The thing about 1970s disaster movies is that they are so SILLY. It’s not like “a tornado!” or “an earthquake!” it’s all “this very fancy modern something or other has one small flaw and now a variety of famous actors must work together to escape”.
Of course, India already has a bad 1970s disaster movie, the wonder “The Burning Train”. You think you know what it is about from the title, but NO! The first half is a lengthy pre-story. Then everyone gets on the train and you’ve got a good half hour of getting to know them. And then finally the burning shows up in just the last hour. A wonderful movie of course, in so many ways, but I want an ACTUAL disaster movie, where the disaster is the whole plot, not just the funky little tag on the end.
- Smart Home Goes Mad: A brand new highrise that is set up with all smart home modern conveniences, you can control everything from calling an elevator to starting your pressure cooker right from your phone, has a Grand Opening. And then Malfunctions and a small band of survivors has to try to make their way from the top floor to the bottom while escaping attacking microwaves and things.
- Genetically modified crops attack! At the grand opening of the science center where the new Super Seeds and Super Plants have been created, the plants gain sentiousness, grow enormously and crush the building, and a small band of survivors has to make their way out without being eaten by plants.
- Multiplex has a Screen that is Too Large: At the grand opening of the biggest movie theater in the history of the world, the oversized screen collapses thanks to the vibrations of the extra loud action scene in the movie. The survivors must escape, while avoiding all the other collapsing screens as the same action movie hits that same point every 20 minutes in each theater.
Once we pick our Disaster, we have to pick our cast:
Hero who is really too old to play an action hero: Shahrukh Khan, or Aamir Khan, or Jackie Shroff
Heroine who is way WAY too young to be his love interest but is anyway: Alia Bhatt, or Jhanvi Kapoor, or Ananya Panday
Aging respected actress who is doing this for the paycheck: Shabana Azmi
Second hero who clashes with the first hero and is also too old: Sunny Deol
Cheesecake: Disha Patani
Wise old guy on the ground who talks them in: Boman Irani
Nun: Juhi Chawla
Sleazy corporate type who caused the disaster by cutting corners: Kay Kay Menon
Character actor who saves the movie by being entertaining: Vijay Raaz
What do you think?
And who do you want to add to the cast? Remember, it’s a 1970s style disaster movie! The cast can be ENORMOUS and include EVERYONE!!!! The only rule is, the hero has to be super old and his love interest has to be at least 20 years younger than him.