I was going to make this marry or kill, but that would be way way too easy. Also, marry or sex. Obviously you marry the better man and kill or sex the other one. But what if sex or kill are your only choices? Well, then (I know you!), you would all be too soft-hearted to kill in order to avoid sex. You would put up with boring sex in order to save the life of the better man. So, new rule! Sex or a swift punch in the nose.
Asoka
Sensitive youthful optimistic short-haired Asoka
Angry dangerous dark long hair Asoka
Baazigar
Glasses wearing fussy responsible Shahrukh
Cocky cool rich boy Shahrukh
Dilwale
Angry gangster Shahrukh
Older garage owner settled Shahrukh
Duplicate
Dopey Shahrukh
Evil Shahrukh
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Young cocky college kid Rahul
Flustered worried single father Rahul
Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham
Fun young graduate Shahrukh
Fussy prim husband Shahrukh
Om Shanti Om
Silly junior artiste Omi
Silly spoiled star Om
Ra.One
Bad hair middle-aged husband Shahrukh
Blue-eyed robot Shahrukh
UPDATE:
First, a bonus challenge. I did not include Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and Paheli because the answers were far too easy (who among us does not want sex with Suri?). But now I am going to give you a twist just to make things hard:
Sex or Punch
Paheli Ghost
Surinder Sahni Lighting Up Your Life
Sex or Punch
Boring Husband
Fake Raj
Oh, and I will now give my answers:
Asoka: Sex long haired Asoka, punch short haired. Short haired will forgive me the punch (while long haired would kill me), and sex will give me a chance to secretly cut the stupid hair while he is sleeping. Or at least sexily wash it.
Baazigar: Punch glasses Shahrukh (the glasses are fake anyway, who cares if I break them?), sex with cool rich dude Shahrukh (confidence has to be good, right?)
Dilwale: I think punch nice garage owner Shahrukh, and sex with angry gangster Shahrukh. But the mature protective angry gangster persona, not the young one, no one needs young beardless SRK
Duplicate: Obviously punch dopey SRK and sex with evil SRK. Dopey SRK will probably be better for a few punches, and I want to know what evil SRK does to keep Sonali so enraptured.
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai: Punch young Rahul, it’ll be good for him. Sex with single father Rahul, experience counts!
K3G: Punch young Rahul, still good for him. Sex with fussy prim SRK, I want to make his eyes bug out.
Om Shanti Om: Sex with young Omi, he’s got the nice soft tummy. Punch superstar Om Kapoor and tell him to come back when he’s put on some weight
Ra.One: Punch husband SRK, he is mature enough to understand and forgive. Sex witht he robot, it’s a ROBOT! How can you not be curious?
Bonus: This is so hard! I really want sex with the Ghost, but I feel bad about punching Suri. I guess sex with the Ghost, punch Suri, and then make Suri apology cookies.
And boy, sex with boring husband or Raj? I guess boring husband gets sex, sex with Raj just sounds exhausting and overwhelming. And he would be a much better person after a punch in the nose.
dontcallitbollywood 
Wooot! Have no fear, sartrekid here!
Asoka:
— Sex: Sensitive guy
— Punch: Long haired guy
Baazigar:
— Sex: Responsible guy
— Punch: Cocky guy
Dilwale:
— Sex: Gangster
— Sex: Garage owner (no punch, sorry)
Duplicate:
— Sex: Dopey dude
— Punch: Evil
KKHH:
— Sex: Single Father
— Punch: College dude
K3G:
Sex: Fun Graduate
Punch: Fussy Prim
Om Shanti Om:
Sex: Silly Spoiled Om
Punch: Small Artiste
Ra.One:
Sex: Robot
Punch: Bad-hair husband
LikeLike
Asoka: I’m shocked! Surely long haired guy would be more interesting for sex? And short haired guy would be less likely to kill you for punching him?
Baazigar: Same as above.
Dilwale: I am sorry, this is unacceptable. I will allow two sexes only if you provide two punches for some other film.
Duplicate: But evil man will kill you! And dopey man won’t know how things work. This whole thing seems very risky
KKHH: I think we have all had those moments of wanting to punch college dude.
K3G: See, my concern is that fun graduate won’t know how sex works. While fussy prim husband obviously does (see child as proof)
Om Shanti Om: But Omi is so cute!!! How can you punch him?
Ra.One: OBVIOUSLY!!!! Who wouldn’t be a little curious about sex with a robot?
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 7:06 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Ex-cuh-use me!
Okay, then I will take kinky Duplicate because he is incredibly hot for the sex category too and instead ditch the Ra.one robot. It won’t hurt his feelings, I’m sure.
And I’ll reluctantly punch Dilwale gangster guy just because I’m being forced by the powers that be. It’s not my choice and I’m just pretending as you’ll never get to be a witness anyway. There! Happy?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, thank you for respecting the rules of civilization without which we will fall into anarchy!
