On my second watch (kidnapped by my friend Dina and forced to rewatch it), I amused myself by picturing the film without Aamir as part of it. And you know, it works!  There is no actual narrative need for Aamir to be there.  Here, I’ll show you.  Oh, and this will make a lot more sense if you’ve already seen the movie.

Thugs of Hindostan Without Aamir

We start the same way.  Childhood flashback to little Fatima as evil Lloyd Owen takes over her kingdom, killing her family horribly, only for her to be saved by Amitabh.

And then we come back 11 years later to find her group infiltrating a shipyard.  Amitabh is the front, the seemingly harmless old man with the shy covered up young daughter.  But then Fatima throws off her veils and pulls out her sword and gives the signal and the rest of their men swarm and fight as well until they have taken over the shipyard area.  An exciting action packed intro to her as an adult!

(I just want way more of this!)

Followed by a quieter scene with Amitabh and Fatima helping to smear mud on each other while they have an argument, Fatima wants to attack now, their numbers are growing, they have the man power and the popular support.  Amitabh explains that they can’t attack while the three big battleships are still under British control.  First they take out the ships, then they take out the small fighting ships, then they take out the fort, then they win.  Fatima is frustrated, says he is always asking her to wait, she has been waiting 11 years, her family cries out for vengeance.  And then one of the men tells them “it’s time” and they put aside their squabble to go out and take position on the fake statue.

Fight fight, just like in the movie we got, they take over the ship.  When it is over, Amitabh and Fatima meet up, and he says “one down, two to go” and she nods soberly, showing that they have reached a peaceful agreement.

Back with the British, Satish Shah meets with Lloyd Owen and Gavin Marshall.  After he leaves the room, they agree that they will use him as a goat, bring in Amitabh and Fatima while they watch his palace and then capture them.

Back at the hide out, Amitabh and Fatima arrive home with their men to be greeted by old woman Ila Arun who flirts outrageously with Amitabh and he flirts back a little and it turns into a raucous joyous dance number (“Vashmalle”) in the middle of which Fatima sneaks out, sadly, alone.  And then sleeps and dreams of her past, before waking up crying to see Amitabh waiting to comfort her.  They have the nice conversation from the film where he promises to always come for her and protect her, and then sings her a lullaby.  It’s a complicated relationship, they fight over tactics but they also love each other deeply.

(Imagine this, but with Ila Arun and Amitabh flirting and a bunch of similar couples of a range of ages also fighting and flirting.  Way more fun then drunk men molesting dancing girls, right?)

The next day they are calmly planning.  The next ship they want to take is leaving on a mysterious mission, they will wait until it is on the high seas and away from the protective shore guns, then sink it as quickly as possible instead of trying to capture it.  At first all goes as planned, but then after being thrown down the stairs in the fight, Fatima stumbles across the slaves in steerage, the secret mission was to take peasants from one region to another as forced labor.  Fatima immediately starts trying to save them, helping them out and carrying the sick ones.  Amitabh tries to order her to stop, the boat is sinking, they have to get their own men off first.  Fatima ignores him and keeps working, handing children off to their fighting men to help carry to the other ship.  Slowly everyone starts working with Fatima and ignoring Amitabh, Amitabh joins in heroically carrying multiple people and leaping ship to ship, finally going back and dragging Fatima away as she tries to save one last person.  He brings her safely to the other ship and then she starts crying about not being able to save everyone and he comforts her.  The ship is quiet and sad as everyone sympathetically watches her.

Back with the British, Lloyd Owen and Gavin Marshall are plotting.  First they are angry about losing another ship, but then Lloyd points out that one ship doesn’t matter if they can capture the whole band of rebels.  Now that the rebels have one ship and have destroyed another, they will be coming after the third.  All they have to do is wait and watch, the rebels will surely be heading towards the ship and Satish Shah’s palace as their next step.

Okay, here’s the one bit I have to do a little improvisation instead of just writing the movie that was happening all the time but we were stuck watching Aamir instead.  Fatima and Amitabh are having another fight.  He is planning to sneak into town the next day to meet with Satish and get the guns.  Fatima thinks they shouldn’t do it, shouldn’t trust Satish.  Amitabh in his nobility believes that it would be insulting not to trust Satish’s word, Fatima points out that trusting in Satish got her brother killed, Amitabh and Fatima end in a stand-off, hurtful things said on both sides.  Fatima, in anger, storms off.  And tells Ila Arun that she is going to sneak into town and do some recanutering (I know that can’t be the right spelling, but it’s close enough), don’t tell Amitabh.  Ila is unhappy, but agrees.

