As I explained in part 1, I’ve been in kind of a Sunny mood!  Not like I am feeling particularly happy (the opposite in fact, winter sucks and work sucks and Christmas is over), but in a mood to watch Sunny Deol movies.  So, I started with The Hero: Love Story of a Spy and then I walked back to Jeet, and then all the way to Manzil Manzil.

In case you are also in a Sunny mood, but not feeling Sunny enough to actually watch a film, here is a complete synopsis of the whole second half of The Hero: Love Story of a Spy.

(first half here)

Pre-interval, there was a big explosion at Sunny and Preity’s engagement party.  And they got separated, because this whole thing is just a Shakuntala tribute! (Read it!  You’ll like it!)

So yeah, he thinks she’s dead, because they couldn’t find her in the water, and they did find one of her bangles among the bodies.  But he is determined to find and track down Amrish Puri for her sake!  This is the boring post-interval part of the film, so I was kind of zoning out again.  But I did notice two things.  First, he decided to fake his own death so it would be easier to go undercover.  Which he did by lying (laying?) perfectly still while a fire was built around him, like he was a body, and then when the fire was lit, he dropped through a trap door beneath the fire and into a tunnel which took him directly to a briefing room.  There are so many other ways they could have done that!  Without building a whole secret tunnel and briefing room!  Also, his humorous Aid from the army is now part of his spy ring.  Wasn’t he just like a random soldier?  And kind of incompetent?  Can just anyone get promoted to the secret Indian spy service if they make friends with Sunny Deol?

But the whole point of this is, we’re going back to Canada!  Because something-something, they think Amrish Puri is there.

Meanwhile, Preity’s alive!  No duh, she’s the heroine.  Apparently, a hot Pakistani guy found her floating among rubble in the river and took her home.  Like you do.  Oh, but she is crippled!  But her hair is still fabulous, so it doesn’t really matter.  And, she is also going to Canada!  Because there is a cousin or something there who is a doctor that can help cure her.

(Fabulous!  And yes, that is Priyanka, we’ll get to her in a bit)

We’re all in Canada!  And what do you do when you are in an Indian movie and filming overseas?  That’s right, go to a Mall!  The center of Western culture!  Sunny is on an upper level of a mall in a terrible and strange disguise following Bad Guys with his little crew, and his scarf (did I tell you Preity made him a love token scarf?  It just looks like a red scarf some crew guy picked up at Gap and sewed a felt “R” onto) falls down to the bottom level!  Before he can run down and get it, the Bad Guys start to leave and he has to follow.  Really, Sunny, this is probably for the best.  Even if you have tons and tons of terrible and unattractive disguises, eventually they are going to notice that there is some guy with a red “R” scarf behind them at all times.  Oh, and of course, Preity and hot Pakistani wheel onto the bottom level just in time to find the scarf, so she knows he’s alive!!!

And then there is a boring action scene.  They have to break into a pharmacuatical company, so they rip off Mission Impossible: The First One.  Only when Tom Cruise climbs up a building and hangs from the ceiling, it is tiny little Tom Cruise and seems perfectly possible.  But when old-fashioned strong man type Sunny Deol does it, you can practically feel the ceiling buckle under his weight.  Although it does work out well later when he has to fight a security guard that I am pretty sure is played by The Great Khali.

(The Great Khali.  He’s the tall one)

Sunny takes the evidence to the Canadians (represented by a French speaking blonde woman, a Hindi speaking Sikh, and a random white guy who is cowardly) and is told that he didn’t follow their laws, so they can’t do anything about the clear evidence that a nuclear bomb is being built in an office building in downtown Toronto.  Stupid warrant laws!

But not to worry, he has another way!  And, it’s Priyanka!  In her first movie!  She looks so so different.  As you can see, in the above picture. But she’s fine in the role, she is playing Preity’s doctor/hot Pakistani guy’s cousin.  She explains to the audience both that Preity is rapidly improving now that she thinks her true love might still be alive, and that hot Pakistani is obviously in love with Preity (of course he’s in love with her!  She’s perky!).  And then an orderly comes in with a message for her, and she abandons Preity and rushes off to meet her new beau that she was just gushing to hot Pakistani about.  And….it’s Sunny!  Of course!  Did you really ever think it would be anyone else?  They meet in a depressingly realistic hospital cafeteria, where she talks about how it’s like she’s always known him, and she can’t stop thinking about him (really?  Sunny?) and so on.  And he proposes.  Dude!  In the hospital cafeteria?  Well, maybe it was in the hospital office or elevator or something, I don’t remember exactly, but it was definitely still in the hospital, which is a big downer.

