Another productive and useful post! Or alternatively, a fun post I will enjoy writing even if no one enjoys reading it. I tried to imagine how some of our favorite couples would have handled their “first night”.

Ohm Shanti Oshaana Sex (thank you BollywoodNewbie/Alisa for the idea!)

BollywoodNewbie suggested that Nazriya would have done a ton of research, and Nivin would end up being the less knowledgeable one of the first night, and I added a bit to that.

Nazriya and Nivin are engaged and the wedding is scheduled for after Nazriya graduates in a few months. Nazriya returns to school and immediately starts intensive research into sex. She gets textbooks, and rare international books, and educational films, and even visits the sex research center off campus. By the First Night, she knows EVERYTHING. And is all set to give Nivin a lecture and then devour him.

On the other hand, Nivin is a sweet little sensitive guy who had one sexual relationship with Nazriya’s older cousin back in college. He has been celibate for years, and in his memory sex has become even more magical and poetic and powerful than before. When Nazriya starts talking about it all practical and clinical, it turns him off and scares him away. He avoids even kissing her, she is hurt, big fight, he ends up going off to spend the night in the barn. For weeks, the situation gets worse and worse. The more Nazriya tries to seduce Nivin, the more he is turned off. He wants to be romanced, he wants poetry and beauty and to feel safe and loved, not just jump in the sack. Once again, the traditional story has the genders reversed, Nazriya is the one who was ready for sex on the first night and Nivin is the one who isn’t sure, who she has to chase. Finally Nivin says he is going away for a training course for a month, Nazriya sadly moves back into her family home while he is gone, and finds herself missing him terribly. His food, his conversation, their home together, everything. She is waiting for him in their home when he returns, tells him she loves him and missed him and just wants to be with him. Which is the romance he wanted, and he is finally ready to consummate the marriage.

Daawat E Ishq

Aditya and Pari get married for real, and he surprises her by renting the same hotel room where they got fake married the first time. He gives her food and makes her laugh, but then she gets terrible food poisoning. She spends the night vomiting and forbidding him from coming into the bathroom to help her. The next day, his family rushes them back home, and they don’t have time to be alone any more. Aditya’s restaurant had a massive food poisoning scare, it wasn’t just Pari who got sick, and he is working like crazy to fix it and fighting with his Dad about the new equipment they need to buy for the kitchen and everything. Pari’s female in-laws are super supportive and excited about her opening her own boutique, they keep rushing her around to look at possible locations and they decide she should open in 3 months, meaning she has to design and produce enough shoes to fill it by working around the clock. Pari and Adi are desperate to consummate their marriage, but every time they have a second to steal a kiss, someone interrupts. Or Adi is to turned off by scrubbing gunk in a kitchen all day, or Pari is just too tired. They start to think this is just what marriage is, that it is always going to be work and never joy. Until Adi’s parents and Pari’s visiting father overhear them talking about how they love each other and that is enough to keep them going through all the responsibilities, they will have fun when they are old. The parents conspire and trick Pari into thinking there is some horrible disaster at her store that is opening tomorrow, and trick Adi into thinking there is a big last minute food delivery he has to do because there is no one else. They are both depressed and grumpy about it and then Pari arrives at the store to find candles and silk sheets set up, and Adi arrives to find that the delivery is for Pari. They feed each other food (both of them are starving since they have been working all day), and then they kiss, and fool around, and finally have lots and lots of sex all night, until they sleepily wake up with just 20 minutes left before the store is supposed to open.

Aiyyaa

Rani and Prithviraj get engaged, and then Rani pushes for a quick wedding. Prithvi goes along with it, since his mother likes Rani. Rani also decorates his bedroom herself for their First Night, because she is so excited. And she buys an over the top filmi sexy chiffon nightgown. She drags Prithvi away from the wedding dinner because she is so eager, and then does a sexy song for him that she has practiced. He is amused and aroused. Until she trips and breaks her shoulder. Rani is ready to play through the pain, but Prithvi is sensible and insists on taking her to the hospital. And then his mother finds out and tells her family and suddenly everyone is there and getting in the way. Rani is given a cast, but in theory they could still have sex. Only her mother insists on moving in to “help” while she is injured. And soon her unemployed brother has followed. Prithvi is calm about all of it and tries to encourage Rani, and gives her lots of secret kisses. But he is also gone a lot at his multiple jobs and responsibilities and Rani is going insane with all the people in the house and advice on being a “good” wife, plus sexual frustration. She finally decides they are going to have a second “first night”, plans out how to get everyone out of the house, forces herself into the sexy nightgown over her broken arm, and when Prithvi comes home he is delighted. It looks like things are finally moving in a sexy direction, but just as they are about to go to bed, the whole family bursts back in. And out of pain and tiredness and frustration, Rani burst into a loud emotional speech and gets sobbing and hysterical. Prithvi, finally seeing how bad things are, takes charge and sweeps her up in his arms and declares that his wife doesn’t need anyone but him and they are leaving. Still in the nightgown, he carries her off to the car and tucks her in and when she wakes up, she finds herself in bed in his family home in the Tamil village. He comes in and brings her coffee and asks if he can finally see the end of her dance. Rani says she has a better idea, and grabs him and pulls him into bed with her. Lots of great sex, all over the house and fields, and then finally they return to Pune and Rani confidently throws all her relatives out of the house, and drags Prithvi into the bedroom and locks the door.

Hasee To Phasee

Sid and Pari run off together, with the blessings of their family. They stop at a hotel, and Pari comes out in uncomfortable extreme lingerie. Sid is shocked and asks what she is doing. And Pari earnesty explains that she did quick research by watching porn, and she thinks she knows what he likes. Sid calms her down and tells her not to worry, or be afraid. They can just hold each other tonight, she can just do what she wants to do and no more. Pari is relieved and goes back to put on baggy sleep clothes. Sid starts to strip down to less clothes but sees Pari is uncomfortable, and so instead he stays fully clothed and just holds her while they fall asleep. For months, Sid and Pari share a life and a bed but don’t have sex. Sid helps Pari figure out her issues with the Chinese lab, holds her hand when she gets nervous in meetings, and helps smooth things over when she isn’t sure what to say. Then they return home and Pari sets up an Indian lab while Sid finds them an apartment and starts studying for the civil service exam. Pari quizzes him and makes him little gold stars to encourage him when he does well on tests, Sid makes her dinner at night, they curl up on the couch together to watch old movies, and they kiss good-bye every morning and hello every night. Until Pari comes to Sid and says that in a week, on his birthday, she wants to try sex again. Sid asks if she is sure, if it is what she wants, and she confirms that it is, she feels ready now. On Sid’s birthday, Pari surprises him with a candlelight dinner of pizza, and a cake she made herself. Sid is touched, and again tells her they don’t have to do anything if she doesn’t want to, but Pari says she really really does, she has been looking forward to it. She puts on her sleep clothes like usual, Sid asks if it is okay if he takes off his shirt, she says yes, Sid keeps slowing undressing asking permission piece by piece. Then asks if he can kiss her. Then if he can touch her. Very slowly and with lots of pausing for permission, they get through their first night, just a few months late.

Okay, I’m exhausted. But could easily write many many more of these. Tell me your requests in the comments!

Or, make corrections to things I got wrong in these!