TGIF: What Hindi Film Actors Match What Thanksgiving Dishes? (WARNING: Needless Ranbir Insult Included)

Happy day after Thanksgiving! This is just the best holiday, isn’t it? The day after I mean. No work, tons of food, and everyone is just sort of sleepy and well-fed and happy. At some point I’m gonna have the energy to leave my parents’ and go back to my place and set up my Christmas tree, but not yet.

Thanksgiving meal! Very traditional and stable and always the same. And I feel like we can easily match each of the traditional dishes with a Hindi film star.

Turkey = Amitabh. Obviously. The big bird that everything else revolves around. Some people actually like the taste, others just tolerate it, but you can’t avoid it.

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Stuffing = Most actresses. Just there to support the Turkey, never get credit for being worthwhile on their own. But in recent years, some radical groups have started separating them fully from the turkey and letting them shine on their own.

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Mashed potatoes = Salman Khan. All starch, no value. But a guilty pleasure you can’t help but enjoy when you are in the right mood. Although also a bit too filling and easy to tire of. Goes well with actress stuffing.

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Gravy = Shahrukh Khan. The best part of the meal. Makes everything else taste better, goes with almost everything, the one element that you may see show up on non-Thanksgiving occasions. The crossover star.

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Sad Green Salad = Aamir Khan. No one really loves it, but you feel better about yourself for having it on the table.

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Cranberries = Dancing Stars (Hrithik/Vyjantimala/Shahid Kapoor/etc.) They go through phases, in the beginning they were a made from scratch classical treat. And then they were this bland canned version. Thank goodness there is some fun experimentation now with relish and savory and hip-hop versions.

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Sweet Potatoes = Lata Mangashkar. For some people, an essential ingredient. For others, an obligation. And for a few (like my family) just totally uninteresting and not part of the requirements for the meal at all.

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Green Bean Casserole = Ranbir Kapoor. Packaged, promoted, sponsored and commercial and shoved down our throats. But does anyone really like it? Would anyone miss it if it were gone?

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Pumpkin Pie = Sridevi. Spicy, sweet, filling, could be a meal all on her own.

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Sweet Potato Pie = Southern Sridevi. Some people say it’s better than the Pumpkin version, similar and yet distinctly something else.

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Apple Pie = Madhuri. The debate between pumpkin and apple rages, but it is clear that Apple is less filling, less nutritious, more of a dessert to go with a meal.

Madhuri Dixit

Whipped Cream = Curvy Women. The best part of pumpkin pie and pretty darn good with apple too. Not required for the main course, but makes dessert pop extra special.

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Sparkling Grape Juice = Comic Relief. The kids love it, the adults have a sneaking nostalgia for it, but we all know it’s childish and bad for us.

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Wine = Sex Scenes. Very adult, very not appropriate for children, and not present at many Thanksgiving meals. But appreciated by a few folks.

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Okay, that’s all I’ve got! What do you think? Should Shahrukh be the turkey? Am I too mean to Ranbir and/or Green Bean Casserole?

20 thoughts on “TGIF: What Hindi Film Actors Match What Thanksgiving Dishes? (WARNING: Needless Ranbir Insult Included)

  1. I was half expecting you would say Meena Kumari for wine.It didn’t turn out that dark.
    Why would you needlessly insult green beans by comparing them to Ranbir!I love green beans,they are certainly not as insipid as Ranbir(meh).You are stirring controversy on your stripped down DCIB,Margaret!

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  2. As soon as I read that Salman was mashed potatoes I knew SRK was gravy. And he is GRAVY! Makes every movie better and totally worth the 40 minutes I spent on it last night. Now as for wine, I have yet to see a Hindi sex scene I don’t want my children to see. There have been rape scenes that were a no go, but willing sex scenes, no prob. I’ve heard about some cultures allowing kids watered down wine, but I don’t go there. And Amitabh is totally tolerable when smothered in salt water for 10+ hours, butterflied and then grilled.

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    • Yes, watered down wine is the perfect description for the Hindi sex scenes. And the rape scenes, that would be hard liquor, has it’s place but absolutely not acceptable for children.

