THE END. At last. Although it was certainly a fun ride.
When last we met, Kajol had just discovered Shahrukh’s wall of madness and suitcase of insanity, hidden in his mother’s house, and right after she opened the tacky Mangalsutra locket and saw the picture of green-eyed and glasses wearing Shahrukh, she turned around and saw him watching her! Gah! What does this mean for their engagement?
Actually, she doesn’t turn around (I am back on the DVD now, because this part is so awesome, it deserves completely accurate re-telling). She looks up at the framed portrait of glasses Shahrukh on the wall and sees a reflection of real glasses Shahrukh in the glass! Very cool shot, very technically tricky, very impressive.
Then she turns around and confronts him, “What should I call you? Vicky Malhotra? Or Ajay Sharma?…You threw my sister off a wall so uncaringly! One does not even throw away a toy like that! And more than that, you pretended to love me!” Okay, “more than that”? I know this might be a subtitle issue, but Kajol, how self-centered are you? Although, having been swept up in the whole SRKajol of it all, that is kind of how I would put it at this moment too. But I expect more of her! She is supposed to be a role model for me! Oh, and then she finishes up by handing him a total straight line “Why? What harm did we cause to you?”
Shahrukh dramatically takes off his glasses and gives us the puppy eyes. Kajol keeps abusing him, pointing out all her father did for him, that her father would have given him anything! And the puppy eyes go away! To be replaced by the shaking lips of deep emotion. And he lays it out “To give to me? Me? When he took everything from MY FATHER?” Kajol is horrified and immediately starts to cry in sympathy! And then Shahrukh finishes “Can you imagine what I felt as an innocent child watching YOUR FATHER molest my mother?” The glycerine guy apparently got very excited for this scene, Kajol’s face is just completely soaked. Do you think this is the same guy who did the sweat effects? And then, big finish “The world only sees the crown of wealth on your father’s head, but if they look up his sleeves, they will see the blood of my father and sister!” Kajol is right there with him! All sympathy! “Even today, I remember the night when my family lost everything….” And, flashback! to that cool shadow on the wall shack from the beginning.
(all Shahrukh hides up his sleeves are ROCKING ARMS)
Baby sister is crying and Raakhee is trying to sooth her. Father offers to go out and get medicine, Raakhee reminds him that the doctor told him not to go out, but of course he ignores her (women, am I right?). She does stop him on the way out the door to offer him her mangalsutra to sell for medicine. A classy one! Not a stupid locket one like kids these days buy. Also, if I have learned anything from Indian film, it’s that terrible things happen as soon as a married woman removes her mangalsutra. Sure enough, he gets about ten feet out the door, in the pouring rain, and grabs his chest and collapses. Raakhee runs after him, Shahrukh grabs the baby and runs after her. Raakhee grabs a wheel-y cart thing and puts the body on it and starts dragging it (Agneepath reference! The original, not the remake. Remember? Baby Amitabh has to carry the body on a handcart and then bury it with his bare hands. Boy that movie is a downer!), but the body falls off. As Raakhee is confirming that her husband is dead, Shahrukh looks at the baby in his arms and realizes that it is dead (which it totally isn’t, by the way, the baby actor raises it’s arms like seconds before the “she’s dead!” reaction shot). And then funeral (how did they raise the money for this?). Raakhee stands by her burning husband while poor Baby Shahrukh has to carry his little sister, wrapped in a rug, and bury her all by herself off to the side. And then we are back, out of flashback! Focused on Shahrukh’s green eyes as he says “Even today, I close my eyes, and there’s the funeral pyre of my father and my sister’s grave which are still wet with my tears.” And then he turns and confronts Kajol “You’ve only been pricked by a thorn! An entire trident (Trishul!) was shoved into my chest! I was afflicted with three wounds! And they were such wounds that even to this day they have not healed!”
(Trishul! When will they release a DVD of this with decent subtitles?)
Okay, I want this relationship to work out as much as anyone, but wait a second! Shahrukh is saying that he has it worse than Kajol because his Dad and his baby sister died, and she only lost her sister, right? Oh, and his Mom went nuts. But if we are playing the blame game, didn’t Kajol’s Mom die because Shahrukh’s Dad sent her Dad to jail? And didn’t Shahrukh personally kill her sister? Not like as an unforeseen consequence of his actions, but actually kill her? Oh, and also, didn’t he lie to Kajol and win her heart under false pretenses? Doesn’t Kajol have her own “Trishul” here? I mean, I still think they should get married, but maybe schedule some sessions and work through these issues in therapy before they start a family, you know?
And then Shahrukh shows her the third tragedy, bringing her into the other room to see crazy Raakhee, who doesn’t even remember he is her son! What could be worse than your mother not knowing you!
