Sunday ReRun: Qarib Qarib Singlle, a Nice Mature Romance With a Weak but Happy Ending

I just reviewed this movie a few months back, but it’s on Netflix now and it is very pleasant, so I thought I might as well bring out the review again.

This is Tanuja Chandra’s first straight romance.  How interesting!  She has been working since the 90s, starting as a scriptwriter on films like Dil To Pagal Hai, and then moving on to directing with Kajol’s action film Dushman.  She has made a whole variety of movies since then, on topics ranging from post-9/11 New York NRI culture to adoption. She always has strong interesting heroines, but their stories are not love stories. Love may be part of it, but it is not the main part.

This is Tanuja’s first try at making her heroine’s romantic journey the main plot.  And it is most okay, but struggles with the ending.  Which makes sense, in all her previous movies the heroine and hero getting together is the epilogue, the real climax happens when the killer is caught or the case is won or whatever else the actual plot is.  The love story is just a nice little finishing touch.

Image result for qarib qarib singlle poster

The one thing Tanuja has a firm grasp on, as does her heroine Parvathy, is the emotional journey of the main character.  This is a unique kind of heroine, one who doesn’t match with any of the other heroine’s we have seen before.  And we immediately know her, know how she thinks and what she feels and what she needs and who is in her life.

The problem is, we don’t have the same kind of grasp on the hero.  His motivations are mysterious, his emotions are unreadable, both to us and the heroine.  His backstory, his life, what has brought him to this state, it’s all left empty.  But not in the usual way these stories are empty, it doesn’t feel like there isn’t any more to him, he feels like a real character, just one that the director isn’t letting us get to know the way we should.  And because we don’t know him, the romance doesn’t quite work.  We can understand exactly what Parvathy is feeling, but Irrfan is a mystery, making the whole thing one-sided.

I kept thinking about other one-sided love stories.  There have been plenty of them, but the key is to give us that one moment in the finale where we finally know how he is feeling and it feels in the gaps of everything we didn’t understand before.  Best part of Ohm Shaanthi Oshaana, of Aaiyyaa, of Eega even, is that moment when it all comes together and we see both sides for the first time.  And again, this movie fails in the clincher.  We never really see Irrfan’s side.

But that isn’t to say it’s not a good movie.  It’s 2/3rds of a great movie, and then 1/3rd an okay movie, that’s all.  But those 2/3rds make it definitely worth watching.  Parvathy is brilliant and Tanuja is brilliant in bringing out her brilliance.  Just watching her slowly blossom and become beautiful as the film moves on, going from dowdy and unhappy with herself to blooming with joy, that alone is worth it.  Irrfan’s character is one of those only Irrfan could play.  Strange and charming at the same time, irritating but fascinating.  And the scenery is gorgeous, this is a travelogue along with everything else and Tanuja picked places in India that aren’t always shown on film.  They aren’t never shown on film, she didn’t go out of her way to find unknown gems, but they are less familiar than the usual.  And she took a slightly different route to showing them, less big establishing shots of mountainous beauty, more human eye level weaving in and out between people.

I just wish the ending was handled a little better.  That’s all.

 

 

 

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The trailer seemingly gives away the entire plot.  A man and a woman meet through a dating website.  The man is always talking about his ex-girlfriends, the woman suggests jokingly that she should meet them, and it turns into a real plan.  They will travel together to meet each girlfriend and also get to know each other a little along the way.

But what the trailer doesn’t give away is who Parvathy is and why she is so lost and desperate for a connection.  She is seemingly the sane one, the one who is normal and strong and better while Irrfan is desperate.  But it is truly the other way around.  We spend a long time with Parvathy at the beginning of the film getting to fully understand who she is now and why she might be open to this ridiculous plan with Irrfan.

She is a successful insurance agent with a thriving agency and a busy job and a big apartment.  Her little brother is at Princeton, fairly recently moved out of their apartment and she calls him constantly on Skype.  Her parents are either dead or live far away.  And she herself is a widow, her husband was in the army and died ten years ago.  And she still sleeps on only one half of the bed, leaving the other half for him.  She signs up for a dating website not because of any one thing, simply because she sees other people happy and coupled, she misses her brother, her apartment is big and lonely, and she finally just does it.  And maybe it would have turned into nothing, maybe she would have canceled her account the next day and retreated back into loneliness, but then she gets a message with perfect grammar and lovely turn of phrase from Irrfan and she decides to meet him for coffee.