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  3. We were just discussing yesterday how no one like green bean casserole and now that we are adults, we don’t need to make it anymore. I love the excellent comparison to Ranbir! And Amitabh is totally the turkey. The more he marinates (ages) and the saltier he is, the yummier it gets!

    Liked by 2 people

      • Agreed. This time we made two different kinds of turkey because we just bought pieces (drumsticks and thighs for the normal humans and and a small split breast for my boring white meat eating husband) and made some with truffled mushroom pate (holy yumm) and some with the traditional fresher herbed butter. But both were well brined. Also I had a revelation this year. I always love the taste of stuffing inside of a bird, but I am also terrified of salmonella because it may be undercooked. But if you buy pieces, you can lay them on top of stuffing and everything is perfectly cooked and the stuffing is so incredibly flavorful!

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  4. I love this. I have not quibble with any of them!! I’m not a Govinda fan and I LOVE cranberry sauce (homemade) so maybe Ranveer who adds oomph can be cranberry sauce,,,

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    • Because he is hateful!!!!

      It’s a combo of things. First, I just find him untalented and bland in most of his performances. He doesn’t have a huge range, he always plays a variety of “tormented little boy”, and he needs a very strong director to bring out a good performance. Second, as a professional actor/star, I find him lazy. He barely works, takes massive breaks, delays filming of literally ALL his movies because he takes so many breaks or needs so many reshoots, and still complains about doing basic promotional work like interviews and public appearances. Third, biggest of all, I hate that he has bought into his own hype in the most narcissistic self-serving way possible. He accepts it when people tell him he is the greatest actor of his generation instead of turning the conversation to others who deserve appreciation. Every story about his personal life, his PR is structured to make it easy for him to survive and not anyone else involved (every break up, Ranbir has no comment which is easy for him, but means his poor ex-girlfriends are left out there trying to control the story alone).

      If he was a limited talent who kept his head down and worked hard, that’s fine. But having no real work ethic or talent to back it up, and yet still unquestioningly accepting all the praise and gifts he is given, that is what really burns me.

      On Sun, Nov 29, 2020 at 6:32 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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      Liked by 2 people

      • Yes he is a narcissist. I m glad there is someone apart from me who discovered what is so off about him. Its that narcissism, explain all multiple relationships with cheating his partners without any remorse and then acting as if nothing happened. That’s pathetic and narcissism is a personality disorder. Very true. But I just think discrediting a movie just cz of his presence is rude to the director. I m a director loving person, so what I do is to give the character a chance just for the director sake. And I really feel it’s too gracious of his ex gfs to not call out his pathetic behaviour very prominently in public, but he is definitely worst to be with. I hope alia does not get her heart break .

        Liked by 1 person

        • At this point, I tend to discount the director just for casting Ranbir. Unless you want him for a very particular sort of role, he just is a drag on the film. For instance, in general I really like Imtiaz Ali. But his two films with Ranbir I found unbearable, largely because the focus of the film shifted to being all about Ranbir’s character instead of the full story. Since they are so different from Imtiaz’s other films, I have to think it is something about Ranbir that makes that happen, that forces the films to be focused on him. So I blame the director too, either don’t cast Ranbir, or keep control of him a lot better.

          On Mon, Nov 30, 2020 at 9:51 AM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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          Liked by 1 person

          • Your first line had me. I can’t trust any director that values Ranbir that much. I remember there was a promo released of ADHM with a song playing in the background and Ranbir is just staring at the screen for like an eternity. It was just a close-up of his huge face staring at the screen for 20 seconds. This was supposed to be a master class in acting. But there is NOTHING happening!! Nothing at all. It’s just a blank face looking blank.
            It’s like the “woke” Indian audience has suddenly decided a few years ago that underplaying everything and not showing any emotion is what great acting is. And that’s it. That’s the only style of acting they think is legitimate now because it apes more of what they think Hollywood does. These people now lecture everybody about what good acting and good films are. They think Rockstar is the epitome of deep filmmaking.

            Liked by 1 person

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