Group FanFic! This is on you, I am giving you a prompt this time, but nothing else! Have fun with it!
Okay, if Shahrukh is wearing fake teeth and a wig, what character might he be playing?
Heroine: Aishwarya Rai
Setting: “I misread the prompt at first as saying he has multiple false-teeth-and-wig costume changes in character and now I think that’s the way to go. He is a noble crusading investigator who specificially targets dental scams. Various con artists are trying to convince young wannabe actors that to make it they’ll need extensive dental work and then vanish with the deposit, and he (inspired by the sad story of his neighbor? cousin? dead mother? who was a victim) is out to stop them. But in order to do so he must disguise his teeth. And hair.”
“Heroine can be Aishwarya Rai…she too was lured by all these plastic surgery scams and fixed her teeth, face, etc. Now she looks gorgeous but she lost her soul and identity somewhere along the way…no one believes it’s her real face…no one takes her seriously…they treat her like a plastic doll and she is broken…she doesn’t feel human anymore…she will help Shahrukh put an end to this so that no one else is scammed into becoming a barbie like her.”
“And the villain is not Randeep Hooda – the poor guy has been through enough.
The villain is a criminal mastermind, an evil genius, the Stephen Hawking of the underworld, the most diabolical creature since Professor Moriarity, the wickedly wicked and hatefully hateful……Johnny Lever. He is assisted by his conjoined twin, Ranbir Kapoor. Even tho there is a 25 year difference between the two, they are permanently joined at the hip. ( It was a massively difficult birth and their mother was really ticked off.)”
“This may be disturbing to those of faint heart and sensitive tummys but…..here is the origin story of the villainous Johnny Lever and Ranbir.
When little Johnny was born, there was a problem. The umbilical cord tying him to his mother could not be broken. Teams of doctors, shamans and wise women tried to sever the cord, with no luck.
For 25 years Johnny grew, tethered to his mother, experiencing things no child ever should. This resulted in a life long hatred of bodily functions. His parents weren’t exactly happy about it either. And the marriage bed was a tad unusual.
Despite the handicap, after years of trying, Johnny’s mom found herself pregnant once more. Johnny hoped that the result of this pregnancy would free him of his “prison.”
The time came for the birth. Doctors, midwives and curiosity seekers from around the world gathered to witness the event. It was a difficult birth but, after much straining and with a mighty, mighty push, Johnny’s mother expelled her new baby. The birth was explosive. The newborn ricocheted around the room, off the walls, off the floor, off the doctors before splatting, with a great splat, unto Johnny’s hip. And stuck there. Permanently. (Note – the medical term for this is “quae est infernum,quod.” Latin for “what the hell is that.”) But, Johnny was no longer tied to his mother – the cord had broken! An eight pound infant seemed a small price to pay for his new freedom.
Johnny was now free to perform diabolical experiments, designed to turn ordinary people into plastic replicas of themselves. With the aid of his new little brother, he set out to plasticize the world! And he would start with beautiful would-be starlets. And Randeep Hooda!”
Now working on his insidious plan, Johnny finalized his horrible makeover system while his no longer quite so little brother, Ranbir, handled the advertising. If course, being Ranbir, the advertisements were kind of lame.
Become the Star
That you really are!
With perfect teeth and a brilliant smile
You’ll win them over with your perfect style!
Are your teeth your only flaw?
Ruining your outward beauty?
When we repair your ugly maw,
You’ll be a cutie patootie!
The siren call of their advertisements brought many would be’s into their clutches. Among them, poor Randeep.
His before picture:
And after the evil doer did him:
And their piece de resistance – Aishwarya! Her before picture:
Yet, despite what they did to her, Ranbir found himself hopelessly smitten with the unhappy actress. A feeling that he had to hide from his older brother.”
“One important feature of their treatment that they don’t advertise is that the makeover comes with a “Dorian Gray” caveat. For every change that they make you lose the ability to feel one emotion. You can still express the emotion but you will not feel that emotion again ever…the more procedures you get done the more emotions you lose…until eventually you are beautiful on outside but feel nothing inside.
Aishwarya started with sacrificing anger, grief, and sadness in exchange for new teeth, lips, and chin…she was okay with giving these up…but after seeing how pretty she looked she was hooked. She begged Ranbir/Johnny to keep going…the twins knew they had her hooked and took advantage of her to slowly rob her of every emotion – joy, excitement, love, surprise. She can still express them all…still laugh, still smile, but she feels nothing…her laughter is hollow and people can see through it…she would be devasted/distraught…but she can’t even feel that anymore.
