Thank goodness for Shahrukh summer! I have had a weird bad day that started with a nightmare about brownies and Marie Curie, and ended with a boat in the middle of the road blocking my route home from work. So now I am going to do a silly silly post.
Picture Shahrukh. Now, picture him in a same-sex love story. Dangerous seduction, settled middle-aged couple, sweet late in life romance, whatever flavor you want. Who would you cast opposite him? Take a look at the following chemistry test photos/videos and decide:
Shahrukh and Arjun:
Shahrukh and Anil
Shahrukh and Salman
Shahrukh and Aamir
Shahrukh and Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub
Shahrukh and Varun Dhawan
Shahrukh and Abhishek
Shahrukh and Saif
And of course, Shahrukh and Shahrukh
Bonus crossover option:
Shahrukh and Hugh Jackman
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Best chemistry, worst chemistry? Wondering if that is really Lady Gaga with Arjun and Shahrukh?
dontcallitbollywood 
Is that really Lady Gaga?
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It is!
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Hey I’ve been underground trying to get everything done for my house sale in house purchase along with getting my little guy ready for starting school tomorrow (yay!) and I’ve totally missed weighing in and reading all your interesting thoughts, Margaret! And everyone’s comments. I just couldn’t stay away from this particular post. I would love to see him with a much younger guy like Varun or Abhishek but I want to throw in Ayushmann (who is probably the only one with the guts to take on such a role) or for pure camp, Ranveer. He could kill it. Any of the above could be great for a super seductive older man younger guy story. Then there is always the fun of maybe two married guys meeting and like discovering their hidden sexuality in their 50s. Would be so interesting to see them with maybe like teenage kids of their own trying to handle the situation. Kind of like that Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin show. There I would probably go with safe, I think they had such great chemistry anyway in KHNH and I like their energy together as “grown-ups”. But yeah, mostly I want to see him seduce a younger man. Or really just seduce anybody. It’s just irresistible to watch.
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Oh, you have given me the best movie idea! But kind of a mean one, at least to the female characters.
Shahrukh is the dissolute aging player gay man of our dreams, he goes out to a club and meets a younger more middle class looking guy and they hit it off. They go off to find a bedroom, but aren’t able to find a cab, maybe the streets are shut down. They end up walking and talking and really making each other laugh. They go back to Shahrukh’s place (instead of the hotel where he usually takes conquests), and the younger man teases Shahrukh into putting on his reading glasses and sweater vest and tells him he looks sexy like that, and then they have great warm sex. The younger man is in town for business for 6 days, he and Shahrukh spend every minute together, but then say good-bye. Shahrukh tries to forget, picks up other men, but it’s not the same. And then he leaves town for his nieces wedding because his sister nagged him into it and THE YOUNGER MAN IS THE GROOM!!!!! Shahrukh decides to dedicate himself to seducing him away from the marriage and back to Shahrukh. He has a funny old (straight) friend who acts as his sounding board and keeps telling him how crazy this is, to try to seduce the man marrying his niece. The niece is wacky too, shallow and completely image obsessed, and shocked at the idea of any physical intimacy before marriage, even holding hands (thus her groom’s ability to keep their relationship going so long without being attracted to her). As the wedding plays out, it’s not just Shahrukh’s love story, he discovers one of the wedding planners fell passionately in love with the bride at first sight and encourages him to seduce her. He also learns his funny old friend is in love with his sister but she is so blind she can’t see it, and he helps them get together. At the end, the bride elopes, and Shahrukh encourages his sister to use the “dream wedding” she arranged for herself and marry the friend. And then Shahrukh goes sadly back to his room alone to discover the younger man waiting for him with rose petals and champagne, because he is finally ready to admit that what he had with Shahrukh wasn’t just sex, he is in love too.
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Silly speech to text should understand Hindi and Urdu on my on phone by now! Saif.
