Monday Morning Questions: What Do You Want to Ask Me the Monday After Shahrukh’s Birthday?

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Happy Monday! I had a lovely lovely weekend, ending with dinner and a card game with Grandpa, and now I am back at work.

This is where you can ask me anything at all at any point during this week. Any question you have, about a movie or Indian culture or language or anything, just swing back here and lay it on me!

Now, to start the week off right, a question for you! Oh, and remember we are now in the “Christmas Comment Contest” zone, the more comments you make, the more likely you will win a Christmas card. Anyway, question! Just a random one that occurred to me after realizing how gender flipped from the usual story Chaahat is, what movie (Indian or otherwise) would you be interested seeing remade with the genders flipped?

I’m gonna set a good example by giving lots of options!

Dabangg: Sonakshi is a cocky but troubled police officer who sees a young lower caste man changing his shirt and falls in love at first sight. While she focuses on taking down a corrupt local political leader Anushka Shetty, she also follows and romances the lower caste man.

Karan-Arjun: Madhuri and Kajol are happy village girls devoted to their father Amrish Puri. But then evil Raakhee kills them both. Their father, crazed by grief, prays to Shiva and his girls are reborn into different families. Years later Kajol has become a horse trainer and teacher who is romancing wild rich boy Shahrukh, while Madhuri has become a troubled young woman living in the slums. They meet, they dance, lightening hits, they remember each other.

Housefull 4: Jacqueline Fernandez, Kriti Sonan, and Lisa Haydon are young con woman who meet and seduce three dim rich boys (played by male models to be named later). But they have to trick the boy’s over protective mother Dimple Kapadia before they can marry and be rich.

Koyla: Madhuri is a poor mute girl, used as a stable girl by evil Raakhee who killed her parents. But then Raakhee sees simple village boy Shahrukh and feels desire for the first time in a long time. She fires her current gigolo Mohnish Behl and brings on Shahrukh as her husband, tricking him by sending him a photo of Madhuri.

Okay, what are your ideas? Or which is your favorite of these ideas?

Oh, and bonus question as a follow up on SRK’s birthday and our discussion of what we most wanted to get from him as a gift: Which of the following do you want more?

Red Chillies announces they have designed a “SRK Audio” button. You can install it on any audio device and, with the press of a button, anything from your GPS directions to your book on tape can be read in Shahrukh’s voice, “Prepare to turn left in 20 feet, my junglee billu.”

Or, Shahrukh announces that he and Juhi are co-producing and starring as the mother and father in a family sitcom on Netflix India, with laughter and learning and a sane work-life balance that will allow him to be happy and healthy.

Or, Shahrukh announces that he and Kajol are starring in a series of three films following the same couple as they deal with their midlife angst, co-directed by Aditya Chopra and Imtiaz Ali.

46 thoughts on “Monday Morning Questions: What Do You Want to Ask Me the Monday After Shahrukh’s Birthday?”

  1. Mmmmm….As I have a deal with my personal good fairy, I think I’ll phone her for the next three wishes and take them all. (I know, she will scold me for being greedy, but as she likes ShahRukh, too, I’ll simply repeat his advice of being greedy 🙂 )

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    • I think I really want the “Shahrukh Voice App” option, but on the other hand a sitcom would be so fun. I just don’t know!

      On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 6:52 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. Couple of pieces of news: The full Jai Jai Shivshankar video dropped and wow, it’s so blazingly apparent to me that Hrithik is injured and just can’t do anywhere the moves he used to be able to do but…it doesn’t matter? Because even if he can’t keep up with Tiger in terms of moves, he more than makes up for it with charisma and knowing what to do with his body even with his limitations.

    The Pati Patni Aur Woh trailer also dropped and people are extremely not happy with it for good reason. Marital rape joke 😬

    In other news, I’m sick 😭 Any movie suggestions for someone who’s ill and doesn’t have the mental energy to concentrate on a complicated/heavy film?

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    • I have so many sick day film suggestions! Luckily, Hindi film seems to specialize in “leave your brain behind” movies.

      Bang Bang, same director as War, same level of depth and logic

      Happy New Year, so stupid, probably very funny if you are a little high on cold medicine

      Student of the Year 2, see Tiger attempt to have chemistry with girls and dance with Will Smith

      Ohm Shanti Oshaana, sweetest little love story EVER from the Malayalam industry

      Dhanak, sweet and encouraging about the world and will make you cry happy tears and clear your sinuses

      Made in Heaven, addictive 8 episode Prime series, will give you something to bing

      On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 10:02 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • When I’m sick all I’d want are the cosy family movies that feel like being wrapped in a warm hug. As you’re an Aamir fan, I don’t know if you’ve seen Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar Ke (Aamir-Juhi being adorable+lovely songs+fun kids). Older Hrishikesh Mukherjee films like Golmaal, Chupke Chupke or Chhoti Si Baat (they don’t make films like this anymore). Or straight up 80s Masala if you like that, like Shaan or Suhaag. These are just off the top of my head.
      Hope you feel better!