And then, finally, the talky talky is over and it is time for the fighty fighty! Daddy has arrived! Ooo, that sounded weird! I mean Kajol’s Daddy, the big bad, he comes striding through the gate with a bunch of henchgoons, pulls out a gun and shoots Shahrukh pointblank as he walks towards the door through the living room. Apparently shoots him with a magic handgun that flings him about 10 feet back and 5 feet up, so he hits the top corner of the back wall. Rakhee hears the noise and sits up, looking confused. Kajol also looks confused, runs out saying “Papa!” (no daddy?). She’s made her choice, I guess, because she rushes to Shahrukh on the floor to comfort him. Daddy tells her to leave him be, she doesn’t know what he has done! Kajol confronts him “What about what you have done?!? You are the thief here!” Daddy orders one of the henchgoons to take her away, Shahrukh pulls himself off the floor crying out “Leave her!” Okay, so I guess this is just true love forever and ever now? The poor shadow of Shilpa, both as his former lover and his murder victim isn’t coming between them at all?
(I mean, they seem cool now, but that is just because Cricket team ownership heals all wounds)
Oh, and Raakhee is still hearing the whole thing from the other room, and seeing Daddy yell and wave a gun and looking confused, like maybe she is trying to remember something. But before she can remember, we are back on Shahrukh! Henchgoon has been ordered to beat up (ha! I wrote beet first! Like, the pelted him with root vegetables! (I am writing this very late)). They punch! They kick! Finally, they remember to just push on his bullet wound because that is way more effective than hitting him anywhere else! Meanwhile, Daddy is speechifying, yelling about how his name is Madan Chopra! Madan Chopra! Remember that! I will! You are now longer “Daddy”! And Raakhee also remembers! Suddenly she flashes back to the icky icky proposition scene. And her eyes go all Avenging Kali crazy! She mumbles his name “Madan Chopra” and walks out to the other room.
Where she sees men hitting her son, grabs them, and THROWS THEM ACROSS THE ROOM! That is crazy mother strength! But Madan Chopra is not afraid! He says, she had better tell her son to give back his property papers, or it will get even worse for them! She will have to pick up her son’s body in pieces! To which she responds, “A mother can pick a future and good wishes for her son. But not the pieces of his body. If anything happens to my son, I will make pieces of your body!” And on the last line, she grabs him and shakes him. Wasn’t this woman like confined to a bed for the past 15 years? What the heck kind of physical therapy were they giving her? Is this what a traditional Indian massage can do?
But Madan is still unafraid (foolish man!) and throws her off him, across the room, hitting her head on a glass table and falling! Of course, seeing his parent injured gives Shahrukh the strength to stand up and run across the room. That’s just basic biology. he grabs her just as she falls, she is all mumbling again, he is calling her name, and then he looks at his hand and sees her blood! His face goes all shakey angry and he turns his hand into a fist and pulls out an awesome line, “For 15 years, the blood which had been flowing through my mother’s eyes in the form of tears, you’ve broken it’s floodgates, there will be a flood now! A flood!” Hey, has anyone else but me seen Satyam Shivam Sundaram? At the end of that one, a good woman’s tears cause an actually flood. Like, the whole village is evacuated because she keeps crying and the rain keeps coming and the dam is about to break.
(Satyam Shivam Sundaram is more popularly known as “movie where Zeenat Aman’s character is too poor to afford a shirt.”)
But in this movie, tears just give Shahrukh the strength to punch Madan Chopra through the door, over the porch, and through the porch railing. Three other goons grab him, but he promptly breaks one over his knee, and throws a third through a mirror. Two more he punches, including one that he just sort of clotheslines on his way out the door to grab Madan Chopra, like he can’t even be bothered to really punch him. He lifts Madan up, with the porch railing still around his neck, and starts hitting him. The final goon comes up behind and grabs him, but Shahrukh throws him down, and then picks up a huge goldfish tank (why was this on the porch?) and drops it on him! Someone must have been very excited about fake glass impalement make-up, because both fish tank guy and mirror guy got lingering close ups post attack with lots of glass sticking out of their faces.
One more goon shows up, just so Shahrukh can grab him dramatically by the neck with one hand while he still has Madan Chopra in the other (wasn’t he shot in one of these shoulders? This is what I meant in my Airlift summary about bullet wounds that have no effect). Madan Chopra manages to get away one final time, and reach through the yard railings to grab his gun (he’s been punched to the front of the yard by now), while Shahrukh is distracted because one of the goons has recovered enough to come running out of the house holding a huu-uuuge knife. But Shahrukh punches that guy, and turns back in plenty of time to stomp on Madan Chopra’s arm, turning it completely backwards. And then he grabs the huu-uuge knife. Chopra starts to run, Shahrukh runs after him.
