I figured people might be tired of Madhuri Madhuri Madhuri, and I also want to put this out in the world in hopes that Tips can do a last minute rewrite and highly improve their film.
In the comments, Angie mentioned a “flying squirrel scene” in the trailer. Which, because I am foolish, I thought meant there was a CGI flying squirrel at some point, rather than an action moment of Salman using flying squirrel technology to jump of a building.
(2:30 in to the trailer. Base jumping I guess it’s called?)
But wouldn’t that be a great movie???? Picture this, Salman is a cool dude action hero, and his best buddy is his little squirrel pet. He has trained the squirrel to steal keys for him, to carry bugs that help him listen in on his enemies, and to share a drink with him when he is depressed. Little Squirrel is charming and filled with adorable personality. He and Salman have a drunken buddy song, and he comforts Salman while Salman sings his sad love song. He even joins in the item number!
(Cutest co-star Salman has had since Haarshali)
And then, since this is a Race film, TWIST!!!!!! In the last twenty minutes, the plan is working perfectly, but suddenly Little Squirrel refuses to hand over the vital thing to Salman. Salman is confused, and then angry, until Little Squirrel pulls a gun on him!!!! And proceeds to monologue.
Little Squirrel was Akshaye in the first film. He has been reborn many times since then, always seeing vengeance on those who wronged him. He was the one behind (SPOILERS) Bips’ death in the second film, a tiny fly who helped cause the accident that killed her. He killed Saif between the second film and this one (we see in flashback with Saif making a friendly appearance how Akshaye in his previous life as a rat managed to set off a massive explosion by chewing through a gas line). And now he has dedicated his latest existence to taking out the final enemy-ANIL! Akshaye’s friendship with Salman was a lie all along, Salman was his tool, he has been controlling him through subtle hints and tricks, trying to convince him to partner up with Anil and let Little Squirrel get close to his ultimate enemy. And now his plan has reached the final stage, this whole monologue was just a distraction so that Salman wouldn’t be able to get to Anil before the bomb that Akshaye Squirrel built out of nuts goes off.
(Adorable flashback to Little Squirrel collecting nuts and crafting them into explosive material)
But just as Salman is despairing, A DOG!!! Suddenly leaps out and grabs Akshaye Squirrel, shaking him by the neck until he drops the gun. Salman, taking a chance, dives out of the room and runs to Anil, grabbing the ticking bomb and throwing it away as he and Anil dive for safety. Anil asks “what was that?” Salman says “We were betrayed by the only friend I thought I could trust” and looks off into the distance. Meanwhile, the Dog has let Akshaye Squirrel go and, as Akshaye Squirrel bleeds out, Dog says in Saif’s voice “are we even now, brother? Have I finally won this Race?” And as Akshaye Squirrel’s eyes close, leaving the quest unanswered, the newest remake of the title song starts up and ITEM NUMBER. Over the end credits, with both Saif Dog and Akshaye Squirrel joining in. Possibly in exotic costumes.
(Picture this, but replace Bips and Kat with Dog and Squirrel)