Again, this is one of those posts that acknowledges not all Shahrukh movies are perfect. We are all cool with that, right? I’m not gonna get angry threats on twitter like I did that one time? Okay, good.
Okay, a magic Paheli type ghost gives you a magic wand. You have the power to change Shahrukh films in any way you want. But, your power is not infinite. You can make small changes on 5 films or big changes on 3 films, or Very Very Big changes on 1 film.
Does that make sense? You need to either pick 5 films and do small changes, 3 films and do big changes, or 1 film and do massive changes.
For example, 5 small changes:
Chennai Express: Remove the weird Little Person scene
Happy New Year: Remove the vomit jokes
Raees: Keep the Muharram whipping scene that the censors cut out in some versions
Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna: Make the sex scene longer and make Rani happier during it
Veer-Zaara: Improve the old age make-up
3 big changes:
Dilwale: Cut the comedy track with Jonny Lever
Kal Ho Na Ho: Don’t forgive the grandmother
My Name is Khan: Cut the terrorism plot
1 really really big change:
Jab Tak Hain Jaan: Cut the first half, make it a love story between Anushka and Shahrukh
How about you? Or did I make this concept too complicated too be fun? In that case, you can always just pick between my choices as to which you think is most important.
dontcallitbollywood 
I would definitely want to keep the terrorism scene. These are essential to the film and an extremely important part. They have altered a lot of people’s perception for the better.
I would have shortened the hurricane scenes instead. By that time it was established that Rizvan has nothing but good intentions so I feel they stretched it out for a bit too long.
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Maybe just cut the stabbing bit? I feel like that was pointless, SRKajol were reunited anyway in the next scene, it was just one last bit of drama that was immediately resolved.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 11:07 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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That was definitely weird. Not unrealistic for it to happen, the point at which it did felt odd simply because the story had reached its climax already and was in the resolution phase. So it definitely took me by surprise. Or, I might just be too hung up on Western Drama or classic Greek Drama. It’s a minor thing though and on the whole this is one of my absolute favorite movies. On the upside, we wouldn’t have gotten the hospital scene afterwards and that’s one of my favorite moments.
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We could just make it slightly more believable and have him collapse when he sees Kajol because his body finally feels the physical toll of everything he has been through? And then we get rid of the stabbing and still have the hospital scene
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Darr
Okay, this might ruffle a few feathers… As much as I like her from what I have seen of her personality, I really feel that she wasn’t ready for a role of that caliber yet. I had great difficulty believing any emotion she tried to convey.
I also strongly disliked Deol. I feel the role could have been played a lot more passionately. If these two actors had done a better job I wouldn’t have rooted for the bad guy. I didn’t root for the bad guy in Anjaam.
Other than that this is one of my favorite SRK movies.
Dilwale
I would have liked the emotional issues the older siblings had with one another to be fleshed out more. A lot more. Upon second viewing I definitely warmed up to the movie more and the younger siblings don’t bother me quite as much as they did initially. Still an odd movie somehow.
KHNH
Would have loved for SRK‘s and Preity‘s storyline to be more fleshed out.
KANK
Ja, longer love scene is mandatory. I found the ending to be kind of abrupt.
Raees
I understand why he was executed but, wow, I am having a hard time dealing with that scene. It really goes under my skin. I also feel the depth of his relationship could have been more pronounced.
Don 2
I object that there isn’t a Don 3 still.
JTHJ
I would have made the beginning slightly darker. I still like both halves but second one is may favorite because I rooted for Anushka.
Dear Zindagi
More scenes with SRK! I know, it wasn’t meant to have him be any kind of lead in this film but he’s the most memorable part of it anyway, so could have just added a few more scenes.
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Darr
Hmm. Maybe. I feel like Sunny was purposefully directed to be oafish and dull, Yashji wanted the contrast and the message that neither guy was that great for the heroine. I am interested in the idea of a different heroine though, maybe someone who feels a bit older so there would be more of an effect of Shahrukh being immature with a crush. Who would you cast?
Dilwale
What do you think about just cutting the flashback section entirely? Stay only in the present, have a quick maybe 5 minute song sequence showing SRKajol meeting, falling in love, and then having the shoot out? And then we gain a lot of time for more depth to their present day relationship.