Also, refresh the post, I just added a well-nigh impossible bonus question. And put in my own answers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Err… you… you want to make his eyes bug out? Oh my… How on flat earth am
I going to get that imagery out of my head now…
LikeLike
This is what I meant by the K3G idea. If you haven’t seen this deleted scene before, enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYiHZMFUIyY
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 10:34 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh wow! Never seen that before indeed!
LikeLike
Oh, you have to check out the K3G deleted scenes! They are all great.
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 1:10 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bonus
RNBDJ:
— Sex: Boring husband
— Punch: Have no fear, thy end is near!
Paheli:
— Sex: Ghost
— Punch: Husband (I’ll do accounts with him to make up for it)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aha, but here’s the trick! You have to mix and match the two movies. Raj from RNBDJ or Boring Husband from Paheli. Suri from RNBDJ or Ghost from Paheli.
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 10:39 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Right. Why have it simple when you can make it complicated…
Okay, I will punch Raj and Ghost. Since the ghost is my imagination, it won’t matter. You are overruled! ha!
LikeLike
Oh, nice one on the Ghost loophole!
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 1:05 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Many of mine are the same as sartrekid’s. Margaret, I hope you share your answers soon.
Asoka:
— Sex: Sensitive guy
— Punch: Long haired guy
Baazigar:
— Sex: Responsible guy
— Punch: Cocky guy
Dilwale:
— Sex: Garage owner
— Punch: Gangster
Duplicate:
— Sex: Evil dude (he is obviously a freak in addition to being evil)
— Punch: Dopey (he can turn to Juhi for comfort)
KKHH:
— Sex: Single Father
— Punch: College dude
K3G:
Sex: Fun Graduate
Punch: Fussy Prim
Om Shanti Om:
Sex: Silly Spoiled Om
Punch: Small Artiste
Ra.One:
Sex: Bad-hair husband (he needs someone to be nice to him, and thick curly hair is nice in bed for various reasons)
Punch: Blue-eyed robot (he wouldn’t even feel it, and being a good guy, would not retaliate)
Bonus: RNBDJ
Sex: Suri OF COURSE
Punch: Raj but I’d hug him after and apologize
LikeLiked by 1 person
We agree on Dilwale and Duplicate, but I still just can’t agree with fun graduate over fussy prim for K3G. I want to make his eyes bug out in shocked judgement!
I decided not to include RNBDJ or Paheli, because the answers were far too obvious. Perhaps combine them into a bonus question? Sex or punch Raj from Rab Ne or Husband from Paheli, Sex or Punch Suri from Rab Ne or Ghost from Paheli? Then you’d have a real challenge!
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 8:42 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, evil genius, Margaret! I thought you were going to come back with something metaphysical, like that Suri and Raj are really two aspects of the same person, so not a double role per se. This is way better.
The way you feel about fussy prim from K3G is the way I feel about fussy prim cop from One 2 Ka 4. Juhi’s frank, earthy sexuality just shocks him to the core and that is so enjoyable.
Raj vs Husband: I’d punch Raj and sex Husband (while he is lonely in that far away town and missing his wife, because I’m a terrible person), then send Husband home to his destiny.
Suri vs Ghost: This is the hard one. Suri is my dream man but Ghost has interesting supernatural abilities and clearly knows how to make a woman happy in that department. Hmmmm. Honestly it’s a 50/50 depending on my mood, but today I’m going with Suri. Punching Ghost would just help him learn more about what it is to be human. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, now I feel better about poor Husband! At least he didn’t die a virgin.
You are already getting freaky with Duplicate Shahrukh, surely that is enough adventure and you can miss out on Ghost in favor of sweet sweet Suri love.
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 8:57 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha, good point.
LikeLike
And I have now added my answers above, carefully thought out all of them.
LikeLike
Oh no, I failed to take tummies into account when weighing the 2 Oms. Rookie mistake.
I’ll rectify it by sexing young optimistic Shah Rukh from JTHJ (soft tummy) instead of older wiser Shah Rukh from JTHJ (ripped tummy), even though I’m sacrificing the beard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But older JTHJ Shahrukh is so slow and patient and good with his hands. Young JTHJ Shahrukh just leaps around all the time. Do you really want that?
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 10:38 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Are you saying I overestimated the soft tummy factor in this choice? Challa Challa Shah Rukh is goofy at times, but also focused, hard working, creative, generous, and persistent. And has so much energy! That will work for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! your bonus cracked me up!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, I just transport me into the movies….wuuuuuushshshsh
Who I would rather punch than choose for satisfying sophisticated carnal desires?
Asoka – the long haired warrior (telling him to cut his hair and stop waste the time in battles…and then…maybe)
Baazigar – responsible…(*jaaaawn* …it’s only for sex, ok? Loosen up!)
Duplicate – evil dude (you’re too crude, too violent, too self-obsessed….if you were like Don…yeah, but you aren’t, so go to hell!)
KKHH – the ‘cool’ college dude (but, maybe, I would try to make him less ‘cool’…he nevertheless has something playful and is funny)
OSO – small artiste (he’s too obsessed with Deepika…very low attention span, then)
Ra.One – beloved blue-eyed robot (hey, I like you, but …eehhhmmm…doing pelvic gymnastic is n o t very sexy…and I don’t like caressing rubber)
EBDM Bonus – the ShahRukh from London (what a pretentious guy!)
