Silly Sunday! For Pride! Harsh Kapoor and Harsh Rane, Ranveer-Ranbir-Dips Love Triangle, Rajkummar-John-Vidya-Kareena Same Sex Quadrangle, Prithviraj-Tovino Village Romance, Aamir-John Abraham Long Time Lovers, and Arjun-Shahrukh (my favorite!)

Okay, I’m gonna be lazy and just use the stuff that came up in the comments of the discussion post asking for topics early this week.

Harshwardhan Kapoor and Harshwardhan Rane as a Sensitive Poet and Troubled Gunda Romance

Harsh R is a tormented gunda who works for a corrupt politician. Harsh K is the unwordly son of another corrupt politician. Harsh R kidnaps him under orders from his boss. They stay at a remote mountain cottage together. Harsh K tries to fight his way out, Harsh R easily stops him and then they suddenly kiss while fighting and never talk about it. A third group sends a gang to attack them and Harsh R fights to defend them and is injured, Harsh K takes care of him as he recovers, including singing to him the poems he has written. Finally, Harsh R gets the word to release Harsh K. Harsh K leaves regretfully.

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Sensitive poet Harsh K

Only after he is gone does Harsh R learn that Harsh K is being forced into a political marriage. And finds poems that Harsh K has written about him revealing his love for Harsh R. Harsh R rushes off on his motorcycle to save the man he loves. The second half of the film is the two of them separated slowly working to come back together. It ends with Harsh R bursting into the wedding hall, bruised and beaten with goons chasing him. Harsh K turns suddenly berserker, seeing the man he loves threatened, and fights his way to him. The two of them embrace and kiss in front of everyone. The bride’s family is furious and cancels the wedding, Harsh K confronts his father and points out that approving of this relationship will garner him as many votes as the alliance with the bride’s family would have, plus this way he is forming an alliance with Harsh R’s mentor. The happy ending is Harsh K and Harsh R forming a new political power block, Harsh K using his words and charisma to move the mobs, while Harsh R handles the dirty business on the back end.

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Sensitive Gunda Harshwardhan Rane

Love Triangle Male-Male-Female, Ranveer-Ranbir-Deepika

Deepika and Ranbir are engaged, it was arranged but they really like each other and she at least is totally in love. Her best friend Ranveer comes for the wedding and only then realizes that the groom Ranbir is a guy he had a magical three days with on vacation years earlier. They didn’t do more than share one magical good-bye kiss, but it always lingered in his mind. The three of them talk it out, Ranveer’s first instinct is to protect Deepika from a fake wedding, but Ranbir reassures both of them that he is bi, not gay, and sincerely enjoys sex with the bride and is growing to love her as he gets to know her.

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From then on, it is the usual wedding romance type thing, the three of them spend a lot of time together, the two guys end up going off together for picking out suits and stuff, maybe the friend helps him escape from his terrible bachelor party so they can have fun together, and they eventually realize they are deeply in love. But the wedding will make his family happy, and the bride happy, and he loves the bride a little bit too, and to admit his love for another man would have all these social upsets, why rock the boat? Only, the bride overhears the two of them talking the night before the ceremony and realizes they have the kind of deep soulmate love that she doesn’t have with the groom. And nobly steps aside at the last minute.

Queer Friends Co-Parenting Love Triangle

An older romance! John Abraham and Vidya Balan are best friends, both of them are gay. They both really want children, and are getting older and older, so they decide to have a baby together and pretend to be married so they can get help with the fertility treatments. Only, while they are pretending to be married, they both fall in love with other people. Other people who are conflicted because they think Dips and Ranveer are married. It’s all very confused and farcical and hidden secret romances. And we will add on some kind of threat like Dips falls in love with their nice smart funny fertility doctor Kareena so if she tells him/her the truth he/she will be honor bound to tell the clinic, and John falls in love with their nice young neighbor police officer Rajkummar Rao in the fraud unit so he is afraid to tell him.

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They would be such a great couple!

