Happy Friday! I am having friends over tonight for the inaugural New Apartment Movie Night. I’m excited! The place is still a disaster, but they are good friends, so it should be fine. And to entertain them, I came up with a game! which I am now sharing with you.
This game has a bit of a loopy origin. First, I was talking with someone about how obviously our fantasy isn’t for Shahrukh to leave Gauri, because no one wants that. Her fantasy was for Gauri to die, and then Shahrukh to fall in love with her after an appropriate mourning period. But that seems gruesome. Plus, I don’t know if I want Shahrukh around, like, all the time. He seems a bit high maintenance. So my fantasy is for him to stay married to Gauri, but have me be his secret American wife. He can buy me a nice apartment in my hometown, and lots of jewelry, and visit once a month or so, and Gauri can handle all the day to day labor of being married to him.
But then we started thinking about how it really isn’t fair that Shahrukh gets to have multiple wives, me and Gauri, and I am stuck with only one husband. Why should that be? After all, Draupadi had 5!
And thus, the game was born! What is the ideal combination of 5 husbands?
My first thought was, you want 5 husbands so you have somebody appropriate for every occasion. The Shoe Theory.
For red carpets, or when I am depressed and just want to look at something pretty, I would keep Hrithik in a room with a lot of mirrors (so he can amuse himself looking at his face when I don’t want him).
For lifting things, and protecting me from bad guys, and aging really really well, I would have Akshay.
For getting things down from high shelves, and being very impressive and connected to everybody, and also kind of funny, I would have Abhishek.
For being super fun to hang out with and gossip and get clothing advice and everything else, I would have Karan.
And finally, of course, for general everyday every occasion use, fitting in all of the above categories in one way or another, I would have Shahrukh.
He would be my 1st husband, and keep the rest of my harem in order as well, making sure Hrithik didn’t talk too much,
and Akshay didn’t work out too much,
and Abhishek didn’t get too bossy,
and Karan never got sad.
Now, that’s The Shoe Theory of husbands. There is also The Ice Cream Theory, a different flavor so you never get tired of any of them. This was what my friend was proposing, one old and one young, one intellectual and one physical, etc.
Now, following this concept, I would start with Amit Sadh. For when I am wanting something youthful and talented and kind of sweet.
But then, when I am in the mood for something mature and classy, Arjun Rampal!
But what if I want someone who is just kind of silly and happy? Not too bright, but easy going and generally easy. Siddharth Malhotra would be perfect.
And then when Siddharth pales on me, and I need something a bit more intense and challenging, bring out sensitive and sad Ranbir!
And, of course, the flavor that never pales, the chocolate of husbands, Shahrukh!
So, what do you think, Shoe Theory or Ice Cream Theory, which is better? Should I swap out one of my 5 for someone else? And who would be your 5?
dontcallitbollywood 
I was going to say, why are you picking all married men? But then your ice cream theory had a few single guys, so I can’t say that any more. Besides, if you’re taking Draupadi as your model, then all her husbands had other wives, too (makes sense, since they only got her once in five years. 🙂 )
But as for your game, well I don’t know. I’m at that stage where I think even one husband is too much. 🙂 But if I had to choose, I think I’d choose five Prabhases, except not actual Prabhas (since he smokes), but five characters of his. So I think I’d choose Prabha from Darling, Vicky from Mr. Perfect, Jai from Mirchi, and really, I’d like both Amarendra and Mahendra from Bahubali, but that would be incest. 😦 So I don’t know who the fifth Prabhas would be. I actually wanted to choose his character from Chakram, but I can’t, for a reason that would be a spoiler to reveal, but it’s the same reason why he runs away from his wedding in the film.
LikeLike
I didn’t even think about all married guys! I was picking all mature intelligent type guys, which I guess also means married. Well, and Hrithik.
I like your Prabhasi theory. I think I would do Mirchi Prabhas, Bujjigadu Prabhas, both Bahubali Prabhases (if Madhuri can romance father and son, so can I), and maybe also real life Prabhas, if he promised to quit smoking.
On Fri, Jun 2, 2017 at 3:20 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
If he quits smoking, I’d take real life Prabhas in a heartbeat, as he seems like such a sweetheart. And all his characters that I picked (except Darling) are so conflicted and have major baggage. (I forgot about Munna Prabhas, but man, talk about having issues!)
