Happy Sunday!  I am greeting you from Friday, when I am writing this post, because Sunday I will be out of town celebrating my sister’s birthday.  Also my mother’s, it’s a whole thing, you’ll be hearing more about it.  Anyway, since it’s my sister’s birthday this week, I thought I would offer up some script ideas for good sister based films, since Hindi film is woefully lacking in them! (and since the sister relationship is the most important in my life, as I have said)

This first idea, I can’t really blame the Hindi industry for not using because I am sure everyone would be very mad about it, and no one would agree to the casting I want.

But how great would it be if we had a fictionalized version of Kareena and Karisma’s lives with everyone playing themselves?  Well, except for Karisma’s jerky non-famous husband, I’m recasting him and changing their ending. (for the real life version, check out my post here)

So, plot! Bebo and Lolo, Sisters For Ever:

We open with a kind of humorous scene, Lolo is angry because her boyfriend Abhishek is late picking her up.  Perky teenage Kareena teases her and then runs for safety to Abhishek when he finally shows up.  Happy dating song!  Lolo and Abhishek flirt and go to movies and share ices and all those cute dating things.  Bebo is in the background joining in sometimes because the sisters are so close and Abhishek is already acting like a Jeeja.

(Like this!)

But, the song ends on a downer note, Abhishek wants to take Lolo home to meet his mother, and it does not go well.  The families are distantly related by marriage, and they judge Lolo’s mother (played by Babita, of course), for having separated from her husband and raised her daughters alone.  Abhishek reassures Lolo that his mother will come around, and anyway, he loves her so much, he will surely marry her against all objections (Dun Dun Dun!!!!).

Meanwhile, Kareena has started her first job, in between college classes, working at the ice cream shop near college.  And she meets the nice young student at a different college who will be working with her, Shahid!  They bond right away because, I don’t know, the ice cream machine breaks and they have to work together to clean up the mess or something.  Kareena is teased by her friends and agonizes over her romance, in a cute college kind of way.  Finally, on Valentine’s Day, she gives him a teddy bear with a heart and confesses her love.  Cute young love song!  Fantasy, but cute fantasy, not big swoony romantic Switzerland fantasy.

(This is such a silly song, and yet I love it!)

Only, Kareena comes home that night, all happy, to find her sister sobbing.  Abhishek has just broken it off!  In the middle of Kareena’s cute love story we had little scenes of them talking, him saying his mother has come around, Babita and Karisma ordering the wedding cards and beginning to deliver them around the neighborhood, Abhishek being increasingly harder to reach by phone, Karisma looking worried, and now he has sent her a note saying it is over, his family does not think he should go through with the marriage.  Kareena’s face hardens, she pats her sister’s back, calms her down, gives her a sleeping tonic, and then calls Shahid and asks him to come over, he has to give her a ride somewhere.  Kareena goes to Abhishek’s house and sends a text saying he has to come down and talk to her or she will start screaming and wake the neighborhood.  Abhishek comes down, and immediately starts explaining.  He loves Karisma, his heart is breaking, but his mother needs him, and he respects his father, and it would cause issues for his sister’s marriage, he has no choice, can Kareena explain all this to Karisma?  Kareena says, “I will explain to her that she loved a weak unworthy man.  And that her husband, when I find him, will be stronger and better than any other man on earth.  And will make her so happy that this whole evening will seem but a dream.”  Abhishek looks guilty and says, “I’m sorry” and holds out his hand.  Kareena looks disgusted at him, and walks away without taking the hand.

Happy cheering up song!  Shahid and Kareena try to get Karisma happy.  She is slightly better by the end of it, smiling and laughing at their antics, but still a bit droopy.  And then, at the ice cream shop, a Nice Man appears!  Salman Khan!!!!! (because I love him with Karisma)  He has a fancy suit and briefcase, but he is also as excited as a child over ice cream, and is generally really nice to the staff and leaves a big tip and tells them they should study harder in school and all that.  Idea!

(A Nice Man!)

Salman comes into the shop at the same time everyday.  Kareena calls home and tells Karisma that she has forgotten her lunch, Karisma comes running over, meet cute!  Salman is immediately and obviously struck by her charms, Karisma is shy and confused.  Salman openly asks Kareena for help since he has fallen in love at first sight.  Kareena is delighted to help him, arranges all kinds of accidental meetings, at Karisma’s job at a sari store, at the vegetable market when Karisma does the marketing, etc. etc.  Cute “love me I am here!” song.