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I figured 🙂
What about Saif and Shahrukh meet at the parents night at their kids’ college. They are both divorced, and quietly out of the closet (thus the divorces). They sadly bond over how they feel too old to start over, finally came out of the closet but how do you start a relationship in middle-age? They don’t sleep together or anything but exchange numbers and then fly to opposite sides of the world but stay in touch. For months they call and text and email little things about their life, share stories of bad dates and attempts to hit the club scene, and do stuff like try making the same recipes and exchanging photos of the result, reading the same books, bonding. Finally it’s time to pick their kids up at college and they are both a little nervous and excited, at first it is confused and mixed up, their kids get in the way and all, but they finally get alone together and go on a real date. They walk and talk all night and then kiss and admit they are both too tired for anything more and just want to sleep. They plan to meet up, but the long distance thing is hard. After a while they decide to give up, but miss each other. Shahrukh finally is ready to rush out of his New York apartment and fly to Saif in London, but as he runs downstairs he runs into Saif who has just gotten out of a cab. They tearfully embrace and declare they will do whatever it takes to make this work. 3 years later at their kids’ graduation, Saif and Shahrukh are happily sitting together in the audience, the kids casually greet them both clearly in a stepfather kind of relationship, we learn they both cut down on their work hours and are doing a 6 month split between New York and London.
That’s nice, right? I’m picturing lots of tweed and sweaters and booklined apartments.
On Tue, Aug 27, 2019 at 8:31 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Omg love it so so much. If you haven’t seen Grace and Frankie, I imagine the Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston characters…tweed, sweaters…
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Yep, love Grace and Frankie! Wrote another thing inspired by it that had Shabana Azmi and Ratna Pathak living together and adopting their young ambitious female divorce lawyer as their third roommate.
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Also I think Abhishek would completely piss off his parents by doing this and I find that funny.
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You are correct, that is very funny. He should do it. But not with Shahrukh, it should be Abhishek and Bobby so we finally get the Sholay we deserve.
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So, in a fantastic world starring fantastic characters… here are some illusions that I deem intriguing:
SRK / Salman
These two are so vastly different in character but they have two things in common: Extreme dominance and ultra high competitiveness. I can’t deny that I find their on-screen dynamic super fascinating. And for that reason I would imagine them in a rollercoaster-type, highly dangerous and sometimes volatile relationship.
SRK / Arjun
I picture Arjun to be more on the passive, soft side. He’d not look to compete on the same level as SRK, harmony is more important than leading the pack to imaginative Arjun. There’s a clear hierarchy, often striking a good balance, sometimes lacking sparkle. I also imagine Arjun to be a slight opportunist and sometimes pandering to SRK for the sake of harmony which makes for plenty conflicts.
SRK / Jackie Schroff (sp?)
Well, I really liked the dynamic between them in Devdas and I can imagine the friendship taking a turn into something more intense. SRK being the dominant one, albeit much younger than his partner.
This isn’t a healthy relationship for sure. Still like to imagine it.
SRK / Karan
Set around the millennium, authentic ages (so Karan would be around 34 and SRK around 40). So somewhere around the Don era. I like their dynamic. It’s sweet and sometimes flirty. They aren’t equals in terms of personality, but there also isn’t a clear hierarchy. For the most part they are simply great friends and the level of trust is high, hence they are most forgiving of their shortcomings. Sometimes, their friendship would transcend the generally accepted societal definition of what is and isn’t considered okay within a friendship. They are not meant to have a steady relationship but instead meet every once in a while. An on and off sort of thing with no strings attached.
SRK / Saif
I really enjoy seeing them together as well. Not sure what I like to imagine the quality of their relationship, I feel SRK would be super dominant as well, which stands to reason as that’s his personality. Hmmm… no clue but I’d love to see this pairing.
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Salman and Shahrukh, what about two college rivals SOTY style who started hooking up back in school on the down low while they were still fighting all the time and had macho rival gangs and stuff in public. They both get married and continue to be rivals in life, in the same hyper competitive business social circles. With occasional fraught dangerous encounters in bathrooms and boardrooms. Both their marriages fall apart (not because they are gay, as I see it they are both bi and are attracted to their wives, but the Salman-Shahrukh fire is something different). As free agents, they both explore the bi side of themselves, but bump into each other with their young boy toys and experience massive jealousy. The rivalry heats up suddenly, turning into vicious attempted take overs of each other’s companies. And then I don’t really know how it ends, either they get married or they kill each other. It’s a sexy relationship, but not a healthy one necessarily.
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I have no clue what SOTY is but I’ll take it. I like it and yes, it’s volatile and unreasonable, but I don’t want it to have a fatal ending. I don’t want them to get married either because they wouldn’t benefit from it in any way; both are wealthy enough, both won’t leave their spouses for anything, no matter how good or broken, and both fully realize they couldn’t stand one another for more than a few hours at a time.
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SOTY=Student of the Year. Karan Johar’s first non-SRK movie, it’s about a rich kid and a poor kid and their angry rivalry in high school.
What about if they both get divorced unrelated to their hook-ups, go after each other’s companies, and then a third person shows up and goes after both of them and they are forced to unite. Rediscover the friendship they briefly enjoyed back in college, feel young again, manage to be together without fighting or having sex, actually come to enjoy each other’s company. And then end by defeating their enemy and merging their two companies with an implication that their on-and-off thing might get mroe regular. Maybe it ends with Shahrukh casually knocking on Salman’s adjoining office door and inviting him to come over to his apartment for dinner that night?
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Hmmm… The divorce is fine but in my fantasy they remain intrinsically polar opposites in the least complementing ways possible, so they will attempt to clean up their mess every now and again but they’re just too hot headed to ever have a consistent level-headed friendship. They do try though. Success varies.
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Maybe they get divorced when their kids are grown and instead of “settling down” settle into a routine of hot sex and fights and no commitment and no exclusivity?
On Tue, Aug 27, 2019 at 8:06 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I think you have found the perfect solution.
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Margaret I LOVE your treatment. That would for sure become my fave Shah Rukh movie
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Yeah, I started out feeling bad for the bride, but really the whole marriage farce period is about everyone just accepting who they feel love and passion for. Shahrukh and the groom, the bride and the lower class wedding planner, the bride’s mother letting go of her widowhood and starting a second relationship. Plus, SO many opportunities for classic farce! Shahrukh and the groom making out in an empty hotel room, than hiding when someone comes in and it turns out to be the bride and the wedding planner, then they hide when the bride’s mother and the old friend come in, and so on and so forth. Love letters that go to the wrong person, phone calls that are overheard and misunderstood, last minute bedroom assignment changes that result in the wrong people crawling in to bed together, elaborate lies about why folks are wearing sexy bedclothes (“I get so hot at night, menopause you know, that’s why I am wearing a silk teddy”). A Shahrukh movie crossed with a Frasier episode.
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Hahahaha that’s so Frasier.
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lmao, I’m dying. I can’t believe these videos exist.
I’d go for SRK and Abhishek mostly because they both seem to be on the same wavelength in terms of humor and intelligence. Most of the other guys seem too dumb for SRK. He would get bored fast. Karan is smart but he’s too needy and SRK would get exhausted.
Even in the real world, I think SRK realizes Karan is a smart and interesting guy but just too much work for SRK. He’s a busy man – he can’t deal with Karan’s neediness. SRK is more of a guy’s guy; he would want to watch sports and not discuss gossip and feelings all day long. It makes sense for Gauri to be closer to Karan.
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See, this is why I was thinking Irrfan might be perfect! Irrfan is smart and talented and has a long and interesting life. He and Shahrukh could talk about work, and about travel, and books, and stuff. And Irrfan seems really together and not needy.
Alternatively, Boman Irani. Just throwing it out there.
