Silly Sunday: Sexy Films for Hrithik, Star Romance for Anyone

It came up in discussion that Hrithik has one tragic gap in his filmography: not enough straight sexiness!!!!  And, as his impending inevitable sexy horizon comes ever closer (have you see Rakesh?  Not a good sign for middle-aged Duggu!), it is increasingly important that he grabs these chances while he has them.  Also from discussion, why is there no movie about a movie star falling in love with an average girl?  It seems like such an obvious fantasy!

 

Sexy Hrithik Thriller with Bhumi Pednakar

I want Bhumi to do more straight sexy stuff, because she is classically Indian beautiful, and Filmilibrarian wants Hrithik to do more straight sexy stuff because he is straight sexy.  So let us combine these urges!

Hrithik is an enforcer for a building magnate.  Older, tired, no life of his own. Think Agneepath style Hrithik.  We open seeing him having semi-joyless, but not violent or angry, sex with a sex worker.  They clearly have an “arrangement”.  She takes his money afterwards, he thanks her and insists on giving a little more because he knows she is getting married in a week.  And then he asks about the marriage, it is clear that they are friends, it’s not just business, he sees her as a real person.  She is marrying a widower, he is older like her, but a nice man with children, and they are going to pool their money and open a shop together.  Hrithik says sincerely that he will miss her, not just the “work”, but talking with her as well.  And she looks at him a little concerned and says that, since they no longer have a business relationship, she can tell him that she is worried about him.  He can’t keep living like this, she knows she is the 4th woman he has had this arrangement with, he needs to get a wife and a reason to go home at night.  Hrithik sadly tells her that such a life is not fated to be for him.

Image result for hrithik agneepath

FLASHBACK!!!!  15 years ago, Hrithik was a young man in the city.  He was already working as an enforcer, but under someone else, far down the line of the gang.  And one day his boss sent him to give a message to the Big Boss, he walked in the door and a young woman, Katrina, suddenly grabbed him and begged him for help.  He couldn’t say no, she cheerfully brought him into the kitchen and demanded he taste two dishes and tell her which tasted best.  He did, and she was delighted because he picked the one she made, not the cook.  She was so excited, she grabbed him and hugged him before she remembered herself.  Hrithik was flustered and embarrassed and left the room, finding himself back in the main part of the house and finding the big boss and delivering the message.  The boss was happy and thanked him, and then introduced him to his daughter, Katrina, recently returned from overseas, determined to be more Indian than any of them, she is even learning to cook.  Hrithik and Katrina are embarrassed and only half acknowledge each other.

But, Hrithik keeps noticing her.  He goes to the house to make deliveries, as a driver, all kinds of reasons and keeps seeing her.  Until finally he is ordered to drive her somewhere because everyone else is busy.  And along the way, they are AMBUSHED!  Hrithik has to drag her from the car and roll her down into a ditch.  She is terrified and grabs at his shirt/chest.  And, of course, once the bad guys go, she is still holding him, he looks at her and can’t resist giving her a soft kiss.  She pulls him closer, the kiss deeps, they are in love.

Now is the happy time, they meet in secret, sneak kisses in the back of the car, go to a dump of a hotel/brothel and rent a room and have sex, are crazy in love.  She wants to run off with him, he keeps saying she can’t leave all this, she won’t understand his life, but she is sure it will all work out.  And then one day they are together, when her family thinks he is just driving her around again, and they are suddenly ambushed!  He fights and fights, but it is too late, she is shot when he is looking the other way, dying in his arms with one final kiss.

After that, her father promoted him, thinking of him as the boy who tried to save his daughter, and he through himself into his enforcer work, trying to forget her in drink and in violence.  And then late at night when his urges got too strong, he found a woman on a street corner and paid her to help him get relief.  Now it’s been too long, he is too dirty, too fallen, no decent woman would want him and he wouldn’t know what to do with one if he had one.  And so he has his arrangement.

His current sex worker is crying by the time he finishes talking.  Hmmm, let’s make her Rani Mukherjee.  She reassures him that he isn’t hopeless, he isn’t broken, she was able to find love and is starting a new life, he can too.

