Happy Saturday! I got my coffee, I let the dog out, I’m all tucked in for the morning. Who will join me in watching a lovely beachy movie? And if no one shows up by 20 minutes in, I’ll just shut down and watch by myself 🙂
Dear Zindagi
Woo, wise SRK therapy! So excited.
At 7am I’ll put up an “And PLAY” comment and from there we will all comment along. Oh, and if you arrive late, just fast forward to where we are, it will be however many minutes after 7am Chicago time.
dontcallitbollywood 
I’m here already. Making popcorn.
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Whoops, wrong name. I’m here.
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Here!
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And PLAY!
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Woo, Red Chillies and Dharma!
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Man, disclaimers in HIndi film are nuts.
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Love Alia’s glasses.
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I dislike her pants
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Singapore! Love it!
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In my mind, Fatty only fell into the costume stuff because Alia got her into the film world. Alia is super passionate about camera stuff, but Fatty feels more like she’s just doing a job.
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Oh man, I am remembering the pain of the first half hour of this film! Alia! You keep making bad decisions! Don’t keep saying “it’s good, we’re okay” when you are all confused.
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Kunal is condescending.
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I just said the same thing but in more words!
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Okay, knowing that Alia slept with him, he is an old friend, and he knows she is in a serious relationship, I think this whole conversation with Kunal is scummy. He’s pushing for her to say “it’s okay” when it isn’t, and making fun of her boyfriend at the same time, and pulling a whole “I am older and wiser than you” thing.
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Ugh, Alia makes me feel guilty for all the boxes I’ve got in my front hall.
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Oh, man, this scene is so sad.
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I appreciate that they let Sid have feelings. He’s not macho angry or anything, just really sad and sick feeling like anyone would be who got cheated on.
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Yeah, Alia’s confusion has consequences for other people.
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I wish he hadn’t showed up forgiving her at the end. I would have liked to have her learn to accept what she did to people.
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Poor Alia…
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Hmmm. Previously I read this as a really serious relationship. But now I am thinking, especially with her friends saying “don’t do it!”, it was just the start of something nice. She could have either broken up with him without telling him why, or just stayed with him and kept quiet. But she has to blow things up, so she sleeps with an old friend as soon as she is in a good relationship, and then forces herself to end the relationship in the most painful way for hersself.
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This was the first time I remember a character in a Hindi movie being casually gay.
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That conversation was well done, Alia crossed a line partly because of how twisted up she is inside, and then she felt bad when he answered so openly and gave him that little comfort hug.
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Not Alia! Not Kunal! Girl, wake up…you are making a song about breakups for goodness sakes
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Kunal really is such a mood killer and so condescending
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I don’t get why Fatty and her other friend are excited about her and Raghu together. Don’t they see that the age/power dynamic is bad? Or do they just want her to be happy and are setting things aside?
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Hoping he is just a temporary rebound
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I mean they know him mostly from work where he is actually awesome. As well as Alia probably has described Raghu as the COOLEST so they think he’s really the best. While Alia described the other boyfriend as so BORING and probably highlighted all his flaws (just to try to give her an excuse to run away and cheat on him). I know for my own friends, I’ve seen a complete change on the way their romantic interests are described and often after the breakup, the truth sort of comes pouring out. So Raghu’s weird gaslighting and all those things are not viewed by the characters till they break up.
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Ugh with Kunal calling his ex “weird” and dismissing everything. Knowing that he is gonna be engaged to her in, like, 2 weeks, he is clearly lying to Alia about what they had.
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I bet you he would still behave the same way even if Alia had a completely stable life and fell in love with Raghu even if he was an appropriate age/power dynamic partner.
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So Alia punted that conversation but a) he set her up by failure by ambushing her and demanding something serious on his schedule, and b) you don’t go from “I really think we have something” to just ghosting because she reacted a little weird to something.
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Fatty is such a good “Mom” friend in seeing in how Alia is in such a bad state
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And it just hit me, she’s not drinking becasue she’s pregnant, so even more wise/aware compared to Alia than usual.
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Ugh! This scene! Her personal life, professional life, and home, all gone in one sweep
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And on top of everything else, he doesn’t even tell her??? Makes poor Fatty tell her???
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Alia is so good in this whole scene.
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I get that she is upset, but that is gonna be SUCH a pain to clean up!!!! All those little bits of glass and stuff, on top of the sauce.
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Poor Alia her healthy habits are deteriorating with the lack of sleep and she is going to be even more out of whack
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And no work to give her structure right now.
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And it is the turning point of her life!
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Totally stole that joke from Bend it Like Beckham
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This movie is so well structured! The opening established that her life was just beginning to turn to terrible, but also let us see how settled her life was, how she had structure. Home, friends, job. Which makes us understand why it is so unbalancing when she loses it all. If she had just continued to blow up relationships, she could have stayed functional with her friends and joba nd home. But Raghu blew up friends and jobs in one go, and then the home is gone too, and now she’s totally untethered.