Irrfan is what Parvathy needs at this moment.  The professional man she is imagining would never have lived up to her expectations, and would have been turned off by her shyness and uncertainty.  There is a perfect moment right before Irrfan arrives at the cafe for their first meeting, Parvathy sees a young couple leaving, the man casually caressing the woman’s bare waist as they walk out the door.  And she quickly puts back on the wedding ring she had removed and starts to leave.  We can see everything in that little moment, an older woman who isn’t ready for the new dating scene, is scared of the physical contact she thinks would be expected, will jump and run at any implication of anything sexual, but at the same time will not stay unless she is pressured into it, will instead choose to retreat to her safe little life.  Anyone besides Irrfan would either have been too slow moving, to restrained, and she would have slipped away.  Or would have been to aggressive, scared her off.  But Irrfan is the perfect man for her in this moment, an old-fashioned gentleman who would not dream of saying or doing anything explicit, anything that makes her feel pressure to be someone she isn’t.  But at the same time, crude and determined and stubborn, pushing hard enough to force her to turn a coffee meeting into dinner, and then into another coffee, and finally into this ridiculous ten day trip that he cleverly suggests as shared expenses, with her picking and paying for all the hotel rooms while he picks and pays for the travel.  Giving her just enough control to feel safe, but not so much that she will run away.

The problem is, the movie never really finds a way to treat Irrfan as something besides just what he is to Parvathy.  Maybe that’s the point?  Maybe we are meant to see him through her eyes?  Through the course of the film, his mannerisms, his clothes, everything slowly becomes calmer and less intrusive and unpleasant.  I would say it is a subtle character drama, showing how Parvathy’s feelings change through how his appearance shifts, except that we also see Irrfan without Parvathy.  Traveling by himself, even visiting his final girlfriend alone.  It is clearly structured to be a two character drama, but it just doesn’t work because one of the characters is so much more opaque than the other.

As an audience member, I can certainly fill in the gaps.  Irrfan is a village boy with a poetic soul.  He ran away from home because he didn’t fit in, but he doesn’t fit in in the city either, still too much of a villager.  He is a romantic who falls in love with his whole heart but never with women who are strong enough to stick by him.  His first village girlfriend cheerfully went on to marriage.  His second girlfriend, in his youthful poet days, married for money and left him, breaking his heart.  His third girlfriend was as spiritual as he was, and that was the problem, she was married to her own art.  Parvathy’s “flaws”, for this particular man, become merits.  She is mature enough to know what she wants and take it, she has her own successful career and income and won’t care whether or not he has money, she is artistic enough to appreciate him but not for her passion to compete with him.  And she is a widow, which means she is someone who can understand Irrfan’s own complicated romantic past.  And so he would see her profile, see she was mature sounding and interesting, sent in his initial message, and then at their first meeting responded to her maturity, her reveal she was a widow, and all those other details.  And worked his magic to make sure they kept meeting to somehow build this connection.

But the film doesn’t fill in all of that for me!  I have to do all the work to make sense of it.  Especially at the end.  Irrfan and Parvathy have a fight, he goes off to meet his final girlfriend of three, watches her in her dance studio, and then leaves her a note instead of going in and rushes off to find Parvathy, and finally asks her how she feels about him.  But, why?  What changed?  Parvathy had just said terrible things to him, he went to see his girlfriend, and then rushed off to Parvathy.  I can come up with all kinds of explanations, realizing that he doesn’t want the artistic beautiful young woman, looking back on his most recent relationship and seeing how unsatisfying it was, all kinds of things.  But I don’t KNOW because the movie doesn’t give us anything!  And it would have been so easy, give Irrfan a speech earlier that explains exactly what went wrong in this relationship (more than just his tossed off “she was married to her art” comment), so we can fill in the gaps when he sees her, have the note he leaves be a little clearer, anything at all!

(Oh good lord, they cut a whole song!  This movie really should have been 20 minutes longer and that would fix everything)

Especially because the ending is where, for the first time, we suddenly can’t really understand Parvathy either. There were a few moments earlier where we saw her checking Facebook on her phone, looking at photos of a white man.  But then suddenly out of the blue she announces that the whole purpose of this trip for her was to meet up again with her ex-boyfriend, the older white man.  There was no indication before that this was what she was doing, the rest of the movie seemed like a sincere attempt to get to know Irrfan.  The introduction of her ex-boyfriend came out of nowhere.  And then she suddenly blows up at Irrfan, for seemingly no reason, declaring that he only cares about himself when he has just taken care of her for the past week, including holding her hair while she threw up on a helicopter ride.  That also comes out of nowhere.  And then her boyfriend shows up, it is seemingly perfect, he takes her back to his lovely house, and then we cut to Irrfan.  And by the time Irrfan tracks her down, she has had a change of heart and is receptive and happy to see him.  Why?  What happened?

