Silly Sunday FanFic in Search of an Ending: Cheeky Shahrukh Age Gap Romance, Fun Ranveer Mistaken Identity Romance, Help Me Solve This!

I mostly have these worked out. No clever dialogue details or stuff this time around, but the broad strokes are there. Except the end! I have such cute plot ideas based on cute American movies, but I don’t know how to end them. I’ve caught the Karan Johar bad ending disease. Help! I’m tempted to just give all the heroine’s cancer or bring in Salman to give a looooong speech and call it a day.

Comedy for Shahrukh and a Sassy Older Female Comedienne

Original Plot:

June Allyson is a concert pianist who is trying and trying to get Van Johnson, the biggest agent in New York, to see her. She overhears at his office that he is judging a children’s talent contest that night, dresses up like a little girl so she can get in and plays amazing. He is eager to sign her, shows up at her apartment the next day. She pretends to be her own older sister and tries to suggest that he just sign up her since she is just as good and a grown woman. But he refuses all her arguments, says he wants the cute little girl to do shows, not a grown woman. So she signs the contact as her own guardian. And Van Johnson now hates her, the “real” June Allyson, thinks she is a terrible unfit guardian. He takes the child June Allyson off to his country estate and protects her, sees her as a young sweet innocent. Meanwhile, she is beginning to get a very inappropriate crush on him.

I am SO EXCITED about remaking this as a cheeky nod to the age gap between heroes and heroines, and the way Karan Johar likes to cast unknown very young women he can mentor.

Indian version:

A smart talented experienced older actress (played by someone like Swara or Taapsee) is trying to get an audition at Dharma. She keeps being turned down and finally comes up with a wild idea and applies through an open audition at a mall, wearing too much make-up and too small clothes so she looks like a teenager trying to seem old. She passes the first round because her “look” is right, and in the second round her brilliant performance of the dialogue immediately gets her noticed. Karan meets her personally and promises he will mold her, and guide her, and turn her into an actress and a star. Swara bats her eyelashes and pretends to be girlishly excited.

Her live-in boyfriend Randeep Hooda, a rebellious artistic writer, is waiting when she gets home and thinks she is crazy. But she explains that she has a plan, she will do the film, and then reveal her real age and background, but by then she will have gotten her foot in the door. Randeep jumps off on this idea, declares it is a brilliant social statement about female value and age and so on, he will write it and make sure everyone reads it. Swara is less enthusiastic, but happy that he is happy and ready to calm down.

Image result for randeep hooda
I have to confess, I mostly cast Randeep because his character gets punched in the face multiple times

Meanwhile, Karan is trying to sell Shahrukh on Swara as his next heroine. Shahrukh is angry and disgusted, he is too old to act opposite some teenager, why can’t they cast one of his older heroines? Karan points out that they are all too famous now, won’t be willing to take a role where he might overshadow them. That’s why they need to discover someone fresh. Shahrukh asks why it can’t be someone old and fresh, there must be people from TV or the stage, someone besides these little teenage girls! Karan tells him to trust him, this girl has real talent, she will make the audience believe she is older. And she doesn’t have any bad habits to be trained out of. Shahrukh agrees that she is talented, but warns Karan that if he doesn’t think he can work with her, he’s going to force an actress change after the first schedule.

Karan turns around and tells this to Swara, sweet teenage Swara, and warns her that she has to be sure to make nice with Shahrukh and get him to like her. Swara tries, with all of her fake childish sweetness (although it is hard because she keeps being overcome with being super attracted to Shahrukh), but Shahrukh barely reacts to her. He is polite, but not interested. Finally he notices her when she gets sick of following Karan’s direction for a scene and does her own interpretation, a brilliant original concept for the character. Shahrukh is intrigued by her process, starts asking her questions, getting her interpretation of the script and their characters. He starts defending her to Karan, making sure she can do her own version of scenes and have input into her character instead of just being a puppet. Happy Working Song, and INTERVAL