Fatima walks through town and sees a large group of redcoats heading in the same direction.  She follows them and then we go inside to discover they are all coming to Katrina’s show.  Katrina is getting ready, her aunt nagging her, she snaps back that the British may have taken over the whole country, but they don’t yet rule her.  And then she opens her closet to discover Fatima hiding inside and screams.  Her aunt calls in “is everything all right?”, there is a moment of silence, and then Katrina calls back “it’s all fine”.  Fatima whispers “thank you”, Katrina waves it off like it is nothing and casually starts getting dressed while Fatima stands awkwardly looking at her perfume and pretty clothes.  Katrina raises an eyebrow at her and asks if perhaps she wishes to be a bit more like a woman.  Fatima snaps that she is woman enough to kill for her people instead of dancing for their enemies.  Katrina is insulted and declares her dancing is as dangerous as Fatima’s sword.  Fatima doesn’t believe it, Katrina suggests that she will dance for the British and Fatima will be able to walk right out through the room without them noticing.  And, DANCE!!!  Katrina dances her defiance, luring them to their doom, while Fatima sneaks around the side of the room, overhearing conversations that give her vital information and finally escaping.

The next day, they mount up to go into town together.  Fatima and Amitabh are still not talking.  But Fatima tells the men to be on alert, the British are aware they are coming and the warship is in the harbor.  She also warns them not to trust Satish, while Amitabh is stonily silent in disapproval.

At the palace, Amitabh meets Satish alone because Fatima insists on guarding his escape.  The British arrive and Satish locks Amitabh in the armory and prepares to sacrifice himself.  Fatima sees it all from a distance and is heartbroken as she realizes that she distrusted Satish and distrusted Amitabh’s judgement.  She fights like a wild thing against the soldiers, trying to get to Satish and, after he falls, to Amitabh.  Meanwhile, Amitabh is separated from her, locked up, he looks through the window as she fights, heartbroken, and desperate to save her, runs up and down looking for a way out, clearly sick at the heart that he cannot be with his beloved foster daughter as she fights for her life.  At which point, he sees the ship approaching in the harbor, guns preparing to shoot at the shore.  Fatima is still fighting but the soldiers start to move away from her on a signal from Lloyd Owen, leaving her alone to face the guns.  Amitabh, now driven to desperation, sees the small boat below loaded with gunpowder.  He leaps down onto it and cuts the ropes free and sets the gunpowder barrels ablaze.  As he slowly and majestically heads towards the sea, Fatima sees what he is doing and shouts out “NO!!!!!”, he turns to look at her, the little bit of their love lullaby plays, and he takes off the bracelet her father gave him to remind him of his vow to care for her and throws it to her.  She snatches it out of the air, running towards him, but is just barely too late, their fingers come within inches of touching, and then he is gone, the boat is on the sea heading towards the ship.  Amitabh looks back one last time, just before the explosion takes him.  Fatima screams in agony, then tightens her fist on the bracelet, finally knowing she has no one to care for her but herself, and fights like a mad woman to get free, to get to a horse, and ride off.  INTERVAL

 

Post-interval, Fatima and the rest of the rebels mourn for Amitabh. And then Fatima gives a speech, promising they will now bring the fight to the British.  Afterwards, she goes to meet with her leading advisers, Ila Arun and the big scary men in turbans.  She tells them that the two warships are now gone, all that is left is the fighting fleet and the fort.  If they take out the fleet, they can attack the fort and take back the kingdom.  And she has a plan to do it, but it means trusting her complete, can they do that?  They all agree, calling her “Rajkumari” and bowing before her.  Fatima accepts their tribute, then goes back to her tent and fingers the bracelet she now wears on her wrist and cries achingly, while remembering Amitabh teaching her to shoot a bow, caring for her, holding her, singing to her.  And finally remembers the speech he gives her when she was missing her family, telling her that she will never lose them so long as she carries them in her heart.  It gives her peace and she is finally able to sleep.

The next day, Katrina sultrily slides into the British fort.  She meets with Lloyd Owen, flirting slightly, telling him she always liked the British.  And finally leading up to an offer to sell out the location of the rebels if he gives her many jewels.  Gavin Marshall doesn’t trust her, but Lloyd Owen is charmed, and also explains that of course a woman like Katrina has no heart, would sell out anyone and anything for a little money.  They should trust her and use her plan.

The British ships come into the secret cove, led by Gavin Marshall.  And up in the cliffs, Fatima is hiding.  They have a big ambush and destroy the ships, and at the end Fatima confronts Gavin Marshall and tells him that he should learn not to underestimate a woman.

Post-battle, Fatima sits on the beach building a sandcastle in the shape of her fort.  She puts the same two figures on top, then stops and removes the larger one, it is no longer her and Amitabh guarding the fort together, it is her alone.  She gently touches the little figure, then picks up Amitabh’s sword and slings it around her waist and strides off.

But, treachery!!!!!  Lloyd Owen calls from the cells one of Fatima’s men who they captured in the fight when Amitabh was killed.  And he slowly works on him, telling him how Amitabh is now dead, all his brave comrades are following weak emotional little woman (booo!  Women BAD!).  It doesn’t work the way expected, instead he gets furious about the insult to his princess, declares her braver and better and so on and so forth but accidentally lets slip information about their hide out when saying that she is strong enough to live in a cave that floods and has no sun and so on and so on.  Lloyd Owen chuckles evilly and thanks him.