Again, it would have been so easy!  I can fill in the gaps, I sort of know what happened.  She has been considering contacting her ex, the dating website was a way of getting her feet wet, this trip was a way of having an adventure and getting off by herself and building up her courage, she found herself more and more interested in Irrfan, and then as a final step to psych herself up to meet her ex, she had to yell at Irrfan and come up with things that were wrong about him.  But when she does meet her ex, she realizes he isn’t right for her after all, she doesn’t want to disappear into his life, and so she is going back to Irrfan.  But wouldn’t it have been easy to show all that?  Just a couple more glimpses of her looking at Facebook or somewhere else and thinking about the ex.  One moment of softness towards Irrfan right before she snaps, so we can connect the dots of her feeling suddenly afraid of her feelings.  And, most important, one scene of her with the ex, something as simple as him describing his plans for the day while her face shows that she is not interested, and that would fill it all in.  But there was nothing.

Like I said, the ending doesn’t ruin the movie.  It’s still a good movie, with two great central performances and memorable characters.  But it could have been more, if only Tanuja had stuck the landing.

14 thoughts on “Sunday ReRun: Qarib Qarib Singlle, a Nice Mature Romance With a Weak but Happy Ending

  1. I watched this cause you mentioned it. I think the fact that Irfaan remains so mysterious is a problem. He seems have played this in a lot of films. He was the same character in that competitive chess film…rich, mysterious, no job…..I loved her also, but in the end it wasn’t so satisfying.

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    • He’s mysterious, but not quite mysterious enough. there are so many female character study films that revolve around making peace with the guy, or attracting the guy, or somehow having the guy in the background. Like Dear Zindagi, I didn’t feel the need to know any more about Aditya roy Kapoor besides that he made furniture and seemed really solid and nice. But in this movie, we got just enough to turn Irrfan into more than the happy ending, but not enough to make him a full person.

      On Sun, Oct 21, 2018 at 11:56 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. I posted this in your original review post… The ending would have worked better if the entire film was shot in flashback. Start from their arrival in shinla and her meeting the white exbf. Then flashback the whole movie up till that point, peppering it in with her meeting with the exbf. Then move forward with the climax and ending.
    There’s s YouTube channel that does this sort of thing, retells films by resequencing the order in which scenes are shown, and thus demonstrating the hidden art and power of storytelling.

    P.S. Filmfare just tweeted Deepika and Ranveer official wedding announcement, set for 14th and 15th of November.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you are right, especially because Irrfan is so difficult at the beginning, it would have made that section easier to take if we knew what he would be by the end. Like Lakshya, so important that we started with responsible army Hrithik before spending time with worthless college student Hrithik.

      On Sun, Oct 21, 2018 at 1:28 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. Well, I can answer one mystery for you, I think. Irrfan goes after Parvathy because when he goes to leave her the good bye letter, he sees that she has made a website for him. That she’s been acting on her advice to him that the Internet is the way for him to get his self-published poetry out to the masses. This tells him that she appreciates his soul and his art in a way that she has not been able to tell him.

    It’s funny because my read on the characters is almost opposite. I feel like Irrfan’s character is kind of an open book. He never hides anything he’s feeling, to the point of being annoying and seeming self-obsessed sometimes. He’s independently wealthy, loves poetry, falls in love easily, respects women (and service industry people too–I love how the film shows that again and again), and gets angry at people who don’t respect women.

    Parvathy is clearly not great at expressing feelings to begin with, and very worried about what others will think of her at the beginning of the movie. I love the scene towards the end where she calls up everyone and tells them exactly what she is up to and what she thinks of them, positive and negative. She’s fighting her feelings for Irrfan, but some of her reactions to him I just don’t get. I was never worried about how Irrfan would treat her, but I do worry how she’ll treat Irrfan. She is someone who immediately goes for the soft spots when angry (at least with him) and says the meanest things she can think of. And Irrfan is so vulnerable and open with her. I worry she’ll continue hurting him in their (imaginary) future together.

    His ex-girlfriends and her ex-boyfriend really did feel like clunky plot devices–for the trip and to catalyze the final conflict. But as you say, the fun of this movie is in the great performances, and all the little lovely moments between them.

    How does Irrfan’s character fit into your typology of romantic fantasy dudes, BTW?