KHNH
I think I disagree with you here. On multiple watches, I’ve come to like the way Preity and SRK barely know each other. Ultimately, I think, Saif is the better choice for her and is supposed to be the better choice for her, the contrast is some guy she barely knows but is exciting versus her best friend that she has to learn to be excited about.
KANK
I love the ending! I would flip it and say that the bits before the ending are way too slow and drawn out. So much misery for such short happiness.
Raees
Agree with both points. I rewrote the Raees ending at one point to go from the execution to showing Mahira carrying on his legacy, maybe taking over his political seat, and a statue to him being built in the same place where the Gandhi statue was when he was a boy.
Don 3
Let me welcome you to the “FARHAN!!! WRITE DON 3!!!!” club!!!!! Farhan Akhtar, brilliant man, decided that he wanted to be a rock star/actor instead of a writer/director. Every single time he has another new rock tour announced or a role in another movie, I feel the need to yell at him about Don 3. I mean, good lord Farhan!!!! Your music isn’t even that good!
JTHJ
Interesting! How would you have made the first half darker?
Dear Zindagi
If there was an end credits tag showing what happened to SRK after the film, I would not have complained at all.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 11:50 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Juhi would be a great fit if only she would be more convincing in the scenes where she’s meant to feel threatened and traumatized. I am not knowledgeable enough to propose a different actress for the role.
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In my opinion instead of SRK and Pretty, Saif’s feelings should be better fleshed. Maybe include the deleted scene portion of the diary scene when Shahrukh reads about Saif’s initial feelings about Preity before then starting his monologue after he runs out of material
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Yes, and make the 10 years later flashforward better. I don’t know how exactly, just better.
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Billu: have less of the fake movie and more of the back story between Billu and Shah Rukh and Billu and wife.
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Ooo, an Irrfan Khan romance flashback! That is tempting.
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I still wanna weigh in but I am packing my you know what off getting ready to move on the 20th. Which brings me to an important question, are you ending the summer of Shahrukh on the 21st? May I petition you for the autumn of Shahrukh? Just wondering.
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Is this your first year with DCIB? It is, right?
Good news, the annual SRK birthday celebration lasts 30-45 days depending on how I feel. And then SRK’s birthday moves smoothly into the 2 month Christmas give away celebration. Which leads to the January annual awards season. Which leads to the Valentine’s Romance Celebration. And then it’s IPL and no one does anything, including DCIB.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 1:20 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Yes first year lol. Delighted to read this scheduling note. 🙂
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Meanwhile, others are heaving a great sigh of misery as they learn that Shahrukh Birthday Month will, once again, be happening.
I was going to suggest you go back and read the Birthday Month archives, but I will be reposting the best posts (“13 Reasons Shahrukh is a Vampire” and “5 Reasons I Love SRK” for instance), so maybe don’t spoil yourself.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 1:34 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Wow. All of that went straight over my head. It does sound like I’ve something to look forward to, though!
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Shahrukh’s birthday is November 2nd, it’s essentially a global holiday. Super fun. Hundreds gather to celebrate together at Mannat, millions gather online to follow the celebration by remote, every website runs specials. Some years there’s also a public press conference for us all to watch, sometimes he just comes out and waves to the crowd and puts out a nice thank you tweet.
Anyway, I do a count down to November 2nd that starts no later than October 2nd. And then starting right after, I have a give away where each person who makes the most comments every week gets a special one of a kind Christmas card. In January, I do a series of polls so we can all pick our favorite songs, movies, actors, whatever, for the previous year. Last year I moved right into a romance theme series when I finished that in honor of Valentine’s Day. And then “IPL” is “Indian Premier League” cricket. Shahrukh owns a team and a big stake, so do some other film stars, the filmi news kind of shuts down until the season is over.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 6:09 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Oh wow! That makes me all excited! I can’t wait for October 2nd! My first ever SRK birthday countdown event!
Thank you for doing all that and making a grown up feel like a kid before Christmas!
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Shakthi… dont kill sharukh! 😦
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I would say that is an across the board change. Devdas, Darr, Shakti, Baazigar, even OSO if possible somehow.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 1:28 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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But shakti is the one which hurts more; he gets dragged into something which is absolutely not related to him and gets killed.
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But couldn’t the same thing be said of Dil Se?