And, no takers for poor Rana?
LikeLike
I might take Rana from The Ghazi Attack, if he didn’t have PTSD.
On Fri, Jun 2, 2017 at 3:57 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Oh me, me. I’ll take rana in a heart beat. Rana from the ghazi atack, leader, krishnam vande jagadgurum, nenu naa rakshasi and bahubali.
LikeLike
But he’s evil in Bahubali! and possibly asexual. Although you could bring him out any time you need manual labor done, like moving furniture or clearing the backyard he would be good at that.
Speaking of, part 2 of the Anushka 2/Rana 2 fanfic going up sometime today! As soon as I finish it.
On Sat, Jun 3, 2017 at 7:00 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Well the older rana kind of looks hot. And he’s incredibly strong so when I’m shifting houses or something like that I can save money by not using Packers and movers.
LikeLike
Having just paid literally thousands of dollars to move a piano, this is tempting. Rana would have just lifted that thing with one hand and run up the stairs with it. And then evilly plotted to use the piano to destroy his enemies in some way, but at least I wouldn’t have to pay movers!
On Sat, Jun 3, 2017 at 10:01 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
I know right would have saved a bundle on moving stuff. And anyways we need a variety in life. If all five men were heroes then it gets boring. A villain would spice things up. And you also don’t have to worry about other girls trying to still your evil husband.
LikeLike
True! And I suppose his brother-husbands would be there to keep him in line.
LikeLike
I feel like SRK will need a day of rest, so maybe, to keep Hrithik in line, all of the others should have bossing rights over him too. I can see Abhishek enjoying that in particular… 😆
LikeLike
I think this is an excellent plan. Some sort of firm ranking system, SRK on top, then Karan, then Arjun, then Abhishek, then Hrithik way way way way way down on the bottom.
LikeLike
One hubby is bad enough let alone 5.
But in a fantasy world No.1 – SRK, 2 – Akshay, 3 – Arjun Rampal, 4 – Sushant Singh Rajput, 5 – hmmm, maybe Hrithik or Kunal Whatshisname – either would look cute doing the vacuuming.
LikeLike
I’m interested that none of us want Salman or Aamir. They just seem like a lot of upkeep, you know?
On Fri, Jun 2, 2017 at 7:09 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Arjun Rampal for his looks and his voice, Saif Ali Khan for his royal sophistication and his ability to keep calm in the face of danger (sharing the couch with Kangana on KWK), Abhishek for his sense of humor and his connections, Arjun Kapoor for his youthful stamina and goofiness, and SRK for everything else.
I just could never pick Hrithik as husband material. Even though I’m a huge fan of so many of his performances and obviously his looks and his dancing, he’s the most vacuous and egotistical of the current crop…and then there’s the pretty well-documented cheating;)
LikeLike
See, that’s why I keep him locked away in his room of mirrors. It keeps him amused, and also safe from other women.
On Fri, Jun 2, 2017 at 10:56 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Fun game! OK: For sitting out on the porch sipping whisky and discussing literature, movies, and the issues of the day: Rahul Bose. For getting silly with: Irrfan Khan (from Dil Kabaddi or Life in Metro or the AIB videos, not from like Haider or something like that). For being the wildly romantic, not to mention hot, public consort: Ranveer Singh. For making me a bath with rose petals and fixing things around the house with his shirt off: Harshvardhan Rane (would also accept Prithviraj in the interests of adding someone southern). For listening to my troubles in a caring and accepting way: Shahrukh.
LikeLike
I think this is just about perfect. So long as Ranveer is only brought out for public occasions, and then sent back to the harem as soon as you get home. No one has the energy for that.
On Sat, Jun 3, 2017 at 2:24 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
I feel like when Ranveer is just home with Deepika they probably just quietly watch a movie or play video games or something. But I based everyone on their public persona, so, yeah, back to the harem with Ranveer after he finishes being smitten with me for the cameras.
LikeLike
Pingback: 2017 DCIB Awards for DCIB Posts!!!! Best TGIF | dontcallitbollywood
Pingback: TGIF Index! Photos Photos Photos! | dontcallitbollywood