This is NRI week, the week when we celebrate stories of Indians happily living overseas. So, let’s look at Shahrukh’s NRI characters!
Let’s make this fun, Marry-Sex-Kill. Here are the only rules, you have to pick at least one character for each category (no fair sexing everyone and marrying and killing no one). And you have to put every single character in a category (no fair skipping Dev from KANK because you don’t like him enough to marry or sex but aren’t ready to kill him).
Raj from DDLJ
Vikram from English Babu Desi Mem
Arjun from Pardes
Rahul from Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham
Aman from Kal Ho Na Ho
Mohan from Swades
Dev from Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna
Don from Don
Shekhar from Ra.One
Young Kaali from Dilwale
Tahir from Ae Dil Hai Mushkil
Harry from Jab Harry Met Sejal
I am aware that is more than three, you are allowed to marry-sex-kill more than one. But you have to pick at least one person for each of the Marry-Sex-Kill categories.
For me, I have high standards for marriage and killing, but low for sex:
Sex, Arjun, Rahul, Dev, Aman, Don, Young Kaali, Tahir, and Harry. I feel this would give me a nice range of experience with everyone from sweet and sensitive to tormented and experienced, to just generally different.
Marry: Raj, Mohan, Shekhar. Raj needs a little work, but he’s young, and Anupam would be a great father-in-law. Mohan is already perfect, and Shekhar is like the definition of “marriage material”.
Kill: Vikram. He was HORRIBLE.
dontcallitbollywood 
So many possibilities. I am limiting myself to 3 in each category. Sex: Aman, Dev, and Harry. Marry: Arjun, Shekar, and Harry. Kill: just Don. I don’t like Vikram, but Don actually murders people.
Tahir was a runner up for sex and marry, but I just can’t with that jacket. And of course the ghost of Aish would always be around.
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Wait a minute! You counted Harry twice! Does this mean you are picturing sex and then a sexless marriage, or marrying him and then divorcing him so you can have sex with him?
And why won’t you marry Mohan? He has such a good job! And a nice apartment!
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I didn’t realize they are exclusive categories. My meaning was, I’d be delighted with just sex with Harry, but if I had the option would totally go for marriage. I just really like Harry.
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Hey, this is magical fantasy world! You can pick your best option and assume it will work out. If Harry is for marriage and not just sex, who would you replace as your sex choice?
On Mon, Aug 12, 2019 at 3:57 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Margaret, you are spoiling me!
I’d replace Harry with Don. Sex then kill, 007-style.
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This is very dark. But I suppose better than marry than kill.
You are also allowed to pick every single character and put them all in a category. Notice I picked all but 4 for my sex list.
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Hee hee, I noticed. I don’t have that much energy. Not even in my fantasies…
It is dark, but Don is dark. And a fantasy. In real life I take spiders outside rather than kill them, even though they terrify me!
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alternative: Sex Don, then hit him on the head giving him amnesia and metaphorically “killing” him, then marry him.
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Wow, so protective of Don. I’ll go with it though. If the killing can be metaphorical then I’d kill Vikram too. And Kaali, for having a face that looks almost, but not quite, like Shah Rukh’s. (sorry, I’m grumpy with Red Chillies’ overdoing it on the de-aging stuff)
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If you think of it that way, Red Chillies already killed Kaali metaphorically by letting Shahrukh age out of him in character.
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Oops, just saw the Mohan question. Compared to the fellas I named, I find Mohan a little dull. Super cute, but comparatively dull.
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I love the plan you made for Don (sex then kill) but I think you will need to think it through…remember what happened when Helen/Kareena tried to seduce and capture him…how are you going to outwit him and prevent the same fate?
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I think the key is to have sex and kill as the goal. I think Helen/Kareena were more “avoid sex if possible, wait for the police to arrive”. A far harder plan.
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Good point! I think I’d have to have something he wanted enough to seduce me for it. Then sex, then a really good Italian meal. The carbs and wine will put him straight to sleep. Then kill. Simple! 💃🍝🍷🔪
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Wait, so I must put every character in one of those 3 categories? Except those I haven’t seen I guss, because e.g I don’t have idea who Vikram is and why he is so terrible you would kill him.
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Raj DDLJ – I don’t like him, but he’s rich so marry
Arjun Pardes – he is such a bore! Kill
Rahul K3G – marry, this time not for money
Aman KHNH – sex
Mohan Swades – marry
Dev KANK – useless fellow – kill
Don – kill
Tahir – sex
Harry – marry, I love him
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Wait, Arjun Pardes is such a bore he deserves death, but Tahir ADHM gets sex? I would have gone the other way around on that.
