Silly Sunday: Stories Inspired By Song Videos, “Bang Bang”, “Love is a Dare”, “Ishq Shava”, “Janam Janam”, “Rock ‘n Roll Soniya”

You ready for a silly lazy idea? I’m gonna take a bunch of songs out of context and invent the movies they should belong in, because they don’t quite work in the movies they are in. Feel free to jump in with more ideas in the comments!

This is the end credits song for Bang Bang, it’s got nothing really to do with the plot, just serves as sort of an imaginary culmination of the romance between Hrithik and Katrina. But I think it could be used better. Watch the video, then come back to read my idea.

I think it reads more like two confident equal long time lovers being reunited. What if instead the movie surrounding it was about a top spy (Katrina) and a top thief (Hrithik). They fell in love 5 years earlier and quit their respective jobs and settled down for a “normal” life. But then Hrithik takes one last job partly because he wants to feel alive and partly because they need the money for the mortgage on their little tourist restaurant. And Katrina takes one last job for the same reason. But since they are keeping it secret from each other, they don’t realize that Katrina is chasing Hrithik. In the end they realize they are both being played by the people who hired them and go out on their own together. Which reignites the spark in their relationship, leading to this song. That works better, right? Especially if this song comes after a period of them being boring regular folks, Katrina in an apron with messy hair and Hrithik smiling and being polite to needy tourists.

This one really works pretty well in the original film. I just want to make it work even better, give it more of a place of it’s own. In the original, Ranveer and Vaani are exes turned friends. But when Vaani gets engaged, they have a series of big fights that come closer and closer revealing their feelings, and then at the rehearsal dinner/Sangeet thing, they are challenged to show off their dancing together. Reveals their hidden anger and then love, blah blah. But I want this to be the centerpiece of the whole film, not just one thing at the end!

How about this? Ranveer and Vaani are professional dancers. They meet and immediately dislike each other, but then their regular dance partners become unavailable (Ranveer’s sister gets pregnant, Vaani’s boyfriend announces he is getting a “real” job and expects her to quit dancing and follow him), so they are forced to partner up together. Vaani feels like she has something to prove to her ex and so is very dedicated and professional. Ranveer is uncomfortable because he has only danced with his sister his whole life. They work and work and work and eventually get to the finals of the big Thing. Only for Vaani’s ex to return and say he is proud of her, he wants her to keep dancing, and he wants to marry her. Vaani tells Ranveer this right before they go on, and this dance is them working out their emotions and admitting their love on stage, plus they win the big Thing.

Such a great dance number! So poorly placed! In the original, this is fragile rich girl Katrina finally letting out her free spirit thanks to being wooed by cocky poor boy Shahrukh. But they have terrible chemistry, it doesn’t make sense for her to be such a good dancer, and Shahrukh’s young make-up is terrible.

How about this instead? Katrina is Shahrukh’s platonic best friend. She met a shy awkward rich girl somewhere and invited her to this underground party. The shy awkward rich girl is in the crowd watching as Shahrukh and Katrina dance, feeling bad because she isn’t as spectacular as Katrina, and because a cool guy like Shahrukh will never be into her. Post-dance, Katrina introduces her to Shahrukh, who is kind to her but doesn’t take her seriously because she is boring and young (Shahrukh in this version is mid-thirties at least and kind of Katrina’s mentor in the party scene). The shy awkward rich girl is the heroine of the movie, she asks Katrina’s help to become “pretty” and attract Shahrukh. Katrina indulges her at first, but then when Shahrukh introduces her to his latest Bad Idea girlfriend, she decides that the shy rich girl might be perfect for him and starts working to throw them together for real. It takes a while, and a lot of twists and turns, but in the end Shahrukh realizes all the things he really loved about the shy rich girl were her real self, and all the things that made him hold back (like, her not calling him back after their first date) where Katrina coaching her. And he convinces the shy rich girl of the same thing, since she now believes he loves Katrina after all and not her.

Such a great song! And the general idea of this middle aged couple having an unspoken passion in the middle of the road is perfect. It’s just, the history behind the middle-aged couple is no good.

I’m gonna go really radical on this! What if they aren’t past lovers at all???? What if this is their first meeting??? Shahrukh is a middle-aged garage owner and loving older brother. Kajol is a middle-aged new arrival in town trying to open a restaurant and a loving older sister. Shahrukh doesn’t believe in love and Kajol thinks her sister is too young, so when their siblings fall in love, they decide the only hope is to get their older brother and sister to fall in love too. They arrange for Kajol to have car trouble on a route Shahrukh will be driving, but it doesn’t seem like it will work, Shahrukh even figures out the plan and is planning not to stop just to teach his brother a lesson. But then he sees Kajol by the side of the road and falls in love at first sight. He is so overwhelmed he can’t speak, but he silently fixes her car while dreaming of romancing her. The rest of the film is his younger brother Varun teaching him how to romance so he can win over Kajol (who is determined that love is a mistake and woman are stronger on their own).

I remember when I first saw this song, and I was SURE I knew what the plot of the movie was. And then it wasn’t that. Instead, it was Rani and Shahrukh both fighting with their spouses because they hate parties. Boring!

Now, here’s the plot the movie SHOULD have had. Abhishek and Preity are having an affair. They didn’t want Rani and Shahrukh to come to this party and are ignoring them now that they are there. Rani and Shahrukh have each, individually, just now realized that their partners are having an affair. At the end of the song, they both sneak out and meet each other in the hallway, and in a sudden burst of honesty to a stranger, Rani says that she has just realized her husband is having an affair with Preity (not realizing Shahrukh is Preity’s husband). Rani learns who Shahrukh is later and then tracks him down to apologize. They end up speaking honestly about their marriages, and then reassuring each other that they aren’t “boring”, it’s okay to hate parties and nightclubs and prefer museums and books. Slowly slowly, they fall in love. They are torn with guilt at being “wrong”, but finally justify it to themselves that their spouses are already cheating. They start an affair, but then (twist!) their spouses end up ending their affair and wanting to start again in the marriages. Rani and Shahrukh realise the other one must be getting the same offer and so lie to each other that they have forgiven their spouses and are starting fresh. 2 years later, Rani goes to Abhishek’s wedding and discovers that Preity is single, and so on and so forth, like in the original.

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