Why did I choose all the other for partners in ‘sex’???
Ok, then, let’s start:
Asoka for sensibility and tenderness and patience
Baazigar for interesting fighting and teasing
Dilwale (well, they are both the same, but I would also choose the young gangster) – both are perfect…. same interests than I have
K3G – both are never boring
OSO – I would like to experience his change
Ra.One – I like natural curls…and as procrastinatrix writes: “nice in bed for various reasons”
Duplicate – what a playful, energetic and docile guy…and imaginative
Bonus EBDM – the 1st ShahRukh is just as perfect as my Dilwale lovers
LikeLiked by 2 people
I like how consistently we all want to punch young college dude from KKHH. He’s just really not great.
I’m sorry, the 1st EBDM SRK has a mustache, that disqualifies him from sex for me. Too tickly. I will allow it for the ghost assuming he uses his ghost powers to not tickle.
LikeLike
I like your bonus too!
LikeLike
Margaret, I am almost sure that the robot lacks something essential…I remember a gesture, G.One did in the 2nd round of the final fight (the boy shouted to him to do so) and Ra,One looked completely puzzled asking G.One “What are you doing???!!!” and G,One replied “I don’t know” (and then the 2nd round was over).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, but on the other hand he was ready to show his Prince Albert to the airport security guy. And he is all just a figment of artificial intelligence brought into being by will, I feel like he could make himself whatever he needed to be.
On Tue, Oct 29, 2019 at 10:40 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLiked by 1 person
Price Albert! ZOMG! hahahahaha!
LikeLike
Ha! This post is fantastic.
Asoka:
— Sex: Sensitive
— Punch: Long haired. The hair is just too gross!
Baazigar:
I’ll punch both. Too many daddy issues. No one needs that in their sex lives.
Dilwale:
Sex both because this is the HOTTEST SRK has looked!
Duplicate:
— Sex: Evil dude. I like to live dangerously sometimes. Plus, he clearly knows what he is doing.
— Punch: Dopey
KKHH:
— Sex: Single Father!!! Who doesn’t want to sex a hot single father who loves his mother and daughter?!
— Punch: College dude
K3G:
—Sex: Fun Graduate because Hrithik is still illegal and chubby.
—Punch: Fussy Prim because I don’t want to break up his family and more importantly, I can now legally sex Hrithik.
Om Shanti Om:
—Sex: Silly spoiled star because abs! Yes, I am shallow!
—Punch: Junior artist.
Ra.One:
—Sex: Robot. Robot sex seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity that one must take!
—Punch: Bad-hair husband. Again, weird hair kills my mojo!
Bonus:
Ghost vs. Suri: Definitely Ghost! I know I am in the minority, but I do not see Rab in Suri.
Boring husband vs. Fake Raj: Punch both! They both annoy me. Instead, if I have to add one more sex back in, I will add Fussy Prim SRK from K3G because he is still hot and I can see how he compares to Hrithik!
LikeLike
Well, now I almost feel bad for long hair Asoka! He may be king, but every morning he has to go through a long line of woman rejecting and punching him.
I see you have found a loophole in the “you can’t sex both unless you punch both” theory. Totally right, punch both Baazigars and sex both Dilwales (did you notice I didn’t specify “young” Dilwale gangster? They are both old, just one the angry gangster old and the other the loving garage man old)
Duplicate, glad I am not the only one who noticed how desperate Sonali seemed. What does evil guy do to her?
Asoka and KKHH college dude can commiserate about the string of punching women.
Excellent point about K3G and the Hrithik factor! Had not occurred to me before. I am torn about Hrithik though, because on the one hand dancing skills seem like a good sign, but on the other hand so duuuuuuuuumb. Maybe just have him shut up and look at his pretty face?
Are we sure silly star even knows how to have sex? He does not seem that mature
YES! THANK YOU! Robot sex is obviously something that must be experienced
Ghost sex and robot sex? That is a lot of strange.
I will allow two punches again, since you are also taking two sexes for the team.
On Wed, Oct 30, 2019 at 3:05 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Meh, I don’t feel bad for long-hair Asoka. He will find his nirvana soon enough and forget all about the punches.
Obviously, I don’t want Hrithik to talk… ever! I just want him to dance and sex. Talking is NEVER an option.
I will teach Silly Star how to have sex as long as I can see those abs and that booty.
Robot sex is all about supernatural mechanics and Ghost sex is all about mystical magicness. Maybe I will combine them to have the total supernatural package.
Also, you have now inspired me to watch Dilwale again this weekend!
LikeLike
Why is it that Hrithik has made a movie in which he plays a quadriplegic, but not a movie in which he plays a mute? Something is very wrong here.
On Wed, Oct 30, 2019 at 3:32 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
>
LikeLike
Yeah, I only watch Hrithik in movies where I know he is pretty. I stay far far away from all the others.
LikeLike