Truly, gay fanfic is the greatest gift you can give any pop culture item. At least, I think so! And love triangles are so ripe for re-writing. Two girls loving the same boy is so so so so close to two girls sublimating their desire for each other by pretending to love the same boy.
Mujshe Dosti Karoge, But Gay
In the “real” version, Hrithik and Rani and Kareena are best friends as children. Hrithik moves away and starts writing to Kareena, but she gets bored of replying and Rani writes back instead. Years later, Rani and Kareena are best friends and spend all day every day together, until Hrithik returns. Hrithik falls for Kareena at first sight and Rani is sad and jealous. He then switches to being in love with Rani, but she refuses to marry him if it will make Kareena sad. Kareena is happy and engaged, but insists on Rani being with her for all the celebrations and tries to make sure Rani gets engaged too so they will always be together. At the last minute, Kareena learns Rani likes Hrithik too and gives him up for her. She will be happy just being friends with the two of them forever and not marrying Hrithik.
What we are supposed to get from this is that Kareena and Rani both love Hrithik, Hrithik loves Rani, and Kareena and Rani are such good friends that they are both ready to give up Hrithik to make the other one happy. But it is so very very easy to also get “Rani and Kareena are in love and neither of them really wants to marry Hrithik unless they can stay together at the same time”.
We start the same, little boy Hrithik has a crush on little girl Kareena, while little girl Rani has a crush on little boy Hrithik. But we add something, we see that little girl Kareena has a crush on little girl Rani. That’s why she doesn’t want to write back to little boy Hrithik, and that’s why she doesn’t really care so much when he moves away. Little girl Rani is crying about him being gone, and little girl Kareena gets angry and says “why do you always want him? I’m here! Don’t you want me?” And then little girl Rani embraces her and says “I do! I do want you Little Girl Kareena, you are my best friend and I will always love you.”
Years later, Grown Up Rani goes to Grown Up Kareena and admits she has been secretly writing to Hrithik all these years, and now he is about to visit. Grown Up Kareena is furious! They swore to always tell each other everything, and Rani swore that she would forget Hrithik and only be friends with Kareena forever and ever. They said they both didn’t like boys or want to be married, and Rani has been having this secret letters all this time? Rani is sorry again to have hurt Kareena, and embraces her, and swears that Hrithik means nothing to her, just a friend, but Kareena is her best friend. And to prove it, Kareena can pretend to be the one who wrote the letters, Rani won’t even talk to Hrithik. Kareena is happy with that.
Hrithik arrives, and before Rani can say anything to him, Kareena leaps forward and gets his attention. She flirts and smiles and keeps his eyes on her so he will never see Rani. The adults think they are falling in love. But Rani begins to feel sad and isn’t sure why. Watching Hrithik and Kareena together, seeing them almost kiss, seeing Kareena smile when he says “I love you”, it hurts her heart and makes her feel confused inside. She starts crying and doesn’t know why, she feels lonely at night and wants something that she can’t describe. She reads her old romance novels and thinks and finally decides she must be in love with Hrithik. That is why seeing them together gives her such pain. She considers saying something, but somehow when she is with Hrithik, she doesn’t want to say anything. Looking in his eyes, or even touching his hand, it feels wrong and yucky. So she will just hold her pain inside.
Hrithik and Kareena get engaged because their families pressure them into it. Kareena is happy, reminds Rani that she was going to get a scholarship to England, and now Kareena will be there too. She could never get a scholarship to follow her, but if she marries Hrithik, they can always be together. Rani could even live in the same house with them! Rani starts to feel happy again as she thinks about this, and goes to England to prepare for her college and decides she will be very nice to Hrithik on the trip, so she can live in the same house with him and Kareena. Only, during the trip, Hrithik realizes that he has been writing letters to Rani and not Kareena all those years, and he must be in love with her! That strange disconnect he felt with Kareena, the way she turned shy and didn’t want to kiss him or even hold hands, that was because she wasn’t the one writing letters. Now he has the right girl, if he marries Rani all of that will be easy. Rani can’t find an argument to object, after all she was so sure she was in love with Hrithik, that’s why she was so sad. And knowing he won’t marry Kareena makes her feel very happy, so she is in love. She doesn’t like him kissing her or touching her, but that is because she is a good girl. After marriage, she will like all those things, she is sure.
