Shahrukh Summer Thought Post: Sex, Power, and Romance

I had another thought! Well actually, Rachel had a thought on this post and I replied to it, and then I kept on thinking. Anyway, thoughts! About sex! And also power and romance.

Sex and power are not unrelated to each other. For some people, a powerless partner is sexy, it makes them feel more confident by contrast and that makes them feel more attractive and powerful and sexy. For other people, a powerful partner is sexy, it makes them feel powerless and therefore free and therefore sexy. But then there is the other part of this, sex is a power you can hold over someone else. If they are more attracted to you than you are to them, or less able to control their desires than you are, you can use sex as a promise and a bait and a weapon. And that’s not kind or fair or loving, or sexy at all. But it can be romantic

Power can be romantic. Not wielding power, but choosing not to wield it. When Hrithik has Aishwarya at gun point and chooses not to shoot her because he loves her too much, when Salman kneels in front of Madhuri instead of playfully hitting her with marigolds, when Shahrukh takes his things and goes to sleep in the attic instead of sharing a bed with Anushka, that’s romance. All these men have power over the woman they love. But they hand that power over to her, they love her so much that they are powerless in front of her and only wish her to be happy.

Image result for salman madhuri didi

In Shahrukh’s earliest films, his power was often based on wealth and social status. That is a common romance trope, it fulfills the double fantasy of having all your money and social problems solved by someone who loves you, and the fantasy of having someone with all that wealth and social status prove his love by refusing to use it against you. And there was also just a hint of physical power, and choosing not to use that as well.

In Dil Aashna Hai, Divya is a humble dancing girl and Shahrukh is the son of a wealthy man. Over and over again she taunts him, invites him to use his power and “buy” her. And his response is to refuse, he wants her to love him truly, he uses his wealth and power to serve her but never to threaten her. He uses his physical power over her once, he slaps her for offering herself to him. That is not sexy at all. And noticeably Not Sexy because there has been this power imbalance the whole film (physical, financial, class) and he has never taken advantage of it until now, because he loved her, which was both sexy and romantic.

In Deewana, again Shahrukh is the son of a wealthy man. And Divya is a widow on the run from her enemies. She is one of the most powerless in society while Shahrukh is one of the most powerful. In a memorable scene, he tracks her down to her house on Holi and grabs her and smears color on her face. But then he leaves. This is different from when Shahrukh slapped in Divya in Dil Aashna Hai. In that case, he gave in to his feelings without caring what it did to her. In this case, Shahrukh does not give in, cares more for how Divya will feel than how he feels himself. Shahrukh, by every standard, can take whatever he wants from Divya and no one will stop him. But he chooses not to. Even after marriage, he does not have any expectations. He loves her so much that he just wants to do whatever will make her happy rather than what will make him happy.

Through out the early years of his career, Shahrukh played those same two notes over and over again, the man of wealth and/or the man of physical power who chooses not to use either weapon because he loves his heroine so much. This was hardly unusual, most romance films of this era had the same idea.

But then things started to change around Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Shahrukh was now 33 and had been a movie actor for 5 years. He was no longer working on multiple films at once, he was comfortable in his body, he was working with a director he liked and was comfortable with (Karan) and an actress he also knew well. And suddenly a new element was added to the power-romance dynamic, Sex.

Shahrukh’s character in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is established from the start as a ladies’ man. He flirts outrageously and has multiple girls sighing for him. But then Rani appears and he feels differently for her. He sneaks into her room and easily charms her and makes her laugh. But then leaves. They meet over and over again and she is clearly interested in him, but instead of trying to kiss her or hold her hand, he talks to her about his life. And finally, he confesses his love. In the second half, he meets Kajol again and immediately is drawn to her. During their basketball game, he starts flirting and gets her upset and turned on almost immediately. He keeps ratcheting up the sexual tension between them for the rest of his time at camp. Kajol has no defense against him, her face reveals everything. But Shahrukh holds back, over and over again we see him looking away, taking a moment, giving her a moment. His sexiness in this film is so potent that it gives him power over women. But he loves Rani and then Kajol so much, he gives up that power, his sexual desire for them is great, but his desire for a true love connection is even greater.