Finally, Salman shows up in their living room, all formal, and asks to talk to Babita.  He explains that he is an orphan, a very wealthy orphan.  He wants to marry Karisma and make her happy forever and ever.  He knows that her heart is broken and she may never be able to love that way again, but he is happy with any love she can give him.  Babita is convinced, but Karisma still looks doubtful.  Babita asks Kareena to talk to her.  Kareena tells Karisma that Salman is a good man, she should trust her judgement, that she can’t punish herself the rest of her life for falling in love with someone unworthy.  And besides, Kareena needs a Jeeja!  She owes it to her little sister to get married.  Karisma agrees.  Sad and thoughtful marriage song!

Cute wedding night scene.  Salman is all kind of jokey in an understanding way about how beautiful she looks and all that, really he is happy to just sit here looking at her all night.  Karisma looks a little scared, but says that if they are married, she wants to be really married, and reaches for him.  Happy honeymoon song!  Salman keeps teasing her and bringing her presents, and holding her hand and embracing and by the end of the song she is happily returning his embraces and so on.

(Yes, this is just the plot of Jeet over again.  But whatever, Salman is great at cheering up brokenhearted Karisma!)

Back to Bombay!  Kareena greets them at the airport, delighted to see her sister so happy.  But, Karisma quickly senses there is a problem in Kareena’s life now.  She finally pins her down about it.  Kareena and Shahid are fighting a lot.  And they can’t seem to stop.  She wants to go to med school and is serious and ambitious about her studies.  He wants to be an artist and has flunked a few courses.  The few he passed were only because he borrowed her notes.  She doesn’t respect him any more, he seems to be taking her for granted.  What should she do?  Should they just get married and wait for it to work out.

Karisma, in her wisdom, says “No, sister, don’t do that.  I thought marriage would solve everything with Abhishek.  But now, I am so glad our marriage never happened.  It would have been a mistake, you can’t have a marriage between two people who are falling apart.  Love doesn’t fix everything, and sometimes first love is not meant to work out.  It is meant to prepare you for your second love.”  Salman, overhearing this, smiles as he realizes that his wife loves him more than anyone else and her broken heart is fixed.  Kareena smiles too and understands the wisdom.

Time jump!  9 months later, hospital, Karisma is in labor!  Salman is worried and trying to comfort her, Karisma is yelling at him because she is in so much pain and insisting on having only her sister with her.  And in between the doctor keeps popping in and Kareena keeps demanding things for her sister, he keeps pointing out he isn’t a nurse he can’t just bring ice chips all day, and then Kareena yells at him and he does it anyway.  Finally, baby is born, sisters are looking down at it’s little face, doctor comes back in with Salman, Salman and Karisma come together looking at their baby, Kareena goes across the room to talk to the doctor and prettily apologizes for how she acted, saying she never should have acted that way.  Doctor says “I didn’t mind it” and takes off his mask to reveal….SAIF!!!!  He tells her, “Now that I have seen the worst of you and don’t mind it, how about you show me a different side and we go out for dinner tonight?”  Kareena smiles back at him, says “I’d like that”, freezeframe on their two faces smiling at each other.  Movie Over!!!!

 

Okay, that was two sisters playing sisters and also playing their entire real life.  I feel like I should stretch out a little had have two sisters playing sisters but in an entirely fictional story.  Kajol and Tanisha!!!!  No, better, Kajol and Tanisha: PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS.

 

We start in the 80s.  Ajay Devgan, doing a very 80s style action scene.  Then cut to him presenting his bill to the client, who objects over the cost, and Ajay calls in his secretary, Tanisha, to explain the amounts.  She uses such perfect logic for all the itemized amounts and then hands him a pen and his checkbook, and he has no choice but to sign.  The client leaves the office, and then Ajay says in a dark scary voice “There is someone here.  Whoever it is, come out now and I will fight you!”  And two adorable little girls pop out, giggling, from where they have been hiding in the closet, running to “mother” Tanisha!  See, Tanisha is Ajay’s wife, it’s a family business.  Happy family song!  The girls hang out with both their parents, learning to cook and keep books and files from Tanisha, and learning how to shoot a gun and wrestle and stuff from Ajay.  Until the end of the song, with the parents putting the girls to bed, then Ajay getting a mysterious phone call and leaving because an old client has called him.  And, he never comes home again.  Funeral!

