COVID Convo Post: To Entertain Myself, I Am Setting Myself a Series of Questions and Then Answering Them

Ugh, this is so BORING!!!! I feel totally fine and symptom free, but if I do anything more strenuous than walking across the apartment, I get all worn out. I’ve finished 30 coloring pages, 2 puzzles, and my first crossword puzzle EVER. Also, so many many podcasts (based on podcasts, the Australian police is generally useless) and many shows in which British people kill each other in pretty settings. And now that I am sick of all those things, I’m going to randomly write a bunch of things that I want to talk about.

What classic non-Indian TV show(s) should be remade as a film in India and why?

I am so glad I asked myself this! I have many ideas. Have I talked about As Time Goes By here yet? I don’t think I have! Lovely little Britcom from the 90s and early 2000s starring Judi Dench. The idea is that a couple who were in love as young people meet each other know as old grumpy people. Well, late middle-age. She is a widow who runs a secretarial agency, he is divorced and just sold his farm and moved back to London. They meet again when he comes by her house to pick up her daughter for a date. And then complications ensue, they are clearly still in love but resist because they just feel so silly about starting a relationship up again after so many years, and the daughter has a crush on the hero which makes things weird, and so on and so forth.

Anyway, I want to see Shabana Azmi and Boman Irani in these roles. She’s snappish and short tempered and hard to work for. He’s grumpy and silent and isolated. And the daughter can be Sanya Malhotra because she is so good at comedy.

Oh wait! What about Ratna and Naseerji? Yes, that is much better. We will go with that.

Can you write a Haiku about Hrithik Roshan’s abs?

Yes I can!

Six then eight then six

Why never a lonely One?

Always six then eight

If you were creating a British show in which people kill each other in pretty settings, what would it be?

I do like pretty settings!!! And we haven’t had a nice snowy one yet. I would put it in a mountain resort that is somehow a British protectorate in the middle of, say, Switzerland. You have the nice retired detective and her husband who took this job as a fun adventure at the end of life. And there’s a running joke of how she always promised to learn to ski but keeps putting it off. Her husband is a nice enthusiastic man who works as a manager at one of the small local hotels. She has a funny French constable who really wants to be a chef, and a local single Mom who took the job just for extra income but has a real knack for it. There’s lots of snow, and Alpine lodges, and funny tourists who end up dead.

If you were casting Shahrukh Khan in a British show in which people kill each other in pretty settings, what would it be?

Anglophile Indian! That would be funny, wouldn’t it? He worked in the British police as a young man then did the rest of his career in India, before finally getting his dream job back in England. His wife puts up with his enthusiasms but insists on making him a nice Indian meal for lunch, and his co-workers don’t understand why he is so happy to be investigating murders and petty crime in a tiny village when he used to be the chief of a massive citywide police department. But he is adorably thrilled about everything from Cricket on the village green to overboiled vegetables at the local pub. The running joke would be that all the “sane” people realize his Indian aspects are actually better, his co-workers are always begging for his wife’s food, everyone who comes over compliments how beautiful his home is, and no one can understand why he insists on giving away his homemade food for disgusting sandwiches, or turning down Chai for watery tea. Oh, and his wife is a lovely Anglo-Indian who he met when he was originally over for training, she has lots of high society friends and connections in both countries while he is more working class (although has achieved great professional success). So she gets to be involved in the crimes because her godmother’s sister is the wealthy wife of the victim or whatever it is.

If you were going to perfectly recreate a costume from Indian film for the purposes of cosplay, what would it be? (my friends are at a Star Trek convention this weekend)

The goal is something immediately recognizable, unusual, and impressive! I think I’m going to cross-genders for that, all the girl costumes tend to be just various on skirts and cholis and feathers, ick. But this! This you can RECOGNIZE!

5 thoughts on “COVID Convo Post: To Entertain Myself, I Am Setting Myself a Series of Questions and Then Answering Them

  1. For the last question, Madhuri’s pink dress from HAHK Pehla Pehla Pyaar. Recognizably iconic and costume-y but not uncomfortable!

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  2. I seem to recall creating a Krrish mask one carnival season quite a while ago. Still instantly recognizable.

    The British crime show is actually pretty easy, too. I’d just adapt the Lady Hardcastle books. A lady and her maid breaking class barriers and investigating crimes together. Shahrukh could actually play her brother, who officially works in counter-espionage. Just don’t explain the different ethnicity at all. Or maybe make him an adopted son, I don’t think that would make a huge difference in their dynamic.

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