So, Times of India is beating the drum for Bipasha’s marriage yet again.  To which I say, Oh Bips!  When will she find love!  For being the sexiest woman in India, she sure does have the worst luck with men!

(for sexiest woman argument, see proof below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrUd0ovYbKk

So, Bips burst on the scene in a film called “Jism” (yes, it means more or less the same thing in Hindi as the slang term in English), from which the song above comes.  She was a model who had been in a few films before, but this was what really identified her as a certain type.  That type being, dangerous sexpot!

She isn’t the elegant sexy type like Aishwarya

or the friendly and personable type like Preity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mug-mEuq9s

 

No, Bips is a “dusky beauty” with a “traditional” figure.  Code for, wild voluptuous jungle woman!  Which gets into a whole history of abuse of and prejudice against lower caste or adivasi woman, who are perceived to be darker skinned and more sexually voracious.  And it also probably plays into the way her multiple relationships are perceived in the Indian press.

But also, poor Bips!  She seems so nice and friendly and she’s been saying in interviews for years that she wants to be married.  And it’s just never gonna happen for her!

See, she did that super super sexy song as part of a super super movie with her new boyfriend, fellow model-turned-actor John Abraham

(this guy)

Even before that, and before she was really famous (and before she was 18), she was in a relationship with this guy.

(Don’t get too excited, he didn’t age well)

Anyway, back to John Abraham, her second public relationship.  Their first movie was really really sexy, and so were some of their public appearances, but it was fine, because they were dating in real life!  And they kept dating, and it became an open secret that they were living together.  And they kept dating and she started dropping hints about marriage in interviews.  And they kept dating and then suddenly, after ten years, they weren’t dating any more!

To be fair to John, he tried to keep his next relationship under wraps, even kept the eventual marriage a secret, but it all came out.  And it made Bips look baaaaaaad.  Not like evil-bad, but like pitiful-bad.  He started dating a stockbroker from New York.  She’s pretty, but not gorgeous.  She kept working at her successful job even after marriage.  They never lived together and were married within two years of dating.  Everything about that says that Bipasha was his wild oat-sewing fling, but not the kind of woman you marry.

So Bips, on the rebound, does another super sexy song with another super sexy guy and starts another super sexy relationship with him.

(okay, so it’s not as sexy as the first song, but what is?)

And then he dumps her again!  Now, we don’t know the details of the end of this relationship, but we do know that it turned out awesome for his career and murder for hers.  She comes off as the woman you take to bed, but not home to mother, again.  He comes off as the hot stud from the south who bedded Bipasha Basu.

And then she starts up with Harman Baweja, which is just embarrassing!  Harman, of course, is best known for having previously dated Priyanka Chopra and being the least talented of the many producer’s sons launched in the past few years.  His Love Story:2050 was possibly the worst flop in history, until Bombay Velvet took its crown this year.  To date Harman, is to admit you have completely given up and will date anyone!

And for once, she actually got a ring out of it!  Their engagement was all but announced, when it was broken off.  Supposedly, he was cheating on her.  Once again, Bips comes off the loser, even with Harman Baweja.

(this guy.  yes, that’s a robot)

At least her career is doing well.  Having fully embraced her B movie roots, Bips is now the scream queen of India!  She is the star heroine of multiple films with minimal budgets and maximum profits.

(classy, right?)

That lovely half naked fellow up there is actually her latest beau, and perhaps the worst choice so far.  Married, not very famous, not very successful, and not as smoking hot as he could be.  I mean, better than Harman, but not as good as Rana and not even in the same league as John Abraham and young Dino Morea.

Supposedly, they fell in love while filming Alone.  Shortly after which, he started divorce proceedings.  And now, once again, Bips is talking marriage.  And her guy is talking “being sure” and “not rushing into things.”  This is to interviewers, you understand.  Not to each other.  I’m guessing they aren’t talking about it to each other at all, because their public statements are so out of synch.

Meanwhile, Bips is pushing 40 and has been with 5 different men and everyone in India knows it, and I just want her to be happy!  Maybe that whole rumor about an affair with Josh Hartnett while filming the worst movie in the history of the world will turn out to be true?

(release delayed for over 3 years.  They must be tearing their hair out trying to find a way to edit it that will make it not-terrible.)

Josh Hartnett could sweep her off to Hollywood where she can avoid Priyanka and snub Frieda Pinto and hang out with Anil Kapoor at parties.  Or maybe she doesn’t need a man at all and will just stop giving pitiful interviews about wanting to be married and make her peace with singlehood and I can stop worrying about her!