Final Nominees! Best DCIB FanFic! VOTE HERE

Last one!  Best fanfics.  Hopefully these are helpful, I suspect that the full list was a little overwhelming, this might be easier (and more fun) to just see a few with excerpts.  Anyway, FINAL VOTES go here!  You can only pick one!

In no particular order:

Men Surrounded By Strong Women

Until one day he comes back early from his doctor’s visit and notices her sneaking out of the room.  He follows her, she is going to meet a boy!  In secret!  At first, he is all upset, about to go confront the guy, but then he listens to their conversation, and they are sweetly shy together, talking about movies and books and his daughter is the one who makes the first move, suddenly kissing the guy on the cheek while he looks stunned.  And then running away.  Shahrukh is thoughtful, and goes to talk to Madhuri about it.  She says yes, she knows all about it (she knows everything always), the guy is a summer visitor with his family, he is the same age as Shahrukh’s daughter, they have been meeting in the fields but so far haven’t broken any school rules.  She is only meeting him during times when she would be allowed off campus anyway, she would be welcome to bring him back to the common area like the other girls do with their friends, but she seems shy about it.  Shahrukh is all pacing and nervous, but he has grown as a person now, so instead of making a big scene, he just asks Madhuri that if she hears through her informants that there is anything he can do, anytime his daughter is in trouble, please let him know.  And then a few days later, Madhuri asks him to come back to his office.  He is all upset, he knew that boy was no good, he probably broke her heart because he thought she wasn’t feminine enough or something.  No no, it’s nothing like that!  The boy has invited her to a formal party his parents are throwing, and she doesn’t know how to dance.  She asked Madhuri for help, but Madhuri thinks this is something she should really learn from her father.  Shahrukh is humbly grateful for the opportunity, but admits he doesn’t know how to dance either.  You see where this is going, right?  Madhuri teaches him to dance, and then he turns around and teaches his daughter, and love blossoms.  Well, different kinds of love.

 

Jab Tak Hain Jaan Ending Fixed

Anushka looks flustered, but then pulls herself together and says “She broke up with you, didn’t she?  Went back to her husband?  Don’t worry, she will come back if you ask her”  Shahrukh says “I am asking you, will you marry me?”  Anushka says, “Okay, then her husband found out.  He told you off, convinced you he loves her more.  He doesn’t, you deserve her more than him”  Shahrukh says, “I don’t deserve you, but I want you, will you marry me?”  Anushka says, “You feel guilty, she has a child, you think she should stay for her sake.  You will be a wonderful father, she should be the mother of your children.”  Shahrukh grabs Anushka’s arm and pulls her in close to him and says all low and throaty, “You should be the mother of my children.  Will you marry me?”  Anushka is having a hard time breathing now, but she manages to say, “I don’t want to be anybody’s consolation prize.”  Shahrukh kisses her (I know I know, we hate that he kisses, but this is the kissing movie), and then says “did you like that?”  Anushka nods.  Shahrukh says, “then it was worth it.”  Anushka says “what?”  Shahrukh smiles slightly, “practicing with Kat so I would be ready for you.”

 

All of Karan Johar’s Endings Fixed

So, after the sad version of Kal Ho Na Ho, we cut to a honeymoon suite.  Saif is nervous, while Preity sits still on the bed.  He paces back and forth, picking up the room service menu, setting it done, asking is it too hot?  No?  Then, is it too cold?  No?  Should he go out and get her anything, a snack, or a newspaper, or….shoes?  Preity finally loses patience, “shoes?  Why would I want shoes!  Why would you ask that?”  Saif bursts out “I don’t know!  I don’t know what you want, I am your husband and I’m supposed to take care of you and I don’t know what to do!”  Preity bursts out laughing.  Saif says “What?  What is so funny?” and looks frustrated.  Preity says “I think you are the first husband on a honeymoon night to think that what your wife wants most is shoes!”  Saif starts to laugh too and loosen up a little.  Preity holds out her hand and says, “why don’t you come and sit on the bed with me, that’s all I want”.  Saif goes over and sits on the bed, looking awkward.  Preity reaches out and holds his hand and says “I do love you, you know.”  Saif shakes his head and says gently, “you don’t have to…”  Preity cuts him off, “I love Shahrukh, you know that, but I love you too.  I love you because you make me laugh.  Shahrukh never made me laugh like that.  He made me angry, but he never made me laugh.  And you make me feel smart and brave and good, better than I really am.”  Saif is holding her hand firmly now, Preity continues, “And if you want to give me what I want, then I want to be a wife to you, a real wife.”  Saif looks up, Preity smiles, and we fade out.  And honeymoon song!  I want to see them happy in Hawaii or some tropical paradise like that, and then get a phone call at the end of the song, that takes them back to the hospital.  So when we see them with Shahrukh, we know that they are in love and happy together and she is just sad because Shahrukh is dying, not because she will never love again or anything like that.