This is a different dynamic than the usual “The woman I marry is too good for sex, the women I sex are too bad for marriage” kind of thing. Shahrukh’s characters in these films are not insulting to their sex partners, it’s not about that. And it is certainly not that they don’t feel a totally sexual attraction to the woman they want to marry. It is that this overwhelming sexual attraction is even less than this new overwhelming love connection.

And this is where the power comes back in. In the films after Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, over and over again Shahrukh will have a scene where he flips the sexy switch on when he is with the woman he loves. And then turns it off again because he doesn’t want to use that power. The details vary, in K3G he is trying to romance Kajol every way he knows how, to indicate that he is seriously interested in her as a romantic partner, and she is stubbornly oblivious. He finally turns on the sexy switch just to get her attention, to get through to her. And then promptly turns it off again to continue his slow courtship of mind and heart and soul along with body. In One 2 Ka 4, Juhi is the one who has been pursuing him while he remained stubbornly uninterested. He turns on the sexy switch as a gesture, to let her know that she has his attention now. And then turns it off again in order to connect with her on a human level, talk about hopes and dreams and fears. Kal Ho Na Ho is the most explicit, he uses his sexiness over and over again to break Preity out of her own head, and then immediately pulls back and douses it off almost before she notices what happened. And in order to serve Preity and make her life better, he uses his sexiness the way another character might use his money, to charm and convince and create wonderful things in her life. Swades is another fun one, he seems completely asexual for most of the film until Gayatri confesses her feelings. And then he slowly lets out his sexiness in response. It’s a gesture of love, and trust, giving her access to this hidden part of himself. KANK is similar, Shahrukh has forgotten what it is like to be sexual, to feel attractive. He turned that switch off so hard it is almost gone. But Rani brings it out in him again. “Mitwa” shows him feeling those feelings, and then killing them because he doesn’t want to put her in that situation.

And of course Jab Harry Met Sejal is the film that deals most directly and most often with sex and power. Shahrukh’s character is fully articulately aware of his sexual power. And soon he is fully aware of his enormous attraction for Anushka’s character. He could, if he chose, seduce her as easily as waving his hand. But he chooses not to. More than he wants to have sex with her, he wants to have a life with her. His choice to turn away from this option is the same as, in another film, a man giving up all his riches in order to be equal with the woman he loves. Or handing his sword to the woman he captured.

Zero has another take on the question. Shahrukh’s character feels guilt for what he did to Anushka. He is aware that he set out to seduce her, and he had the charm and sexual attraction to make it happen. He knows exactly how much power he had over her. She did give her agreement, there was no coercion, but it also wasn’t exactly a fair fight. This is what Shahrukh could have done to Anushka in JHMS or Kajol in K3G or any number of other heroines. He could offer them sex in a way they would not want to refuse. And then the relationship would stop, there would be nowhere else for it to go beyond “good-bye” or a quick marriage that neither of them would ever be sure if they really wanted or not.

In every other movie, Shahrukh makes this grand sexy romantic gesture, and then stops, lets her catch her breath, moves back and slows down now that he has her attention. In this movie, he pushes forward and destroys any chance of a real relationship.

That’s the issue with sex too soon with these women. It’s not that they wouldn’t want it or wouldn’t enjoy it, it’s that sex comes with strange pressures and confusions related to your family, society, your inner morality, all kinds of things. In Main Hoon Na, for a counter-example, Shahrukh does not turn off his sexy. He turns it on all the way and sweeps Sushmita off her feet (“sorry about your sari….ma’am”). And then turns it off to finish off the rest of his job, before finding Sushmita again and promptly turning it all the way up again (“happy teacher’s day”). Because with Sushmita, there would be no issues. She is clearly a mature confident sexually experienced woman, she is even somewhat initiating the encounter. He can have sex with her without risking losing the possibility of anything else. And so he does, he lets that power loose.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got! Here are some things for you all to consider in response:

Would Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi fit into this? Is “Raj” Suri’s way of expressing his sexuality without risking his marriage? Or is it hiding from his sexuality? Or is Raj not sexy at all, only the real true Suri is sexy?