(Did you know Lloyd Owen was in The Bodyguard The Musical?  He looks good, right?)

Fatima is sleeping, has nightmares again, and then imagines Amitabh is there to comfort and wake her.  He tells her she can’t sleep or dream, it is time to do something, to protect her people.  She wakes up for real and hears Amitabh’s bird flying, and follows it, to see the boats arriving.  She rushes back and raises the alarm, then breaks off the women and children to hide in the back-up hide out and takes the fighting men in to town saying she is going to look for an ally.

They all land up at Katrina’s.  The scene plays out more or less like in the regular film, Katrina is at first a little irritated and shocked to see them all in her place, but then Fatima sincerely asks for her help and she casually says that she likes crazy people, and anyway she will never be a slave of anyone.  So she will help them.

The final song plays out like in the movie, only without Aamir.  Fatima nervously prepares herself to dance and then kill Lloyd Owen.  And just before, Amitabh is revealed.  Fatima knows she will die before she has a chance to talk to him, and he will die as well.  And so with no other way of conveying everything she has to say, she sings back to him their lullaby and then goes into her dance.  Gavin Marshall is nervous when he recognizes her, but Lloyd Owen just smiles and waves him away.  At the end of the dance, Fatima flips forward to shoot him with the gun Katrina passed to her, and the gun fails to fire.  Katrina smiles and glides up, gently giving them all a salaam.  And then greets Lloyd Owen telling him that their plan worked, she is very grateful for him not arresting her after giving the false info on the initial ambush, and she has repaid him by bringing the whole band of rebels straight to him.  Fatima is furious and frustrated, Amitabh cries out in anguish.  Katrina suggests, now that they have the rebels, why not get their sympathizers as well?  Reveals Fatima’s identity and asks anyone in the crowd who wishes to save her life to step forward.  A large number of them do, and are arrested as well.  Katrina calmly smiles and salaams them all as they are taken away, cursing her.

And then she swings into the prison, smiling and flirting with all the guards and offering them laddoos in congratulation.  None of them suspect her, because she is “just” a woman.  And then she goes to Fatima’s cell and taunts her, tells her that a woman like her, who concentrated on grace and beauty, can achieve so much more than one like her with her little sword.  Fatima is furious and cursing her, Katrina just smiles.  And then all the guards suddenly fall down, drugged.  And Katrina keeps smiling and says “you see?  With my smiles and beauty, I defeated Lloyd Owen’s guards and united you with all your supporters.  Now, go fight with your little sword and see what you can manage”.  Fatima smiles wryly in acknowledgement of her barbs and then gives her a sudden fierce hug, surprising them both.  Until she hears Amitabh behind her, and turns and embraces him, calling him “Baba” and holding him, all their fight forgotten.

And then fight fight fight, soldiers defeated, finally Fatima confronts Lloyd Owen directly.  She pulls and raises her sword and asks him “do you recognize this?  It is my father’s sword.  When last we faced each other, I was not strong enough to lift it.  But I am stronger now”.  And then fight fight fight with swords, until she finally stabs him through the chest, killing him.  And the collapses sobbing over his corpse, until Amitabh comes and gently raises her up, before bowing slightly and calling her “Begum”.  She pulls herself together, visibly turning into a Queen.  And going out to face her cheering people.

Oh, and Katrina escaped, but was stopped by Gavin Marshall.  She smiled at him and he smiled back and released her wrists.  She is a little surprised and cautious looking, he says “you know, now that Fatima will be taking her kingdom back, I am thinking of leaving the army and staying here.  Considered taking a business partner, one who could bring in customers.”  Katrina smiles, says “I provide the customers, what do you provide?”  Gavin Marshall bows slightly and says “respect.  Voluntarily from myself, and forced if necessary from others”.  Katrina looks slightly surprised and murmurs, I will consider it.

The next morning, Fatima’s flag is raised on the fort as the British flag is lowered and the people cheer.  Amitabh is standing next to her and a little back.  She waves to the people, then turns to him.  He bows slightly and murmurs “Begum” again.  She takes his hand and takes off the bracelet from her wrist and puts it back on his and tells him “I may be Begum to all of them, but never to you.  To you, all I want is to be your daughter”.  He tears up slightly, puts the bracelet back on his wrist and steps back.  The camera soars out over the fort, the flag waves in the wind, Fatima raises her father’s sword and shouts out “AZAAD”.

End credits song!!!!  Fatima, dressed in royal garb, and Amitabh are sitting in the royal box at Katrina’s theater.  The crowd is a mixture, a few British soldiers (they can’t be entirely independent) but also merchants and other locals.  Katrina dances, with Gavin Marshall smiling behind the bar and stepping forward with a club when a crowd member gets too enthusiastic.  And at the end of the song, Katrina winks and throws a rose to Fatima, who smiles and raises it and gently kisses it and throws it back to her.  END CREDITS

(Like this!  A last happy song and a last chance to see our characters all in a good place.  It’s perfect!)