Do you start craving sandwiches when you read that title? Or is it just me? Anyway, this is a suggestion from sartrekid and I think it is a great idea! (part 2 here)

Original Plot:

Okay, there are two plots, book plot and 2002 movie plot. Because I am a Bad Person, I watched the 2002 movie without reading the book. But I really kind of like the movie. It’s silly and over the top and it has a happy ending. And swordfights! And, from what I can tell, the book and movie diverge in several areas. Partly just because the book was ridiculously long and couldn’t be squeezed into a movie, but also because they rewrote the book a bit to be happier. And I am just going to rewrite it even more!

Shared plot:

Our hero is a young man with a girlfriend and a best friend. Although he is poor, he has a promising future and is intelligent and everyone loves him. His wealthy best friend resents this and frames him for a crime he didn’t commit and makes sure he is sent away to a deep dark island prison. In prison, he makes friends with his cellmate and the two of them spend years slowly digging a tunnel to escape. His cellmate also educates him on various esoteric topics. Finally, after 20 years, now a wise and angry old man, he escapes. He finds a vast fortune that his cell mate gave him the clue to locate and reinvents himself as the “Count of Monte Cristo” and returns home seeking revenge on those who wronged him and rewards for the few who stood by him.

Now, the 2002 movie version simplifies things, he is all vengeance-vengeance-vengeance but at the same time his old girlfriend recognizes him and keeps trying to talk to him. She finally gets him alone and explains that her son is his son, she married his old friend not for the money but to save herself from shame. Our hero has previously bonded with the young man (who he now learns is his son) and it ends with the young man and the girlfriend and the hero happily walking away from vengeance.

The book, from what I can tell from wikipedia, is super super complicated. There’s all these little side adventures and things on the way to getting his revenge. And part of that is rescuing from slavery the wife and daughter of an old friend who helped him. The wife is already dead, he returns home to find the old friend dead, and ends up being guardian of the daughter. He goes ahead with his revenge plan and meets the old girlfriend and her son and so on. Only there is no last minute reveal that it is his son or anything like that, she married his friend after he “died” because she was faithless. But she is still shocked to learn what her husband did and she and her son leave him. So she’s not a terrible woman, just not our hero’s happy ending. Instead, he learns to love the young woman he rescued who he is now the guardian of and the book ends with the two of them going off together to start fresh, away from his unhappy endings.

Ready for how I would write this for Shahrukh?

Shahrukh is an orphan he was “adopted” by a nice smuggler (Prakash Raj, say) off of the streets and calls him “father”. Saif is a rich kid who is doing smuggling for fun. We can even have a meet cute sequence, Shahrukh is being pulled aside by airport security as Saif walks past, he drops stuff in Saif’s bag then tracks him down later and threatens him and asks for it back, but Saif has already opened the bag and looked inside and tells Shahrukh he wants 50%, or else a chance to work with him. Shahrukh doesn’t believe he is serious because he is rich, but Saif explains that he comes from an old family but his father lost all their money and he has to make it back quickly before society catches on to their fall and they lose the house and jewels and everything.

Shahrukh and Saif become partners and best friends, both working for the kindly old smuggler. And for a celebration one night, Saif takes Shahrukh to a dance bar where they see Karisma dancing and Saif tells Shahrukh that he is in love with her, but was always too shy to talk to her. Cocky Shahrukh goes and talks to Karisma on Saif’s behalf but, somehow, Karisma ends up falling in love with him instead. Maybe he fights off some scuzzy backstage guys for her and while she is patching him up, they bond over both being orphans and having to look out for themselves. Karisma confesses her love, Shahrukh tries to resist and be a good friend to Saif but eventually gives in. Saif is sad for himself, but pulls himself together and is happy for them, even arranges a grand engagement party for them. The smuggler boss offers Shahrukh a big job all by himself, Shahrukh asks if Saif can have part of it, the smuggler boss explains it is a one man job. Shahrukh goes to Saif and apologizes, he knows Saif needs the money. Saif says it is no problem, Shahrukh can do the job and make the money and come back and get married.

Shahrukh goes off, manages the complicated negotiations for the illegal diamonds or whatever (the seller is suspicious and only agreed to meet with one person, that’s why it was a one man job), but on the way back into the country the customs official that they regularly pay off pulls him aside instead and arrests him. Shahrukh goes through the nightmare of being arrested and rapidly sent away, not allowed to even make one phone call to his boss. And then on the transport to the remote prison where he will be held indefinitely without bail, suddenly Saif appears. Shahrukh thinks he is there to rescue him, but in fact he is just there to gloat. Saif explains that he hates him, has always hated him. This lowclass orphan that he had to pretend to like just to make money for his family. Shahrukh stole his love, and then stole his job and his future. He bribed the official to rob Shahrukh and pass the diamonds on to him. Shahrukh is going to jail, his boss is going to be bankrupt, and Saif will restore his family fortunes and prestige, and Karisma will marry him. And Shahrukh will be stuck in the deepest darkest dungeon, unable to do anything about it.