Is JHMS the culmination of exploring the push pull of Shahrukh the Sexual Magician versus Shahrukh the Man Who Wants True Love? Where would he, or could he, go from here?

What about Dear Zindagi? Is Shahrukh’s character supposed to be consciously unfurling his sexual powers in order to keep Alia coming back to therapy? Or was that a side effect of Shahrukh playing the role?

Is Kuch Kuch an accurate dividing line? I see Shahrukh’s flirtation in Zamaana-Deewana, DDLJ, and other earlier films as played too casually, too much like a puppy experimenting and not enough like someone fully aware of what they are doing and the effect they are having.

25 thoughts on “Shahrukh Summer Thought Post: Sex, Power, and Romance

  1. This may be your best post I’ve seen so far…I’m super excited to weigh in but I have a crazy day…my little guy has his first summer season basketball game, and we are house hunting so I have to start packing up my condo to get it ready to show. I’ll be back soon with many thoughts (plus I feel like I have to go back and re-watch a bunch of films! Yay!)


  2. Ooh that Deewana scene really turned me off. She looks terrified and he throws the color in her face in a really threatening way. Even if he leaves at that point I get screaming potential abuser vibes from the whole scenario. That’s the problem I have with so many of SRK’s roles, I don’t feel swept away with romance, I feel like this guy could flip on a dime and seriously hurt the woman and that’s not romantic. I do realize I’m in the minority, tho.

    Re: RNBDJ, Suri creates this false dichotomy between presenting himself as an oddly neutered person who doesn’t have any power in his relationship and Raj who has nothing to lose and can express his sexuality without reserve and bowl over Anushka. But the two sides come together in the final dance and then you see that Suri and Raj are simply different facets of the same person and there was never a need to divide them because Anushka loves the whole person. So Suri’s expression of power in the relationship is really about empowering himself to unapologetically embrace his sexuality.


    • I like your RNBDJ idea! How about this, the power imbalance in their relationship was so extreme that Suri overcorrected and then couldn’t figure out how to come back from it. With her being so young, an orphan, no money, forced into the marriage, and so on, he knew the only way to make her feel safe was to give her full and total power in the relationship. He moves out of the bedroom and stops talking to her, just leaves her alone.

      Once she starts to come out of her grief, he can’t figure out how to take back all the power he gave her. So he creates this alternative person who is loud and demanding and difficult, the opposite of Suri who just goes along with what she wants. Remember when Suri fights the Sumo wrestler and Anushka gets mad at him because he was doing it for her but she never asked him for that? Maybe that was partly her frustration with a husband who seemed to have no desire or personality of his own, who had turned himself into a non-entity? Once Suri finally gives up, thinks she will never love him, that is when he can become his own man. He suggests the trip to the temple, he prays alone, he doesn’t even look at her when they walk away. He is no longer so obsessed with turning himself in to what she wants, and so she can finally see who he really is. Does that make sense?

      On Sat, Jul 20, 2019 at 2:23 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



      • Yes, he handed over any power to Anushka which makes him a boring personality…just what Anushka thought of him from the very beginning.
        I don’t think that he wanted to regain some power, he just wanted to make himself more interesting to her by surprising her…and was litterally pushed into a role he didn’t know how to play…like he had to learn how to grow into a more interesting husband he had to learn how to realize his dreams and wishes.

        In my eyes, RNBDJ is the most elaborated story of the love trilogy Aditya made with ShahRukh. Btw, I find it interesting that in all his three movies with ShahRukh the turning point towards a favorable end is the fact that the ShahRukh character ‘gives up’ his ‘plan’ (to impliment his wishes).

        Liked by 1 person

        • Interesting point about Shahrukh giving up his plans and then succeeding. to tie it back to Shahrukh’s sex and power in RNBDJ, I think his plans in that movie were born out of fear. He was afraid that if he revealed his feelings, and his true self, to Anushka she would leave him. But once it reached the point of him deciding he had to give her up, all his fear left him and he stopped hiding himself from her.

          On Sat, Jul 20, 2019 at 9:44 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



    • Captivating subject and very interesting comment.
      Deewana: I agree with you, Alisa, that already in his first movie (not shot but screened) he shows that there could be another side to him if he decides to give in to it … what he then does in Baazigar, Darr and especially (as a culmination because without any ‘excuse’) in Anjaam. Don and Don2 also are more challenging power play than romantic.

