Saturday Quiz and Discussion! Take This Simple Test and Discover Who Your Dream Lover Is!

This is a fun off-shoot of this post, in which I described (as I saw them) the three types of romantic fantasy men in Indian film. But let’s make this fun and turn it into one of those silly magazine quizzes! Are you an Alpha, Beta, or Zeta lover? (this is a repost from Christmas a few years back, but it seemed like a cool idea for now!)


  1. If a boy fell in love with you on first sight while you were on a school trip, would you want him to:
    1. Write poems to you and send them anonymously
    2. Passionately declare his intention to marry you and force you to love him
    3. Jump off a cliff in despair because you forgot his name
    4. None of the above
  2. If your parents object to the match, would you want him to:
    1. Force you to kiss him in front of your family in order to prove your love
    2. Get drunk and fall asleep on your front steps
    3. Passively respect your parents’ decision and nobly walk away
    4. None of the above
  3. You are forced to marry a stranger, on your wedding night would you want him to:
    1. Silently take his blanket and leave the room
    2. Passionately declare his love and then burst out sobbing in your arms
    3. Give you one spine-tingling sexy kiss (or stroke of the cheek or embrace or whatever), and then tell you he would not touch you again until you asked
    4. None of the above
  4. You are forced to travel alone with a stranger, would you want him to:
    1. Tease you and force you out of your reserve
    2. Remain silent but leave a perfect sketch of your face on your pillow
    3. Have an emotional breakdown about how much he loves his mother
    4. None of the above
  5. An injured police officer stumbles into your home, would you want him to
    1. Roughly order you at gunpoint to help him, and give specific directions as to what he needs before passing out
    2. Cry all night as he suffers pangs of guilt for what he has done and seen
    3. Politely ask for assistance and say “thank you” many times, and then recite poetry to you while fevered in the night
    4. None of the above
  6. An injured thief stumbles in your home, would you want him to:
    1. Alternate mania and sobbing and he explains all the pain of his life that lead him to this point
    2. Offer to let you decide whether or not to call the police, and then silently leave a fortune in jewelry behind as a thank you when you do not
    3. Cockily brag about his crimes and admit no remorse or guilt
    4. None of the above
  7. You yourself are injured in some way and go to the police station, would you want the police officer to:
    1. Quietly sympathetically take down your statement and then arrest the man and offer to let you hit him
    2. Become so emotional at what you are saying that he begins ranting madly and referencing the horrible murder of his older sister that he witnessed as a child
    3. Not bother taking notes at all, just ask for the name of the man and then find him and beat him up
    4. None of the above.
  8. Through a series of surprising circumstances, a young inexperienced handsome man becomes Chief Minister of your state and also falls in love with you. Would you want him to:
    1. Hide his identity so you don’t feel pressured and pretend to be “normal” when he is with you
    2. Send a cavalcade of cars to pick you up and elaborate presents and bring you to the Chief Minister’s house with full pomp in order to propose
    3. Have a public breakdown as his love drives him mad while he is being interviewed on national TV.
    4. None of the above

MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION (all Shahrukh, so as to control for variables): You are you, at home late at night, and you need a video to cheer you up. Would you prefer this video:

This one:

Or this one:

Or none of the above?

Now, for scoring:

If you answered None of the Above, you are a stable intelligent sensible woman who does not need fantasies.

If you answered 1, 3, 1, 2, 3, 2, 1, 1, You are a BETA lover!!!! Your fantasy is a man who will love you and respect you and let you be in control and take the lead.

If you answered 2, 1, 3, 1, 1, 3, 3, 2, You are a ALPHA lover!!!! Your fantasy is a man who will take control so you can relax and sit back.

If you answered 3, 2, 2, 3, 2, 2, 2, 3, You are a ZETA lover!!!! Your fantasy is a man who needs you so much he will literally die without you.

And tell us how you did! Or don’t. I’ll tell you at least, I am a perfect Alpha lover.

17 thoughts on “Saturday Quiz and Discussion! Take This Simple Test and Discover Who Your Dream Lover Is!

    • Okay, so your dude write poems to you, get drunk and fall asleep on your steps, give you a spine tingling kiss, draw a perfect picture of you and leave it on your pillow, say “thank you” and then recite poetry while fevered in the night, silently leave a fortune in jewels behind, quietly and sympathetically take down your statement, none of the above, and “Haule haule”? I am saying BETA! The only exceptions are getting drunk and falling asleep on your steps, and giving you a spine tingling kiss. And let’s be real, anyone would want a spine tingling kiss.

      On Sat, Mar 14, 2020 at 6:26 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:


      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hmm! I wonder what this says about me – 4,4,3,4,3,2,1,4

    And I prefer Haule haule. Love that song and the picturisation.


    • Okay, I am seeing you are mostly a sensible person, but you want a spine tingling kiss, someone to recite poetry to you all night, someone to leave you a fortune in jewels,a nd someone to sympathetically take down your statement.

      So, like Courtney, you are a BETA, who also wants a spine tingling kiss.

      On Sat, Mar 14, 2020 at 6:35 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



  2. I came out a BETA Lover, except just last night, while discussing my husband who is a teacher and went to work while sick all week, I said that if I could control him I wouldn’t have married him. So I want BETA on screen, but in reality? After reading your post on the sexual experience differential in JHMS I saw that deleted scene in such a different way! Great scene. Great movie.


    • Aha, the original post this is based on is about how what we want in our fantasy isn’t necessarily related to what we want in real life. Sometimes what you want is actually something totally other than your real life, that’s why it’s a fantasy.

      On Sat, Mar 14, 2020 at 9:48 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



  3. I’m too lazy to really keep tab, but it’s mostly boring D, anyways. And yes, that is after inserting “a woman” and “she” into the questions. I’m not sure these types really make sense when it comes to women.


    • yeah, I’m not sure if they do either. It’s about breaking down the patriarchy, so it might really have to be male.

      On Sun, Mar 15, 2020 at 8:09 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



  4. 1,4, 1/3, 1, 3, 2, 1/3, 2
    I was torn on some of them, so I think my results are between an Alpha & a Beta which makes sense irl I feel.


    • Makes total sense! The ideal man swings between the two depending on the needs of the moment.

      On Sat, Apr 4, 2020 at 2:54 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:



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