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 1:51 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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But thats love….. it made him blind; you cant use logic in it… 🙂
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In my version of Dil Se (a far inferior but happier film), he tracks down Manisha, convinces her to work with the police, they both get medals for bringing down the bombing group, and then we jump a year later to see Manisha pregnant with Shahrukh at Preity’s wedding to Madhavan in a cameo appearance.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 2:01 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Oh i have a simmilar scenario, he realises manisha is a “gone” case , comes back to preethi and they live happily forever…
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Yes! So much happier!
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 2:06 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Little Changes
K3G – Don’t twist Kajol’s arm behind her back at the bangle stall so she can’t walk away.
Dil Se – Don’t force kiss the female protagonist and then act all nice because it becomes clear she had past truama
JHMS – Don’t forcibly restrain Anushka on the bridge on the unbelievable premise that otherwise she would be kidnapped in an incredibly safe European city. If the concept of danger is necessary to the plot, follow her.
Big Changes:
Chalte Chalte: Change the actress
Swades: Change the actress
Don 2: The woman who infiltrated Don’s gang by KILLING multiple police officers is now a police officer? I don’t buy it, re-write her plot line.
Giant Change:
KANK: Re-write the whole script so that there is something likable about SRK. Ideally have the characters actually work to fix their marriages after an affair, or make the marriages appear unfixable.
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I don’t mind the three little things you would change, but there is only one that I think it is important to NOT change. The JHMS bridge scene sets up the dynamic of Shahrukh being physically stronger than Anushka and yet she has the power in the relationship. We need that reminder that, for all of her confidence and bossiness, Shahrukh is the one with the power in every way (physical, language skills, navigation, etc.). It helps to build the strange trust and equality between them. Also, he only restrains her when she, in her drunkenness and emotion, is already attacking him. I would even argue that his unwillingness to let her wander drunk and alone and emotional in the city (forget danger from other humans, she is just asking to be run over by a car) is an early sign of the tie he already feels to her, walking away from a sure thing in the club to try to get this difficult woman back to safety.
Just curious, who would you cast in Chalte Chalte instead of Rani? I’m fine with changing her, I just can’t think of anyone necessarily better.
How about in KANK we just add couple’s therapy scenes for both couples? We would get to see Shahrukh vulnerable and explaining his feelings instead of just bitter and covering them up, plus we would get a sense that both couples were really working on their relationships.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 2:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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You have a very good point about JHMS. I had considered the physically stronger aspect before but hadn’t attached it to relationship power vs. logistical/physical. My own knee-jerk reaction to male physical dominance prevented me from really seeing that.
For Chalte Chalte I want an actress who is a joy (for me) to watch. I think of Rani as solid, and good, but I don’t watch movies because she is in them. Partly it is a wish that Aishwarya had stayed in the role, she isn’t always an awesome actress, but I can’t think of a more beautiful woman, and I loved her chemistry with SRK. And of course I would love another movie with Kajol, or if it were re-made today Anushka.
And for me KANK needs more than couple’s therapy, maybe some parenthood classes. His own son is scared of him. There is no way I can make that sexy.
I’ve been slowing making my way through your Hindi Film 101 posts. They are fascinating, you have such an amazing insight into film and Indian history and culture. I never comment on them because I have nothing to add. A fun post like this I can comment on, but I really appreciate your in depth analysis of Hindi films. Thank you.
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So glad you are enjoying the 101 posts!
I think maybe combine your KANK change with the one from someone else above to make him a less angry father. Put the couples in therapy, and just get rid of the “bad dad” scenes entirely, then you have a good movie.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 8:23 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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some changes:
Ra.One: 1 – skip the boring entry scene and start with Luzifer (the boy’s dream); 2 – less curly hair for Shekhar; 3 – make Shekhar less ridiculous in the scene where he & his son gets threatened with a knife; 4 – skip the Rajnikanth tribute
HNY – no vomit scenes needed…
JHMS and KANK – insert all the deleted scenes and make Dev less aggressive towards his son
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Co-sign all these changes!!!! Especially the KANK one, it’s such a small thing with no plot purpose but it really turns you off the character. And there are a couple of scenes that show him being loving and kind towards the son, and other indications he is intended to be the understanding primary caregiver but it just doesn’t come through.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 4:08 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Darr
Have Juhi kill shahrukh. I feel like the movie would be much more satisfying this way. Also Sunny can stay dead.
DTPH
Give Madhuri an actual character to play (or maybe change the actress?) and Shahrukh less…annoying? Make Karishma less awesome so I won’t like her as much? Or maybe make the entire movie about Karishma!