Prithviraj and Tovino in a Classic Malayalam Village Romance

Prithviraj is the shy oldest son of the local big family. His father died when he was a teenager, he is responsible for his younger brother and sister and his older mother and grandmother. It’s a bit of a joke that he never married, but he always says he has too many responsibilities for that. Tovino is the new principal for the school that Prithviraj helped found. They interact a lot because Prithviraj is involved in running the school. Tovino starts to see that Prithviraj is gay, and begins to fall in love with him. Prithviraj is tormented by his feelings, but also intrigued by this world of freedom and happiness Tovino represents. They start a secret relationship, but Prithviraj cuts it off when his grandmother has a heart attack after seeing them together. He is tortured and guilt ridden and heartbroken. Tovino leaves for school break but writes him a letter at being his true self and not being afraid to love. Prithviraj learns his little sister is in love with a boy of a lower caste and his mother tries to break them up. Seeing her misery, Prithviraj realizes this is wrong, and it was wrong to separate him and Tovino as well. He arranges his sister’s marriage and sends Tovino a card inviting him. And then greets him with a hug and kisses him in front of everybody.

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Aamir and John Abraham as Police Officers and Lovers

Aamir and John are long time partners, both as police officers and in their personal lives. Aamir is the thoughtful educated highly intelligent officer, John is his muscley constable with his own brand of intelligence. They have a nice little life together, share an apartment, trade off cooking dinner every night, John makes fancy healthy food and makes fun of Aamir’s basic daal but still enjoys it, they sit in front of the TV in companionable silence every night, sometimes they fight over the remote. On Sundays, they go to their favorite cafe for ice cream and then walk on the beach with their dog.

Then, at work, they stumble across a Massive Conspiracy. Their team works obsessively to gather evidence and solve the puzzle. They gather at John and Aamir’s every night to pour over case files. It starts to affect their sex life, at one point in the middle of the case, Aamir surprises John with a hotel room getaway for the anniversary of when they moved in together. It’s perfect and carefully planned, flower petals and champagne and a perfect gourmet meal and all of that. And then John walks in and says “oh, I would rather have daal”.

Aamir throws a fit and locks himself in the bathroom and then John gives a sincere speech through the door about how all he meant was, he would rather have their quiet evenings at home, sitting together watching TV and petting the dog. And then when Aamir still won’t come out, John teases that he will do the thing he can’t resist to make him come out, and does a big Desi Boyz style striptease. Aamir finally comes out, they kiss, and then they have sweet hotel make-up sex.

Of course, that is the night their team is attacked, one killed and one seriously wounded (intercut with the romantic sexy song between Aamir and John, oh the irony!). Aamir and John are now more dedicated than ever. Their enemies pull strings and threaten them and get them put on suspension for their relationship, John and Aamir (now in old-fashioned civilian clothes) keep investigating, with the support of their team who are still secretly helping them. They finally catch the Big Bad but in the course of the arrest, John is shot throwing himself in front of a bullet aimed for Aamir. He wakes up in the hospital to find the whole team around them, TV news talking about the medal he is going to get, and so on. Aamir chases everyone else out, and then gives a sincere tearful speech about how he didn’t realize what they had until he thought he had lost it, and proposes. Fast forward 3 months, John is receiving a medal on crutches, Aamir is watching, John gives a speech about the importance of partnership and trust, and looks at Aamir and fingers his wedding ring, Aamir looks down and does the same thing with his matching ring. And, in a classic over the top filmi touch, the rings are made of the melted down bullet that John took for Aamir.

Arjun and Shahrukh, Player and Innocent Romance

Shahrukh is a hotshot Bombay lawyer.  His introduction establishes him in a business suit and glasses being all formal and easily destroying his opponents in a business meeting.  And then we go from there to him walking out of the building, casually taking off the glasses and replacing them with sunglasses.  And then loosening his tie, taking off the jacket, getting in his convertible, and getting out at a nightclub, where he walks in and everyone knows him, bartender, go-go dancers, etc.  He asks the bartender who the “pick of the night” is, and the bartender points out a guy nursing a drink at the end of the bar and ignoring all the other men who are making eyes at him.  Let’s say, Siddharth?  Or Ranveer?  One of the young guys.  Shahrukh strolls over to him, casually ignores him, orders the same drink.  And then glances over, and says “[Cool guy pick-up line]”  Siddharth/Ranveer is intrigued, but pretends not to be interested.  Shahrukh leans in over his shoulder and puts his hand on his arm as he murmurs into his ear in a deep voice “[subtly sexy pick-up line]”  Siddharth/Ranveer can’t help responding, his face showing that he is caught.  Shahrukh gives a cocky smile, knowing he has him, and backs off a little bit.  And song!  Shahrukh does a whole kind of sexy nightclub number, making eye contact with Siddharth/Ranveer periodically to make sure he notices him.  And then the song goes imperceptibly into the street, and then the bedroom.

