Discussion Post Inspired by Red White and Royal Blue: Which Love Taboo is MOST Taboo in India?

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Okay, I watched the trailer, it’s delightful, now I want to see it too. But I am holding out until I can watch it with a friend because it looks SO squeey and group watching friendly, it would be wasted watching it alone.

Indian film has always been about fantasy, that is, making the impossible possible. And often that revolves around love taboos. If the characters onscreen can convince their rival gangster fathers to make-up, maybe you can have a love marriage with the girl next door. But even in this fantasy world, there are some things that are extra EXTRA impossible.

So I’m throwing it out there for opinions, which of the following do you think is MOST taboo?

Muslim Boy-Hindu Girl romance

Woman Divorcing Her Husband and Finding New Love

Girl-Girl Romance

Boy-Boy Romance

Older Couple Romance

Extramarital Romance

White Boy-Desi Girl Romance

Black Boy-Desi Girl Romance

Older Woman-Young Man Romance

Anything else?

And in the “surprisingly not taboo” category, which do you find MOST “boy I wish this was taboo”:

First Cousin/Niece-Uncle relationships

Much older men and young girls relationships (not talking actor ages, just character)

Oh, and for my answers, I think surprisingly right now same-sex is LESS taboo than either divorced woman romance, or Muslim Boy-Hindu Girl. But most taboo is, and kind of always has been, Black Boy-Desi Girl. The toxic combo of Indian colorism, plus attitudes towards African immigrants to India, plus the racism the West has exported, makes it so so so SO bad. On the other hand, Desi boy-Black Girl isn’t common but I can at least think of an example (Kumbalangi Nights).

27 thoughts on “Discussion Post Inspired by Red White and Royal Blue: Which Love Taboo is MOST Taboo in India?”

  2. I am so happy you saw the trailer and want to watch the movie! Maybe we can watch it as a watchalong?

    So, when I think of the word taboo as it relates to relationships, I think less of the dictionary definition, but more of a strong reaction against the couple. So, my comment comes from that perspective.

    To me, currently for the Indian audience, I think the most taboo is sadly Hindu-Muslim — specifically Hindu girl, Muslim man. It pains me to think how Jodha Akbar (which is one of my absolutely favorite movies of all time) would have fared in this environment.

    I agree that a Black-Indian couple just isn’t as common in cinemas but I wonder if the Indian audience would has as strong of a reaction to it. I just see it more as Indians thinking, this doesn’t relate to them so they are just not going to watch it.

    Separately, the movie I thought of with desi guy and a black women was Namaste Wahala. It was an adorable rom com which I enjoyed, but clearly made for the diaspora audience.

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    • It is SO important to add the gender line to the relationship taboos. I can think of literally dozens of Hindu man-Muslim woman romances (also Hindu man-Christian woman, Hindu Man-Buddhist woman, and so on and so forth), but almost no Hindu Woman-non Hindu Man romances. It feels related to the lack of visibility for female-female relationships (romantic or even just friendship). Women are not their own person, so they cannot have their own religion, or their own relationships, outside of the man to whom they are connected. A woman marrying a Hindu man can’t really be “interreligious” because the wife will naturally be counted along with her husband, and their children the same. She’s “Hindu” so far as society is concerned in many ways. And a married woman can’t REALLY be a lesbian, because no matter who she loves, her primary identity is “husband’s wife”.

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      • Oh no. This reminds of something I heard YEARS ago. There was this older, Indian guy who said Bengali-Punjabi relationships don’t work (this has been a thing for a long, long time apparently, way before Vicky Donor or RARKPK, since the two cultures are seen as entirely antithetical to each other in terms of education, class, career, hobbies, anything).

        And his point was that Bengali women and Punjabi men relationships can work because the woman will “adjust” (the last part wasn’t said, but heavily implied), but Bengali men and Punjabi women would never work, because Bengali men are super attached to their moms (also implied), but also because their career ambitions are so…not there that Punjabi women would be constantly dissatisfied.

        This take so ignores that 1) the punjabi woman CAN fulfil career/money ambitions, it isn’t just the pregorative of the man and 2) the bengali woman could also be dissatisfied but since her material needs are taken care of, it shouldn’t matter as much. But essentially, comes back to “women are property” etc.

        This isn’t a super coherent take (and I’ll think more and come back to it), but it came to me as I read this convo. I am typing this in the middle of a meeting haha so please forgive typos and incoherence 😛

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        • No, I totally get it! Essentially it is saying that Bengalis as a whole are seen to take more “feminine” roles in life while Punjabis are seen to take more “masculine”. Meaning a Bengali Woman marrying a Punjabi Man leans into their ethnic roles, but the reverse leans away from it.