KKHH
Anjali and Tina are in love. Yes I realize that I’m probably going to be alone in this.
Shakti
What desivoltaire said. Shahrukh lives. Him and Karishma end up together.
Devdas
EVERYTHING!!! Tell everyone to calm down none of this melodrama crap. Normal looking sets that don’t blind my eyes with sparkly mirrors. The movie actually follows the proper story so no dumb dola re dola dance sequence where the heroines have an entire section where they’re deciding who should be with srk. Switch out Aishwarya for idk somebody like Manisha. I guess Madhuri can stay.
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All of this is good!
Darr If Juhi is the hero (which I think she is) than the best ending for the narrative is for her to defeat the villain all by herself. Even better would be the final twist of the knife (ha!) for Sunny’s character, making it absolutely clear that his false machismo was false power. Shahrukh is the toxic whining little boy, and Sunny is the toxic bossy man, Juhi has to save herself. And we can have a happy ending of Juhi being alone and strong.
DTPH YES! Yes Karisma should have her movie! I will write this for her this week, definitely. If the central idea is a woman in love with her best friend and aware he doesn’t love her even if he wants to, should her happy ending be for him to finally come around, or for her to finally move on to someone who loves her as much as she loves him?
KKHH And what, Shahrukh is their willing mutual beard? How about this, Anjali and Tina are in love, Shahrukh is Anjali’s best friend and can see what is happening between them, he encourages them together, woos Tina on Anjali’s behalf and Anjali (after at first misunderstanding that Tina and SRK were in love) is convinced by SRK to pursue happiness. Anjali has to leave college to go back to her family, is afraid to stay just for Tina no matter how much Shahrukh argues with her, and then her mother misinterpreted her broken heart as being over Shahrukh. Tina marries because she has to and has a daughter. Anjali stays single as long as possible but finally gets engaged to Salman. Only for Tina’s daughter to randomly end up at her summer camp. Anjali is heartbroken when she learns the truth, thinking Tina has married and moved on. But then discovers Tina is divorced. Little Anjali calls her “uncle Shahrukh” who has remained Tina’s good friend to come to the camp and help her convince Big Anjali to come home with her. Shahrukh works on Anjali at the summer camp, reminding her of her emotions, and she finally confesses to him that she has tried to deny her heart but was truly in love….only her confession is mistakenly heard by Salman! She is rushed off to the marriage before Shahrukh can stop her. As a last attempt, he comes to the wedding to try to stop it….and brings Tina. Anjali sees her for the first time since college and can’t bring herself to walk to the nuptial fire. Salman finally puts together all the clues and gives a big speech about how they are a couple made in heaven and brings them together. Anjali and Tina happily marry over the end credits and in the background Shahrukh and Salman shake hands and it is implied that maybe they will have a thingy-thing too.
Devdas YES!!!!! Just generally, less fairy tale fantasy and more cynical tale of how cowardice and bad luck makes people’s lives fall apart.
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 5:40 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Juhi defeating the villain and leaving Sunny would be so good because it finally gives her some much needed agency!
Nisha getting her own movie is what she deserves!!!
Oh my god thanks for the entire Anjali/Tina fanfic! I love it! My fanfic headcannon for those two was always that they were both in love with each other but misinterpreted the situation and just thought that the other girl was in love with shahrukh.
Oh I didn’t mention this but for K3G I’d like to cut out that Johnny Lever-Hrithik scene that goes on FOREVER and have like a quick scene where everyone runs into Rani in London and she’s happily married to Abhishek!
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Love both the K3G additions! And there’s already that deleted scene with Abhishek, how easy would it have been to throw Rani in there with him?
And I still need your vote on Nisha, should she get the guy she has a crush on in the end, or should she get someone better who actually wants her?
On Sat, Sep 14, 2019 at 2:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Exactly I love that deleted scene for that reason! Also Nisha should get someone better!
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Done!
My Nisha plot will be that she has a crush on her best friend, he tries to be nice, it’s all hard and complicated, she eventually manages to move on, there is a new guy who loves her passionately, she goes back and forth and finally agrees to be engaged but still isn’t super sure. And then the best friend shows up and is all “I got dumped by the other girl and now I have decided I love you!”, and she agonizes and then picks the other guy and breaks the heart of the best friend.
On Sat, Sep 14, 2019 at 6:55 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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