Why do actors I like keep making movies I have no interest in? Why doesn’t the world listen to me and dance to my tunes at all times?
Aamir just announced the release date for his Forrest Gump remake, Laal Singh Chaddha. And there’s a feather. I can feel it now. The feather is going to be a recurring visual image, and at some point some older character is going to give a long speech over-emphasizing the meaning of the metaphor (“the feather is like life, we float through the air fragile but strong, remember that always Lil’ Aamir”). And then Aamir’s character will repeat and repeat and repeat the concept until it loses all meaning and you become so sick of the sight of a feather by the end of the 3 and a half hour movie that you just want to throw something at the screen.
Also, Aamir will dress like a chicken for 6 months in preparation for the role to fully understand the motivation of the feather.
Why can’t he make movies like this any more? No themes! No message! No stupid metaphors that are repeated so much they lose all meaning!
And then there’s Maddy. I saw the first posters for this movie and got all excited because it looked like a poetic romance between cellist Maddy and mute artist Anushka Shetty. But, nooooooooooooo. We don’t get romances any more, who wants to see two attractive talented actors fall in love? No no, clearly what we want is MORE HORROR MOVIES. Instead of Maddy and Anushka interacting, looks like we get ten minutes of Maddy, than he disappears and Anushka looks frightened and stressed for two hours. Plus, shadows and jump scares. Oh boy.
The way things are going I expect Shahrukh to announce another film in which he will use CGI to look not-like-himself, Ajay Devgan to announce another film in which he is an action hero who romances an actress 30 years younger than him, Hrithik to announce another movie in which his character is ugly and immobile, Salman to announce another movie in which he spends half the time giggling like he is 6 years old, and Akshay Kumar to announce another movie.
WHY CAN’T MARGARET EVER GET WHAT SHE WANTS?????