Hrithik says good-bye to his sex worker, and goes back to work.  He has a new assignment, he has to meet a mysterious figure at a dance club and give him a pay out.  He goes to the club, and Bhumi is dancing.  She does a sexy dance directed at Hrithik, he ignores her until she keeps coming over to him and he can’t ignore her any more, and finally grabs her and kisses her, she obviously responds, and then he shoves her away because he has spotted his mark.  Bhumi looks turned on and confused.

Image result for bhumi pednekar

(why do they keep turning her into a housewife type onscreen?  I don’t understand!)

Hrithik meets with his mark and does the pay off, but when he hands him the money, he notices a birthmark on his hand.  This is one of the men who killed Kat!!!!  Hrithik grabs his hand and asks him who sent him, who gave the orders, the guy is scared and is about to answer, when he is SHOT!!!!!  Big gunfight!!!!!!  Hrithik shoots things and runs and hides and shoots again, all the dancers go running and screaming, Hrithik is shot in the shoulder and passes out.  He wakes up to see Bhumi trying to lift him up.  She helps him out and back to her tiny room in a building next to the club.  He directs her in bandaging him up using a bottle of alcohol to dull the pain and clean the wound.  It becomes strangely sexual as she gently touches his body.  And then she curls up next to him on the tiny bed saying that she needs sleep too.

The next day, he tries to get up and she restrains him, he explains that he has to find out who killed that man, who he was working for.  Bhumi offers to help, if he will stay here with her.  She is scared, she saw one of the gunman and recognized him and knows he saw her.  Hrithik agrees to this deal.  Bhumi explains that one of the gunman was one of their regulars, she doesn’t know his name, but she knows the girl he usually sees, Bhumi can ask her.  Hrithik insists on going along.

They go to meet Bhumi’s friend/fellow dancer who is, let’s say, Jacqueline Fernandez.  At first she doesn’t want to talk, she and Bhumi get in a fight, she thinks Bhumi just wants to steal her customer.  But Hrithik steps in, gets all subtly sexy, assures her that he is “more than enough” to keep Bhumi satisfied and she doesn’t need any other customers.  In fact, he may even need another woman…..  Jackie is captivated and gives her information.

Image result for hrithik jacqueline

(He could totally seduce her into giving information)

Hrithik goes to find the lead, leaves Bhumi waiting in the rickshaw out front, she is attacked while he is inside, men try to drag her out of the rickshaw just because she is an unaccompanied sexy woman in a bad neighborhood, Hrithik comes out and saves her.  Her dress was torn and she is upset, he takes her back home, she grabs the alcohol bottle and chugs it, and then tells him the story of her life, that she never did well in school, and her aunt wanted to marry her off at 14.  She ran away from home and worked on the streets for a while, it wasn’t a good life, it’s better now, she can dance at the club and be safe there and only sleep with the men she chooses.  Hrithik listens all sympathetic, they are sitting on the bed together, he has his arm around her, and somehow they end up kissing.  And then having sweet caring sex, not the somewhat joyless kind he had before.

The next day, he brings her chai in bed from the street seller, and she tells him not to read too much into what happened the night before.  She was sad and needed comforting, no more.  Hrithik agrees, same for him.

Hrithik continues his investigation, following leads to find out who killed Kat.  But he keeps staying at Bhumi’s.  They fight the next night because he came home late and she was worried (although she doesn’t say she was worried, just that he came home late and it was inconvenient), and somehow in the middle of the fight she slaps him, he slaps her, and then they are kissing and having enthusiastic angry sex.  He wakes her up the next morning with a soft kiss and they have sweet morning sex and seem to possibly becoming closer to each other.