Image result for swara shahrukh

And then one night Swara comes home to find Randeep wanting to celebrate, he just sold his novel. She doesn’t have to work the next day, so they go out and get drunk and have a wonderful time. But the next morning there is a last minute need for filming, Karan calls and she doesn’t answer, Shahrukh calls and she doesn’t answer, Shahrukh is sincerely worried about her (especially because he’s been driving her back home at the end of the day and noticed her sister/guardian never seems to be around and her sister’s boyfriend Randeep is around too much). Shahrukh drives to her apartment and sees her and Randeep stumbling out, disheveled. He is disgusted and furious, punches Randeep. Swara tries to get in between them, Shahrukh threatens Randeep, the only way he is willing to leave is when Swara agrees to go with him right now.

Shahrukh stews for a while as he drives off and then tries to talk to Swara gently, to explain that she is very talented and beautiful, but she isn’t really grown up yet, and it wasn’t right for her sister’s boyfriend to give her alcohol and kiss her and….whatever else he did. Shahrukh is going to have to talk to Karan about this, he doesn’t want her acting if it leads to such unwholesome things. Maybe she could go back to school? He would be willing to pay for her to go to a good school and then, after she graduated, he would make sure she got another chance in film. No need to grow up so fast. Swara is touched, but also determined. She loves this role, and this movie, and is not going to give it up. When she and Shahrukh go in to see Karan, she is ready. She bursts in to tears, declares that she loves this movie and will do anything Karan says. Shahrukh doesn’t trust her, is beginning to see through the innocent act, and tells Karan that he will only agree to keep working with her if they go on location, keep her away from bad influences.

At the hotel, things start to get romantical. When Shahrukh sees Swara without her make-up and youthful clothes, just lounging around, he finds himself more and more intrigued with her. Tells her she is beautiful, just as she is. Says things like “If I were 20 years younger….” And meanwhile Swara finds herself offering to massage his forehead and putting a blanket over him when he falls asleep sitting on a chair and generally softening. After the final schedule, Karan sends them on the road for promotions.

Image result for shahrukh anushka interview
We know how charming he is in interviews, imagine if that was part of a romance plot!

They spend all their time together and Swara stops returning Randeep’s phone calls. They go on talks hows and personal appearances and their chemistry charms the nation. By the end of the tour, Karan is encouraging Shahrukh to propose. Shahrukh is shocked! The age difference! Better he adopt her than marry her. But Karan tells him it doesn’t matter, Shahrukh has been a bitter miserable bachelor as long as Karan has known him, and finally he has found a woman he enjoys talking to, a woman who doesn’t bore him after a week. Forget age, forget everything else, make the leap.

Shahrukh is still thinking about it when they return to town, hasn’t decided what to do. Meanwhile Swara snuck off to meet Randeep. She is planning to break up with him, but he is all excited about his article. The film is premiering in a day, he has written a searing expose of tired old superstars trying to prop themselves up with young things, of producers who are so blind they can’t see talent unless it is in a pretty package, and so on and so forth. Swara tries to convince him not to publish, she isn’t sure she wants that, only to be interrupted by Shahrukh. He thinks Swara is her own older sister, and he is angry with her. She brought her sleazy boyfriend Randeep into the house, she has no control over her sister, and no care for her, didn’t even visit or call when she was filming. So Shahrukh has a bargain for her. He will pay her off, whatever she wants, and she will keep her distance. Swara has a great future and he won’t let her sister mess it up. Swara pretends to be bitter and mean and holding out for more, and ends up pushing Shahrukh to admit that he loves Swara, young Swara. He will never do anything about it, but he loves her and would do anything for her. Swara is overcome and doesn’t know how to respond.

Okay, now I’m stuck, how do I end this? HELP!!!!