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  3. What are some funny or uplifting Indian movies about terrible bosses? I’m struggling with a couple of them at work right now, and could use some perspective, or possibly ideas for strategies. Dance-off? Set them up with a hidden camera? Help their son/daughter overcome some obstacle in life?

    I’m going for Shah Rukh and Juhi series, but I truly hate the 22-minute sitcom format. Can we do a 50 minute dramedy instead? I’m thinking like the feel of either 30-something (like life, but with better writing!) or Northern Exposure. (Yes I am old).

    If I could have my wish it would be Shah Rukh getting into recording audiobooks–any genre, any language. Come on, Audible, get on it for your global audience!

    Gender swap–KKHH, K3G, or KANK. Just because I think any of them would be really hard to do but could be a great satirical comment on the originals, while also entertaining and endearing in their own right, if done well. Not done by Karan obvs. Maybe Zoya?

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    • Jhankaar Beats, the boss isn’t “terrible”, but he isn’t great, and there’s a lot of maneuvering around him. Sui Dhaaga has a really terrible boss situation which ends up inspiring starting his own business. Rocket Singh Salesman of the Year is another good one, and you don’t hate Ranbir, so that should work for you. A Gentleman is a totally happy take on the office worker dynamic that should help you to laugh at it.

      I love the 22 minute sitcom format! Laughing and learning and then it ends with a big family hug! But fine, I will allow your dramedy option. This Is Us has brought that back anyway. How about the initial set up is an NRI family moving back to India? The 3 kids struggle to make friends in their new school, the Mom thrives at work (she is the reason they moved) but the Dad struggles because he had to take several steps back in his career in the move. There’s a couple friend has been living the happy Indian family life for years and serves as their guides and also kind of an irritating comparison (how are their kids so perfect when the central couple’s kids are so grumpy and irritating?). And the Mom has a good old friend at work (the one who offered her the job) and the Dad has a college friend he links up with again. Both of them are single and exciting and pull the couple away from their family life. Loving, learning, gentle humor, first love for the kids, Dad eventually decides on a total career change with Mom’s support (maybe becomes a full time parent?), Mom has the option of an affair and turns away from it because she is happy in her marriage even when it is stressful, so on and so forth. What do you think?

      Co-sign all your gender swaps except for KANK. Shahrukh’s character, sure, but Rani’s character lacking any sexual attraction for her husband is something so specific to women that it wouldn’t feel the same with a man. On the other hand, if you flipped the character’s in Rani’s marriage, that I would love. Make it a man who can tell that his wife is not attracted to him, who is struggling to keep this marriage alive even though there is this secret thing he can’t say or even complain about out loud, and then he meets this difficult funny bitter angry woman and knows that somehow she feels for him what his sweet patient “perfect” wife does not, now THAT would be AMAZING!!!! Right? Rani as a former athlete who is injured and now struggles to fit into the role of full time parent while her husband grows farther and farther away from her in his own success. Abhishek as a guy with the seemingly “perfect” life who has spent two years denying to himself that his wife can’t stand it when he touches her. Preity as Abhishek’s seemingly “perfect” wife who does everything for him but winces away in bed. Arjun Rampal as Rani’s super successful husband who is sick of listening to her bitterness and anger. And then Rani and Abhishek meet and she recognizes in him the same marital unhappiness she feels, they try to work together to save their marriages, but are swept away with the intoxication of being with someone who both likes them and is attracted to them. And so on and so forth. What do you think?

      On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 10:16 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Yep, fully co-sign your ideas for the series and the KANK swap. What would we like to do with Kirron as a widow who is enjoying her sexual freedom, but in a non-gross way unlike Amitabh? Or would we need to cast someone else to play that convincingly?

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        • Yes, I want it to be Kirron! It even works better in this version. We have an older woman who owns and enjoys her sexuality. And then we have two younger women struggling with their own, Preity with admitting that she finds no sexual pleasure with her husband, and Rani with admitting that she wants sex and is struggling to stay in her marriage without it. Plus Abhishek having this example in front of him of how women can have sexual desire, in contrast with his wife.

