Silly Sunday Speculative Post: It’s My Sister’s Birthday Week! Why Doesn’t Hindi Film Have More Sister Storylines?

Happy Sunday!  I am greeting you from Friday, when I am writing this post, because Sunday I will be out of town celebrating my sister’s birthday.  Also my mother’s, it’s a whole thing, you’ll be hearing more about it.  Anyway, since it’s my sister’s birthday this week, I thought I would offer up some script ideas for good sister based films, since Hindi film is woefully lacking in them! (and since the sister relationship is the most important in my life, as I have said)

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Happy 41st Birthday Abhi Baby!!!

A bit odd calling a 41 year old “baby”, but it is my favorite of his many nicknames, so I am sticking with it!

Read below for the 16 reasons I love him.

(this is an updated and reposted blog from a year ago)

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Happy Anniversary Aish and Abhi! I Hope Your Relationship in Real Life is as Good as in Guru and Kuch Naa Kaho!

I follow Amitabh on twitter (of course), and he mentioned today that it is Aish and Abhi’s wedding anniversary.  Congrats Aishwarya and Abhishek!  I have complicated feelings about your relationship (simple version: why no more babies?  I need more Bachchans in the world!), but I love love love you as a couple onscreen.  Specifically, in Kuch Naa Kaho and Guru (Sarkar Raj is a mess, and I haven’t seen Dhaai Akshar Prem Ki (has anyone?)).

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Will Salman now get married?

(Image above from santabanta.com)

So, Salman’s appeal was approved!  He has been cleared on manslaughter charges in the 2002 reckless driving case.  A triumph for something, certainly, if not exactly justice.

Now, I could talk about the issues with the court system in India, the price of fame and the power of money, whether punishment or reform is the purpose of the criminal justice system, and so on and so on, but I don’t really care about all that.

No, much more important, is: will Salman now, finally, get married? He has claimed for years that he wants to get married, only he couldn’t think about it with this court case hanging over him.  Now that it has been resolved, time to place your bets!

This isn’t to say that I actually believe Salman has been putting off marriage because of jail.  After all, Sanjay got married twice while waiting for his charges to resolve!  But it was certainly a convenient excuse for Salman to pull out for the past 12 years every time things started to get serious.

Lulia Ventur is where Times of India is putting its money.  Eastern European, been seen with him for years, he said something in a interview a few months ago about a family tradition of marrying outside his culture, and supposedly he bought her a house.

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However, on the downside, she may already have a husband.  I am sure a lawyer who can get a manslaughter charge to go away could also disappear an inconvenient husband.  Again, though, it worked for Sanjay (his current wife may have been only about 75% divorced at the time of their wedding).

But I say, why not think outside the box!  For example, Sangeeta Bijlani, Salman’s very first documented girlfriend.  A former Miss India and a movie star, they dated back in the early 90s when both their careers were on the upswing.  They broke up for unclear reasons (possibly he was cheating, possibly she just wanted to be married and he wasn’t ready), and she went on to marry Mohammad Azharuddin, the Muslim Captain of the Indian Cricket team who was banned from playing thanks to a match-fixing scandal.  Apparently, her type is Muslims-at-the-top-of-their-profession-who-become-targets-for-possibly-too-extreme-punishments.  Also, Emraan Hashmi is playing her husband in the upcoming biopic Azhar (lucky him!  Emraan will make him even hotter than he was in real life).  She is being played by Nargis Fakhri (poor her).

salman-sangeeta-300415

Now, Sangeeta got divorced back in 2010, so she is on the market again.  She has stayed friendly with Salman, even visited him just now to congratulate him on getting off the charges.  Is this the beginning of a campaign?  One of those reminders that all the reasons they broke up in the first place now longer matter?  I like the idea of someone age appropriate, someone with history with him.  It would be sweet, like those high school sweethearts that reunite decades later!

After Sangeeta, of course, came Aish.  Can you imagine the scandal if they got back together?  It would be the biggest thing since ever!  Frankly, I don’t know if the industry could survive, the camps would become so hard drawn it would be impossible to actually put together enough of a crew to get a film made.  But even if it led to the end of Indian film as we know it, the scandal would be so juicy, it would almost be worth it!  It even almost makes sense, the Bachchan’s certainly keep Aish on a tight leash, whereas the Khans let their daughter-in-law’s do whatever they want!

Plus, while Abhishek has a better family, Salman is the better catch just for himself.  And, as Aaradhya’s mother, she’s got a lifetime connection to the Bachchan’s whether or not the marriage lasts.  I could see Aish taking a calculated risk, and she definitely seems like the one-that-got-away for Salman, who would take her back in a heartbeat!  Especially if she managed to play into his savior complex!

Speaking of scandal, what about Kat?  What if she still loves Salman and only moved on to Ranbir because she thought he would never be ready to be married?  Plus, Salman’s family looooooooooves her and the Kapoors, apparently, do not.  Ranbir actually moved out of his family home to live with her, which is a pretty big sign, considering no man in his family has moved out of that house in the past 60 years.  But can you imagine the end of Kuch Kuch playing out in real life, but with Salman playing Shahrukh, Kat playing Kajol, and Ranbir playing Salman?

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But then there is my dream relationship.  What if Salman sincerely didn’t want to get married until the court case was settled?  What if he has been secretly hiding emotions in his heart for a long-time friend and, now that the sword hanging over his head is lifted, he will rush to her side, finally confess his emotions, and the music will swirl and they will be on a mountaintop!  So, stick with me on this:

What if he has been in love with Karisma Kapoor for the past two decades?

