Audrey Hepburn’s Birthday! Let’s Do a Twisted Remake of Funny Face with Lesbians, Sabrina with Class Violence, and Roman Holiday with Sexiness!!!

This is a bit of a narrowcasting post. Will only make sense to those of you who have actually seen the original films! But hopefully those few folks will enjoy this.

Funny Face

Original story, brilliant older fashion photographer spots unusual young intellectual working at a bookstore and insists he wants her to be his model for a Paris shoot for his tough female boss and her fancy fashion magazine. The young intellectual finds her values challenged as she goes to Paris and meets her literary heroes and realizes they are a bit shallow, and is befriended by the female boss and starts thinking in new ways. In the original, it ends with the older fashion photographer and young intellectual falling in love.

BUT! Think how much better it would be if instead it ended with the tough older female boss lady and the young intellectual woman falling in love!!!! And the gentlemanly fashion photographer acting as their mentor in love and life!

Funny Face" Audrey Hepburn and Kay Thompson | Audrey hepburn funny face,  Hepburn style, Audrey hepburn style

Indian cast:

Audrey Hepburn: Alia Bhatt

Female Magazine Editor: Rani Mukherjee

Mentor Fashion Photographer: Shahrukh Khan

Sabrina

Original story, the chauffer’s daughter has always had a crush on the son of the Big House. She returns from Paris with a make over and a high fashion look and suddenly he notices her. But his family doesn’t approve because she is “only” a chauffer’s daughter. His older brother tries to woo her away, she falls for him for real, and then is heartbroken when she learns he looked down on her as the driver’s daughter. In the original, they make up and get together. But, booo! Class war should last longer than that!!!!

In my remake, overhearing how the people from the Big House see her should be just the mid-point. Now that she fully understands the folly of waiting to be “rescued” by some rich knight in shining armor, she is going to move on to demanding her dignity. She finds an angry bitter young gossip reporter who hates the rich and, with his help, blackmails the family for a big pay out in order not to share her story. Along the way, she and the angry bitter young gossip reporter start to fall in love. Once she has gotten her father a decent pension, and herself a fair payment for her humiliation, she and the gossip reporter have a big fight because he wants to write the story anyway and she feels it wouldn’t be “fair”. But then she has one final interaction with the family and fully understands that the system itself isn’t “fair”, so she can fight however she wants. She drops off the gossip reporters story at his newspaper office, and when he sees it printed the next day, he rushes to find her before her flight for Paris leaves, and there is a dramatic airport declaration of love.

Rules of Distraction: If you're James Dean... I'm Audrey Hepburn

Indian remake cast:

Audrey Hepburn: Nushrat Bharucha

Gossip Writer: Kartik Aaryan

Older Brother: Akshay Kumar

Younger Brother: Saif Ali Khan

Roman Holiday

Original story, a young American reporter in Rome meets up with a Princess on the run from her handlers wanting just a few days of freedom. He takes her on a wild adventure of “normal life”, planning to turn it into a big story when it is over. But by the end, he has come to love and respect her, and lets her return to her responsibilities without ever breaking the story.

Booo!!!! Why can’t the Princess be happy and free and IN CHARGE OF HER OWN LIFE??? In my version, the Princess runs off with the reporter, culminating in a wild sexy time night. The next morning, he is gone, leaving a note behind saying he knew who she was all along and will always love her, but she needs to go back to her real life. She goes back to her real life, but increasingly is dissatisfied. She sneaks out again and goes to the reporter and says “listen bozo, who are you to decide what is best for me?” He still doesn’t listen, so she steals the photos he hid of their day together and asks her spunky maid to leak them to the press. Once the story is out there, he can’t be Noble any more, and she gives a public press conference about how she fell in love with a commoner and basically forces him to marry her. HA!

Roman Holiday (1953): And That Will Be The End of the Fairytale | Film  Nerds Unite

Indian remake cast:

Audrey Hepburn: Anushka Sharma

Gregory Peck: Shahrukh Khan

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.