      RNBDJ: It’s exactly what I also thought :”empowering himself to … embrace his sexuality.” and I would even add “to enjoy the pleasure to challenge himself”.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What about Chalte Chalte? He spends the first half trying to win her in the sexiest way possible and the second half doing everything wrong in the sexiest way possible,


    • I think that one shows the limits of sex. The first half is all infatuation and lust and joy. After wedding, the sex is still great, but that’s not all there is to life. It would have been easy to make the sex go away when the marriage gets bad, or just be disappointing or not as good. But instead the film is saying that after marriage, that is just part of the relationship, not everything.


  4. I like the idea of KKHH as starting movie to play cool & sexy…the rests of his kind of ‘puppy love’ had been blown away in Dil Se (not accidently but knowingly).

    DearZindagi…side effect of ShahRukh playing a sexy therapist…

    JHMS…culmination? Maybe, maybe not…it depends on what movies he’ll made in future. But it is, imo, definitely the – till now – most intense and least playful one in the combining of physical and emotional attraction.

    What I personally like the most in ShahRukh’s play with “sex, power and romance” is the playful, charming and (self-)ironic way he often uses…and the caring for the woman with whom he has fallen in love. Even when his character has a deranged mind or is a kind of loser he still gives a special importance to his love interest like you described in the “heroine” post. ShahRukh really can play both: romancing his love interest and becoming the love interest and getting romanced.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like that Shahrukh treats sex both in his roles and in his interviews as a fun part of life. That’s part of what feels off to me about KANK, sex is so serious in that film, so unfun. But in Chalte Chalte, or K3G, or almost any other film, sex is fun. And in JHMS, part of the way it weaves into his character is that sex is no longer fun for him and it SHOULD be fun. that underlying assumption that sex should be fun and healthy and light is what makes JHMS so dark, that we see Shahrukh no longer enjoys sex that way. And that’s part of Anushka “healing” him, giving him back the lightness and fun of it.

      On Sat, Jul 20, 2019 at 10:25 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



  5. I like your analysis! This is why I don’t get why people say Shahrukh doesn’t have sex appeal. In most of the movies, he’ll have these little moments and looks that clearly convey his desire. It’s a shame that previously movies were not designed to explore that side of things. If younger SRK was working today, he would blow the newer actors out of the water in that department!
    I disagree about Swades though, he is struck by her right from the first meeting. Then the potential groom meeting and following scene where he cheekily lets her know he wants to marry her, classroom duster scene, dhoti tying – some of my favorite romantic scenes of his! What makes them sexy to me is that he is a mature adult, sure of how he feels and not hesitant to convey it to her, and not a carefree charmer waiting to grow up by falling in love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, you are right about Swades! I forgot about the earlier classroom and dhoti scene. He was definitely being slightly sexy to see if she was interested. I guess I would change my analysis to say that he was slightly sexy and knew she was responding (the classroom scene especially), but he didn’t push it forward because of the obvious problems with moving forward. Not that she was a fragile young thing, but that their lives were in two different countries. Actually, I would separate out those two scenes. The classroom scene was him being full on flirty because he really liked her and wanted her to like him (not be attracted, but to understand what he was saying and who he was a little bit). The Dhoti scene was him being slightly flirty just for fun and her responding. But he didn’t truly court her, either for love or sex. He waited until she made the first move before he fully responded.


  6. Ha, the sexy switch! You left out Asoka. That was a clear sexy switch seduction.

    I’m less qualified than lots of people here on full SRK career but I think KKHH might be the right turning point just because a lot of people who otherwise don’t see themselves as SRK fans still seem attached to that movie.

    JHMS the whole invented premise is that he won’t/can’t turn on the sexy switch with Sejal, first because he’s trying not to get in trouble, then because he realizes that for the first time he wants something more, all while Sejal keeps trying to provoke him. He keeps pulling out his tour guide politeness like a shield. In Radha he lets himself go a little and pulls back. The whole pre-interval scene when he descends the staircase is…you want it? Let me show you. Then it becomes a game, until the abduction. Agreed that the scene between them afterwards is the most intense and grown-up version of restraint in the face of overwhelming desire, and yes, it’s super hot.

