Handy Quiz! Are You an Alpha, Beta, or Zeta Lover?

This is a fun off-shoot of this post, in which I described (as I saw them) the three types of romantic fantasy men in Indian film. But let’s make this fun and turn it into one of those silly magazine quizzes! Are you an Alpha, Beta, or Zeta lover?


  1. If a boy fell in love with you on first sight while you were on a school trip, would you want him to:
    1. Write poems to you and send them anonymously
    2. Passionately declare his intention to marry you and force you to love him
    3. Jump off a cliff in despair because you forgot his name
    4. None of the above
  2. If your parents object to the match, would you want him to:
    1. Force you to kiss him in front of your family in order to prove your love
    2. Get drunk and fall asleep on your front steps
    3. Passively respect your parents’ decision and nobly walk away
    4. None of the above
  3. You are forced to marry a stranger, on your wedding night would you want him to:
    1. Silently take his blanket and leave the room
    2. Passionately declare his love and then burst out sobbing in your arms
    3. Give you one spine-tingling sexy kiss (or stroke of the cheek or embrace or whatever), and then tell you he would not touch you again until you asked
    4. None of the above
  4. You are forced to travel alone with a stranger, would you want him to:
    1. Tease you and force you out of your reserve
    2. Remain silent but leave a perfect sketch of your face on your pillow
    3. Have an emotional breakdown about how much he loves his mother
    4. None of the above
  5. An injured police officer stumbles into your home, would you want him to
    1. Roughly order you at gunpoint to help him, and give specific directions as to what he needs before passing out
    2. Cry all night as he suffers pangs of guilt for what he has done and seen
    3. Politely ask for assistance and say “thank you” many times, and then recite poetry to you while fevered in the night
    4. None of the above
  6. An injured thief stumbles in your home, would you want him to:
    1. Alternate mania and sobbing and he explains all the pain of his life that lead him to this point
    2. Offer to let you decide whether or not to call the police, and then silently leave a fortune in jewelry behind as a thank you when you do not
    3. Cockily brag about his crimes and admit no remorse or guilt
    4. None of the above
  7. You yourself are injured in some way and go to the police station, would you want the police officer to:
    1. Quietly sympathetically take down your statement and then arrest the man and offer to let you hit him
    2. Become so emotional at what you are saying that he begins ranting madly and referencing the horrible murder of his older sister that he witnessed as a child
    3. Not bother taking notes at all, just ask for the name of the man and then find him and beat him up
    4. None of the above.
  8. Through a series of surprising circumstances, a young inexperienced handsome man becomes Chief Minister of your state and also falls in love with you. Would you want him to:
    1. Hide his identity so you don’t feel pressured and pretend to be “normal” when he is with you
    2. Send a cavalcade of cars to pick you up and elaborate presents and bring you to the Chief Minister’s house with full pomp in order to propose
    3. Have a public breakdown as his love drives him mad while he is being interviewed on national TV.
    4. None of the above

MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION (all Shahrukh, so as to control for variables): You are you, at home late at night, and you need a video to cheer you up. Would you prefer this video:

This one:

Or this one:

Or none of the above?

Now, for scoring:

If you answered None of the Above, you are a stable intelligent sensible woman who does not need fantasies.

If you answered 1, 3, 1, 2, 3, 2, 1, 1, You are a BETA lover!!!! Your fantasy is a man who will love you and respect you and let you be in control and take the lead.

If you answered 2, 1, 3, 1, 1, 3, 3, 2, You are a ALPHA lover!!!! Your fantasy is a man who will take control so you can relax and sit back.

If you answered 3, 2, 2, 3, 2, 2, 2, 3, You are a ZETA lover!!!! Your fantasy is a man who needs you so much he will literally die without you.

And tell us how you did! Or don’t. I’ll tell you at least, I am a perfect Alpha lover.


14 thoughts on “Handy Quiz! Are You an Alpha, Beta, or Zeta Lover?

    • A sensible intelligent woman??? Begone from here!!!!! This is no place for you!!!!!

      Okay, I will allow you to stay for that little bit of Beta-Alpha-Zeta fantasy.

      On Fri, Dec 7, 2018 at 7:33 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



  1. I’m mostly None of the Above & can go with a couple of Beta choices that needs rephrasing. But I was guffawing reading all the situations & the choices, especially the Chief Minister one-a definitive sign that you are too much into South movies than you care to admit.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I do not get the Chief Minister fantasy!!!!! At least, the romantic version. I want to be Chief Minister! I would fix so much stuff!!!! Second to that, I will accept my alpha Chief Minister who marries me and makes me the power behind the throne. I guess I want to be Jayalalithaa? Is that the correct reference? Anyway, it’s not about the romance, it’s about the power.

      On Fri, Dec 7, 2018 at 11:33 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



  2. My answers were a mix of all 4 too. I regularly watch Haule Haule or Chalak Chalak to cheer up, depending on which phase/mode of Shah Rukh I’m in the mood for. The first vid though, oof. I guess I’m kind of a “beta in the streets, alpha in the sheets” gal. 😅

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have very mixed answers but two things are sure (and I already knew it) I definetely not Zeta Lover, and I wouldn’t want CM as a boyfriend never.


    • So, a sensible guy who occasionally writes you poetry and once in a blue moon bursts into tears and really needs you?

      On Sat, Dec 8, 2018 at 3:10 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



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