          On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 11:00 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • I think I have to write it up, don’t you? Even though it doesn’t have a role for Shahrukh and therefore no one will care about the FanFic.

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          • I was thinking maybe Shahrukh shows up at the end in a cameo as the one man who can excite Preity. But that seems mean to Abhishek. I would rather have Preity get married at the end to a totally boring unattractive looking man who clearly gets her hot and bothered, with the lesson that there is a lid for every pot and sometimes it doesn’t make sense. Like, the Varun actor who played Mayank in JHMS.

            On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 4:12 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Not even going to answer the Kirron/Shah Rikh question? What a wonderful flip that would be on that pattern where e.g. Sally Fields plays Tom Hanks’ girlfriend, then 5 years later plays his mother.

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          • No no, it would be great, but it would still unbalance the film, make it all about Kirron’s hot lover instead of the other people. But replace Shahrukh with Zayed Khan, and I’m there!

            On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 4:26 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  5. I have a really hard time choosing if I would like a Netflix series with Juhi and SRK or a series of movies with Kajol with great directors. I would love the Netflix series, with it’s low-key format but I love Kajol. I like Juhi, but I love Kajol. So I think I want a netflix series with Kajol. She doesn’t like to be away from her family for long periods of time, so a Mumbai based series would be good for her too.

    I kinda want to see all movies gender flipped, but I think the action ones would be especially fun. I’d love to see Bang Bang with a woman in Hrithik’s role.

    And to ask you – I need to find some more good action movies that will interest both me and my children. I dislike the Race movies. I don’t want my kids to see cops being bad like in Dabang. We loved Bang Bang, we loved Don, and Happy New Year and Dilwale. There are so many action films, and so many of them aren’t awesome.

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    • Ooo, action movies! Singham is great, check that out for sure. It’s a Hero Cop action movie. Main Hoon Na is kind of an action movie if you haven’t seen it yet. Singh is King is an action comedy. Shivaay is a very very bad movie with a lot of great action scenes. Son of Sardaar should be a definite win, crazy action sequences and a comedy plot. Ek Tha Tiger (not Tiger Zinda Hai) and Dishoom are also both fun and light. It’s tricky, because action films in India have a terrible tendency of swinging dark and serious instead of light and fun. But all of these are on the light and fun side.

      For our Netflix series, do you want the happy family sitcom, or the hour long dramedy option? Either way it is Shahrukh and Kajol as middle-aged parents of three kids (teenage daughter, wise cracking son, cut baby) who just moved back to Bombay from America for a high powered job Kajol took while Shahrukh is now the primary caregiver for the kids. But do we want the light 20 minutes with jokes version, or the more serious 50 minutes with real continuing problems version?

      On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 9:02 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      • Netflix – light 20 minutes (or half hour). And the plot as you described it sounds great, but there needs to be something funny about Kajol’s job to give her a lot of humorous (but not embarrassing) situations. That is a fine line in funny sitcoms, finding humor without embarrassment. Could she be a news reporter? I think SRK as a househusband would be GREAT! After all we know he can cook chicken. Can the baby/preschooler move to India and then suddenly decide not to eat any Indian food, even though they loved it when they lived in America? This ridiculousness always happens in my family and I want to see it on screen. I’m okay with serious issues thrown in with the jokes, but the love and laughter need to shine over all else in the sitcom.

        The kids and I have seen Main Hoon Na, I love it, but they only like it. They love One 2 Ka 4, and I only like it. We’ll try Singham next. Is Shivaay that movie with the tent sex? Their father was on Yosemite SAR and would be able to tell you what to do if your tent was hanging off a side of a mountain (getting busy would not be on the list). Unfortunately he also has a deep disdain of my Hindi film love. I’m tempted to put it on so he can make fun of it for life, but then I wonder, gee, maybe I shouldn’t give him any more ammunition.

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        • OY! Juhi could be SRK’s sister! Or the family friend. ALL THREE COULD BE IN THE SERIES TOGETHER! My fictional happiness is complete.

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          • No wait, I’m not done thinking. Madhuri could be Kajol’s boss. Would she play an evil character? That could be fun. Could we get a Netflix sitcom with SRK and all his same-age famous co-stars? Could Rani be Kajol’s competition from another station? Maybe Priety could be Kajol’s best friend who still lives in the states but comes to visit every now and then? What men does SRK have good chemistry with? set them up as all the ladies husbands, or as neighbors. A cameo every episode from a major star… It’s too much, but Kajol and Juhi, that might be possible. Just thinking about it makes me smile.

