I’m just really sad today. Not depressed, you know the depressed where life seems hopeless and all that? Nope, not that. Just sad. One of those “I want to wrap myself in soft fabrics and drink hot tea” kind of days.
I fed Albie Dog this morning right after I woke up, and then he promptly peed on the floor. And I woke up too early, so this all happened before 7am. That’s not why I’m sad though, it’s the fact that my reaction to him peeing wasn’t laughter like usual, but instead wanting to cry, that made me go “oh Margaret, you are sad today!”
Human emotions are such a rich rainbow, aren’t they? There’s stuff like my occasional anxiety attacks, where my head starts spinning and obsessing and I can’t concentrate. That’s not an “emotion”, that’s my brain misfiring. But there’s also just your normal baseline no brain chemicals malfunctioning kind of emotions. My normal baseline emotion is love and happiness. My car gets rear-ended, I laugh because I always wanted the dealership sticker removed from the back door and now it is gone. Someone speeds ahead of me in traffic and I think “oh that person must be in a hurry for some reason, I’ll keep a good thought that they get where they are going on time.”
I almost never feel purely sad. Like, when people I love die, I feel grief. You know, the draggy down tired foggy headed feeling. But I’m not sad, I’m happy that I got as much time with them as I did and grateful that they knew how much I loved them before they died, and all of that. If I don’t get the job I want, I am disappointed and wish it were different, but I don’t cry about it.
But today, I’m sad. 10 weeks of lockdown finally did me in, the Margaret Happiness Well is temporarily empty. I just want to cry and eat cookies and window shop online for puppies.
Give me time to fill up again, I’ll put up more amusing happy posts as soon as I can. And if you want to tell me amusing happy things in the meantime, that would be great. Prime the pump, as it were, so the usual Margaret cheerfulness comes spilling out.
For example, I am rewatching this delightful video from the Chicago Children’s Choir quite a bit (for background, there really was a local news story about a crocodile spotted in the Humboldt Park lagoon, which fascinated the whole city until it was caught):
And reading this news story about a dog that was waiting to be adopted for two years and finally found a home: