Final day, this is so sad. I’m going to start the ramp up to Jesus’s birthday tomorrow, but it’s not the same. Ultimately, he’s just not as big a part of my life.
For his birthday, I want to give back to Shahrukh what he has given me: Love.
And by giving him love, I will be taking it away from myself. Shahrukh’s constant restlessness, his emptiness, his need for something and everything, that is what drives him to put so much love out into the world, to try to somehow fill those holes in everyone else and feel a bit of their happiness in return. If Shahrukh is truly happy, if he finds real peace, that means he can just sit still for a while. That means he can just be, for himself, instead of for everyone else in the world.
One of the earliest memories Shahrukh has is being 5 years old and sitting on the wall outside his building blowing kisses to the people passing by. His whole life, he has been giving love into the world.
He says that he became a movie star so his face would be big enough for his mother in heaven to see it. But I think it’s something else. I think he became a movie star so that all that love he had to give could be projected out of 20 foot screens, sent into televisions, and spread through the internet, so that his love could grow and grow until it filled the whole world. I think he became a movie star because he loves us. And I think he loves us, because he doesn’t truly love himself.
I want him to love himself. It’s his turn. Since I was 19 years old, I have felt loved and safe because of Shahrukh Khan. Whatever I became in life, where ever I went in the world, no matter what anyone else thought about me, Shahrukh loved me just as I am. It sounds like a crazy thing to say, that I believe this movie star who doesn’t even know I exist, loves me. But, he does. If we were to meet, he would say “there you are. We never met, but somehow I felt you in the world, and I loved you.” I believe he would say that to me, because I believe he would say that to any of his fans, to any person out there who is kind and human. And somehow, I don’t believe he is able to turn that great love back onto his own self. I am happy because I am loved by Shahrukh. Shahrukh is unhappy, because he is the one good person in the world who is not.
Selfishly, I want Shahrukh to keep loving me, to keep loving all of us. To keep blowing kisses into the air to fall down on us all. Generously, because I love him, I want him to feel his own love and step down off that wall and go inside the house and just be happy.
And I also want that because I love all people too, all of humanity, and I think it might be good for humanity to have Shahrukh stop blowing kisses for a while, and start spreading ideas instead.
Shahrukh Khan is a great man. I firmly believe that. Not just charismatic, not just sexy, not just witty and kind and charming and talented, but Great. So far, he has wanted to give love to the world. And he has, and that is a wonderful thing. We have had 54 years of pure love from him. But he can give more.
I want Shahrukh to stop caring so much about doing the loving thing and care more about doing he right thing. I want him to fearlessly speak out his beliefs. I want him to write a book. I want him to found a university. I want him to use his power without restraint, without fear. I want him to stop thinking “will people still like me if I do this” and start thinking “will I still like myself if I don’t do this”. I want him to stop making himself small in order to make us feel comfortable. Climb back up on that wall, Shahrukh, and take it as your rightful place without apology. Love yourself, and see yourself the way I see you, the way millions of people around the world see you. One man who is, to us, Hope, Wisdom, Truth…and yes, Love.