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Arjun Pardes is boring, doesn’t have self esteem, treats his boss as god, so I don’t want him as husband. He isn’t also enough sexy to have sex with him. I have no other choice but kill him.
Tahir is not good husband material, because do you imagine? He would always be like: Oh Tara did this better, why aren’t you Tara? I don’t need this in my life. But I bet he would be great as one night stand. He is sexy and charming and would take me to some fancy restaurant, and I love food. Can Arjun Pardes even afford a dinner?
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I don’t know how the sex option came to automatically include dinner, but I like that it is now just accepted.
On Tue, Aug 13, 2019 at 3:12 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Yes! Although Procrastinatrix already broke the rules because she is a rebel.
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Hey you! Sorry for my absence but I had some exam stress coming up but I am right in time to answer these spicy questions haha Anyways, I hope you’re doing great! I still have to catch up with your other posts:
MARRY:
Mohan: I think I mentioned in another comment before how I think that he would just be the perfect guy to marry. Like hes intelligent but not cocky. He has a good heart, is loyal and you can have some little fights with him to keep the whole relationship interesting 🙂
Aman: As you maybe remember, Aman will always be one of my favorite characters Shahrukh has ever portrayed, no matter how dramatic and silly he was sometimes. I found his unpredictability and charisma as well as his empathetic nature and fragility to be very sexy.. just to bad that he would die tragically after our marriage lol but maybe he can get a heart transplant and we will be good!
Rahul: I liked him a lot in K3G actually. I loved how he sacrificed everything for Kajol but he was never over the top romantic and I also liked his maturity and dry humour.
Raj: Again, his fun nature and playfulness would keep me on my toes. I also love how careful he was with Kajols feelings and how he has a soft spot with mothers 🙂
SEX:
Harry: I mean COME ON! As you said, Shahrukh has NEVER looked so sexy before like UFF Also love this whole worn-down-lost-playboy thing he had going on. Also there is this deleted scene of him pushing Anushka against a pole in a night club and ughhh so hot. Like YES, be my tour guide pls pls pls with a cherry on top
Dev: I don’t know how.. ”athletic” he would be in the bedroom with his leg but I am kind of drawn to Dev’s cynical nature and his passion. Like if he cares for you he’s gonna get possessive and that promises some fun for some ”short term shit” haha
Don: Ughhh super hot in the second movie with the longer hair and beard (I wish he would have kept it) and yeah I loved the little Cat and Mouse games he played with Priyanka and his nickname for her. Like I love how they had this love/hate thing going on. Plus, Don has been around the world so he probably knows some stuff to make you ”sweat”.
Kaali: Can I also go for older Kaali? Cause ughhhhh Shahrukh with a beard and that open collar shirt when he was in the rain with Kajol. I don’t know if I cared that much for his character but I definitely wouldn’t say no to a little bit of fun with this man.
KILL:
Vikram: I recently watched the movie and you stated it perfectly: that man was a JERK. Like ew hated that character! But just the movie in general was really not my thing. I mostly watched it because I was curious in which movie besides KHNH Shahrukh starred in with Sonali.
Shekar: A BIG NOPE! I found him SO annoying. I mean he was not a bad person but just not very engaging, super immature and just a clown overall, that is not someone I can take seriously. But even worse was his terrible bratty child with the stupid coconut-haircut ugh
Tahir: Tbh, I really disliked the way that he just came in with that cheesy, weird-ass line. He seemed borderline creepy sniffing on Aishs hair and bragging about his unrequited love for her. Like I got some mad DARR Flaschbacks lol (”A-A-Aish-Aish-Aishwariya!”)
Arjun: His character was literally as boring as a mayonnaise cucumber sandwich. Like you can eat it but its nothing special. I guess he saved the girl in the end but I would probably be in a coma from him boring me to death at our wedding or while trying to get intimate lol
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Hi! Welcome back! Hopefully you can have some fun here for a bit in between school.
I think you are the first person to go for marriage with Aman, while all the rest of us went for the sex. I guess we just don’t love him enough to hope for the happy medical ending.
Personally, I think the leg thing might make Dev better? Like, he is so competitive and driven and all that, it might be good to have the leg issues to slow him down..
Poor Arjun! Two separate people condemned him to death for the crime of being boring.
