and the sex scene shouldn’t be in there! I’m right and you’re wrong!!!!!

          On Fri, Feb 14, 2020 at 8:28 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  8. Again, only contributing the ones I’ve seen, so sorry if this is also super short.

    1. JHMS – Hell, even I would have sex with Anushka in that red velvet dress. Anyone who wouldn’t is lying to themselves.
    2. War – Pent up, aggressive sexual tension leads to the most explosive sex, especially with these two.
    3. Hasee Toh Phasee – As I mentioned in another comment I made recently, and someone else mentioned here, Sid tying Pari’s blouse was insanely hot. But I think when they finally get together, their attraction turns more deep and romantic instead of pure passion and attraction. Still, their connection is so strong that the physical connection completely solidifies them together as a couple.
    4. KKHH – I read somewhere once that if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with, you shouldn’t be having sex with them, and I think that fits so well with the “Pyaar dosti hai” thing they’ve got. It might be weird at first since they’ve been friends for so long, but they would have so much fun together.
    5. DDLJ – I wouldn’t surprised if Kajol had some kind of PTSD in regards to sex for a long time since she thought Shahrukh, you know, raped her basically. Even though he didn’t and he loves him, it might take her a long time to get over, leading to complications in the bedroom. They’d work it out, but it wouldn’t be fun.
    6. Khoobsurat – Fawad might be too uptight even in bed, clashing with Sonam’s free spirited personality. Would lose steam fast.

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