The thing about 1970s disaster movies is that they are so SILLY. It’s not like “a tornado!” or “an earthquake!” it’s all “this very fancy modern something or other has one small flaw and now a variety of famous actors must work together to escape”.
Of course, India already has a bad 1970s disaster movie, the wonder “The Burning Train”. You think you know what it is about from the title, but NO! The first half is a lengthy pre-story. Then everyone gets on the train and you’ve got a good half hour of getting to know them. And then finally the burning shows up in just the last hour. A wonderful movie of course, in so many ways, but I want an ACTUAL disaster movie, where the disaster is the whole plot, not just the funky little tag on the end.
Plot options:
- Smart Home Goes Mad: A brand new highrise that is set up with all smart home modern conveniences, you can control everything from calling an elevator to starting your pressure cooker right from your phone, has a Grand Opening. And then Malfunctions and a small band of survivors has to try to make their way from the top floor to the bottom while escaping attacking microwaves and things.
- Genetically modified crops attack! At the grand opening of the science center where the new Super Seeds and Super Plants have been created, the plants gain sentiousness, grow enormously and crush the building, and a small band of survivors has to make their way out without being eaten by plants.
- Multiplex has a Screen that is Too Large: At the grand opening of the biggest movie theater in the history of the world, the oversized screen collapses thanks to the vibrations of the extra loud action scene in the movie. The survivors must escape, while avoiding all the other collapsing screens as the same action movie hits that same point every 20 minutes in each theater.
Once we pick our Disaster, we have to pick our cast:
Hero who is really too old to play an action hero: Shahrukh Khan, or Aamir Khan, or Jackie Shroff
Heroine who is way WAY too young to be his love interest but is anyway: Alia Bhatt, or Jhanvi Kapoor, or Ananya Panday
Aging respected actress who is doing this for the paycheck: Shabana Azmi
Second hero who clashes with the first hero and is also too old: Sunny Deol
Cheesecake: Disha Patani
Wise old guy on the ground who talks them in: Boman Irani
Nun: Juhi Chawla
Sleazy corporate type who caused the disaster by cutting corners: Kay Kay Menon
Character actor who saves the movie by being entertaining: Vijay Raaz
What do you think?
And who do you want to add to the cast? Remember, it’s a 1970s style disaster movie! The cast can be ENORMOUS and include EVERYONE!!!! The only rule is, the hero has to be super old and his love interest has to be at least 20 years younger than him.
dontcallitbollywood 
🤣🤣that was good! I would cast the present Dharmendra and Urmila Matondkar! Sorry, did not think much, just the first thing which came to my mind 😀😀
LikeLike
Oh, I LOVE that! Dharmendra present day is exactly the kind of casting for “Action Hero” that these films liked. Ridiculously hilariously old. Dharmendra present day, opposite Jackie Shroff present day? And Jackie’s love interest can be Disha.
Which disaster do you prefer?
On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 8:10 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Ha ha you seem to be a big fan of Disha. Why not Soha Ali Khan? 😀😀
LikeLike
Too old! The perfect disaster movie heroine is way WAY young
On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 9:06 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Soha old!!!
LikeLike
Oops!! I misunderstood myself. I meant Sara Ali Khan 🤦🤦😀
LikeLike
I like the Multiplex’s enormous screen idea but the crazy seeds seem to be better choice for Dharmendra. He can play retired actor who is a farmer now.
LikeLike
YES! And he can use his special Farmer Knowledge to fight the threat.
On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 12:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
We need Bobby Deol cameo in this film
LikeLike
Oh oh! Bobby in a cameo as the Worried Family Member waiting outside.
Or maybe Bobby wants to put Dharmendra in a home because he thinks he can’t live alone? But the Dharmendra defeats the Killer Seeds and earns Bobby’s respect back?
On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 1:24 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
We went to see the original Poseidon Adventure as a family back in the day. My Dad, who was a designer of ships and knew about how they worked/behaved, kept making comments like ‘That’s not what would happen’ etc. So I don’t think he thought much of the movie, ha ha.
LikeLike
Poor guy! Now I want his version of Poseidon, where there’s a lot less explosions and craziness, but it is all ACCURATE.
On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 7:24 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Crash but with robot cars! The chase scenes to involve every possible type of conveyance, bikes, motorcycles, rickshaws, lorries, busses, paragliders.
Where is Akshay? I feel like you’re avoiding him.
LikeLike
I was going to suggest one with Akshay and Govinda, but 1. I won’t see something with Akshay and 2. If they’re in a movie together Akshay won’t let Govinda have a romance, so it’s out.
LikeLike
Yes, but Govinda is the perfect hero! Way too old for the role, a bit past his prime, but this can reinvigorate his career.
I’d definitely put him in the “The multiplex screens are collapsing” movie. He’s a former action star who can’t get a job, invited to the opening as a courtesy. BUT! He used to doa ll his own stunts, and when he was starting out as a struggler he worked at a movie theater. So he can guide the survivors to safety.
On Wed, Jun 23, 2021 at 5:51 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Yes, I know! He’s perfect! He’d love to play a vain action star past his prime, too, though probably he’d put too much actual pathos into the character. But I’d pair him with Jackie instead of Akshay. One of the advantages being that he and Jackie have some homoeroticism between them.
LikeLike
Oh oh! A new planned community to solve urban crowding! Selfdriving cars and those car elevator things to take them straight to the garage next to yoru 10th floor apartment. But then, THE CARS TAKE CONTROL. And the people have to escape using an old Tata bus that was on display at the entrance as a symbol of how far we have come. But to get to the Tata bus, they have to walk/ride bikes/take rickshaws/etc. And lots of cool scenes of cars chasing you down apartment hallways and stuff.
I will allow Akshay to play Sleazy Corporate Type. Or, Overly Aggressive Fool. Either way, he comes to a sticky end after making bad choices and not listening to the hero.
On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 9:50 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
I love this for the storyline and foolish Akshay role.
LikeLike
Yes! Akshay can try to convince them that he can hotwire the self-driving car and fix everything, but instead the car just runs over him. And then our hero cynically says “he didn’t get out of the way of progress”.
LikeLike
😂😂😂
LikeLike
Although I personally can’t stand him, Johnny Lever HAS to be cast in some minor role in the movie.
LikeLike
Absolutely!
On Wed, Jun 23, 2021 at 6:33 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike