Last time I did 6 separate posts, this time I’m gonna try one post that I keep updating. And you can always find it by clicking through to “Fanfic” from the top menu.
Okay, first step!
Hero: Sid M
Love Interest: Varun
Setting: A modern day cruise ship
Sid M is a Hindi film superstar, taking the cruise as part of his promotions for his next film. Varun is the ship bartender, charming and happy with who he is. Then, PIRATES!!!!
First scene: Sid and his fiancée, Shraddha, entering the cruise ship as the flash bulbs go off and everyone yells “Sir! Sir!” at him. Shraddha is preening for the camera in her big hat and sunglasses. They exchange loving looks. Cut to them arriving in their spacious suite and closing the door. Their happy loving faces fade and Sid looks anxious and sad while Shraddha sighs audibly and surveys the room. Is this really the biggest suite they have? Just then the manager knocks on the door. It’s already time for Sid’s first event and they are wanted on the Lido deck. [My entire knowledge of cruise ships comes from the Love Boat]. They are led up a hidden staircase while Shraddha continues to brat about the cruise and how she doesn’t want to be on it while he tries to gear himself up to greet people cheerfully. When they get to the venue she’s finally had enough and in front of all the staff she tells Sid she’s going to back to the room and he can just handle the event himself. He’s embarrassed and upset and figures he’ll get a drink to calm down–the bar is being set up before any of the other passengers come in. He goes toward the bar and he and Varun lock eyes for a second. Varun of course has seen the whole thing. He fixes a drink for Sid and says something compassionate but not nosey about how stressful these things can be. Sid unthinkingly blurts out that it’s been like this for months now. He looks at Varun in alarm about how much he’s revealed, but Varun smiles reassuringly and says bartenders hear all kinds of secrets from all kinds of people. They call Sid to the stage and the audience starts coming in. Sid takes a deep breath to get ready, and glances again at Varun, who is talking with customers. He smiles ruefully to himself. Of course it meant nothing special. Varun is a bartender; it’s his job to make people comfortable. First musical number!
The plot thickens!
Meanwhile, on the pirate gunboat, The Dipsy Devdas, the evil pirate captain and his crew are plotting to overtake the cruise ship and capture Sid for the huge ransom he will bring. The captain, Randeep Hooda, receives a satellite call from his cruise ship contact – his secret girlfriend Shraddha. The plan? Shraddha will lure Sid to one of the lifeboats and, with the aid of other pirate cohorts (A drunken Rishi and his not all there son, Ranbir), will push Sid into the lifeboat and cast him adrift. Once afloat, the pirates will seize Sid and, with him at their mercy, demand huge amounts of money from any country who wants to pony up. There is much mwha-hah-hahing as the dastardly plan is finalized.
Its the night of the big plan. Shraddha is going to dress up and seduce Sid..lure him onto the deck and into the lifeboat. *Seduction song begins* Shraddha is all sexy and come hither….Sid is at first confused…but decides to go with it because Shraddha is just *soo effective*….the seduction/dance continues from the suite to the hallways to the elevator until they are finally on the deck. Somewhere along the way Varun is carrying a tray of drinks and sees Sid being lured….Sid and he exchange a look and with that Varun is convinced that everything is not okay and something is off…he starts following them to keep an eye on Sid…the song reaches a crescendo and they are on the deck…Shraddha has managed to get Sid exactly where he needs to be…while Varun his hiding nearby keeping watch…and then the two Goons Rishi and Ranbir jump out from hiding…they were accomplices who were undercover as acrobats for the ships troop. The two goons come swinging towards Sid…Varun starts running Sid…Sid freezes as he finally realizes what’s going on…
The seduction song should also be siren themed–lots of blue tones, Shraddha in silvery makeup with her hair in loose curls, maybe an aqua green/blue maxi dress. Haunting melody, but still sexy, slow, Shraddha doing sexy moves that might not really be dancing, but still seductive, lots of slow hip rolls and beckoning arm movements. And Sid’s got this look on his face the entire time like he knows it’s wrong and he’s trying to fight it, but getting almost hypnotized by it all. So Varun notices the magical, ethereal quality of the whole thing and how Sid’s response to it is unnatural–based on the million conversations they’ve had about Shraddha and how little Sid actually cares for her, there’s no way he’d be that enraptured by her that quickly. So that’s his cue to investigate.