Hrithik keeps investigating, and (of course) he eventually realizes that it was his boss who ordered the hit on Kat, her own father!!!!!!  But at the same time, the boss reveals that he has kidnapped Bhumi and were kill her.  Hrithik is left to choose between his old love and his new one and, finally, accepts that what he has with Bhumi is real.  He saves her, and manages to kill the Boss (because he is the hero) and we get the happy ending.  Bhumi is back to dancing, but this time Hrithik is watching from the sidelines.  He is the manager of the club now and she is the owner, they bought it with the money they stole from the big Boss.

 

Movie Star-Regular Girl Romance

This is a quick one that is a bit of a “choose your own adventure” because it can work for any movie star and any “average girl” of your choosing.

Our movie star (Prabhas, Shahrukh, Salman, Arjun K, Arjun, R., whoever you want) has just had a nasty break up with his fellow movie star girlfriend.  And now he is being pitched a film that will be shot on location in America for months.  He is enthusiastic because he wants to leave town and get away from it all.

In America, they are filming in a smallish town where no one really knows who they are.  For the sake of staying under the radar and having an easier shoot, the location has told everyone to say they are just students making a documentary.  Everyone kind of leaves them alone.

But, the motel where they are staying is owned by desis (because desis own all the motels in small town America.  No really, it’s a thing!).  The divorced daughter of the owners is running things for her parents, either a mother with two kids or a young woman whose first marriage failed, you pick!  And played by Kajol, Juhi, Rani, Anushka, Deepika, Alia, Swara Bhaskar, whoever you want.

Image result for prabhas anushka

(Yes, it can even be Prabhas-Anushka)

She’s an ABCD and she never really watched Indian movies, at least not the new ones, just the old classics her parents like.  So she doesn’t recognize our hero.  He is intrigued and delighted by this refreshingly sincere woman.  She takes him to the local bar for their dance night, he surprises her with his moves, she takes him walking in the woods, they have a love song, and ultimately they sleep together (she is divorced and they know each other well by now, so why not?).

Only, of course, right after they sleep together suddenly the media tracks him down and descends on the small town and her small motel and she learns who he is.  Not only that, she learns to hate him based on what the media is telling her about all these romances in his past and how he is “engaged” to another movie star back home (the evil ex-girlfriend) and so on and so forth.  She goes to him and tries to give him a chance, but he misunderstands her questions to mean that now that she knows he is famous and rich she wants him to marry her and is trying to blackmail him and all that and gets angry right back.

Second half!  He left for India in a huff, and his evil ex was waiting to greet him.  She explains that her last movie flopped, she missed him, she wants to be together and focus on their relationship just like he always wanted.  He rejects her, but says he is willing to keep up the show for the sake of the media.  So he goes back to a joyless life of working all day, and then making appearances to support the fake romance at night, and dreaming of when he had something real.  Meanwhile, in America, her parents have returned, and she agrees to what they have been asking for, an arranged marriage with a nice family friend, also divorced.  She meets him and he does seem perfectly nice, and certainly makes more sense than marrying some movie star from India.

Image result for prabhas shraddha

(Yes, the evil ex can be Shraddha)

Only what she doesn’t realize is that her parents have sent an invitation to the location scout for the movie, because he is a family friend as well (the reason he knew about their small town).  He bumps into the movie star in India and mentions it since he knew the movie star had become friends with her.  The movie star is conflicted!  Unsure!  But he has a long sad love song and eventually decides that love is all that matters, he should trust his heart.  So he rushes on an airplane and then a rental car and finally arrives at the venue to stop the wedding!  All the guests scream when they see him (because, movie star), but he asks them to please be quiet, and then goes over to the bride but before he can give a big speech, she stands up and slaps him!  And then explains that she knows what happened, he didn’t trust her, he thought she was a gold digger, how could he?  After everything they shared?  Movie star doesn’t know what to say to this.  So she slaps him again, and then starts to cry and reaches out to hold him.  And the groom stands up and smiles and shakes hands with the movie star and everything is sort of understood.  And we end with a big wedding dance, complete with the movie star dancing with all the old aunties and stuff from America, and then bringing his new bride back to dance just with him.

 

Phew!  I’m done!  Not very inspired this week, but by golly I wrote something.  And you guys can fill in the gaps.