 

Jane Eyre as a Hindi Film

Kalki tries to avoid the conversation, but can’t stop herself from going to him when he asks her to come closer.  Shahrukh keeps talking, saying that she returned just in time, he has arranged to marry Sunny.  The rain hides Kalki’s tears.  Shahrukh keeps going, saying  that Sunny wants to send Harshaali away to school, so he has found a new position for her, a wonderful family in Kerala.  He has made all the arrangements, she will leave soon.  Kalki agrees, says this does sound wonderful.  Shahrukh goes on to say that he wonders if he will miss her while she is in Kerala, he missed her so much just now, so much he surprised himself, but perhaps when she is even farther away, he won’t feel her absence any more, the cord that connects them will snap.  Kalki keeps looking away from him and hiding her tears, while Shahrukh does that head tilt kind of half smile look he uses when he is wooing a lady.  Finally, he reaches out to take her hand, and Kalki snatches it away and stands up and says that it is enough!  And gives an impassioned speech, that he can’t marry Sunny, he doesn’t even like her, they have nothing in common, he should marry her!  Shahrukh watches this whole thing with a little smile, and then stands up and grabs her in an embrace, as lightning comes down and strikes the tree behind them.  And fantasy love song!

 

After the Happy Ever After in Dilwale and Others

6 months later, they’ve started life anew in Caracas, Venezuala (world’s most dangerous city).  They have a variety of disguises, because the criminals of the city have started spreading the word to look out for the Indian couple.  Every night, Kajol goes out as bait, limping along, asking directions, fumbling with a map.  And once she gets a group to follow her, she draws them to Shahrukh.  After a quick brutal take down, they make out passionately over the bodies.  Once this town gets too hot for them, they will ask Varun and Kriti to send money and start anew.  There are plenty of dangerous places in the world.  Someday they may be too old and slow to keep going, sometime Shahrukh may pick a fight with the wrong man and not survive it, but until then they will feel alive every day.

 

Pride Themed

It all comes to a head the night before the big case.  They have both been changed by their time together, Arjun is more confident and more likely to speak out, Shahrukh is more thoughtful and happy to stay home and eat dinner while going over files with Arjun instead of clubbing.  This final night, they are up late working again, Shahrukh reaches across Arjun to grab a file, sparks!  He backs off, says “I’m sorry”, thinking back to that first failed kiss.  Arjun says “Don’t be”, and reaches for him and gently grabs the back of his neck, and they have a sweet soft kiss.  Arjun pulls back and looks a little shy, Shahrukh says “What?”  Arjun says “It was so much better than a thought it would be” (Q!  He was Q!  And now isn’t).  Shahrukh says, “Oh my sweet, it only gets better from here.”

 

Golden Girls in Hindi Film

Blanche’s b-story first, because it is the simplest.  Blanche isn’t really about deep emotions and inner conflict, she’s there to give amazing one-liners and physical comedy.  And, in the Hindi version, obviously a sexy item song.  I want to do just a quick variation on the season 1 episode 9 story “Blanche and The Younger Man”.  As in the original, she will be asked out by a much younger man (let’s make him her dance instructor so we can have a steamy dance number).  She wears herself out getting ready for the date, and when it finally happens, she learns in the middle of dinner that he just wanted to spend time with her because she reminds him of his mother.

But, in my Hindi version, after her date leaves, the maitre’d/restaurant owner comes over and asks her out, because he is so struck by her beauty.  And while he isn’t quite as young as the original date, he is still a good 5-10 years younger than her.

 

The Christmas Story in Hindi Movie Trilogy

Back on the road!  They travel through the night, with a nice slow friendship song in the background, and arrive to be directed through the small village, there was no place for the young couple to stay, so they were put up in a stable.  They go in to find a man and his wife and a newborn baby.  The three men immediately fall in love with the child, because all babies are miracles.  Amitabh promises to give him the best education he can, once he returns to Bombay.  Rishi promises to introduce him to all the right people, teach him how to be charming and powerful.  And Sanjay touches his little first and promises to make him strong and teach him to fight.  And then Sanjay gets a phone call.  He hangs back and to take the call by himself while Amitabh and Rishi stay with the baby.