Cute Rom-Com for Rajkumar and Patralekha

Original Plot:

Our hero is a wealthy gentleman who is in love with the daughter of an even wealthier man. Her father doesn’t like him which just spurs him on more and more. All the servants of the household are told to turn him away, but the scullery maid Katerina is stuck in the kitchen and doesn’t get the message. Our hero starts planning to just go on one date with her and then drop her home and sneak into the house. But the next day she is sent to his house to deliver a note and sees him again, there is more confusion, he tries to clear things up and do the right thing by sending her a letter explaining and apologizing, she can’t read and assumes it is a love letter, she waits and waits for their date and he feels guilty and goes to explain, but her pure sweetness keeps drawing him in and he ends up somehow in love with her and not the rich girl any more.

Drama! Confusion! Romance! Comedy! And best of all, Class Issues!!!!! It’s everything I could ever want from a rom-com.

Pretty easy to translate to modern day too. I would make our hero Rajkummar a rising young bureaucrat with a good posting in a smallish town (think like Ajay Devgan in Raid). The day he arrives, he falls in love with the beautiful American-returned daughter of the richest man in town. The rich man is self-made guy who resents our hero’s casual third-generation-government-officer status, and wants his daughter to marry an NRI. Our hero manages to romance the daughter, they spark and joke and flirt together, but then her father pulls her off to the family farmhouse outside of town and forbids her from leaving. Our hero goes to visit, is not allowed to see her, and the whole household is called in to see him so they can recognize him and know he is not to be let inside. Only there is some cross talk about the kitchen maid, Patralekha, who is not allowed in the family rooms. So our hero learns her name and knows she is the only one who wouldn’t recognize him.

The next day he leaves work early and borrows a uniform from his driver, then goes to talk to Patralekha and make a date with her. It is a comic scene, she is skinny and old-fashioned and odd looking with a rural accent, keeps misunderstanding what he is saying, the comedy comes from how miss-matched they are. The hero’s assistant at work is funny too, thinks he is crazy for doing this and tells him he can’t possibly fit in at the kind of working class fair she wants to go to. The hero is casual about it, but the audience is set up for comedy as well.

Image result for sari patralekha
Perfect costumes! He is the cool guy trying to look traditional, she is the actual traditional look

At the fair, there are more misunderstandings between them, and then she draws him in to a big dance number. He is clumsy, while she is graceful, and the power dynamic is flipped around all of a sudden. When it is over, she is very kind to him, telling him he danced well and offering to let him come into the kitchen so she can put balm on the foot he hurt. When she goes off to get the balm, he sneaks into the rest of the house and quickly speaks to the daughter, then rushes back to the maid and is in a hurry to get away, so kisses her cheek without thinking about it. The maid, of course, takes this cheek kiss as a sign of true love. INTERVAL

The next day the maid is sent to deliver him a note by her mistress. She sees him in his shirtsleeves and thinks he is the driver, and warns him not to be so casual in his employees house. He tries to explain, but it doesn’t work, and somehow he ends up giving her a ride on the rest of her errands. He learns about her life, that she is from a farm family, she is working to raise money for her younger sisters’ weddings. She doesn’t expect to ever get married, she is too old and skinny. And he tells a version of his life, that his family always lived in “cities” and he had a good education which helps him get the good driver jobs. She encourages him that he should dream big, start his own transport company or something, instead of just being a driver.

Image result for rajkumar patralekha

He meets up with the rich girl, as arranged in the note, but it’s not the same. He finds himself asking about Patralekha and telling stories of her. Finally, the rich girl gets angry, and he pulls himself together and pays attention to her. She promises that she is going to win her father over, he just has to show up for a big party that night and they will announce their engagement. He goes home and writes Patralekha a letter, apologizing for everything and explaining.