Now we are at the crucial moment. Rishi is the first to reach Sid, tackles him and pushes him on the boat…Sid tries to struggles but he feels weak and then realizes that Shraddha had roofied his drink earlier…that’s why he was feeling funny and couldn’t resist her charms!
So Rishi is holding Sid down on the boat…Ranbir goes to the ropes and starts lowering the boat down…but he is a bumbling idiot and drunk as usual so he fumbles…Varun tackles Ranbir to stop him…Shraddha seeing the commotion lunges to the ropes and starts fumbling with them…lot of confusion between Ranbir/Varun/Shraddha with Rishi yelling from the boat and Sid still weakly struggling….hearing the noise other ship crew start running towards the lifeboat…Shraddha realizes that this is her last opportunity so she shoves Varun/Ranbir to get them out of the way but they also fall into the boat…she takes out her hairpin which is also a sharp knife and slashes the ropes…the boat starts to fall down to the sea…she looks left-right and leaps overboard falling right on top of all the men….the boat splashes into the sea set adrift as the other crew watch from the deck.
Shraddha’s falling into the boat finally overbalances it and it capsizes. The cruise ship is unable to stop in time to rescue Sid and the rest, sailing out of sight. Meanwhile, the lurking pirate gunboat appears and fishes Shraddha out of the water – her sparkly get up acting like a beacon in the water. However, the pirates don’t see the others in the dark. And – the sharks come.
Rishi and Ranbir panic; each trying to climb up on the other. Luckily for them, the sharks have good taste and, after nosing the crazed Kapoors, glide off into the depths.
While this has been occurring, Varun has managed to clamber atop the capsized dinghy and sees Sid, feebly trying to swim. He manages to reach him and pulls him onto the little boat’s hull. Safe for the moment, they are adrift in the ocean. And it’s starting to rain, further concealing them from the gunboat and any possible rescue by the cruise ship when it circles back.
As Sid and Varun cling to the upside down dinghy, something jars it from below. A giant sea turtle has surfaced beneath the boat and is now swimming off into the open sea, taking the dinghy with it.
The turtle takes the dinghy far away (all night) until they reach a deserted island….Varun picks up Sid’s body and places it on the sand…then collapses near him and falls asleep…
The next morning…Sid slowly wakes up and sees varun near him..shirtless and trying to build a fire…he immediately panics and starts yelling…he thinks Varun was part of the whole kidnapping scheme!!
He tries to run but realizes he has nowhere to go…and he is too tired…he just starts yelling…Varun tries to calm him down and tell him he is good guy….but Sid won’t listen….he keeps panicking and starts running into the island jungle….Varun starts chasing him telling him to stop…Sid keeps running and looking back…stumbling….he runs and without warning hes on a cliff…the ground beneath him is gone and he’s falling back into the ocean….Varun leaps behind him…rescues him and again drags his body back onto the beach…
when Sid is back awake he gives him water and fruit and then tells him that he wasn’t involved…he tried to help him and now they have to help each other to survive and get back…Sid sees the sincerity in him…but is still wary (naturally his GF was plotting against him!)…he has no choice…he reluctantly agrees for a truce…
a few days go by…we see that the boys have built a daily routine…they have used their clothes to make a large SOS sign….so now both are just stripped to their briefs…they gather wood for a fire…collect fruit…break coconuts for water..swim in the ocean…jog on the beach…etc. One night around the fire Varun starts opening up and reciting his back story…
Varun’s flashback begins….we see him as a boy on a ship…his father (Anupam Kher) was a ship captain…his mother (Tanvi Azmi) would also help out with the ship…Varun spent his childhood running around the ship galleys playing with the crew…he would learn all ship stuff from his father in the control room…it was all very happy.
But then one day pirates attacked the ship…Oh no..its a younger Randeep Hooda…the pirates took all the ship’s supplies and cargo and then decided to take Anupam Kher as well because they figured he would be useful…the ship company owners wanted a scapegoat and blamed it all on Anupam Kher…they claimed that the captain was in cahoots with the pirates and even manufactured fake documents claiming that Anupam had sent the pirates the ship’s location….the family is disgraced…Tanvi Azmi is heartbroken…she doesnt know what to believe…she moves into an Ashram…starts living a widow life…wearing a tattered old sari…doing backbreaking work all day (cleaning, scrubbing, cooking, etc)…in an emotional scene she tells Varun that she is doing penance…if Anupam is innocent then the penance will bring him back…if he is guilty then the penance will be for his misdeeds…
Varun is lost…he doesnt know what to do…the ship company owners take pity on him and hire him as a help boy on the ship…he gradually works hard and moves up to becoming a bartender…he has spent all these years on the ship in hope that one day he pirates will come back and he will be able to meet his father again to know the truth.