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Is it blasphemy to not want either marriage or sex with Aman? Don’t want to kill him either. He is so annoying and exhausting that you would get sick of him after a point. He’s the perfect friend – would be fun and enjoyable in small doses but then you want to go home alone.
Tahir: kill. It was just a cameo but he seemed like such a creep. From what Ash said, it sounded like he cheated on her but was pretending he can’t live without her. Everyone knows these types of men – they say all the right things but do not mean any of them. On one hand, they would be talking about their one-sided love and on the other hand, they would be chasing the next girl in a short skirt they see. No thanks. Imagine how bad he must have been to divorce him and fall for a milquetoast boring Ranbir.
Shekhar: kill. Extremely annoying goody two shoes with the ugliest hair.
I don’t remember a thing about Pardes or English Babu so will skip those.
Marry – Raj, Harry, Rahul, Mohan, older Kaali, Dev. The others are dream men but Dev is like a fixer upper project. He is capable of love but you need to work on him. I thought the character was hilarious and we could hate other human beings together. Whiny crocodile tears Rani needs to be pushed into the Hudson River first so she can’t carry around her black cloud everywhere.
Sex – Don, so sexy and dangerous. You might die but it would be worth it.
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Luckily, Aman will die on his own without you having to kill him, so there is a guilt free get out of jail.
I like your fixer upper idea with Dev. A good reason to go for marriage instead of sex, give yourself time to improve him.
I think the best solution with Don is to go for the sex-then-kill answer, that way you don’t have to worry about your own safety.
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Kill – Vikram, Shekhar (Just because I haven’t seen the movies plus they don’t sound appealing)
Young Kaali (neutral about him)
Tahir (no appeal)
Arjun (honestly don’t remember much of the movie)
Marry – In order of preference: Raj (I’ll do anything he asks me to lol)
Mohan (total husband material)
Rahul (though I’ll feel so guilty for being the cause of family estrangement)
Aman (he was obnoxious at times but had his reasons, I want him to be happy in his final days)
Sex – Harry (duh)
Dev (haven’t seen KANK but the songs and clips give an idea)
Don (killing him after is really appealing to me)
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I think if you do this right, you can have all your marriage options. Aman, and then he dies. In your widowhood, Rahul takes pity on you, but eventually leaves you when the family pressure gets to be too much. Mohan gently brings you back out of your misery and grief, and along the way reveals that as a young man he was named Raj and traveled in Europe and woos you with a split Mohan-Raj personality (Rab Ne style).
Oh, and in between husbands you have a fling with Harry, Dev, and Don.
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Ooo, you are on to something but Mohan playacting Raj is only going to end up like RNBDJ Raj. That sort of cockiness and charm can only be captured by someone young. I can let go of the other options but Raj has to be the original one!
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Oh dear, I just don’t see how this can work with both Raj and Mohan. Unless Raj is your young love, you leave him for Aman, and so on and so forth, then find him again and he has turned in to Mohan. Which honestly seems likely, Raj was always deeper and more thoughtful than he gave himself credit for.
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Wow, a NASA scientist in DC who failed college and whose father left him a successful business in London (then died), who then returns to India! That’s living a full life!
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Yes! And who falls in love twice with the same woman!
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Oh, and check out the newer post, you get to marry-sex-kill Dear Zindagi Shahrukh and Devdas
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Will do and I know exactly what I want for those two 🙂
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Do not know what to do with Raj. He’s too young and pure for sex, not interesting enough to marry, and I certainly don’t want to kill him. Could we pretend he turned into Tahir later? I could have sex with Tahir. Sex can be Tahi, Harry, Don, and I guess Aman since there’s no point marrying him.
Marry: Mohan and Rahul.
Kill: Dev, I suppose.
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Just occurred to me that we all killed Devdas on the other post and now we are killing Dev on this one. Maybe it’s the name? whenever Shahrukh plays a “Dev” character he is horrible?
On Thu, Aug 15, 2019 at 4:50 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Aman from KHNH – Sex (he’s going to die, no point in marrying him, I like his annoying persona)
Don – Sex + Sex + Kill
Shekhar = Super nerdy, a bit out of it, I guess it’s okay for a boring marriage.
Young Kaali – Marry
Harry from JHMS – Quadruple sex, rinse and repeat, then marry.
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Wait, you never have sex with Young Kaali? Or is it more that he seems like the type that would wait for marriage?
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I don’t mind waiting. In Harry’s words.., he’s more the brother type. I am patient. It’s fine. All the better when the time does finally arrive, what’s with the suspension and all that brouhaha.
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