    I think he could play that situation and those emotions again, but it would have to be a totally different story to feel fresh, and it would be hard because JHMS is tailor written to that sort of set up. Also it seemed like the audience didn’t react so well?


    • I have no idea why the audience didn’t like JHMS. There’s a few theories related to his sexiness (“theories” meaning stuff we talked about in the comments on my posts), but I don’t know how perfect they are. One would be that the critics and so on just could not handle how sexy Shahrukh was, unacceptably sexy for an Indian audience, especially as an object of desire for a female audience. Another would be that people were in such denial of the sexual component that they just didn’t see or understand it and therefore the film did not work for them. It did do well overseas, not spectacular but good. Which brings me to my new theory, that the Indian audience is increasingly young men and no women while the overseas audience is more balanced because Indian women living overseas have more freedom (economic, traveling, etc.). JHMS definitely only works if you see and believe in Shahrukh’s sexiness, otherwise it feels impractical and ridiculous. And the reaction might show that not enough of the paying audience in India at least is willing to deal honestly with a film in which sexuality is a main plot point.

      On Sun, Jul 21, 2019 at 1:33 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



      • I am one of those people who did not like JHMS and my problems with it do not fit into any of the categories you have described. I still watch it for the sexy parts, but I don’t “get” Sejal. I know what she is supposed to stand for etc., but I don’t think the movie does a good job with it. I wanted to comment about this on your other post about male “servant”-female employer power dynamics in SRK films. No, it does not make sense within Indian societal contexts that her family would be so laissez faire about her traveling around Europe with him. He was not some trusted family servant they had known for years. He was just a guy they had hired for one trip. I like many things about that movie, but I just find that it is missing something and that annoys me immensely.


        • Hmm. Maybe what is missing is that we needed a statement about how her aunt and uncle or someone had been traveling with him for years? Because it felt like that, her parents only agreed because she was with Shahrukh and only trusted Shahrukh with her. If they had explained some kind of decade long thing with other family members using his services, that might make more sense.

          On Mon, Jul 22, 2019 at 2:42 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



          • Really any kind of back story for Sejal besides the fact she has a family and a fiancee! The movie definitely has some missing pieces, I just like the characters and the way their relationship evolves so much that I’m willing to overlook the plot holes.


          • I don’t know if I would call them “holes”. I don’t think we get much more about Harry than Sejal, we know he left to be a singer and we know he is now a tour guide, and he had a thing with Klara at some point. To me it reads more like Imtiaz purposefully decided he wanted to make a movie where much of it is unspoken. Versus Tamasha were we have shockingly detailed and specific stuff for Ranbir and nothing at all for Deepika, that one bothered me and feels like a plot hole. Or at least, he should have cut the romance and specifically made it Ranbir’s story instead of pretending otherwise.

            On Mon, Jul 22, 2019 at 8:26 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



          • Yes, I remember the conversation in the JHMS threads about whether the spareness of the character back story was intentional. It did mean that we each ended up bringing a lot of our own experience to bear in how we connected with the story, which is interesting from a director/audience connection point of view, not filling in that back story forces the viewer to bring more of him or herself into the film. Feels like this connects back to the commercial/indie expectations conversation too. In this case, as a commercial film, it seems possible that part of the ambivalence in the audience reception came from not feeling that connection to the characters or understanding of their motivations that would have been created by including more back story or scenes with the other people in their lives.

            Also, this wasn’t clear in my prev comment, but by plot holes I also meant the actual plot holes, like how Nastassja goes and picks up the ring from the cafe only to throw it back in Gas’s face, meaning somehow he gave it to her, that same day she lost it at the cafe, happened to have left her ID, picked it up when they called her, and then met up with Gas to confront him and throw it at him. That makes no sense. It’s a tortured way to get them to the Portugal sequence.


  7. Commenting before I read all the other good comments. I think that KKHH is not a good dividing line. I think Shah Rukh was pretty comfortable with his body and using his sexy from his theater days. RBGG, Dil Se, Chalte Chalte, ODYHI, even the hated EBDM has him fully using the sexy. Dil Se fits interestingly into the pattern you mention of him being the more powerful one socially but choosing not to use that power. He almost does when he grabs her in the mountains, but her reaction stops him, and then he never comes close to that again.