Patralekha gets the letter, but can’t read it, assumes it is a love letter confirming their date for that night. She takes her savings and buys a car, for him, to start his transport company. And then drives over to his house to surprise him. She is waiting out front and the police are trying to move her along when he comes out to see what is happening. To get her out of the way, he agrees to go along with her, thinking he can explain in person. But by the time they get away, and she has explained that she spent all her savings on his car because she believes in him and is sure he will pay her back, he has started to realize he is in love. He also realizes she didn’t read the letter because she can’t really read, and tells her it doesn’t matter and he will teach her some day. But then her afternoon off is over and she has to rush back. He rushes back to his lodgings, all excited, telling his assistant and driver that he is in love. No, not with the rich girl, with a different better woman. He is going to marry her and she will love him and take care of him and it will all be wonderful. Once he tells her his real name.

And then something happens at the big engagement party, but that’s where I lose it again.

How do I end this?

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4 thoughts on “Silly Sunday FanFic in Search of an Ending: Cheeky Shahrukh Age Gap Romance, Fun Ranveer Mistaken Identity Romance, Help Me Solve This!

  1. Story # 1 Ending: In Randeep and Swara’s apartment, Shah Rukh gives old Swara a chunk of money and tells her that she and Randeep better be gone by that night or he will report Swara’s neglect of her sister to the authorities. Randeep protests and Shah Rukh punches his face to a pulp. When he leaves, Randeep recovers and grabs the cash. Just what we needed, he tells Swara. My article is going to make me a writing star, book signings, interviews, travel. I have to buy a car, new clothes, get a better apartment. He tosses Swara some bills and tells her to start packing and call a moving truck. They’re leaving tonight. Swara is alone and glum. Now she’s done it. Once Shah Rukh has discovered her treachery, he will despise her. She may become famous but what does that matter without the man she loves? (Big, moody, slow number here as she recalls falling in love with SRK.)

    Randeep shops like a madman, guy stuff, nothing for Swara, and ends up in a bar, showing off, buying drinks for the house. He gets drunk. (another dance number, raucous this time, with bar girls?) He insults one and gets beaten up by her boy friend, who takes off in the new car with all Randeep’s new things. (Close up of Randeep’s pulpy face.)

    Back at the apartment, Swara packs only her things and leaves the money and letter and for Randeep. It’s over between them. She’s going away and won’t come back. Her head covered, burdened with a suitcase and backpack, she steps into the street where SRK is waiting in his car. He wants to be sure old Swara and the boyfriend have gone and to collect young Swara. He’s decided to listen to Karan and marry her. He sees young Swara with her school backpack, the one she carried to make herself look like a school girl. SRK thinks her sister has thrown her out. He rushes to her, whirls her around; her veil falls and it’s old Swara, no make-up, teary-eyed, haggard with sadness. She confesses everything. “You love my sister. But I have no sister. It’s only me and you hate me.” He is shocked and speechless. She runs off into the night.

    Movie opening. The female lead is MIA. Karan frets and paces. Where is she? She’ll ruin everything. SRK is silent, brooding, jaw muscles working. The movie is a great success. At the opening party, Karan advises Shah Rukh to find Swara and teach her the ropes. There’s more to being a star than acting.

    SRK leaves the party and walks morosely thru the streets. He passes the quiet, darkened theater and sees his name and Swara’s on the marquis. He runs his hands along the posters of the two of them in an embrace. A sweeper (guard? porter?) appears.
    “Anything I can do for you, Mr. Khan?”
    “No. Sorry. Just leaving.”
    “Well, you can do something for me.”
    “Of course.” SRK reaches for his pen. “Do you have paper?”
    “I already have your autograph, Mr. Khan. My wife framed it and hung it above our bed. But perhaps you can speak to somebody inside who refuses to leave. I have to lock up.”

    Shah Rukh enters the orchestra and finds a lone woman crying in one of the aisle seats. He crouches beside her. She turns. Their faces light up with joy and they embrace.
    Lights suddenly blaze. Theme music blares. A big, romantic wedding scene plays on the screen as the credits roll.

    Ending # 2: Nope; too hard; can’t do it. How in Hell do you?