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15 thoughts on “Silly Sunday: Sexy Films for Hrithik, Star Romance for Anyone

  1. For some reason I can only see Parveen Babi in Bhumi’s role.Either I’ve been seeing too much old movies recently or Bollywood has succeeded in typecasting Bhumi as the typical young middle-class educated Indian girl role.I like her with Ayushman,Arjun or even Shahid.But not anyone older.

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  2. For some reason I can only see Parveen Babi in Bhumi’s role.She has done a lot of similar roles.The goldenhearted dancing girl who patches up the sad bad hero (usually Dharmendra).Bollywood has succeeded in typecasting Bhumi as the typical young middle-class educated Indian girl role.I like her with Ayushman,Arjun or even Shahid.But not anyone older.

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    • In that case, i think we have to set it in the 1980s and swap Hrithik for Shashi. I would be down for Shashi as a tormented rough sexy mobster.

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  3. I like the first idea a lot! Would definitely require Hrithik to do the sexy. A much less tragic ending for our Agneepath hero. Rani as the sex worker would be great but a little too on the nose after one of her best parts in Saawariya. Could also see Swara in that role. Katrina is perfect as the Boss’s daughter. I too want to see Bhumi in a sexy role, but imagine peak Aishwarya in the same role, too? I’m picturing that scene from Dhoom 2 when he walks into the bar where’s she’s dancing. I refuse to understand why Hrithink and Aishwarya aren’t exclusively starring opposite each other until the end of time.

    The second is just all of our fantasies, isn’t it? I would go with Hrihtik and Kajol, Anushka, Vidya, or Swara, I think. Definitely not Deepika (curious about how they would look on screen together but I don’t think I’d like them) or Alia (way too young looking next to him).

    I have this theory that Hrithik is so arrogant or perhaps insecure in his own acting skills and screen charisma that he has consistently only ok’d actresses he’s considered just pretty faces or lesser actresses deliberately. Think about the last few actresses he’s worked with…not especially on his same level. I think he’s always been more comfortable with Aishwarya, Priyanka, and Katrina because no one thinks of them as acting powerhouses and he’d always look good in comparison. Plus he’s vain as hell and knows they complement him in the looks area. I would love to see him in a romance where the heroine challenges and makes fun of him.

    You should be writing screenplays and sending them to producers!

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    • I just thought of something recasting Hrithik in SRK’s role in Jab Harry Met Sejal with Anushka would possibly be perfection for me!

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      • Only, I don’t think I could ever find Hrithik believable as someone smart enough to know how to tour Europe.

        On Sun, Jun 10, 2018 at 2:30 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Absolute blasphemy. I would never be able to believe there is anything going on up there in his head other than what hours the gym opens and closes.

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    • there’s also my romance idea for Hrithik to be romanced by PR professional Rani Mukherjee after he embarrasses himself in public and has to hire her to redeem his image.

      On Sun, Jun 10, 2018 at 2:27 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  4. You mention straight sexy and straight sexiness several times, but I find Hrithik more gay sexy than straight sexy. If he were launching now, I’d advise him to court both teams, ala Ricky Martin.

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    • Oh yeah, I noticed that when I reread it. Blame the vacation hurry, I meant “straight” as in “straight alcohol”, that is, no watering down of the sexiness.

      But I would highly highly advice that to Hrithik too! Even today. If he wants to do a buddy movie with Arjun Rampal, I am THERE for that.

      On Mon, Jun 11, 2018 at 12:29 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. Too much sex. Have you forgotten you are imagining Indian movies?

    Too much slapping in the second one. I don’t support violence in intimate relationships, and women don’t get a pass.

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    • Hmm. I see what you are saying, but I want there to be a clear sign of emotional upset and anger. Maybe instead a sort of shove against his chest? Not violent or hurtful, but more kind of “hey, pay attention to me!”

      On Mon, Jun 11, 2018 at 4:29 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Maybe she can slap her own head. If you wouldn’t be OK with him shoving her, you shouldn’t be OK with her shoving him.

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