 

11 Adaptations for Shahrukh

Greatly simplified plot.  Anushka is Jo, Kareena is Meg, Kalki is Beth, and Alia is Amy.  Laurie is Ranbir.  Hema Malini is Mother.  Father is dead.  Brief prologue section of the 4 girls living together with Mother in Shimla, Anushka is going to school, Kareena is slowly falling in love with Saif, Ranbir’s tutor next door.  Kalki is sick, and Alia is a brat.  Ranbir and Anushka first bond over trying to get Kareena and Saif together, but then stay best friends all through college.  Until Ranbir proposes and Anushka just can’t say yes, and runs away from Shimla to Bombay to get away from him.  In Bombay, she finds lodging at a guest house with a bunch of other artist types.  She is working at an advertising agency and trying to write at night.  And she meets Shahrukh, tormented scholar, thrown out of his professor position for his firebrand political views, but strangely gentle and kind to the young people he now tutors.  She comes to respect him, to enjoy spending time with him, to stalk him a little (waiting by the stairs until he comes in, following him when he leaves so she can “happen” to bump into him).  Shahrukh puts up with it and sees to be happier as well.  They have a big fight when she first shows him her writings, he tells her they are worthless and not worthy of her, but they make up and are closer than ever.  Meanwhile, back home, Kalki is getting sicker, and Alia has been given the opportunity to go on a European tour with a grumpy old relative (Kirron Kher).  She meets Ranbir again in Europe, they bond at first out of homesickness but then come to really enjoy each other, and he proposes.  Anushka returns home when she learns that Kalki is dying, and shortly after her death, Ranbir and Alia return to announce they got married.  Anushka is completely alone and unhappy, when out of nowhere Shahrukh appears!  He saw a thing she wrote for a website and sensed her unhappiness and dropped everything to come to her.

 

Sequels That Only Exist in My Mind

Instead, it is Don alone who tries to finally bring down Boman.  Maybe with some conversations or flashbacks to fill in all the things that made Don-Don (was he a youthful pickpocket picked up and trained as a loyal second in command by his boss who he seemed to hate?  Did he have his own gang all along and was only an outside contractor until he took over the bigger group?).  To succeed in his plan, he puts together a team of Boman’s innocent victims to help him. He defeats Boman and then in a surprise twist, gives all the wealth to the innocent victims and walks away.  In an epilogue scene, we see him living as street performer in Bombay, thereby completing the circle and turning from Don back into Vijay.

 

Shahrukh as a Sexy Angel

They get home and walk in together, Rani starts to ask Daughter what she is doing home early and Shahrukh kind of shakes his head.  Once Daughter has flounced off to her bedroom, Shahrukh pulls Rani aside and asks “do we have the phone number for Simran’s parents?  The girls had a fight, it sounds like we may need to talk about it.”  Rani nods and is all “Simran’s Mom is on a committee with me, I’ll call her after dinner”.  And then reminds him “Did you get the curd?”  Shahrukh is all “Shoot, no!” and tells her don’t worry, he is going now, will be back before she can miss him.  He runs down to the street and smiles when he sees Anjali at the corner, a tiny little girl selling matches to cars.  And then his smile shifts as he sees a car suddenly speeding out of control and heading towards her.  He starts to run, the film cuts between the speeding car and the unaware little girl smiling at the stars, we can see that he is just focused on getting to her in time, and finally in one huge movement he picks her up and physically throws her out of the way just as the car hits him at full force.  And he looks over at her, sees that she is bloody and knocked out from having hit the sidewalk, but breathing.  And he smiles and closes his eyes and dies.

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10 thoughts on “Final Nominees! Best DCIB FanFic! VOTE HERE

  1. Just to start this off, out of these, I think I would pick sexy angel myself. Maybe just because it is the most recent and we always love the baby best.

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    • Well, since you are the only non-me and non-relative to comment, you may get to make the deciding vote!

      On Mon, Jan 15, 2018 at 5:17 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. Pingback: Monday Morning Questions, MLK Day! | dontcallitbollywood

    • But really, the dark version is a more believable HEA for them, right? they don’t seem like people who belong in sunny silly happy Goa.

      On Mon, Jan 15, 2018 at 10:31 AM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  3. All of KJo’s Endings Fixed gets my vote. These are all really excellent though. So much fun to read and they bring out my atrophied creative muscles too, thinking, “Oh, she almost has it right, but I’d do it like this instead.” Or sometimes, “Yes! She nailed it!”

    Also it’s great when you inspire other fanfics like Asmita’s in the comments to Men surrounded by strong women.

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    • I like it when I inspire other fanfics too! That is always my hope, that people will spin off from mine in their own direction in the comments. But it happens all too rarely 😦

      Please, next time you really like one, or think there could be something changed, COMMENT! Looking back in the archives, I realized how very much FanFic posts in particular are comment driven. The weeks when no one says anything, viewership drops about 75%.

      On Mon, Jan 15, 2018 at 1:12 PM, dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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