She rushes off to tell her Dad, who of course is the owner of the nuclear bomb/pharmaceutical company.  Which explains why Sunny is romancing her.  Oh, and Sunny is apparently pretending to be a nuclear scientist, which her Dad is super excited about.  That makes sense, so Sunny has a cover that will give them a reason to invite him to be part of their little bomb crew thing.

Dad wants to meet, they agree on brunch, and here we are!  At Canada’s only Indian family restaurant which also features a massive dance show while you eat and is in a two story all glass building!  Terrible dancers, by the way.  Dancing with all the natural grace of a Canadian (I kid because I love).  And my favorite part is, during the dialogue parts, they keep dancing in the background, but there is no music on the soundtrack, just dialogue.  No, that’s my second favorite part.  My real favorite part is when you see Amrish Puri talking and then slowly the top of a champagne bottle slides across the screen and out again, followed by whiskey, rum, and vodka.  And you realize there is a toy train with liquor in it going around the edge of the table.  Which also means in order to reach the food platters on the center of the table, you have to risk being run over by a toy locomotive.

So, they are in this super weird restaurant, and Amrish Puri is spouting all this stuff about how Islam is the religion of peace, if only we could be left only to be peaceful, and Sunny is agreeing, when Amrish Puri gets a note!  In the Alcohol Train!  Okay, that’s why they did that.  So you could pass secret notes around the table.  Next Christmas, we may have to dig out Grandpa’s old train set and give this a try.

And, song!  It’s kind of cool actually.  Well, cool for Canada.  The terrible white back-up dancers do super simple steps, so even they (and Sunny, world’s most plodding dancer) can follow it.  And as they sing this fairly complicated Urdu poetry, Sunny and his Aid (who is in disguise as a waiter) flit through the party leaving little notes for Amrish Puri implying they know his evil plan.  Do they want him to know the Indian secret spy agency is after him?  Then what is the point of being a secret spy agency?  Oh, okay, it’s actually that they want him to know that Sunny’s cover person wants to work with him.

(If you look close, the Alcohol Train is visible in a few shots)

We find this out when Amrish Puri and assorted back-up guys, in full three peice suits and overcoats, walk into Sunny’s gym, where is is working out in a hoodie.  Okay, does Sunny have body issues?  Because Gadar: Ek Prem Katha was just a few years before this and he looked fine in that.  No, he looked gooooood.  If you are in the mood for the sort of earthy manly big muscles and hair on his chest type, instead of the current 0% body fat six pack type.  But in this, no shirtlessness!  Not even when Preity rescues him from an avalanche and has to keep him warm all night!  Or when working out in a gym!  What is even the point of a gym scene if we all keep our shirts on?  Is it just for the funny visual of Amrish Puri et al walking in wearing suits?  Because if so, okay, it is pretty funny.  But it would be funnier if it was contrasted with Sunny in a sleeveless undershirt.

The point of all this is, they really want Sunny, and Sunny makes a big show of reluctantly agreeing to gift them his vast nuclear knowledge as a nuclear scientist (is this a job it is really that easy to fake?  How dumb is Amrish Puri?  Or how smart is Sunny?).  But, as part of the deal, they also want him to marry Priyanka.  Dilemma!

Sunny talks it over with his superior on the phone in India, who points out he knows Sunny is still heartbroken over Preity, but maybe it is time to get over her.  I don’t know what your jobs are like, but I have never discussed my dead fiance and broken heart with my boss.  I mean, I don’t have one, but if I did, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t be talking about it with him.  Oh, also, the underlying thesis of this conversation is that, cover or no cover, a marriage is forever and once he marries Priyanka, obviously they will be together forever and ever.  Sure, he is secretly a Hindu Indian spy with a different name who is just trying to get close to her terrorist father, but all marriages have their challenges!

And, wedding!  Preity is there, singing and dancing around, and wearing an outfit that would be gorgeous if it had different pants.  They are this big blousy things, that would be so much prettier if they were just a skirt instead.  Or else under a longer top.  Basically, the problem is that it is a super ungraceful waist line, just figure out a way to cover that up.