Shahrukh tries to kill Saif, but is chained, and Saif escapes. Shahrukh is taken to a remote prison in Rajasthan (lots of deserts around him). He is thrown in a cell with a weird old man, Boman Irani, who scares him by reciting Shakespeare, something from King Lear. Shahrukh doesn’t understand what he is saying because he can’t speak English. Boman sighs and switches to Hindi and suggests that, since they are going to be trapped together for the rest of their lives, perhaps Shahrukh should learn something. Boman is an ex-English professor from a university, thrown in this jail because he tried to reveal an admissions scandal that involved a politician’s son. He’s been here for ten years, the politician probably doesn’t even remember him any more, but it doesn’t matter, he will be here until he dies. Shahrukh declares that he isn’t going to stay here, he is going to get out. Boman laughs and says “why? For love? For friendship? For the future? All of those things will disappear as the years go by.” Slow zoom in on Shahrukh’s face as it hardens into angry lines and he says, “No, for revenge.” And then Boman smiles and says “good! That is something which will keep you going.”

Montage that slowly covers 20 years. Boman gives Shahrukh a university level education by the flickering light of a candle, drawing equations on the wall, having him recite Shakespeare to learn English, and so on. And at the same time they slowly work on digging a hole in the side of their cell. Shahrukh also keeps his eyes and ears open and listens to the other prisoners, something Boman never bothered to do. From that, he learns of a treasure hidden by a previous prisoner before his arrest. He wrote a clue to the treasure on the side of his cell wall and for years the prisoners have talked about the mystery but not been able to solve it. Shahrukh and Boman work on it together, Shahrukh arguing that it is fine to plan an escape, but what happens after?

After years of this, Shahrukh is now old looking with a beard while Boman is getting sicker and sicker. Shahrukh spends most of his time tending to Boman and reciting Shakespeare to him, although Boman keeps telling him to dig, not waste time on this old man. Finally one day Boman pulls Shahrukh down and whispers to him that he knows he is dying. Shahrukh has been more than a son to him. Shahrukh is special, he has taught hundreds of young men and Shahrukh is the smartest brightest man he has ever seen. He wants Shahrukh to do two things for him. Go, get his revenge, but afterwards try to find some way to live a happy life. And before that…and then he pulls Shahrukh down and whispers in his ear while Shahrukh looks shocked and surprised and then calculating. A little later Shahrukh bangs on the cell bars and call for the guards, Boman is dead. They bag him up and leave to get the gravediggers. The body is carried out by two joking grave diggers who take it to an empty patch of desert by the train line. At which point the bag bursts open, it’s Shahrukh! He hid in the body bag, as Boman told him. He beats up the gravediggers and escapes, runs for the train and leaps on. And as he sits back, finally free, he looks out at the night sky and the stars and suddenly realizes that the old prisoner’s treasure is hidden in a place indicated by stars, that’s what the clue meant!

6 months later, at the Taj Hotel in Bombay, a nervous servant type (Nawazuddin maybe?) rushes in demanding their largest suite. His master is coming and requires all the luxuries. The desk clerk is at first dismissive, but the servant convinces him, explains that his master is very very wealthy, a Maharaja, but he has preferred to live in Europe until now. He gives away diamonds as tips, and owns a hundred Rolls Royce cars and so on and so on. Once the hotel is properly prepared, the servant calls out that it is all right for his master, the Maharaja of Monte Cristo, to arrive. With bodyguards surrounding him, in a perfectly tailored suite, Shahrukh strides in. Once he is settled in his suite, he sends out everyone but Nawazuddin and then immediately strips off the suite jacket and tie and ruffles his hair and sprawls on the sofa and while Nawazuddin sits at his feet and drops into street lingo to tell him that he did a great job hiring the bodyguards and scaring the hotel, now it is time for the next part of the plan. Nawazuddin says thank you, and that he could help better if he knew the whole plan. Shahrukh snaps at him that he didn’t pick him up from that chawl so he could give advice, he picked him up so he could be helpful. Nawazuddin is chastened, and Shahrukh gives him three names and tells him that if he truly knows everything that happens in this city, he needs to know about these three people. Nawazuddin does a double take and declares he can tell him about two of them right now. Saif runs the biggest textile company in the city, but rumor has it he is desperate for funds, he expanded too fast and overpromised his investors. And Karisma is his wife, and mother of his son. Shahrukh’s face twists slightly in pain, but he masks it and asks, “And the third name?” Nawazuddin forwns and says, “I have never heard of him, I will look into it.” Shahrukh nods, and says that in the meantime he wants Nawazuddin to let it be known he is looking for investment opportunities in the city.