Back to present on the beach…as Varun narrates this story he breaks down sobbing…Sid takes him into his arms to comfort him and soothe him…Varun keeps sobbing…they fall asleep like that in each others arms.
Its morning…they groggily wake up…still intertwined…look at each other and have a beautiful romantic moment…for the first time there is sexual tension between them…but OH NO…what do they see…the pirate ship is here…they found them…and on the deck menacingly looking down is Randeep Hooda, Shraddha, Rishi, Ranbir, and right behind them is Anupam Kher!!!!
Sid and Varun glance at each other knowing that the adventure has begun and they are in this together now.
*Second Half Begins*
We are in the pirate ship…its like Mogambo’s layer…Randeep is a menacing-shirtless scruffy pirate with several henchmen around him…Shraddha/Rishi/Ranbir are all part of the crew…Anupam stands with them but slightly apart…he is one of them but not really…
Sid & Varun are placed in front of them…their hands are tied and they look scared…Varun keeps staring at Anupam heartbroken…Anupam hasn’t recognized him yet…
Sid starts throwing a rich-boy tantrum…let me go…untie me…do you know who my mother is…you will have hell to pay….Randeep strides over and smacks the pretty boy across his face…”I know exactly who your mother is and she is going to pay…you are now going to do exactly as I say”…he brandishes a knife and waves it threateningly at Sid’s face…Sid spits on Randeep…”You don’t scare me”…Randeep starts evil laughing…”I like this feisty boy”…he licks his finger and every so slowly caresses Sid’s face with the finger…then says with an evil glint…”I think you are going to enjoy your time with me”….it dawns on Sid/Varun that the danger is not just physical but also sexual… their eyes widen in fear…
Next, we see Sid and Varun locked up in some tiny darkroom…hands still tied…Sid breaks down and starts sobbing…my mother will not pay any ransom…she doesn’t care about me (YES! He has mommy issues!!!).
once they are locked up on the pirate ship they have a conversation…Sid says something like “I know I should be scared but I don’t feel scared knowing you are here with me”…Varun takes Sid’s hand…”nothing will happen to you…I wont let anyone touch you”…Sid draws back a little and hesitates….Sid-“why are doing this?…why did you put your life danger? why are you looking out for me?…no one has ever cared for me this way”….Varun – “because….because the first time I saw you on the ship I fell in love with you…because all those days we spent on the beach together only made me love you more…because you are the most beautiful person I have ever met” Sid is taken aback and then overcome with emotion…he gently leans into Varun and plants a tender kiss on his lips…
*romantic song begins* Sid/Varun are in a sweet romantic Yash Chopra love song somewhere in Switzerland/Holland…there are mountains, lakes, and lots of tulips…they spend the entire song singing tenderly in each others arms…about how they have found their forever love!
He starts opening up to Varun and the backstory begins.
His mother (Supriya Pathak) is a cunning Cheif Minister…when Sid was a child she was shrewdly climbing up the political ladder and had no time for her son…Sid would just run around the giant house watching her take meetings from the keyhole…he was lonely…his father died in some accident so he keeps talking to his dad’s photograph on the wall…at some point, he overhears other people gossiping about his mother…her evil manipulative ways…they think she arranged for her husband’s death to gain voter sympathy….Sid just keeps burying all this inside him…when he was in college he realized he wanted to be an actor…Supriya forbade it…it won’t look good…he had to do join politics with her…he refused…finally gave the emotional speech that he had bottled up inside him all these years…and walked out of the house…he hasn’t spoken to her since…
Back on the ship…Sid and Varun sit dejected…wondering what to do…meanwhile we cut to Randeep calling Supriya Pathak…”Hello, Old friend”…”Who?”…”Remember the Pune Case of 2010?”…Supriya’s eyes widen…she knows…Randeep does evil laughter…” told ya it wouldn’t let you get away with it”…”Listen…I have your son hostage…and you are now going to pay for what you did…wait for my call”…he hangs up…Supriya sits unperturbed…cooly plotting about how to handle this.
Meanwhile, Anupam is in the crow’s nest, staring out to sea.. He has recognized Varun as his beloved son. But, now he is perplexed. What could he do?. His backstory unfolds…
When the pirates seized his boat and took him captive, so many years ago, he was warned to do their bidding or his family would suffer. Helpless, he stayed with the pirates as their navigator.
