This doesn’t really match the theme week, but we had so much fun with this discussion yesterday, I feel like I have to give you the other side of it.
I don’t want to make this overwhelming, so I am going to go ahead and arbitrarily limit the list to only the most famous/popular/sexy characters. But feel free to add on folks I ignored when making your own selections! Oh, and remember you are allowed to sex/marry/kill as many people as you want. Just have to select a category for each person on this list, and you have to have at least one character in each category.
Raju from Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman
Vicky and/or Ajay from Baazigar
Shankar from Koyla
Rahul from Yes Boss
Rahul from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Raj from Baadshah
Max from Josh
Raj from Mohabbatein
Arun from One 2 Ka 4
Asoka from Asoka
Devdas from Devdas
Ram from Main Hoon Na
Veer from Veer-Zaara
Ghost from Paheli
Kabir from Chak De India
Surinder Sahni from Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
Charlie from Happy New Year
Raj from Dilwale
Aryan Khanna from Fan
Jug from Dear Zindagi
Raees from Raees
Baua Singh from Zero
Okay, looking at this list, I think I am going to end up on a killing spree. I really don’t much like a lot of his most popular characters.
Sex: Raju, Vicky/Ajay, Shankar, Rahul, Rahul, Raj, Max, Raj, Ram, Veer, Ghost, Charlie, Raees. Essentially everyone I don’t want to marry, but also like too much to kill. I would totally marry Ram and Veer and Raees, except the threat of constant danger from marriage to a soldier/criminal isn’t good.
Marry: Kabir, Surinder, Jug, Aryan. The first three are obviously self-explanatory (and I will fight you all for them!), the last is just because I think it would be cool to live in a big mansion and have movie star friends.
Kill: Asoka, Devdas, Buua. The first for the crime of bad hair, the second for being so freakin’ whiny, and the third one for being a bad boyfriend/fiance.
How about you?
dontcallitbollywood 
Ok, I’m going for multiples this time. I can’t limit myself to three like I (mostly did) with the NRI’s. I’m going to alternate between movie names and character names. Just easier to remember and I can’t keep scrolling up and down at the office. 🙂
Sex: Mohabbatein (to help him get over Aish and MOVE ON already!), Asoka, Veer, Charlie, Dilwale, Aryan, Jug, Raees, and Bauua (all before they meet their respective life partners, except Jug, post-divorce would be fine, but pre-Deepika in the fanfic sequel). Adding Amar from Dil Se here.
Marry: Raju, Shankar (don’t judge–he has super powers and a big heart. we can cut his hair), Yes Boss, One 2 Ka 4 (has a temper but knows how to apologize), Paheli (assuming husband and ghost merged), and Suri (he’d have quite the harem of DCIB’ers). Adding Ajay from PBDHH here.
Kill: Baazigar (but I’d make sure his mom got decent care afterward) and Devdas.
Everyone else listed I don’t care about one way or another.
LikeLike
I have to admit, I was worried with this list with the deep beautiful romances. I don’t want Dilwale Shahrukh cheating on Kajol, or Raees cheating on Mahira! I like your solution of sliding in there in between. Or, soap opera style, we could also have the partner be presumed dead or something, you get your fun one night stand, and then yaaay! She’s alive after all! Come to think of it, that’s kind of the plot of Asoka..
Shankar also has a diamond mine, which doesn’t hurt. For me, One 2 Ka 4 and Ajay and Yes Boss are all just too cocky and self-confident to be marriage material. Sex, obviously yes.
I am glad we can agree on killing Devdas. He’s just not good for anything else.
And I can believe you have no opinion on KKHH Rahul, Baadshah, and Max, but I refuse to believe you have no opinion on Ram from Main Hoon Na and Kabir from Chak De!
LikeLike
I know what you mean about One 2 Ka 4, Ajay, and Yes Boss, but they are all less cocky at the end of their respective stories than at the beginning. I think they have potential.
I thought about the sex-then-kill option with Devdas, but let’s be honest, heavy alcohol consumption is not an aid to performance in the bedroom. Especially not for guys. So yes, let’s put him, and everyone who cares about him, out of their misery.
I like both Ram and Kabir, but they are toooooooooo straight for me. Ram is too goody goody, and Kabir is too judgmental. So, I’d pat them on their ass and send them on their way.
LikeLike
I mean, the game is marry-sex-kill. I don’t think you are allowed to just send them away. If you had to choose for Ram and Kabir, which option? I feel like evidence points to Ram at least being a good sex option, not sure about Kabir.
On Tue, Aug 13, 2019 at 2:35 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Wow, are you like this when playing cards/board games?
I mean, my only option is sex then, right? Boring sex is better than a boring marriage, and I don’t want to kill anyone else. Sheesh.