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I was gonna say her parents are nice it’s just these friends pressuring her. But then, her parents invited the friends on her very first night home, knowing they might ambush her with “why aren’t you married?” type questions.
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Alia plays her parental interactions so well. I should be thinking “what a brat!” but she manages to convey her deep misery so that I can sympathize and understand she is truly doing the best she is capable of with them.
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Uff that familiar voice just soothes
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Yay, there he is!!!
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Ooooo, the SRK voice! And I love the contrast between him and the previous speaker, in terms of attitude. SRK is about making you feel safe, comfortable, open. Therapy! Other dude is abotu big words and diagnosis, Psychiatry!
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Actually, I think this room might be too distracting to be a therapist’s office.
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You know what movie I was just thinking about in terms of Indian society and mental health? Talaash. First, Rani was the one with the problem. Because she was visibly sad and whatever. Aamir was “fine” because he was still functioning at work, even though he didn’t sleep. And second, Rani’s treatment was to sit across the desk from a doctor and be given pills. She found reassurance in the psychic largely because it gave her the emotional support and understanding she could have gotten from her husband (if he was healthy) or a therapist. But no! Doctor and pills is acceptable, talk therapy is not acceptable, and even pills isn’t acceptable for a Man.
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Honestly this is just the perfect therapy room, open, a lot of places to be comfortable in, a little cluttered but not messy, and not intimidating or cold at all with all the colors
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Ha! you both put up contrasting comments! Too distracting or just distracting enough??? Or maybe both? Notice he chooses a seat right in front of Alia. So in this large crowded room, he has arranged the chairs so that no matter where she sits, he can be right in front and draw her focus.
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My therapist is pregnant and I started to suspect it early on because when I would be talking she would be falling asleep with her eyes open. And It hought “aha! first trimester sleepies!”
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Oh yeah, that’s the stuff! That’s what I wanted to hear today! It’s snowing and freezing, and you know what? I’m NOT gonna go to the recycling center today! I’m gonna stay home because it’s okay to take the easy way out.
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Had to learnt he “easy way out” lesson too a long while back, and honestly has really helped me, so this film is a nice reminder to sometimes relax and be, rather than stress etc all the time
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I got a new therapist a long while back and he is fantastic! Reminds me a bit of SRK in this, the same energy, relaxing presence and very good at his job
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Jackie’s hosue is so nice. Her character is developed into being the “childish” one, but also sort of the one who is best at life. She can make people happy, she can create a nice space, she can bring you breakfast and wish you good morning. She is dismissed as being tiny and cute, but the film shows us her value.
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I hate Kunal so much. Sid shouldn’t have forgiven her and shown up at the end, and she shouldn’t have forgiven Kunal and invited him.
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So what should Kunal have done? I’m thinking about it, he shouldn’t have slept with a good friend who was younger then him and sort of his subordinate. And he REALLY shouldn’t have gotten engaged without talking to her. But okay, he’s human. He really thought he wanted a relationship with Alia, and then he met his ex and stuff happened. And now he needs to talk to her about the professional things and she’s not picking up his calls. At this point, if he’d shown up at her house and said “I’m so sorry, I handled this terribly, I should have respected our friendship enough to tell you what happened directly. I know this is awkward, but I need to know if you are still in for the shoot or not?”, I think I could have forgiven him. But instead he triples down and blames her AGAIN.
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Kunal really needs to take some humbling pills for the arrogance he has, hopefully marriage will do that to him eventually
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There’s a deleted scene where he bumps into Alia in the hospital after Fatty has her baby, so about 8 months after this. And he is humble and takes responsibility. So that scene implies he just needed distance and time. And that’s when she invites him to her film showing.
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My therapist keeps telling me I can’t fix everything and it’s not my responsibility. It’s been a year, I still don’t believe her. Maybe she should give me some sort of wise chair metaphor? No, it wouldn’t work, if she said something like “if a chair is broken, you wouldn’t expect yourself to fix it, you’d know it was beyond you”, I’d say “no, I’d do research and work hard and expect myself to learn how to do it because I should be able to fix my own chairs”.
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maybe the question is if you have a strong urge to fix things, how to channel it Rather than suppress it. Have you read the body keeps the score?
Warning – it’s heavy
Naina
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Talking to your parents for ten minutes would be a tall order for a lot of people, I think.
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Or if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be homework. With my parents, I would just say “my therapist says I have to talk to you for ten minutes” and then we’d talk for ten minutes. But that wouldn’t really do anything/tell the therapist anything.
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Another subtle thing, her parents never call her out on her behavior. Her Mom doesn’t say “no, you called for a reason, don’t hang up, I’m sitting down, talk to me”. She just accepts the “bye!” Tells us that there is something going on, something that is broken on both sides.
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absent parents who keep their distance lest they tick her off again
Naina
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SRK did this scene method in the best way. I can feel that he went deep and drew on his own life for the whole speech, it’s different words but the same way he tells that story of his Dad buying him an ice and sitting in the middle of a roundabout to watch the world go by because it was better than a movie. And the same way he talks about wanting his kids to feel safe and happy.
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