During the long, lonely years, he had nothing to comfort him except…on his first voyage with the pirates, he found a baby turtle tangled in the pirate boat’s netting. He secretly freed the little turtle and, sharing his meager provisions, nursed the little creature back to health. Delighting in his young companion, he named the turtle KurmaRaja, the World Turtle.
When he could no longer hide his little pal from the pirates, Anupam released the turtle back into the ocean and, with tears in his eyes, saw his friend swim away.
Now, Anupam did not realize that KurmaRaja was truly the World Turtle, the Turtle King. Through the years, the turtle watched over Anupam. When Sid and Varun were cast adrift, the turtle recognized Varun’s scent as being of Anupam’s family. Hence, he had towed the capsized dinghy to safety.
Now, KurmaRaja swam close by the pirate boat, marshalling his turtle troops into an oceanic army, waiting to aid his old friend.
Next, we see Sid standing in front of Randeep again…Randeep calls Supriya and tells her he wants $20 million in cash or she will never see her son again…She coolly asks for proof…Randeep holds up the phone for Sid…Sid croaks ‘Maa’…Supriya boils in anger and spits out…now look at this mess you created…Randeep takes the phone again and says deliver the cash to the same location…you know where…Supriya hangs up looks at her assistant and says take care of this.
Sid asks Randeep why he is doing this…Randeep snarls…ten years ago he was a successful ship trader…Supriya wanted him to smuggle some things out fo the country…he refused…she got the coast guard to harass him..destroy his goods…and drove him out of town..since then he became a pirate…thirsty for revenge…
Sid tries telling him that his mother won’t pay…she doesn’t care about him…she doesn’t want him back…Randeep does evil laughter…caresses Sid and says you don’t have to go back…you can stay with me if you want…just say the word…Sid draws back in shock…Randeep laughs and waives Sid off back to the cellar.
Back in the cellar as Varun/Sid think about what to do…suddenly Anupam turns up…he tells Varun the truth…they embrace…he tells them he will help them escape…they need to distract Randeep somehow…so that Anupam can get into the control room…they toss around ideas at what could work…until finally Sid reluctantly says he knows what will work…he will go to Randeep…he will give in to Randeep…while he distracts Randeep…Varun/Anupam can sneak into the control room…Varun is horrified…no no you can’t do that…you can’t let him touch you…but they know this is the only option…
Okay..here is what I am thinking…please feel free to suggest edits if this does not resolve everything.
After the plan is hatched, we see Sid and Varun alone in the room. Varun is angry/jealous…”you cant do this…You can’t go to him”….Sid responds “this is the only way”… Varun – “Don’t you care about us…I thought we had something…how can you do this”…Sid – “this is for us…you are in this mess because of me and this is what I have to do to get us out of here”….Varun – “but it doesn’t mean you have to let him touch you…I can’t”…Sid interrupts – “It’s just sex…it won’t mean anything”. Varun is taken aback…”Fine”…he storms off.
The escape plan begins…Sid is now in Randeep’s room…looking like the perfect pretty-boy…*sexy distract the villain song begins*…Sid shimmies/gyrates and seduces Randeep using all his movie star charm (aka like Kareena in Yeh Mera Dil)…meanwhile Varun and Anupam are sneaking through the hallways trying to get to control room…on the way they clobber the guards/tie them up etc. and keep advancing to the control room. Song reaches the crescendo…Randeep has had enough with the teasing…he pushes Sid on the bed ready to claim his prize…Seeing Randeep looming over him, something snaps in Sid…he realizes that he can’t do this…”Stop. Wait…No I cant”. Randeep does evil laughter and restrains his arms…Sid cries out and yells “Stop let me go”….. At that exact moment, Varun was passing the door…he heard Sid yell…overcome with anger/rage/jealousy…he barges into the room…”He SAID STOP”…get away from him…Varun bludgeons Randeep until he falls onto the floor…he sweeps Sid up into his arms…Sid croaks “I’m sorry…I can’t let anyone else touch me…” Varun is overcome with joy…”you are mine…and only mine”…..he sweeps in for an intense passionate kiss that seems to go on forever…
The kiss is interrupted by a coughing Anupam…”we need to go”…they all reach the control room and start navigating the ship…Anupam sends out SOS signals giving away the ship’s location…soon they see an Indian coast guard ship approach…Yay… we are saved…its over!