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          • I vote a big name cameo every episode! Preity is the rival Mom at school that Shahrukh defeats by bringing better things to sell at the fundraising rummage sale. Madhuri is the new station owner who comes in and makes everyone scared and upset that she is going to change the format. Rani is Shahrukh’s ex-girlfriend who comes by in a special episode and makes Kajol nervous.

            On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 11:42 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Ha! Makes me smile, too! Great idea!
            ShahRukh good chemistry with Saif, Abhishek, Boman, Sonu, Varun, Mohammed Zeeshan

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          • Juhi is SRK’s sister, Anil is her husband, they are in the first episode to welcome the family to India and help them get settled, and then make occasional appearances through out the season.

            On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 11:32 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • What about Juhi being the host of a cooking show but actually SRK does all the cooking at home? She’s got a funny production assistant and a nervous boss and an older rival cooking show host. Maybe Boman Irani? He used to be the most popular cooking show host on the network and now Kajol has taken his spot?

          And yep, Shivaay is the sex on the mountain one! But ignoring that whole sequence (which you could do, just skip to the present day with the little girl) and it’s a fun action movie.

          On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 11:23 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • Could the older rival be Ajay? And he is super sexy with a 20-year-old girlfriend, but always hits on Kajol while trying to destroy her career? Could there be an OTT fight seen between SRK and Ajay where they both end up in the hospital and have to share a room?

            And maybe at first they move into an apartment right next to sister Juhi, but then sister Juhi is there ALL THE TIME, even popping in after the kids are in bed to borrow a cup of milk. So they decide to move, but don’t want to hurt her feelings, thus they enlist her help (she’s a real estate agent?) finding a new place, but she doesn’t want them to move, so she only shows them terrible places.

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          • Yes to both of these! So long as Ajay is only there for one Very Special episode because I don’t want him to take over the whole show. But Juhi can keep popping in and out for a scene here or there. Maybe sometimes just the cold open or the tag scene, sometimes part of the whole plot.

            On Tue, Nov 5, 2019 at 1:55 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  6. Is it just me or are many of the Yash Raj / SRK classics all of a sudden unavailable on Amazon Prime Video? I’ve been craving a rewatch of RNBDJ and DDLJ but neither is available to watch!! I’m in California…is this happening to anyone else? Did they ink a contract w another streaming service? 😦

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  7. Gender flipped movie: JTHJ with Tabu as a tough bomb disposal expert who has to rescue pretty young manic pixie Ranveer until he falls in love with her while she suppresses her lost love for the sweet and lovely Vicky Kaushal whom she hasn’t seen since her motorcycle accident. Aside from the discomfort of watching Tabu not able to cross a road without getting seriously injured, I think this would be very entertaining. Tabu looks great in a uniform (cf. Drishyam), and Vicky is so hot when he’s sad.

    Shahrukh gift: I’m most tempted by Shahrukh as the voice of my GPS, although I don’t drive so he would be the voice of Google Maps on my phone. Except that I hate Google Maps so much I’m not sure if I would like it better if Shahrukh were the voice or if I’d start hating Shahrukh. (People in Tokyo this weekend were treated to the sight of a foreign woman staring at her phone and saying, out loud, “I can’t turn right; I’ll walk into the side of a building!”). Oh, wait, can Shahrukh be my Siri voice? I would love that, and probably quit my job so I could talk to him all the time.

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    • Ooo, love your gender flipped JTHJ!!! The plot is still stupid, but at least we would have Tabu in uniform to comfort us.

      SRK could totally be your Siri voice! Also, books on tape and auto-translate.

      On Tue, Nov 5, 2019 at 1:13 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • Oooo, that’s a dangerous game Alia!!!!! Aish ruined her career playing it this way, she was riding high in India when she jumped to America, America didn’t work out and she came back to India with her popularity gone. Dips went the other way, opted to let Hollywood go and focus on India instead of losing what she had. PC did it right, rode out India until her career had run its course, than hopped over and started fresh. Come to think of it, that’s what the title of this article is saying, isn’t it? “Alia, you are way WAY too young to give up on India and go to America! You’ve still got 10 years before we are done with you and you have to move to second choice!” If Alia tries for Hollywood, and it doesn’t work out (which odds say it won’t), it will be very very hard to crawl back into India’s good graces. And there’s the prime period of her career all gone on a Quixotic quest.

      On the other hand, if this is what breaks her up with Ranbir, or keeps her working while he stays home with the kids, it is all worth it.

      On Tue, Nov 5, 2019 at 9:30 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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