Questions Indian Romances Never Answer and Should

I have so many! Mostly related to logistics. But someone has to think about these things! Our drippy young lovers sure don’t.

When someone dramatically runs through the airport and stops you getting on the plane at the last minute, what happens to your checked luggage?

That’s why he didn’t stop her. Knew the luggage hassle just wasn’t worth it

When your wedding is suddenly interrupted and you marry your true love instead, do you let the original guests stay, or is there this awkward moment when you wait for them to shuffle out before you marry the new guy?

The classic example

Related to above, when you elope/swap grooms/etc., is the marriage license legal or what?

Chalte Chalte"... Happily, practically ever after!
It’s cute when he does all the ceremonies when they get home, but aren’t we all thinking “wait, it was a last minute wedding in a foreign country between a Greek and Indian citizen, how is this POSSIBLY legal!”?

When you run and run and catch a train dramatically, what do you do when the conductor comes around asking for your ticket?

Shah Rukh-Deepika to replicate DDLJ train sequence | Bollywood ...
Not an issue in DDLJ, because Aditya Chopra is my spirit animal, the dialogue explains that Anupum arranged three tickets in hopes Kajol would come.

When you sing and dance for the School Function, who makes your costumes?

<img src="https://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000217577353-1eb27i-t500x500.jpg&quot; alt="RE-UP Oh My Darling I LOVE YOU 2017
I know, your first thought is “your parents”, but remember, they are in the audience looking surprised and delighted. Plus, we never see them working on the costumes. Not an issue in Mujshe Dosti Karoge of course, because Adi is my spirit animal and he put in a scene where Kareena talks about buying costumes, and then had her wear a costume she could logically have purchased.

18 thoughts on “Questions Indian Romances Never Answer and Should

  1. Well, the train thing only comes up with people middle class and above, so paying a fee shouldn’t be a problem. My question: who are all the background dancers in HSSH?? And how are they changing decor and costumes so quickly during the Family Intro song?

    I think you let the original guests stay to include them in your happiness, though they are perfectly free to storm out.

    The legal thing was brought up in one of my least favorite movies of all time, Namaste London (i think???).

    I think the wedding in that sequence is for show and you get properly remarried later.

    Checked luggage. Hm. Maybe you ask the airport to ship it back or instead, you buy a new ticket and just go there for a romantic vacation?

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      • Yes! It’s humiliating, and expensive, and hurtful, and now you have to stay and watch someone else get married?

        On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 10:36 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • HSSH, I can handle the background dancers when they are in the city, I figure they just hire people. But what about out in the village? Did they round up random villagers and make them be back up dancers?

      Yes, I forgot about Nameste London! That was great, for once a film acknowledging that this “marriage” only matters if you want it to matter, there’s nothing legal about it.

      I like your new ticket idea. Follow the luggage, probably easier than trying to get the luggage to come back to you.

      On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 9:58 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • I think I just got the answer for why so many flights are delayed. All those irritating romantic airport confessions, causing a wait while the luggage is pulled off.

      On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 11:53 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. Dil taught me that any ceremony involving sindoor (even blood sindoor), mangalsutra and a fire is 100% legal. I refuse to believe otherwise.

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    • I was going to make a joke about “but what if two kids do it by accident, you are saying they are still married?” but that is literally the plot of Parineeta. So I guess your point stands!

      On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 1:02 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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    • YES! I never check my bags now, because I am cheap and terrified of losing luggage, so I am very aware that in movies they always just have a purse and a ticket. Such delightful airport freedom! But then that means their luggage must have already been checked. And most of the time they are like moving to a new country, right? So that’s A LOT of luggage! It’s gonna be a nightmare getting it back, almost worth it to just get on the plane and marry the other dude.

      On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 1:09 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. I’m not sure I can explain how much I love this post ’cause I think about stuff like that too. I had NO idea that Anupam did 3 tix! How did I miss that?? When is it in the dialogue? Makes sense because at the train station Shah Rukh says she will come, she has to. (which makes no sense because she only comes cause of the fighting which he didn’t know about when he said it). As to the wedding guests: someone pointed out in the other post on this that often people go to Indian weddings of people they barely know or don’t even know so I think if the food and music are good everyone except maybe the immediately family would stay. In KKHH Salman doesn’t appear to have any family and he is trying to be so okay with it, that he’d ask people to stay. As to licences: I know a bunch of people who for various reasons (now Covid being one of them) have had a religious ceremony which is the one they cared about and the secular stuff at a later date.
    But MOST IMPORTANTLY: THANK YOU for having us think about this. THESE are problems I would like to focus on!!!

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    • At some point in that ramp up to the finale, Anupam encourages Shahrukh to just elope with Kajol, and says that he has the tickets. Meaning, i assume, tickets and paperwork for the train and then the plane and then the passport back to London. And this is why DDLJ is the perfect movie.

      My good friend married her girlfriend in Vegas the first weekend of January, and they were intending to do the big party/religious/whatever in October, and now of course that’s not happening. Lucky timing though, right? They can do the party whenever and they got the legal stuff done and dusted and safe forever. My concern is, there’s all these eloping or whatever couples, right? How secure are they with their thrown together fire in a wilderness and homemade sindoor ceremony, if her Dad tries to come after them and claim they aren’t married? Forget that, in Chalte Chalte, what if the landlord yells at them for staying together unmarried? What are they going to do, show a wedding photo from Greece and no other evidence? What about if he has to go to the hospital? Or their separation, can they get divorced if they wanted to if they were never legally married?

      Maybe the best wedding solution is to not make an announcement or anything and just assume most people won’t notice? Like, if I were invited to my boss’s cousin’s wedding, and then the cousin ended up being swapped out for someone else, I wouldnt’ notice or care. But if the bride’s family made a big announcement about it, then I would feel all awkward and pressured to leave or else my boss would get mad at me.

      On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 1:12 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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        • Surprise! His cousin actually is married to a Desi, meaning his second cousins will have Indian weddings. Never Assume.

          (I hadn’t actually thought that through when I wrote the example, but huh!)

          On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 3:10 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          • It’s more that his careful and responsible nature makes me think he would have a formal plan all worked out for this eventuality.

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          • Ah, yes, that’s true.

            On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 7:37 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  4. Not a train, but in Gokulathil Seethai, Karthik gets on the bus while following the woman he loves and is giving this emotional speech about how he loves her. The bus conductor comes by, interrupts him and asks for his ticket. Karthik is meant to be super rich and out of touch so he hands the guys a bunch of credit cards and says just take what you need and the bus conductor just glares at him and insists on getting the bus fare. He even suggests Karthik borrow the money from the heroine if he’s short. Eventually, he stops the bus and kicks Karthik off the bus before he can finish his speech. I barely remember this movie except for that scene.

    Liked by 2 people

    • That sounds amazing! And like the scriptwriter had similar irritations as the ones I have with these romantic gestures.

      Like

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