20 years later, the same client (let’s say Paresh Rawal) only now with grey in his hair is once again arguing over his bill.  Only this time, the tough guy leaning back in the office chair in jeans playing with a knife is Kajol!  And the office person called in for support is Tanisha!  The two of them play him, and get the check.  And then do the scary “come out from hiding!” voice, and it’s Tanuja!  She brought them their lunch and fusses trying to show them marriage photos, and they are both like “oh Ma!  Leave it alone, we have work to do!”

(Poor Paresh!)

After she leaves, Tanisha says she is taking the check to the bank right away, Kajol sends her off, and therefore is alone in the office when their next appointment arrives.  He is all kind of shy and nervous, looking for the super tough gunda-type he was told to expect.  Assumes Kajol is the secretary.  She quickly sets him straight.  He apologizes, explains that he was recommended their company by an old friend of his fathers who described a man that was six foot tall, big mustache, all of that.  Kajol says he will have to be happy with her, but she is sure she can do whatever a 6 foot man could do.  The client (oh heck, why keep us in suspense, it’s Shahrukh) says of course, no offence meant, but it is a very difficult task.  Kajol gets offended and insists on taking the job, sight unseen, just because he says she can’t do it!

Shahrukh explains that someone is stealing the secrets of his company.  They are working on solar power and he just got word that the biggest company in India, run by scary former gangster Jackie Shroff, is about to launch something that sounds exactly like their idea.  They need to find out where the leak came from, stop it, and also steal the secrets back before Jackie can do his launch.

Meanwhile, Tanisha is NOT at the bank!!!!!  She is meeting with police officer Abhay Deol (I don’t know why, but I feel like they would be good together).  At first we, the audience, think she is being arrested or interrogated.  But no!  Abhay is just asking her question after question to figure out where she wants to go for lunch.  And at lunch he pushes, again, for her to agree to marry him.  But Tanisha explains she can’t, she and her sister cannot even think of marriage or any of the joys of life until they have solved their father’s murder and avenged his death.  Which reminds Abhay that he has a file for her, on that man who was a witness of the car accident that (supposedly) killed their father. He was just a college student at the time, he left the country right after for studying Abroad, but now he is back.  IT IS SHAHRUKH!!!!!!!!

(Kind of feels like Abhay might have similar chemistry with Tanisha as he does with Ayesha here, and I love him with Ayesha here)

Complications keep building for the next hour.  Kajol goes to a business retreat in Shimla, pretending to be an “Escort” in order to explain her presence, lots of humorous misunderstandings, and she and Shahrukh have to spend a lot of time alone together in a hotel room to maintain her cover.  They play Antakshari and card games and talk.  And one night when she is sleeping, Shahrukh kind of looks at her and halfsmiles at himself and gently strokes her face and hair and we all know he is in love.  And then after he leaves, the camera reveals Kajol’s eyes opening and her looking conflicted so we know that she knows too.

But, meanwhile, back in Bombay, Abhay and Tanisha are getting close to solving the mystery.  They find a client record from early days and ask Tanuja about it, she says it was a scientist who was afraid for his life because of his discoveries.  Ajay tried to save him, but he was killed, and it broke Ajay’s heart, he never got over it.  And finally the last piece comes together when they learn that the scientist’s son grew up in an orphanage, then got a scholarship to school, and it IS SHAHRUKH!!!!!

Kajol has now solved Shahrukh’s mystery problem.  Confronted the thief (let’s say it’s Kirron Kher, Shahrukh’s humorous secretary, because I love it when overlooked women are the criminals), and snuck into Jackie Shroff’s office and stolen the secrets back.  In the process of which, of course, Shahrukh and she have to hide in plain sight by pretending to make out in a hallway.  Which sets off a whole fantasy song for them.