(Like this, but with Shahrukh and Siddharth instead of Imran and some lady)

Until it is the next morning, and Shahrukh is casually making breakfast for a rumpled and still in last night’s clothes Siddharth/Ranveer.  They have a friendly chat, Siddharth/Ranveer is getting married soon (to a woman), he’s clearly bi (B!), he’s been with men and women and his family has found him this nice fiance, but he wanted one more no strings night with a man before commitment.  This has just confirmed for him that he is ready to get married.  Shahrukh is surprised, a young attractive guy like that, why would he ever want to be tied down?  Siddharth/Ranveer waxes rhapsodic about the meaningfulness of finding love and all that.  Shahrukh looks skeptical.

Later that day, at his office, Shahrukh gets a surprise visit from his old friend/occasional lover John Abraham.  Who is there to tell him he is getting married (which Shahrukh learns after he goes in for a kiss, and John gently pushes him away after a moment), and show photos of his fiance (Abhishek, duh).  Again, Shahrukh is skeptical but intrigued at this idea of settling down, of finding one person you want to be with for the rest of your life.

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(Meant to be!)

All of this is in his mind when he goes into his next appointment, with a dedicated scientist who wants to retain him for a class action lawsuit.  It’s Arjun Rampal!  With over grown hair, like he forgot to cut it, and glasses, and a frayed suit.  And kind of hiding his pretty eyes behind his overgrown bangs.

Shahrukh is immediately struck, we can see the way he is checking him out, and distracted, and watching him from behind as he walks into the room.  But Arjun doesn’t seem to notice, he is too shy and cerebral to pick up the hints Shahrukh is putting down.  In fact, they seem to just make him nervous.  He keeps trying to bring the conversation away from Shahrukh’s openings of “why don’t you take off your glasses and let me see your eyes?” to the file he has, proving pollution of a water source for several villages by his company.  He has been waiting for an appointment with Shahrukh for months (Shahrukh “if I’d known it was you waiting, I would have gotten you in sooner [flirt flirt]”) and he is serious about using all his savings to hire Shahrukh to fight this case.  Shahrukh, finally, takes the file and reads it seriously.  And is shocked and horrified!  Because he actually is a good lawyer who wants to do good for people.

And then romantic fighting a case together stuff!  Starting with a late night stake out, which Shahrukh tries to make romantic, and even goes in for a kiss, but Arjun gets angry and says that he isn’t that kind of guy, he won’t kiss someone he just met.  So instead it turns into talking about life.  And then they have to go undercover at a club, which involves Shahrukh pulling off Arjun’s glasses and putting gel in his hair, and suddenly he goes from shy scientist to hottie!  And then to cause a distraction while their associate steals a briefcase, Shahrukh has to get Arjun drunk and they do a sexy song.  Which is a distraction because the bad businessman is, of course, homophobic and horrible and he is so infuriated by the sexiness that he doesn’t notice his suitcase being stolen.

(Like this, but without Priyanka, and with Arjun and Shahrukh instead of John and Abhishek)

It all comes to a head the night before the big case.  They have both been changed by their time together, Arjun is more confident and more likely to speak out, Shahrukh is more thoughtful and happy to stay home and eat dinner while going over files with Arjun instead of clubbing.  This final night, they are up late working again, Shahrukh reaches across Arjun to grab a file, sparks!  He backs off, says “I’m sorry”, thinking back to that first failed kiss.  Arjun says “Don’t be”, and reaches for him and gently grabs the back of his neck, and they have a sweet soft kiss.  Arjun pulls back and looks a little shy, Shahrukh says “What?”  Arjun says “It was so much better than a thought it would be” (Q!  He was Q!  And now isn’t).  Shahrukh says, “Oh my sweet, it only gets better from here.”