Running, running. On top of cars, through greenery, through more greenery, oh! The cops are here! That’s nice! And Kajol is comforting Raakhee, who is asking for Shahrukh. Shahrukh is still running. Now we are in a sort of stone wall place that looks kind of like the Kuch Kuch title song castle. Shahrukh is yelling but can’t see him. Then he notices blood dripping on his hand, looks up, and sees him! Shahrukh runs up the stairs, leaps off the top and dives for him! Just as he has the huge knife upraised, is about to take final vengeance, stupid college friend cop calls out! “In the name of your mother, stop!” And he does, at the last second. Very nicely framed shot here, by the way. Madan Chopra’s face fills the whole lower left hand side of the frame, with Shahrukh’s face just in the upper right corner, knife held next to his head. It stays like that for a second and then, slowly, so you can feel how hard it is for him, he forces his hand down and throws the knife to the side. It’s kind of the complete opposite of the end of Zanjeer. You remember, Jaya has just thrown a knife to kill the bad guy? And then cops show up and it’s all over? And then Amitabh walks over to her and takes the knife from her hand, and just tosses it aside. Like, “what is this? we don’t need this!” This is the opposite of that. He really really needs that knife. But the cop says Raakhee won’t like it, so he is forcing himself to give it up.
(Picture Shahrukh running around with a huge knife having a fight scene somewhere in the background)
And then another cool framing. There is a like door sized notch in the top of the wall, looking from below we can see through that part of Madan Chopra and part of Shahrukh. Shahrukh turns and starts to walk away, and Madan’s face changes and he starts to rise. Noooo! And then we are back on top of the wall, and yes! He has pulled out a metal rod thing (just like in Dilwale) and is diving for Shahrukh! He drives it into his chest, there is a moment of epic shaking lips as Shahrukh looks down at it. Then, he looks up, sees Madan Chopra laughing. Shahrukh stills his lips, grimaces, then starts to smile. Then Shahrukh laughs too as he stands up. Madan Chopra starts to look disturbed. But he doesn’t react fast enough. Shahrukh lunges forward, and grabs him in an embrace, driving the metal rod through them both as they tumble over the wall!
The cop comes up to him to do something. Arrest him maybe? You know, for all the murders? But Shahrukh brushes by him, calling out “Ma! Ma!” Back at the house, Raakhee is coming out by the gate, supported by Kajol, saying “Ajay! Ajay!” Shahrukh is stumbling through the green section again, “Ma! Ma!” And the theme music is starting up, slowed down all “Yeh Dosti” reprise style, “Baaaaaaazigaaarrrrrr maaaaaiiiiin baaaaaaaaaaaaazigaaaaaaaarrrrrr.” They reach each other! Raakhee grabs him and sets him down in her lap, “What happened son? What happened?” Shahrukh responds “I’ve gained our birthrgiht! I’ve wiped out the storm that damaged us. You will have no trouble now!” To which she responds “What can be more troublesome for a Mother than a son who is dying in her lap?” Geez, lady! How about a thank you!
Kajol is more sentimental than me and starts wiping her eyes. Shahrukh is happy though “finally, I can feel your arms around me again! Finally, I can sleep peacefully. I want to sleep.” He looks over her shoulders at Kajol, she looks up and meets his eyes as the camera zooms in. And he’s dead! Baaaaazigaaarrrr maaaaaain baaaaaazigarrrrrr. Even the cop is touched and looks away.
And then the all important final shot. Shahrukh is being embraced in his mother’s arms. Kajol slowly comes forward and kneels beside them, sobbing. the song starts up again, but with words this time, and here’s the important part: as Kajol kneels, the female chorus starts. She has sacrificed in his love, he has won her heart, and the camera pulls back to see the three figures being watched by the cop who is thinking “well great, now she’s never going to marry me no matter how much a stalk her! She’s in love with this dead guy forever!” So, after all the murders and trickery and everything else, Shahrukh gets a noble hero’s death, in his mother’s arms, with his girl kneeling beside them and sobbing, and his theme song playing the in background. So I guess he was the good guy all along?
And, FREEZE FRAME! Credits!
Banking, Dubbing, Song Recording, fight Master, Accountant, Filmistan, Costumes for Shahrukh Khan by Gauri Khan! You forget she did that, didn’t you? Remember, she has a degree in fashion design. And she was really really bored and lonely. And, my theory, she decided to dress him in the most unflattering outfits possible in order to preemptively prevent any affairs.
(Costumes by Gauri Khan)