 

Back in Bombay, Shahrukh drops her off at her house, and Kajol kind of shyly asks him in to meet her family.  Shahrukh comes in, looking all shy and nervous and wearing glasses, Kajol introduces him.  Then asks why Tanisha looks so surprised.  Before she can say anything else, Tanisha pulls a gun!  And aims it at Shahrukh!  And says “Sister, get away from that man, he killed our father and now he will die for it.”  Shahrukh turns to Kajol to stammer an explanation, and is confronted with another gun.  Kajol moves across the room to stand with her sister, believing her word over anything else.

(Picture this, but with guns instead of fashion)

Shahrukh’s face changes, he pulls off the glasses and says “Yes, I killed your father.  Because he killed MY FATHER!” Flashback!  Little baby shahrukh is playing with a toy science set while Anupam is in the background doing real science.  Anupam is a loving father and listens to all his babble while working on his own thing.  And then there is a loud knock at the door.  Anupam puts Shahrukh in a closet and goes to answer it.  It’s Ajay!  Baby Shahrukh sees his face but can’t hear what they are saying.  And then there are two bangs, and Baby Shahrukh opens the door to see his father lying dead and Ajay standing over him with a smoking gun.

Shahrukh explains that he was sent to an orphanage after that, but he never forgot his father, or that man’s face.  He studied hard and left the orphanage on a scholarship.  And then one day he saw Ajay on the street.  He followed him to the office, ready to kill him then and there, but saw him playing with his daughters and didn’t want them to suffer as he had.  So he made a plan.  He sent a letter to the office, saying he was the son of Anupam and wanted to meet in secret, or else he would go to the police and tell them Ajay was the killer.  That night, he made all the arrangements.  He was going to shoot Ajay just like his father was shot.  But before he could, a car came out of nowhere and killed Ajay before he could!

Kajol, because she is so smart, realizes the one flaw in his story.  He heard two shots!  But only one bullet was found, according to police records.  That means that there could have been someone else in the room, someone else who shot Anupam, and then Ajay shot that person, and that’s why he was standing over the body with a gun.

Investigation!  Romantic investigation!  Both couples now work together, putting together police files, Ajay’s files, and Shahrukh’s old files from his father.  They look at papers, their hands meet, they fall asleep on each other’s shoulders, you know, romantic!  Until finally, it is solved!  JACKIE SHROFF!!!!  (of course)

(It’s always Jackie Shroff)

Back then, he was just a small time gangster of the locality.  He heard that Anupam was keeping something valuable in his house and started threatening him.  That’s when Anupam hired Ajay.  Jackie killed Anupam and stole his research.  Ajay shot him (which is why to this day he walks with a limp), but the police arrived before he could chase after him.  Jackie used the research to start his company and is now fabulously wealthy and still evil.  And, years later, learned that Anupam’s son was about to meet with Ajay and arranged for Ajay’s death.

Plan!  They will break into Jackie’s house in the middle of the night, scare him into confessing, and then Abhay will arrest him.  It all goes perfectly until they are in the house, when suddenly Kajol and Tanisha move behind the men, and then simultaneously knock them on the head.  Abhay and Shahrukh wake up, tied up, and ask why, what happened.  Kajol and Tanisha explain that this is a sister thing, they vowed to avenge their father, and they will.  There will be no jail for Jackie.

Final dramatic scene!  Kajol and Tanisha wake Jackie in the middle of the night and scare him into a confession, and then are about to shoot him with their father’s gun (both of them holding the trigger so they can do it together), when Jackie’s bodyguard’s burst in!  FIGHT SCENE!!!!  It looks like the two women are losing, but then they win!  Only Jackie is running away!  Kajol and Tanisha chase after him and finally, in a big dramatic lightning lit scene, they lift up their father’s gun and shoot him a million times!

Cut to, happy wedding!  Shahrukh and Kajol, with Kajol kind of bossing him into putting on the garland and tugging at the sari until we see that she is hiding jeans beneath it because she hates where saris.  And Tanisha and Abhay, with Tanisha looking properly shy, but then grabbing him and kissing him as soon as the ceremony is over.

 

Okay, normally I would do a 3rd option, but I still have to wrap/make a whole bunch of presents and otherwise be a good sister in real life, so THAT’S IT!!!

 

Of the two, which should we make if we had all the power in the world but could only make one movie?  And for the second, casting suggestions?  Is Abhay best, or is there someone else out there we should consider?