Meanwhile, the twins bottle up every emotion…they capture all these emotions and put into a giant cauldron to brew a potion that makes them immortal…their elixir needs emotions!
Ranbir has propositioned Aishwarya many times…she has no response…cant love him back…can’t hate him…can’t be disgusted…she is only indifferent towards him…and Ranbir knows that he created this…he created the woman who he loves but because of his actions she can’t love him back…the irony of this is driving him insane!”
“Sherlock Shahrukh, known as the World’s Greatest Detective, had met Aishwarya long before she became addicted to the plastic improvements. And he loved her, keeping his love a secret so that he would not interfere with her career. At the same time, he met the evil twins, Johnny and Ranbir.
Now, confused and appalled by what has happened to his dream girl, he knows that he must go undercover to find out what has happened to his lady.
Shahrukh dons his disguise. He must appear to be a viable candidate for whatever procedure the twins use to “improve” their patients. And he must do so while avoiding being found out by the twins.
Squaring his slim but powerful shoulders, Shahrukh applies subtle makeup, false teeth and a lush wig. With the assist of a lacy pushup bra, he is ready.
As he enters the offices of the diabolic duo, sweet string music begins to play and a stray breeze brushes his “hair,” gently from his face. Ranbir doesn’t notice but Johnny does. And with that, Johnny is enthralled by this unknown glamour queen. For the first time in his life, Johnny feels lust, love and longing. He is riveted. And he must have her
At the same time, Ranbir has realized that Aishwarya will never be his – as long as he is himself. In order to have her, he must first obtain her trust. And to do that, he must become someone else.
Ranbir squares his sloping shoulders and applies heavy makeup and a ratty wig. With the assist of a tasteless outfit, he is ready to meet Aishwarya and become her bosom buddy.
So Shahrukh and Ranbir meet, with Aish on their minds.
The twins now start their first fight, each trying to obtain ascendancy over the other in order to pursue their beloveds. Finally, through dint of his greater age and experience, Johnny succeeds in pushing Ranbir to the side. Well, HIS side but in a more subservient manner.
Johnny lures Shahrukh to his secret lair with the promise to reveal his evil plasticizing processes. Once inside, Shahrukh is trapped! He tries to escape but he didn’t count on the difficulty of running in high heels. He just knew that they made his legs look delectable.
Thinking that Shahrukh is naturally cold, once he has Shahrukh on the table, Johnny attempts to infuse him with some of the emotions he had captured and kept in the cauldron.. But nothing he tries works. Shahrukh isn’t naturally cold! He is SHAHRUKH KHAN, a man of great moral fiber and integrity. He is already full of wondrous emotions.
Shahrukh is buffeted by the onslaught of foreign emotions, twisting and turning, writhing on the table, his body pulsing and heaving. In a most sensually attractive way.
This only serves to inflame Johnny! He must have this goddess!
Suddenly the door flies open and in rushes….Randeep Hooda! A Randeep Hooda such as we have never seen!
Randeep has been searching for himself, knowing that, after the cosmetic treatments, something was missing. All he had left was …..anger!
Johnny and Ranbir try to hold him back.but it’s too late. Shahrukh has heard the truth and acts! He unsheathes a mighty sword that he had hidden somewhere on his person (don’t ask) and, with a might swing, cleaves the body part that has conjoined Johnny and Ranbir for so many years.
As they stumble backwards, standing alone for the first time in their lives, they fall against the table holding their cauldron of emotions.
It tips, it bounces, it rotates and, finally, it crashes to the floor! Johnny and Ranbir watch in horror as all their hopes of immortality flow out into the atmosphere, reuniting with their original owners. Again, the door flies open and Aishwarya rushes in, casting herself into Shahrukh’s arms.
Shahrukh and Aishwarya leave with each other, planning an early wedding. Randeep leaves with his emotions restored, planning to adopt many puppies. And what of Johnny and Ranbir? Alone now as they never have been before? Fear not. Their newfound freedom has liberated them from their dreary lives and each, in his own way, found true love.
Ranbir found it with a strong, viral beauty who had had a passing acquaintance with Aishwarya..
And Johnny found true love with a slightly older damsel. With lovely eyes!
Post credits scene:
Happily married, every once in a while Shahrukh surprises Aishwarya with some sweet gift of flowers or chocolates. Sometimes, the surprise surprises Shahrukh as Aishwarya turns to him and looks…..plastic!
But the great heart of Shahrukh accepts his new bride’s blankness and he tries to reassure her of his continuing love.
And, 9 months later, their happiness was complete as they welcomed a new member to their little family. Baby Bonny!