          Which goes back to the dang British and their whole “martial races” thing where they divided Indian ethnicities into “macho” and “not macho”. And I think it’s also there with the Hindu-Muslim relationships? Muslim gender prejudice is that they are just “more so”. The men are more violent, more viral, more earthy, more Man, to an unhealthy degree. And the women are powerless, weak, trapped, more Woman, to an unhealthy degree. So a Hindu man can marry a Muslim Woman and “free” her, but a Muslim man marrying a Hindu woman would mean shoving her into a terrible box. Obviously, this is not true, and it all depends on the individual people involved, but that is certainly the prejudice out there, isn’t it? Don’t let Muslim men marry “our” women and trap them, do let Hindu men marry Muslim women and “free” them.

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  3. Here’s a thought to ponder . . . does taboo “relaxation” always go in the same direction? “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” was a big deal in the west once but now is very much not. Are certain social situations become MORE taboo? Of course there are up and downs (particularly politically driven), but I’m talking long term trends.

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  4. I think extra marital romance is very taboo. I’ve seen all the other ones play out and Hindu muslim is taboo but not as much as extra marital from what I have observed.

    Even older woman and younger guy seems to work out eventually. Eg Indian film industry have Hindu muslim couple (SRK and Gauri), older woman and younger couple (Archana pooran singh and her husband), gay couples – maybe this is also taboo?!? Coz I can’t think of anyone in Indian film?, And then the story of Adi and Rani and how much it had to be hush hush. The idea of someone falling in love with another while being married – so far out taboo.

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    • I would say inter caste is also taboo!!! Lower-upper caste dramas.

      And with the religion – it plays out with the gender politics. I have a sneaky suspicion that Gauri’s parents wouldn’t have agreed to their marriage if Shahrukh’s parents were still alive at the time.

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      • Yes! Oh yeah, caste taboos are SO taboo I didn’t even think to include them on this list. It just never happens.

        I go at it the other way, Shahrukh wouldn’t have been so loving and open and patient with Gauri’s parents if he hadn’t already lost his parents. If Shahrukh had had the same firm strong large family behind him that Gauri did, I think he would have fallen into traditional gender roles and been a little more “my way or the highway” instead of “I don’t care, I just want to marry you, all of these rules are nonsense”. Oooo, and now I am thinking of Rocky Aur Rani again! Because it’s the same thing, Rocky was very ready to learn about other families and accept that he had to “adjust”, because his only family was so broken. If his family had been as loving and strong as Rani’s, he probably would have been less willing to see other sides.

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        • You’re right. I also think that Shahrukh’s original family didn’t have the traditional gender roles either. With his mum being the one that really made money and his dad almost always penniless. I feel like Shahrukh would have been special even with his parents around because of how wonderful they were. I think the religious aspects could have been difficult to cope with if his family wanted to follow the rules with The daughter in law needs to convert to Islam. I suspect they were very liberal Muslims and it may not have happened like that anyway. I know that Gauri had distanced herself from Shahrukh because he was so possessive and they got back together when his mother died and she came to console him and then they decided to marry.

          Perhaps it’s one of those things… Without the losses… He wouldn’t have found what he found. Sad but true

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  6. Hindu-Muslim is the biggest taboo now IMO. Look at Tara vs Bilal, such a sweet little film, but a lot of people hated it right from the moment they read the title and realized it will be about Muslim guy and Hindu girl.

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    • Yea it is such a cute film! And having Tara being a Kashmiri Pandit to boot. Only works in Europe/outside of India, but never in the current Indian landscape. That would have made it an immediate tragedy waiting to happen on screen

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  7. Personally my biggest taboos are uncle/neice relationships (WHAT?) followed by adultery relationships. But it does seem that within the world interreligious marriages are most hated. I miss secularism.

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  8. At least from upper class society while Hindu-Muslim is very taboo; I feel cross-class relationships are very taboo. A movie ‘Is it love? SIR’ examines that aspect very well. Like the taboo-ness and what does it really mean in such a society to be in love with someone who is so much higher than you in life. In my own personal life, I have attended many hindu-muslim weddings but never once a cross-class wedding(mostly because those weddings were often shunned).
    There was this book I recently read called ‘What’s good about falling? by Prajwal Hedge’ and the book essentially is about a world class tennis star and a cricketer who is touted to be the next big thing. The twist is that they’ve grown up together except the world class tennis star was the daughter of a upper class family and the cricketer was the son of the driver of that family. The whole way the family reacts due to the class differences was very realistic.

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  10. For me, I’m not a big fan of age gaps in my romances, so regardless of which gender is older, those ones are the most taboo for me. Also the cousin/niece thing you mentioned, but that really should be given. It doesn’t surprise me that mixed relationships are taboo–that was my thought for the question “what do you think is the most taboo for the general public of India?”

    Also, since this was inspired by RWRB, have you found people to watch it with yet? Filmikudhi, have you watched it? I watched it yesterday with friends, one who had read the book, one who hadn’t, and it was so much fun. Definitely very squeey, I was giggling like a maniac, way more than either of my friends. Very predictable, and overall, the book was better, but still a great romance, they are so so good together.

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