Notes for God’s Complaint Department (I’m Grumpy Today)

I have thought since birth that I could run things better than my parents, and around age 6 I realized I could run things FAR better than God. Most days I manage to live with my disappointment in the inferiority of those in charge, but today I am GRUMPY, and I have NOTES.

Seasons

Why this back and forth? Why make it warm and sunny for a week if it is just going to be gloomy and slushy again the next week? Seasons should turn on and off like a tap! One day it is “Spring”, and then it gets incrementally warmer every day from then on until midsummer, and then it gets incrementally cooler. It would be so much better!!! It would make so much more sense!!!

Lovely view out my window currently. BLECH! It’s supposed to be SPRING!!!

Hair

What kind of terrible design has something that requires 15 minutes of brushing every 24 hours? You couldn’t come up with a non-cling design for hair? My car needs less maintenance!!!

When Amitabh Bachchan didn't want to get his hair done by wife Jaya  Bachchan... - Bollywood News & Gossip, Movie Reviews, Trailers & Videos at  Bollywoodlife.com

Garbage Trucks

Why must they be so loud and clangy outside windows at 6am? If I were God, my garbage trucks would have silent engines and play gentle soothing music on their horns.

I Am a Garbage Truck: Landers, Ace, Migliari, Paola: 9780545079631:  Amazon.com: Books

My Father

Why wasn’t he designed to wake up 15 minutes before his daughter and make her coffee? It’s just slipshod, giving him his own sleep schedule so the coffee arrives at random times in the morning, instead of on my schedule.

Caffé Streets | Restaurants in Wicker Park, Chicago

The Internet

Why does it exist? It has nothing there that makes me happy. It should just be a big blank vacuum, plus DCIB, and nothing else. Or it shouldn’t exist at all, and DCIB should be a newsletter/book club/penpal group.

The Book Club Is Back! - The Atlantic

Shoe Compatibility of Feet

Either you can slide your foot right in but then they slop around and you get slush in them, or you have to bend down and tug them on. Why weren’t feet designed so that you could just slide them into a shoe without bending over, and not have the shoe slide off? Like with a little hook at the toes or something?

Women's UA Charged Breathe LACE Sportstyle Shoes | Under Armour

Estrogen and Vaccines

Why do women have a massive estrogen surge in response to vaccines? Did you not realize this would make me SUPER GRUMPY two days after my vaccine miracle? I blame YOU!!!

Estrogen | Hormone Health Network

Dogs

You did good there. No notes.

I got Albie Dog a car seat!!!

10 thoughts on “Notes for God’s Complaint Department (I’m Grumpy Today)

    • Ooooo! But I want to point out, this is a human fixing God’s flaw in his foot design. If he’d done his work right to begin with, we wouldn’t have to clean up behind him.

      On Tue, Mar 16, 2021 at 10:04 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

      >

      Like

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