Love song!  Classy love song intercutting between the two men staring into each other’s eyes and holding each other in bed through the night, and the two of them singing to each other on mountain peaks.  So we know what’s what.  The next day, Arjun is leaving Shahrukh’s house, when Shahrukh calls him back, “Just one more thing”, Arjun comes back, Shahrukh gives him one more soft kiss and says “Only that.”  Arjun smiles, Shahrukh smiles, love and happiness!

But then!  Arjun is kidnapped!  On his way to his office!  Before he can grab his files for his testimony!  Shahrukh is furious!  Rushes to the police station, gives an impassioned angry plea, but the police won’t do anything, they ask him where they are supposed to find the men to storm the fortress of the corrupt businessman.  Idea!  Shahrukh pulls out his cell phone.

Final fight scene!  After a sort of “Avengers Assemble!” moment of cell phones going off all over Bombay.  Shahrukh has told all his casual lovers that he is in love, for real, for the first time, and he needs their help.  Fight scene!  John Abraham, Abhishek, Siddharth.  Also, in cameo appearances, Varun Dhawan, Ranbir, Ranveer, basically all of the younger crowd.  Some of them in drag (“T”! For transvestite, not transsexual, but still). They storm the conservative politician/businessman’s house, beat up his guards, with Shahrukh in the lead.  Until Shahrukh fights his way through to the central room where Arjun is shirtless and being beaten.  He drags off the guards, and gently holds shirtless beaten sweaty Arjun.  He brushes the hair out of his face, Arjun smiles, and says “Sorry, the messed up that hair style you gave me”.  Shahrukh smile/sobs and says “I like you anyway”.

Happy Ending Wedding Song!  With Hijras.  With all of the cameo appearance fighters from the last scene, plus Siddharth and his wife (people can be Bi too!).

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11 thoughts on “Silly Sunday! For Pride! Harsh Kapoor and Harsh Rane, Ranveer-Ranbir-Dips Love Triangle, Rajkummar-John-Vidya-Kareena Same Sex Quadrangle, Prithviraj-Tovino Village Romance, Aamir-John Abraham Long Time Lovers, and Arjun-Shahrukh (my favorite!)

  1. `
    I don’t know about the rings made from the melted down bullet. Somehow that doesn’t fit “romantic” for me. It you want REAL drama, have the dog get injured. (Gasps from the audience!)

    `

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    • `
      Better yet, have John AND the dog get injured. And, you don’t know if the dog live or dies until the last scene when it runs into the room and jumps on the bed (wearing a little bandage). I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

      Like

  2. I’m pretty impressed you pulled off the one with the Harshes, and I want this movie to actually exist. I’m also really into the Prithviraj/Tovino one, I’d love one like that with a real classic vibe and that old fashioned golden colour scheme, that would be fantastic.

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  3. As the single minded person I am (or rather the – again – timelacking one) I focussed on ShahRukh and Arjun. I like almost everything but honestly would prefer no lip locking and no sex scenes…it’s just not necessary to get the feeling for them (I’m not prude at all, I simply think that one can show intimicy without blunt scenes and still making a clear statement for (homosexual) love.

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    • I don’t know, I feel like for plot purposes they need to have that night together. But I would be okay with it being all implied, a kiss that isn’t fully shown and then a love song on a mountain top, and then the next morning.

      On Sun, Jun 30, 2019 at 3:35 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

      >

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      • That’s what I thought of…the respective audience is used to understand these hints from (hetero) love stories, so why change this for a (homosexual) one? Sincere love is sincere love. And obviously an important part of the domestic audience doesn’t like ShahRukh to kiss, let alone to have sex scenes (KANK and JTHJ were bashed right, left and center and so was JHMS). For the purpose of the movie one definitely doesn’t need explicit scenes, not with any of the named actors as all are extremely skilled to exude queerness.

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