My Dad and I Have Been on a Bad 1970s Disaster Movie Binge (Poseidon, Airport, etc.)! What Disaster Movie Could We Make in Hindi Film?

The thing about 1970s disaster movies is that they are so SILLY. It’s not like “a tornado!” or “an earthquake!” it’s all “this very fancy modern something or other has one small flaw and now a variety of famous actors must work together to escape”.

Of course, India already has a bad 1970s disaster movie, the wonder “The Burning Train”. You think you know what it is about from the title, but NO! The first half is a lengthy pre-story. Then everyone gets on the train and you’ve got a good half hour of getting to know them. And then finally the burning shows up in just the last hour. A wonderful movie of course, in so many ways, but I want an ACTUAL disaster movie, where the disaster is the whole plot, not just the funky little tag on the end.

Dharmendra, Jeetendra and Vinod Khanna's The Burning Train remake in the  works | Entertainment News,The Indian Express

Plot options:

  1. Smart Home Goes Mad: A brand new highrise that is set up with all smart home modern conveniences, you can control everything from calling an elevator to starting your pressure cooker right from your phone, has a Grand Opening. And then Malfunctions and a small band of survivors has to try to make their way from the top floor to the bottom while escaping attacking microwaves and things.
  2. Genetically modified crops attack! At the grand opening of the science center where the new Super Seeds and Super Plants have been created, the plants gain sentiousness, grow enormously and crush the building, and a small band of survivors has to make their way out without being eaten by plants.
  3. Multiplex has a Screen that is Too Large: At the grand opening of the biggest movie theater in the history of the world, the oversized screen collapses thanks to the vibrations of the extra loud action scene in the movie. The survivors must escape, while avoiding all the other collapsing screens as the same action movie hits that same point every 20 minutes in each theater.

Once we pick our Disaster, we have to pick our cast:

Hero who is really too old to play an action hero: Shahrukh Khan, or Aamir Khan, or Jackie Shroff

DEAN MARTIN, AIRPORT, 1970 Stock Photo - Alamy
Dean Martin, Action Hero, age 43 and looking 90

Heroine who is way WAY too young to be his love interest but is anyway: Alia Bhatt, or Jhanvi Kapoor, or Ananya Panday

250 Poseidon Adventure ideas | poseidon, the poseidon adventure, adventure
Gene Hackman’s love interest in The Poseidon Adventure

Aging respected actress who is doing this for the paycheck: Shabana Azmi

GLORIA SWANSON AIRPORT 1975 (1974 Stock Photo - Alamy
Airport 1975, Gloria Swanson’s last role

Second hero who clashes with the first hero and is also too old: Sunny Deol

Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine in The Poseidon Adventure | The poseidon  adventure, Charlies angels movie, Ernest borgnine
When I think studly active strong capable action heroes, I think Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine!

Cheesecake: Disha Patani

Sunset Gun
See, she couldn’t move in her gown, so she had to wear a man’s shirt and nothing else for the whooooooooooooooole movie.

Wise old guy on the ground who talks them in: Boman Irani

Scoop - Where the Magic of Collecting Comes Alive! - In Memoriam: George  Kennedy
George Kennedy, best part of Airport

Nun: Juhi Chawla

Airport (1975) - Singing Nun Scene (1/10) | Movieclips
There’s always a nun. Just accept it.

Sleazy corporate type who caused the disaster by cutting corners: Kay Kay Menon

Leslie Nielsen in The Poseidon Adventure (1972) | Leslie nielsen, The  poseidon adventure, Action film
Leslie Neilsen, Noble Captain. Other Dude, Bad Corporate Agent.

Character actor who saves the movie by being entertaining: Vijay Raaz

Red Buttons is great in Poseidon

What do you think?

And who do you want to add to the cast? Remember, it’s a 1970s style disaster movie! The cast can be ENORMOUS and include EVERYONE!!!! The only rule is, the hero has to be super old and his love interest has to be at least 20 years younger than him.

22 thoughts on “My Dad and I Have Been on a Bad 1970s Disaster Movie Binge (Poseidon, Airport, etc.)! What Disaster Movie Could We Make in Hindi Film?

  1. I like the Multiplex’s enormous screen idea but the crazy seeds seem to be better choice for Dharmendra. He can play retired actor who is a farmer now.

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    • YES! And he can use his special Farmer Knowledge to fight the threat.

      On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 12:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • Oh oh! Bobby in a cameo as the Worried Family Member waiting outside.

          Or maybe Bobby wants to put Dharmendra in a home because he thinks he can’t live alone? But the Dharmendra defeats the Killer Seeds and earns Bobby’s respect back?

          On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 1:24 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. We went to see the original Poseidon Adventure as a family back in the day. My Dad, who was a designer of ships and knew about how they worked/behaved, kept making comments like ‘That’s not what would happen’ etc. So I don’t think he thought much of the movie, ha ha.

    Like

    • Poor guy! Now I want his version of Poseidon, where there’s a lot less explosions and craziness, but it is all ACCURATE.

      On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 7:24 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. Crash but with robot cars! The chase scenes to involve every possible type of conveyance, bikes, motorcycles, rickshaws, lorries, busses, paragliders.

    Where is Akshay? I feel like you’re avoiding him.

    Like

    • I was going to suggest one with Akshay and Govinda, but 1. I won’t see something with Akshay and 2. If they’re in a movie together Akshay won’t let Govinda have a romance, so it’s out.

      Like

      • Yes, but Govinda is the perfect hero! Way too old for the role, a bit past his prime, but this can reinvigorate his career.

        I’d definitely put him in the “The multiplex screens are collapsing” movie. He’s a former action star who can’t get a job, invited to the opening as a courtesy. BUT! He used to doa ll his own stunts, and when he was starting out as a struggler he worked at a movie theater. So he can guide the survivors to safety.

        On Wed, Jun 23, 2021 at 5:51 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • Yes, I know! He’s perfect! He’d love to play a vain action star past his prime, too, though probably he’d put too much actual pathos into the character. But I’d pair him with Jackie instead of Akshay. One of the advantages being that he and Jackie have some homoeroticism between them.

          Like

    • Oh oh! A new planned community to solve urban crowding! Selfdriving cars and those car elevator things to take them straight to the garage next to yoru 10th floor apartment. But then, THE CARS TAKE CONTROL. And the people have to escape using an old Tata bus that was on display at the entrance as a symbol of how far we have come. But to get to the Tata bus, they have to walk/ride bikes/take rickshaws/etc. And lots of cool scenes of cars chasing you down apartment hallways and stuff.

      I will allow Akshay to play Sleazy Corporate Type. Or, Overly Aggressive Fool. Either way, he comes to a sticky end after making bad choices and not listening to the hero.

      On Tue, Jun 22, 2021 at 9:50 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      Like

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