LikeLike
I am also like this when driving a car. I am that person always going the speed limit that everyone else hates.
On Tue, Aug 13, 2019 at 2:43 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
I think that’s fine, as long as you aren’t doing that in the passing lane.
LikeLike
Vicky Baazigar – kill
Shankar Koyla – sex
Rahul KKHH – kill (for being so useless and whiny when he should be strong)
Raj Mohabbatein – Kill
Asoka – I was going to say marry because he is a king, but than I remembered how terrible royal families can be :sons kill fathers, brothers fight for the crown, I don’t want this so only sex
Devdas – kill
Ram MHN – marry (it breaks my rule of not marrying soldiers, but he is too sexy to resist)
Veer – marry
Ghost – elope and marry
Kabir CDI – sex
Suri – marry, he is a good guy
Charlie HNY – I haven’t finished the movie but kill
Aryan Fan – sex
Jug – sex
Buua Singh – kill kill
LikeLike
Love your Asoka logic, you can have sex with him and then I will kill him. And you can marry Ram after I have sex with him. I’ll take Jug and Kabir for marriage after you are done with sex. And I guess we have to fight to the death for Suri.
Question: why not marry Jug?
On Tue, Aug 13, 2019 at 2:53 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
I think it’s not easy to be married to a therapist, that’s all. He is great guy buy I’m not sure he is great husband
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm. Maybe you can convince him to retire, he seems half-retired anyway, only taking on a few patients in his house with no secretary or anything.
On Tue, Aug 13, 2019 at 4:01 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Because I am very old (I’m not going to say how old but–it makes the 12 year old boy, buried deep inside me, laugh like a hyena), I am going to add another category – adopt. I would adopt orphan Ram Jaane, give him his own room, good food and nice clothes. Then send him to school and buy him a jeep for his 18th birthday, just as he leaves for college. If he still decides on a life of crime, I will direct him into politics. He should do well there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent plan! And so long as you are adopting, take in Darr Shahrukh and Raju Shahrukh too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Then I would need magical Ghost Shahrukh from Paheli to help me control all the young’uns.. Kabir Shahrukh from Chak De could also assist with discipline.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perfect!
On Tue, Aug 13, 2019 at 4:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
But you only killed three, hardly a spree! I’d kill them too for the same reasons and add Raj Aryan because he is just meh!
Marry – Shankar – can’t believe I’m picking a character from a movie I was reluctant to watch for so long, but he is worth it
KKHH Rahul – don’t ask why!
Ram – I’ll court the danger
Suri – On the condition that he retains some humour and mischief from Raj, it’s all in him!
Jug – Kinda cautious with this, I might be too young for him
Sex – Because I want to – Vicky, Arun, Veer, Ghost, Kabir, Charlie, Raj, Raees (just for the Matam entrance)
Because I don’t know what to do with them – all the rest
P.S. – All the cocky ones paired with Juhi, she’s really the best to handle them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, that’s 3 times as many as I killed among the NRIs!
I love your explanation for the cocky ones, you are right, give them all to Juhi and she will whip them into shape.
And wait, you are having sex with Vicky???? This seems very risky!
LikeLike
I figure as long as I’m not related to Madan Chopra or know any of the daughters, I should be safe. All that intensity and anger should be interesting! And I want to dance to ‘Kaali Kaali Aankhen’ with him, I think this was the very first song of Shahrukh I remember him in from childhood, it’s special! So just a dance and one night 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, so long as this is your taste, any interest in Darr Shahrukh? I took him off the list thinking no one would be interested.
LikeLike
Nah he can stay dead, don’t think there is any curing him of his Kiran obsession. Though I wouldn’t mind him singing ‘Jaadu Teri Nazar’ to me!
LikeLike
So I was thinking, easy peasy, I will marry Jug and Ram, and kill Shankar, Rahul, and Devdas, and have sex with everyone else, please and thank you. But if Jug is marrying me then obviously he has some weird thing about white women. And I thought about marrying Kabir, but he seems so intense. And I’m not into sports. I think I’m just going to marry Ram. Oh, Ghost! I could also marry Ghost.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just to clarify, is Shankar sentenced to death because of the mullet? Or is there some greater personality sin he has done?
And I don’t know, I picture Jug’s first wife as rich and sophisticated and ambitious type. While you would be the warm intellectual type who appreciates his Goa lifestyle. Totally different.
And I assume you are now busy over on the NRI post making similar complex decisions?
On Wed, Aug 14, 2019 at 5:33 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Just the mullet, basically. I don’t remember anything bad about the character.
Yeah, I could certainly get behind living in that house in Goa. As long as I get to decorate the rest of it.
I will attempt to decide on the NRI post, but I think I may have seen fewer of the movies.
LikeLike
Oh my… you guys are hilarious! I love it!
Must.read.everything.
LikeLike