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    • Okay, I think you have solved story 1! I would just have a few tweaks to keep it light and cheerful. Shahrukh offers money to make them leave young Swara alone. Swara turns the money down, says she will never let him have “young” Swara, he will never see her again, old Swara has realized the error of her ways, she is going to take young Swara out of acting and send her to college in the town where their grandparents live. Old Swara spins a lovely story of a nice house and nice town and nice old couple and so on so Shahrukh will feel happy about it. He leaves, Randeep congratulates her on her lie, Swara points out that it isn’t a lie, that was her actual childhood and young adulthood, living with her grandparents in Shimla, before she joined the National School of Drama and left home. She is mad at Randeep because he doesn’t remember, and because he is generally being insensitive. She has a big fight with him, he accuses her of being a silly fangirl, won over by Shahrukh’s shallow charm. He starts insulting Shahrukh, and that is the last straw, she throws him out.

      Randeep publishes his story, but Swara has disappeared and isn’t around to confirm or deny it. Karan is in a panic, Shahrukh tells him the story Swara told him about the grandparents and all, Karan calms down and says that they are sticking with that, so long as Swara isn’t around they can claim her older sister was a liar and sent her sister out of town and then tried to steal her career. Who cares if Swara was young or old, this controversy could even be good for them, bring more buzz to the movie. Shahrukh tries to say that he cares more than that, but Karan is already moving to change the PR tactics.

      Shahrukh drinks and flexes his face muscles and all that cool tormented stuff. And finally he tracks down Randeep to ask if Randeep knows where Swara is. Randeep is bitter and drunk and angry, accuses Shahrukh of using cheap charm to turn her head and so on. He drunkenly takes a swing at Shahrukh, who easily fends him off. Then Randeep says something implying that Swara slept with Shahrukh for the role, and Shahrukh really punches him again.

      At the premier of the movie, Shahrukh is depressed and so on. He watches them in their love song and suddenly remembers her talking about her favorite place on earth being her grandparents’ house. Maybe they even filmed in Shimla at one point and she had to duck old friends who would reveal her age? Anyway, Shahrukh figures out that she might have gone back to her grandparents’ house. And this is when we cut to Swara. She is working as a drama teacher at a local high school and living in her grandparents’ house, humbly and quietly. She has changed her look again, no make-up at all, simple traditional clothes, glasses. She looks older than her true age now, instead of younger. She is rehearsing with her students, helping them with a love scene. She offers to show them how to do it. When there is a voice from the back of the room, Shahrukh! Saying “Can I help?” He gracefully leaps onscreen and takes her hands and says the lines with deep feeling. She is unable to answer, he smiles and says “is that how a move star would act? Can’t even remember your lines?” (the first words she said to him that made him notice her as more than just another actress). She smiles and starts to cry, Shahrukh orders all the kids to take a break. And then they have a sincere conversation, he explains that he is sad she lied to him but understands why, and is super happy that she is actually an adult and they can be together. And she says that it started out as a lie but their time together was real and she is in love too. But how can they possibly make this work?

      cut to, Koffee With Karan! Karan gives them a softball question about how they met, and congratulates them on their recent wedding. And then they tell a nice version where Shahrukh of course knew her true age all along, when they fell in love and decided to get married, they had to figure out how to handle the promotional story Karan had saddled them with. And then they decided to just not “handle” it at all, and they are here to say that yes, they lied during the promotions. But the truth is that they are in love.

      And I’m stumped with the second story too! I feel like there is something with the letter and the engagement party, but I’m not sure how to put it together.

      On Sun, May 26, 2019 at 1:40 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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  2. Ooh…you are so good at this! Great ideas and Randy still gets bashed.

    As to scenario #2, there IS something with the letter and the party…but the Arabs are out on the deck grilling, the Jamaicans are dancing on the grass, and the Italians are in the kitchen scouring the bottoms of my pots. Gotta run.

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    • Yes, and I like Randy getting beat up in a kind of Shirish Kunder way, like he isn’t even worth the full fists of SRK fury.

      On Sun, May 26, 2019 at 6:35 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:

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