The wedding is at this huge hotel, by the way.  It looks very Canadian.  That is, sort of bland and new construction and middle of nowhere with snow everywhere.  Sunny arrives, and hears Preity singing.  And I am actually not sure if he recognizes her at this point or not!  She is singing the song from their engagement party, but maybe he is just remembering the party and doesn’t recognize her voice?  He looks down at his engagement ring from her (has he been wearing that this whole time?  And Priyanka never noticed?), so maybe it is just that and he still doesn’t know it is really really her/

But if it isn’t then, I don’t know when it would be!  Because neither of them really has an “OH MY GOD! S/HE’S ALIVE!!!!” moment.  He comes in, sits down on the other side of the curtain dividing the bland hotel function room, she stays dancing and singing on the bride’s side.  In theory, he could have recognized her voice and bits of her face he can see through her scarf and the room curtain, and she could have recognized his face through the jasmine veil (why do grooms wear that, anyway?  Just to smell nice and look pretty?), but it’s not clear.

What is clear is the super cool moment when they both “know ALL!”  She had apparently at some point figured out it is him and is feeling super depressed about that and starts spinning out of control.  Literally, she is dancing and the scarf falls over her face and she spins wildly and falls through the curtain into the men’s half and lands on the floor.  And Sunny leaps up and rushes forward and lifts her veil, and for a moment they are face to face under it and they both just KNOW!  I wouldn’t have thought you could convey through eyes alone “I am still in love with you but as part of my duty to my country I have to marry someone else so we can never be together because a marriage is forever even if it is just part of a cover story” and “I understand and forgive you and also your bride is my best friend so I give you both my blessing and even though she thinks she is marrying for love and actually it is all part of an elaborate anti-terrorism plot I am sure it will work out”.  But they do!  Preity and Sunny are much more subtle actors than I give them credit for.

Post-this, Preity gives Priyanka her magically pre-explosion Sunny bangle gift and then goes home, all depressed.  But at least she is a much cuter outfit, traditional Salwar Kameez with a bright yellow top and a tidy little white head scarf.  Hot Pakistani thinks she is cute too and keeps making dreamy eyes at her in the background, but she is having none of it!  Her heart is broken!

(see, like this.  And see, how hot!  Well, it’s not that clear in this still, but trust me)

Meanwhile, Sunny is having a secret meeting in a huge atrium with all the terrorists on his wedding night (so, no sex?).  Everyone congratulates Priyanka’s Dad on what a wonderful son-in-law he has, who would help them build a nuclear bomb even on his wedding night!  I feel like there is a bomb-bomb explosion-explosion pun in there somewhere, but I can’t quite find it.

Sunny explains his brilliant plan, that he, a nuclear scientist, has secret nuclear science gel things hidden in the mountains and he will help everyone break in and steal them, but they have to fly there. Airport time!  Also, honeymoon!  Woot-woot!  Sunny’s going to give both Amrish and Priyanka some nuclear powered gel! (okay, I found the joke, but it may not have been worth looking for).

Also at the airport, Preity!  And Hot Pakistani, who is in the middle of proposing (yes!  Do it Preity!  He’s so Hot and age appropriate!), when two guys come up and pull him aside for security check!  Racial profiling!  Airports of Canada, I expected more from you!

Oh, actually it was just a trick to get Preity alone so that Sunny could talk to her.  They have an “I’ll always love you, but country comes first” conversation.  Which is overheard by new bride Priyanka!  NO!!!!  Worst.  Honeymoon. Ever.  And then she wants to confront her Dad about his potential terrorist tendencies and Sunny has his back-up guys grab her and take her away.  Okay, now it is the worst honeymoon ever.

And in the middle of this, one of the terrorist henchgoons has a big fight with one of Sunny’s other back-up guys.  Who I guess is Muslim?  I learn this for the first time when he is in the middle of the fight and starts reciting all this stuff about how real Muslims aren’t terrorists.  Which is of course super jingoistic and anti-Pakistan, but also super nice and pro-Indian Muslims, so I am sort of fine with it.  And he kills the bad guy, which is also always nice.

And now we are in Switzerland.  Except we are supposed to be still in Canada.  In that big fancy castle on the top of a mountain just outside Toronto.  You know the one, with the secret nuclear stores?  Sunny gets the secret stores to his guys (they are clear glass canisters with green goop in them, just like nuclear stores always are), but they have figured out who he really is!  They throw him off the top of the mountain!  He bounces and rolls and slides on his bottom!  His hat stays on the whole time!  And…..he’s Fine!!!

