Everyone else is better at this stuff than I am!  And I could get better, or learn to be better, maybe, but it is honestly making me miserable.  So I need someone to do it for me.

I’ll get to the job posting in a bit, but first let me explain why I need this.

I’m the littlest bit claustrophobic.  It has no effect on my every day life, besides making me ever so slightly anxious on airplanes, and never want to clean under the bed.  I also get spooked by bats and mice, so I try not to be around them.  And yet spiders don’t bother me, or heights.  And those bother other people.  Everyone has something, right?

So, my other thing is social media.  It’s not just that I am bad at it, it gives me anxiety.  Just a wee bit, not a big deal.  But 2 years ago when I first started blogging and tried to be more active on social media, I stopped sleeping.  I had to have a whole system of putting a light on a timer and leaving the TV on and taking melatonin and even then I’d still be awake until 3 or 4am.  So then I went back to never checking my Facebook account.  And stopped checking twitter after 7pm, and I never go off my homepage.  And then my life became normal and happy, no big deal.  And I am sure I am not the only person like this, everyone has a Facebook page now and most people have a twitter account, but loads of people just have them to have them and don’t really use them because they don’t like it.  Which is what I did up until 2 years ago.  Only, it makes it hard since I am trying to get noticed in the Internet world and I have this awkward phobia that makes it almost impossible.

And now you are thinking “that’s crazy!” just like I think when people tell me they are afraid of spiders.  But it’s real, I promise.  You can give me all of the pep talks you want, and advice, and it’s not going to make a difference.  I keep trying, and it stays just the same.  I can do a tweet along and I can put out tweets announcing a new blog post, and I love it on those rare occasions when people tweet directly to me in response to something and I can have a one on one exchange.  But that whole “join the conversation” thing that twitter sells itself as?  Or the Facebook feeds?  The massive stream of content flowing by?  That is what keeps me up until 4am watching soothing 80s sitcoms.  It’s not because I am standoffish or anything (I interviewed a fair number of the other internet Indian film people for my Masters, and still send them Christmas cards every year, even if I don’t follow them on twitter), I just cannot do it.  I can’t I can’t I can’t.

So, I need someone to do it for me! I keep putting off the idea of hiring someone because it is a waste of money and I should be able to do it myself, but I need to accept that I just can’t do it myself.

And I know what needs to be done, it’s a real simple job:

1. If you notice a story trending, tweet out my related post (and of course I have one, I have posts on everything) to everyone who might be interested with the hashtag they are all using to talk about it.
2. For new posts, tweet it to everyone who might potentially care, fanclubs and movie stars and directors and screenwriters and so on.
3. Maintain my instagram account with occasional posts of images and post excerpts that are related, and again hashtag and @ them to the people who might care.
4. Anything else you may think of, pending my approval

And in return, I will keep you updated with a daily tally of how many click throughs I got from social media so you can feel what you are accomplishing, and pay you $50 a month.  Which is, like, nothing, I know.  But you get to put on your resume that you were a social media manager, and hopefully you are the kind of person that is on social media all the time anyway so this isn’t that big of a time commitment for you.

I’m posting here first partly because if you are a regular reader, you already know all my old posts and so on for reference, and you know my audience and what kind of people to try to attract.  But mostly because if you are a regular reader, you like me and I like you, which is what I am looking for, someone I like who likes me and wants to do this because they want the blog to do well, more than just wanting $50 a month.

Because, again, $50 is nothing and I am aware of that.  Hopefully the blog grows thanks to this and I can afford more in future.

If you are interested, you can contact me below.  Give me your email and your twitter and instragram names so I can check them out, and of course if you are a regular commentator I also already “know” your interests and personality.  And tell me why you are interested in doing this for me.  Oh, and if you aren’t interested, but you know of the perfect person who is, please send this post along to them.