They arrive back in India, and Rani sees Kareena again, and suddenly her world falls apart. She can’t touch Hrithik, she can’t be with him, the thought of marriage to him is wrong and can never happen. She doesn’t know why, but her heart is saying that. Disloyalty to Kareena must be the reason, it will break her heart to see Kareena and Hrithik married, but it feels less horrible than marrying Hrithik herself. Poor Hrithik is now trapped between two women, one rejects him for the sake of friendship, the other is as strangely shy and virginal as before, he is driven made by desires which no one seems to reciprocate. A quick marriage, and surely after that one of these women will be willing to kiss him instead of flinching away.
Kareena agrees to an engagement and is happy, once she learns that Rani will be coming with them to England and staying with her the whole time. But she gets scared, and sad when she realizes after marriage Rani may not be there all the time. She is over that childish jealousy of Rani, surely. She is going to marry a man, like her father always wanted for her. She still can’t stand to have him touch her, but so long as she keeps acting flirty and girly on the surface no one will notice that. If she just gets Rani married too, then they can both be friends all the time and no one will think anything about it. She has to push Rani into the arms of a man, take the same horrifying plunge she did. They they will always be together. And if they get married at the same time, it will be like they are marrying each other, sort of.
Rani can’t understand it, Kareena wants her to marry someone? They always swore to be single and somehow it made her feel good that Kareena didn’t want to share her with a man. She was clinging to that, even if Kareena married Hrithik, she and Kareena could have a bond outside of the marriage, just the two of them. That she was willing to share Kareena with a man, but Kareena would never want to share her, somehow it was important. Marriage somehow was always in the future, while Kareena was her here and now. But there is this man now, who keeps trying to touch her and smile at her, and she doesn’t like it but he won’t be put off. And Kareena is shoving her into his arms, and she can’t talk to Kareena about why she is doing it, because she can’t even explain why it hurts. Seeing Kareena with Hrithik, seeing him touch her, perhaps agreeing to an engagement of her own will make that not hurt any more. Maybe after marriage she will desire her fiance, maybe that will make her miss Kareena less.
The day of the double wedding, the two brides get ready together, smiling through tears, afraid to say how they really feel, but with so much unspoken between them. They go to prepare the altar together, and as Kareena reaches up to arrange the flowers, she knocks the sindoor down onto Rani’s part. They two of them look at each other, and suddenly they just know. They reach for each other, and embrace tightly, like they are trying to merge into one being. Kareena buries her head in Rani’s hair, Rani nuzzles Kareena’s neck, and just then Hrithik and Uday come out and see them holding each other. Their parents gently try to separate them, reminding them that it is time to be married, but they cling more tightly, crying “no no no”, and finally Rani bursts out “I love her!” and Kareena cries back “I love you too!” They rush back to each others arms, and finally kiss. The crowd is shocked, rustles in horror, the older generation tries to grab them again, but Uday and Hrithik move forward blocking everyone else. Rani and Kareena part, to smile at each other, and Hrithik gently touches their shoulders and says “I think I understand the nature of your friendship now. I don’t have a place between you, but perhaps I can stand beside you?” Rani and Kareena tearily smile at him. Uday steps forward as well and says “I came here to celebrate my own wedding, but I think perhaps I would be even happier celebrating yours?” The parents raise their voices to object, Hrithik starts to stop them, but before he can speak, the priest speaks “Quiet! God has chosen the proper couple here. God is love, and he has found the love that we poor humans could not see. Now, if you wish to remain and celebrate love, I have a ceremony to complete. If you have no respect for God’s choices, you may leave.” There is a rustle as people file out, but after a moments hesitation, the parents stay. Rani and Kareena slowly go round the fire 7 times, exchange garlands, and smile at each other, as Hrithik and Uday and their parents throw blossoms on them.
HAPPY ENDING TITLE SONG REPRISE! Rani and Kareena and Hrithik and Uday go on their planned Swiss Honeymoon, the boys laugh as they go into the reserved bedroom with marigold decorations, and flip a coin for the bed. The girls sweetly and shyly go into their bedroom, hold hands on the bed, and then Kareena gently removes Rani’s veil from her head and kisses her as their hands entwine together. They spend the day riding tandem bicycles, holding hands as they walk in the park, dancing slow together to acoustic guitar music at sidewalk cafes. Uday and Hrithik tease them and make them blush when they are caught kissing, and flirting. Ends with a photo still of their online marriage announcement, “Our Honeymoon” over a picture of Rani and Kareena kissing on a mountain top with Uday and Hrithik standing on either side waving.