Meanwhile, bad guys are escaping on a train, being chased by a helicopter.  So many things to love about this sequence!  First, to make it look like we are in Canada, they stuck a Canadian flag sticker on the side of the train.  But it doesn’t fully cover up the sign underneath, so it ends up saying “[Maple Leaf Flag]bahn”.  You know, all those German speaking train companies in Canada?  Also, in the helicopter, is a Sikh mountie in a turban, and another mountie wearing a full outfit including the hat.  And the guy in the hat is aiming a rifle!  Why would you still be wearing your hat, in a helicopter, while aiming a gun?!?!?  I assume he is also still wearing his riding boots, but we can’t see them.

But my absolute favorite part of this is, the terrorists have taken all the train passengers captive, and instead of terrible Canadian actors, we have Swiss actors who commit.  There’s this one old lady who I think is my favorite character in the whole film.  She’s feisty!  She should probably hang out with the old terrorist Grandma lady in Pakistan.

Train-train, helicopter-helicopter, hostages-hostages, SNOW MOBILE!!!  Sunny has somehow managed to find a snowmobile and ride it down towards the train!  And then he presses a button and is shot by an ejector seat off the snow mobile, directly at the train front window, which he destroys with a machine gun before he hits it, which also kills the train engineer.  Were we sure he was a bad guy?  How did Sunny know he wasn’t shooting a hostage?  No matter!

Now we are on the train, shoot shoot shoot, hostages flee flee flee!  Feisty old lady rips the doors open with her bare hands (no, really)!  And, Priyanka!  Wait, when did she get here?  Oh well, doesn’t matter, she’s here now.  And she’s arguing with her father about how wrong all of this is.  Her father doesn’t want to hear her, but when Amrish Puri takes a wild shot and hits her, suddenly he is all ears!  Priyanka gets to have a nice death scene reaching out for her new husband and calling for him (by a fake name) as she dies.  Nice touch, her hand has blood on one side and fresh henna on the other (I didn’t say it was a subtle touch, just nice).  Oh, and her last words are “[Sunny] whatever you do, it is correct.”  The perfect wife!

Sunny’s there now, stops the train, Priyanka’s Dad agrees to testify, noble good Indian Muslim dies heroically (as is the wont of noble good Indian Muslims on film), and Sunny gets a medal!  Oh, but he has to be in the hospital for 2 years first.  Because he got nuclear gook on him.  Not to worry, they gave him the “antidote”, but he was still weak.  Pretty sure that’s how snake poisoning works, not radiation, but so long as he is all right now, who cares!

And we’re back!  During the time Sunny has been telling this story, they have driven from the medal ceremony to the airport, taken a flight to India, landed, transferred to another local flight to Srinagar, landed, gotten in another car, and driven all the way to Preity’s remote Kashmiri village.  So I guess he did give the long long version!  I hope he explained how all the back-up dancer costume changes in the alcohol train restaurant worked.

Apparently, there is no way to reach people in Kashmir, even if you are an all powerful Indian super spy, so Sunny is a bit nervous to find out if Preity is still there.  I am nervous to find out if the lamb survived!  Is she a grown up sheep now?  Does she have children of her own?  Did she come running to greet Preity when she returned, like the end of Homeward Bound or the Illiad?

Sunny stops the car and is greeted by humorous Aid!  What has he been doing the past two years?  Once Sunny was out of commision, did he get bumped back to regular army?  Did he take over Sunny’s super spy job?  But he’s so short!  Not like it would disqualify him on grounds of ability, just that it would seem to be a handicap when being a master of disguise.  Of course, Sunny’s enormous, and he never had any problems.

Anyway, Aid guy sadly breaks the news that Preity married Hot Pakistani over a year ago and is gone.  Sunny is downcast.  For like a second.  And then, bang bang bang bang, it’s Preity!  Banging the pot lid thing to disperse the sheep just like she did when he first saw her!  It was all a joke!  Of course she waited for him!  And went back to her previous profession of “innocent shepherdess” despite having traveled the world and received army training!  And then Sunny picks her up with one arm and swings her around.  Okay, that’s cute.

And, FREEZE FRAME.  And, horrible earworm song starts up again!  And,

The End

(Earworm song.  Resist the urge to play it!  RESIST!)