And then we cut to Saif and Karisma. Karisma is a spendthrift, Saif is yelling at her about her dress bills. She yells back that he owns textile factories, why shouldn’t she have as much clothes as she wants? Their son comes in at that point and Saif yells at him too about his bar bills, while Karisma tries to defend him and argue that he is young and bored, Saif should give him a job. Saif finally storms out, and their son passionately asks Karisma why she even stays with him. And Karisma sighs and says that, over the years, she has lost the ability to live any other way, she has become used to the luxury. Meanwhile, in his office, Saif is being told by his assistant about a new rich Maharaja recently arrived in the city. He knows nothing and no one, if they are lucky they will be able to get him to invest in their company before he learns it is going belly-up. Saif agrees, but says they can’t look too eager. He will host a party and make sure Shahrukh is invited and approach him there. He can use his son’s 20th birthday as an excuse.

Big party scene/song! Shahrukh arrives, and to gain the attention of the people, starts singing. Pretty soon he has taken over the party, no one notices Karisma and Saif the actual hosts, just Shahrukh. Even their son is dancing with him. It’s a masquerade, Karisma and Saif both frown at Shahrukh as though they recognize him but can’t get a good look. At the end of the song, Shahrukh slips out of the party but leaves Nawazuddin behind to give a card to Saif and invite him to come to the Taj and meet with Shahrukh tomorrow to discuss business opportunities.

In the car on the way back, Shahrukh pulls off his mask and starts snapping out questions to Nawazuddin about Saif’s finances, when Nawazuddin is interrupted by a phone call. He picks it up, and then tells Shahrukh he finally has information on Prakash Raj, although it took a while. Prakash was a big smuggler 20 years ago, but then a deal went bad and his loans came due. His rival took over his business and his house and he and his family were thrown out. He started running a small shop and sank into depression. His son who was already sick slowly sank without treatment and died. His wife worked herself to death a few years later. And Prakash died 6 months ago. Shahrukh visibly winces at this news. And then asks, almost as an after thought, “what about his daughter?” Nawazuddin goes back to his phone call for a moment, he forgot to ask too, and finally hangs up and turns back to Shahrukh. She tried to run the shop on her own but couldn’t pay the protection fees to the local gangster. The shop was burned down two days ago, and no one knows where she is.

And, flashback! A quick one. Shahrukh remembering Anupam and his family, his sick little boy who would always ask for stories of Shahrukh’s adventures, and his daughter who sat in the corner and listened with big eyes. Shahrukh always brought them souvenirs back from his overseas travels, and the little girl would always run to embrace him. But she refused to call him “Bhaiya” like her brother, declaring that someday she would grow up and marry him. The flashback fades away and Shahrukh ordes Nawazuddin to postpone the Saif meeting and all other business, they must find this girl.

Cut to, Swara Bhaskar. She is locked up in a store room, but is still putting on a brave face, abusing her captors and telling them they aren’t brave enough to hurt her, that the police will come looking, that they can’t just do this. Only as soon as they leave her alone, she reveals her fear and her desperation and she works to escape. She is trying to break loose a bar in the window and hiding a broken shard of pottery as a weapon. The top gangster comes in to threaten her, he is evil and disgusting, she spits in his face. He slaps her. And then we cut away to see the gang downstairs playing cars and drinking and joking about how their boss is going to rape that woman upstairs. There is a knock on the door, it is Nawazuddin. He pretends to be there about business, distracts them, and Shahrukh silently enters the room behind them. Before they realize what is happening, Shahrukh has quickly beaten up them all in a vicious fight (fight techniques learned through prison battles where there are no rules besides winning). He threatens the last remaining conscious gang member and asks where the prisoner is kept and then runs up the stairs and bursts through the door. To find Swara halfway through the bars of the window, with the dead body of the gang leader on the floor and the pottery shard sticking through his neck. Swara turns and looks at him and says, “Shahrukh?” INTERVAL

Phew! Okay, this is going to have to be a two parter. Or else a one-parter if no one is interested in hearing what happens next.