Picture it: they meet on the set of Nishchaiy (1992) for the first time as semi-adults.  She is just barely 18, he is dating Sangeeta.  They become friends, more than that, he becomes her protector and defender onset and off (all of this so far is more or less true).  He breaks up with Sangeeta a few years later, but by then Karisma is old enough to date and has started a relationship with Ajay Devgn.  She breaks up with him, he moves on to Kajol, and meanwhile Salman is sewing his wild oats.  Right when he is ready to get serious again, Karisma starts dating and becomes engaged to Abhishek Bachchan.  Salman, around the same time, starts a serious relationship with Aish.  Abhishek dumps Karisma weeks before the wedding.  Meanwhile, Salman and Aish’s relationship implodes.  Karisma has already moved on and started dating Sanjay Kapur, heir to a wealthy Delhi family, known for his polo playing and his drug charges.  Salman starts dating 19 year old Katrina Kaif.  Karisma’s marriage quickly turns into disaster.  After two children, she returns to Bombay, where she is quickly welcomed back by her old friend, Salman Khan, who breaks up with Katrina around the same time.

So, all of the above is actually true and accurate, but imagine this interpretation.  What if Salman has been in love with her for years?  What if, in my lovely fanfic, Sangeeta broke up with him because she could sense he was in love with someone else, but by then Karisma was already with someone.  What if he started dating Aish in a desperate attempt to forget Karisma and Abhishek’s relationship?  What if Aish figured it out and confronted him, thus leading to the massive nervous breakdown that caused the very manslaughter accusation of which he was just exonerated?  What if, never having recovered from having been rejected for Karisma, Aish’s whole marriage to Abhishek is just some obscure form of revenge, by getting the one man Karisma couldn’t get in revenge for her taking the one man she wanted?

What if Salman has been quietly waiting for Karisma to work through the last tangles of her marriage, afraid to speak his mind while she was still technically another man’s and while the threat of jail hung over his head?  What if the music swells and they look in each other’s eyes, and suddenly….

 

Okay, so I know this is mostly me being crazy and reading too many romance novels, but after surviving her parents’ very public separation, supporting her whole family as a teenager, then being dumped by her first boyfriend, jilted by her fiance, and destroyed by her husband, I just want Karisma to be happy!  And what could be better than to marry the one man with the power, fame, and, frankly, terrifying insane temper, to make all of that go away?

The 4 Kinds of Fanvids

So, I am a huge huge sucker for a good fanvid, have been for years.  Going all the way back to when I was in college and I would take a break from studying to browse around and try to dig up a new SRKajol vid.

After over a decade of loving these things, I think I have figured out 3 categories of fanvids, specific to Indian fandom.

First, there is fanvid that expands on the themes of an existing artwork, for instance this fabulous one from Alina Yuvvraaj:

Or these, from lalilly:

Then there are the fanvids that expand on the particular awesomeness of a particular star.  Like this, my all time favorite from Zizi K:

Or this one from Alina Yuvvraaj again:

So, both of those kinds of videos, based on a particular movie or a particular star, you can find in any fandom.  Where I think it starts to get unique, is in the next two categories.

 

First, there are the videos based on a particular mood.  Since Indian film follows the Rasa theory, where the goal is to evoke a particular mood at a particular moment, rather than a cohesive mood through out one narrative, a wide variety of films might have particular scenes that flow seamlessly between the borders of their individual movies.

Like this, the moment when you are in love without realizing it yet and happy (from half a dozen different movies with the same moment).  By Zizi K again:

Or this, which evokes the specific mood of “young and drunk at a club”, by MRSEMRAAN:

Or this, which has the very specific-to-Indian-film emotion described right there in the title.  Women who are sad, and the men who love them from MRSEMRAAN again:

 

And then finally, there is my favorite category, the totally made up full narratives that go across multiple films and, occasionally, all the way into real life footage.  This is really unique to Indian film, because Indian film is uniquely cohesive film to film.  The same jodis play the same characters going through the same narrative beats over the over again.  And even into real life, in interviews and publicity tours, they interact the same way.  And who knows, maybe it is even related to the reincarnation in Hinduism!  According to some versions, even Ram and Sita were reborn multiple times and lived out their story over and over.

Anyway, one of my favorites, which seamlessly moves between real life and film.  Almost convinces me that Kajol really is eating her heart out, from MissCinemaObsessive:

and then I watch this from lalilly and feel better:

(see, they’re just friends after all!)

Or this one, where she actually does get him, even though he is himself and she is village-Kajol, from Zizi K:

Or this, where it’s not just SRKajol, but SRKajol vs Kajol/Salman and Kajol/Saif, from LUANSU (LUANSU was also the first fanvid maker I found, back in college):

It’s not just SRKajol, I literally screamed with delight when I found this one, hitting up the scandals old school!  And using all film footage to tell a real life story, very impressive! From TheMelicrazyy:

And this leads into the bonus subcategory, fake storylines pulling together multiple films, but with stars who never actually acted together!  Because actors and their characters are so consistent across films, and all films are so consistant with the kind of scenes they include, you can actually craft a narrative revolving around people who have never been onscreen together (my favorite of these is the Abhishek/Kajol/Rani “Teardrops on My Guitar” that was briefly posted like 6 years ago by Nouf89, and then pulled down.  My white whale!  If someone out there has it, please send me a copy!).  But these are nice too.  From rmskch:

(this is so impressive!  Remember they have only been onscreen together for less than ten seconds in her friendly appearance in KANK)

And I had never even considered these options, from 3bit89:

(none of these three has ever costarred with each other in anything!)

So, did I do this right?  Are there the same number of categories as promised in the post-title?  I think so:

  1. Fanvids expanding on one particular film
  2. Fanvids expanding on one particular star
  3. Fanvids combining multiple films with the same mood
  4. Fanvids combining multiple films with the same moods/stars into a narrative
    1. Fanvids combining multiple films with the same moods/stars into a narrative even if the stars never acted opposite each other