    Suri feels powerless in front of his love for Tani, so he splits off the sexy (of a sort) and romance. He starts feeling more powerful (in a healthy way, not dominating Tani but able to be her partner) when he realizes he’s willing to give up his life for her happiness. The sumo wrestling and the final dance sequence are experiments in integrating all these aspects.

    Speaking of RNBDJ, Shah Rukh has a series of bank ads which keep coming up in my Twitter feed, and he is in a Suri-like get up. It really made my heart leap the first time I saw it. Suri is just such a dear, sweet cinnamon roll.

    Harry’s got the power (externally at least) and sexy worked out, but he’s a bitterly disappointed romantic. Purposefully getting into a fight with Sejal because he still doesn’t think he’s good enough for her, then flying to her when he finally realizes he is, are hugely romantic.

    In Dear Zindagi I think he’s just a well-integrated person, so the power, romance, and sexy (along with wit, compassion, intelligence, etc) are present in their interactions. I don’t think he’s aiming the sexy at Alia exactly, but he’s not turning the switch off either. He uses her attraction to him as a therapeutic tool. How many patients have fallen for him, women and men? That’s why the squeaking chair at the end is so fun. He’s still human; he is not entirely in charge of his emotions.

    Where can he go from here? Anywhere he wants. I think there are endless variations on the power-sex-romance combo. It’s been a while since he’s done a bromance as well. I wonder if he’d ever, ever do a same sex romance? Maybe as a cameo on Made in Heaven.


    • I like your take on RNBDJ, Suri gives up all his power to Taani and doesn’t know what to do besides trying to please her. It’s only once he hits the line of what he isn’t willing to give up that he rediscovers himself and they can start as equals.

      Could we say that Harry has lost the sense of how sex and romance can be connected? Because romance is about equality and sharing power. For Harry, sex is only about power, him taking back control or else giving up control and letting himself be punished. He has to admit his powerlessness in front of Anushka, and her powerlessness in front of him, before they can come together as equals. That’s why he looks more nervous than her after their kiss, he knows more about kissing, but he doesn’t know more about kissing HER.

      With DZ, could we say that he doesn’t bother altering his sexy in sessions because he wants Alia to know the real him? He lets her meet him as an equal and a real person so she will trust him. Allowing himself to be sexy is the same as telling her a little bit about his father or his son.

      I would love to see him in a same-sex situation. What I would really love is something to explores his character as a straight man who has a gay man attracted to him, how that relates to the power-sex dynamic.

      On Sun, Jul 28, 2019 at 3:05 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:


      Liked by 1 person

  8. “it’s that sex comes with strange pressures and confusions related to your family, society, your inner morality, all kinds of things”

    This is the sort of thing I’m trying to talk to my daughter about sex. Sex is riskier for women than men, physically from the standpoint of STDs, pregnancy, and social censure (even in the year of our Lordt 2019). But it has emotional risks for everyone too. Sex is powerful stuff, and most of us will do stupid things, even be with people who are bad for us, because of sex, at some point in our lives.


    • I think that is what a lot of the Indian film discussion about “love” is dancing around. If your teenage daughter declares she loves her boyfriend, are you sure she loves him or is it just that she has sex-brain and is making bad choices? And the hero and heroine who dream forever of their perfect “first love”, is it because that was their one true love, or is it the leftover haze of first time sex?

      Dragging this back to Shahrukh movies, I feel like as he has more and more films where he is playing older than the heroine, the “I don’t want you to love me just because I am your ‘first'” part is kind of there. DEFINITELY in JHMS, he knows that waking Sejal up to her sexuality is going to be a shortcut to making her fall in love, but not a shortcut he wants to take. Possibly he same with Dips in Happy New Year, and then it is a shortcut he takes with Kat in JTHJ which is part of why things don’t work out, they can’t understand their feelings because it’s all wrapped up in sex.

      On Sun, Jul 28, 2019 at 3:10 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:


      Liked by 1 person

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