(oh, and there are SO MANY MORE VIDEOS. I limited myself to just my favorites. They are all from the same genius woman who only does slashfic. My favorite is her Shashi Kapoor-Ashok Kumar)
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The first actor that came into my mind reading the first lines was Boman… Maybe I’ll find the time to tell the story I’ve in mind.
But I like the one with a screwball touch very much.
Please no Arjun, Irrfan, Karan, Salman. With all the others (Anil, Abhishek, Saif, Zeeshan, Varun) I could imagine commercially viable (and still believable) stories.
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I like Boman too! And I envision them as long time partners, who maybe have hit a rough patch and need to restore their spark.
On Wed, Aug 28, 2019 at 2:44 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I find Karan totally irritating. I don’t mean that in a homophobic way…I’m LGBT too…I just agree that he seems really needy and wanting a lot of time.
I LOVE Boman. He’s so funny and he’d be a great foil for Shahrukh.
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Boman and Shahrukh would be the ones I could see as a happy middle-aged long term couple. Maybe their son is getting married (more wedding farce) and they fight over the wedding, and Boman is jealous because Shahrukh’s ex-boyfriend is there, and then surprisingly the hot young caterer (Siddharth Malhotra?) turns out to have a thing for Boman and flirt with him, and after a lot of confusion it ends up with the son and bride eloping to Europe because they don’t want the big wedding really, and Shahrukh realizing all of Boman’s insecurity is because he does want the big wedding after all and Shahrukh surprises him with a big romantic proposal.
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Magical
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Kind of The Birdcage with SRK and Boman, just without the drag and the conservative in-laws.
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Yes, exactly! I started out heading straight for The Birdcage and then veered away. No faking, no prejudiced in-laws, just the stress and craziness of a wedding bringing out the cracks in their relationship until they realize the solution is to finally get married themselves.
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I have to make an amendment to that last comment…one can definitely say things that are homophobic even if they are LGBT people. I apologize if it came across any other way, all I meant is that I found Karan’s neediness every time I see him in an interview or on an award show just too much I guess. I think he’s a really talented guy.
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No, I totally get it. I love Karan, but if I were his friend, I think I would have to set some “Karan-free” times when I just ignored his calls for a bit.
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I find Karan really irritating too so it’s not just you. You can dislike LGBT people for the same reasons you can dislike other people. It’s perfectly fine IMO.
Every time I see Karan, he exhausts me. He is smart but he is also needy and self-pitying and complains 24/7. Watch his recent Rajeev Masand interview and you will see what I mean.
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Definitely Irrfan! The forever choice.
https://youtu.be/bp0rquyafJM
https://makeagif.com/i/0SGzt7
Though in an alternate story I kind of want him to be rescued by Arjun, just so he can be wrapped up in that big, cozy embrace and made to feel safe again.
Young Salman is a compelling option for pure intensity, but not today Salman.
How does High Jackman look so big??
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Shah Rukh is that small 🙂 And Hugh Jackman is a big guy. Nice pairing!
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Jim Sarbh! The intensity and sexiness would steam up the theatre. Ranveer can watch.
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Oh yeah…a triangle! Sooo ShahRukh-ji 😉
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Oh, that would be great! And if it’s Jim, I would want the reverse seduction. Jim is a young rich kid, meets Shahrukh, they have one night together but Shahrukh dismisses him as “just a kid”. Jim can’t take it, determines to make Shahrukh fall in love with him. And Ranveer can be Jim’s ex that he uses to make Shahrukh jealous.
On Wed, Aug 28, 2019 at 1:21 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Unrelated to the topic – I was watching Duplicate recently (don’t ask why!). Had never seen ‘Ladna Jhagadna’ before and was thinking there is a lot of butt grabbing and pinching going on, among other things! Don’t think there are other songs of him like this?
Also, I’ve been super busy and haven’t kept up with the posts. Looking forward to going through them!
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It makes sense in Duplicate, because he is playing “bad”, right? He is a little bit like that in Don too, only it’s less over the top and funny kind of harassment.
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