The coast guard jumps on the pirate ship….Sid/Varun/Anupam go running to the guard…Sid starts yelling…the CM sent you right? Im her son! Help us!…The coast guard nods…”yes it will be all taken care of now”…but wait this coast guard looks exactly like Supriya’s secretary…and without warning, he shoots Anupam….Yes! Supriya wants them all dead!!! Anupam goes falling overboard into the Sea…the guard then points the gun to Sid next…Varun yells out and goes charging at the guard…he overpowers the guard and bludgeons him to death driven by anger and grief… Varun looks at Sid helplessly…Sid gathers a sobbing Varun in his arms…
But wait, looks who is back!! Randeep/Shraddha/Ranbir/Rishi are still alive and standing above them with a gun to their heads…Sid/Varun realize that this is over…they share one last passionate kiss and tell Randeep…”Kill us both together”…Randeep evil laughter and cocks the gun…DUN DUN DUN
The boat starts shaking…what is happening?? The turtle army is here!!!! They saw Anupam’s body and realized something is wrong…they start violently shaking the boat…Randeep/Shradha/Ranbir/Rishi go flying off the boat…Varun also goes overboard but Sid manages to catch him…he is hanging on over the side of the boat…Sid hauls him back and saves him…they solemnly walk to the edge of the ship…a mix of emotions…relief that its over…but sadness at the reality of it all…just the two of them left on the boat now as they watch the sea of turtles around them and ride into the sunset.
*End credits begin with some nice romantic song in the background*
We now see a montage of shots…Varun going back to his mother…telling her everything…her quiet sobbing…agreeing to finally leave the ashram and come with Varun…meeting Sid and giving them both her blessing…meanwhile we also see some shots of Supriya Pathak being arrested…a news headline reads “Chief minister arrested on corruption charges after son gives proof”… then we see Sid/Varun small intimate wedding…and finally we see them on a honeymoon on some beach…Varun lifts Sid and carries him into their room…lays him gently on the bed and leans in…Fade out.
An alternate ending: After Varun has stopped Randeep’s attempted rape of Sid.
Anupam interrupts their heartfelt kiss and warns them that they must leave the boat, NOW! He has seen the massing of the turtles and felt them starting to shake the gunboat. As they race topside, they see, in the distance, a small fleet of ships coming towards them.
Supriya, unwilling to trust her aides, has commandeered the ships and is racing to put an end to the pirates and her son. The have interfered once to often in her life!
However, once they are in sight for the pirate’s gunboat, they are unable to advance, stymied by the huge numbers of giant sea turtles. Supriya can only watch in astonishment as the pirate’s boat is swamped and capsizes, throwing it’s crew and captives into the water.
KurmaRaja, the King Turtle, lifts up Anupam while his mate, KurmaRani, rescues Sid and Varun. On the broad back of the Queen of the Turtles, Sid and Varun embrace in relief.
With her ships totally becalmed by the turtles, Supriya is at their mercy.
The pirates and their former captives climb aboard Supriya’s lead vessel and face her. The evil doers are very aware that, one wrong move from them and the turtles would send them into the depths of the ocean.
Bursting into angry tears Supriya faces Sid and tells him that he is NOT her son! She had had a girl baby, not a boy. To further his political ambitions, her husband had taken away her daughter and replaced her with an orphan infant – Sid! In revenge, Supriya had had her husband murdered, taking his place in politics. Her daughter had had a heart shaped birthmark on her left shoulder. A heart shaped birthmark, just like the one on Shraddha’s shoulder! Seeing that, Supriya embraces her daughter for the first time, vowing to become the kind of minister that would make her daughter proud.
Sid is overwhelmed. He stretches his hand out to his erstwhile “mother,” allowing the sleeve on his shirt to fall back, revealing a spade-shaped birthmark on his forearm. A birthmark that matches the one on ….Randeep’s arm! A horrifically chastened Randeep vows to enter a monastery where, along with a vow of chastity, he will become an advocate of animal rights, in an attempt to atone for the near rape of his own brother.
Rishi and Ranbir try desperately to see if THEY have any birthmarks but fall overboard while checking. The turtles take turns dunking them until they tire of the sport and toss the two back aboard the boat.
Sid and Varun embrace under the happy eyes of Anupam. As Sid kneels to ask for Varun’s hand in marriage, Anupam gives them his blessing before heading out to the ashram to retrieve his wife. After all, a marriage ceremony should have both parents in attendance.
Their job done, KurmaRaja and his shellbacked armada return to the seas, chuckling over the foibles of the human race.