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    • Ooo, interesting question about Irrfan’s typography! And I think it gets at what you are saying in the rest of your comment. He’s a combination of an Alpha and a Beta. Beta in that he is kind and understanding and supportive and never demanding. But alpha enough to force through her reserve and (more importantly) make himself the one person she can be unkind too. I read her character as having slide into being a bit of a doormat, doing things for her friends and never complaining, and then lashing out sometimes at work. But with her brother, her healthiest relationship, they were honest with each other even if that meant being sometimes a little mean. I think she needed Irrfan to be that person, someone she could tease and snap at a little, before she could open up more with him. So, just alpha enough to get them past the beginning, but as they became closer and closer, he became more and more beta.

      I don’t think she will snap at him, I think she is someone who tests people, but once she makes a decision, she is all in. She is done with the nastiness and going after the soft spots, the rest of their life will be more just “I can’t believe you missed the train again!” Stuff that isn’t really hurtful, but is something she wouldn’t have said to someone she felt less close to (with her friends it would have been “that’s fine, don’t worry, it’s okay you missed the train, I will take care of it”)

      On Sun, Oct 21, 2018 at 2:31 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • Yes, exactly, she can get messy drunk with him and she can throw up in front of him and she can also get really really nasty with him and he won’t leave. Maybe that is what her catharsis was about? She spent so many years being “nice” because she was terrified of people leaving her like her dead husband, and now she has found someone who won’t leave, and it makes her feel suddenly okay with being real with everyone else.

          On Sun, Oct 21, 2018 at 7:42 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  4. It’s funny, I really liked this movie and I think I read the ending differently. It felt abrupt but not hard to understand. The ex boyfriend had foreshadowing, she mentioned him earlier at some point as they were leaving as justification for going on the trip. She had been carrying around the idea of him as Option B. But when she got there, he seemed happily settled (and also gay for some reason but I might be making that up). Her reaction read to me as how could I have been so stupid and now I’ve ruined everything, except then Irrfan came back and it was going to be OK after all. The fact that he makes it onto the gondola is the symbol of how they’re finally ready to be together, confirmed by her willingness to share the water bottle as a prelude to intimacy.

    I loved Parvathy’s asides directly to the camera. They came at moments when she was trying to work herself up into some kind of romanticism with Irrfan but ended up exasperated – when she tries to suck a mango, or when he falls asleep on her during their late night chats in the ashram. She has been lonely and wants to be in love again, but she also has her practical professional side, she can’t deceive herself like a younger, more innocent woman might. That’s the beauty of the moment when he discovers the website she built. He falls asleep every time she starts talking about her work. He never tries to understand what she knows until he can see what she made for him. They’re complementary. He’s adventurous and romantic but chaotic in his work and his life. She’s organized and practical but in need of romance and adventure. You can see what they’ll provide for one another if they can manage to let go of the odd idiosyncrasies they’ve acquired over the years and get along.

    The performances are top. There are so many great moments between the two of them – that scene after the night of the sleeping pills is beautiful. Agreed that Irrfan’s character needed more flesh on the bones. I wasn’t sure in the end if he really was wealthy or how, or what his life looked like when he wasn’t with her. He seems to have no people in his life besides Parvathy and his driver. Still, I’ve already recommended this to a friend who wouldn’t like more mainstream Hindi films, it’s a universal plot with serious acting and storytelling.

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    • Interesting point about Irrfan having no people in his life. If we look at that as a character touch rather than a flaw in the script (which it could be), it gives another reason Parvathy and he will be good together. Irrfan makes quick connections with all kinds of people, while Parvathy struggles with that. But Parvathy has at least two close long term friendships, and her parents, and her brother, and she is invited to and goes to weddings for friends from college. Once she makes that connection, she holds on to it and builds it. While Irrfan tends to lose people along the way, or they lose him. He needs someone who will stick by him no matter what, instead of just seeing him as a romantic experience. Another meaning of the website, Parvathy may be difficult and unromantic and all the rest, but she actually took the time to build something for him, she’s in it for the long haul.

      On Sun, Oct 21, 2018 at 10:35 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. I liked this movie the first time, except the ending seemed overly subtle, even for this style of film. It is a nice example of a mature romance. (Defining mature as being about two people who have lived a bit, been hurt, a bit, but still find something wonderful.)

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    • What I love is that it really embraces the idea of romance being different for “adults” than for young people. Parvathy and Irfaan are both carrying the baggage of everyone else they have loved and everything they have done in their lives into this relationship. They are fully formed people who have a really hard time changing themselves and meeting in the middle. It’s not just that they are older, they feel older, you know?

      On Mon, Oct 22, 2018 at 10:23 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • That’s one thing that bothers me about a lot of “mature” romances. They just take a young romance and put grey hair on it instead of really considering how different it is to fall in love when you have a whole life in the past versus when you are young and unformed.

          On Mon, Oct 22, 2018 at 4:31 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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