Oh my, I don’t know if even I can answer this question! But the fun thing is, we don’t have to pick just one answer. We can all hate our own things for our own reasons. (the links in the titles will take you back to my reviews)
Saawariya
Old Joke: “Bhansali finally managed to make a boring ‘blue’ film”. Saawariya is weird and dull and blue. Like, the color of everything is blue. And Ranbir, despite a full backal nude moment, is not the best.
A very entertaining movie about a sociopath who seduces and destroys women and then gets everything he wants in life.
Ranbir as the most pained and tragic and unhappy person in the world, weep for him.
Besharam
Ranbir is a car thief who never baths. Rishi Kapoor has a lot of scenes while defecating on a toilet.
Bombay Velvet
Ranbir volunteers for street fights. Because of his PAIN. And he also stalks a young singer and later tries to kill her because he thinks she has been unfaithful. Because of his PAIN.
Tamasha
Ranbir has a psychotic break and his girlfriend follows along cleaning up after him. Because of his PAIN.
Ranbir is a 33 year old playing a teenage boy. It’s disturbing.
Ranbir replaces weird wigs and make-up for “acting”, and is surrounded by others who follow his lead.
Your challenge! Can you rank these, worst to least worst? Don’t worry, you don’t have to have actually watched them, you can still hate just based on posters and songs. I won’t judge.
Okay, my ranking. And let me tell you, this was HARD.
Sanju: Stupidity parading as depth
Jagga Jasoos: Disgusting and disturbing and yet also dull
Bombay Velvet: I literally felt like I was trapped in a nightmare while watching this film and kept trying to wake myself up
Tamasha: The way Dips’ character was sabotaged makes me hate this film
Besharam: At least its not pretentious?
Rockstar: Amazing soundtrack
Saawariya: Rani Mukherjee
Bachne Ae Haseeno: Actually entertaining, and has Kunal Kapoor
dontcallitbollywood 
I guess any of the ones that aren’t Sanju, because I watched Sanju with my own two eyes, and FINISHED IT and nothing on earth could ever make me watch one of those other ones. Besharam looks like my personal hell.
And yet, also Sanju,
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Besharam is….picture a Govinda movie. And then replace Govinda with Ranbir Kapoor.
I know what you mean, I managed to rank all of them, and yet in a larger sense, they are all tied for terrible in their own way.
On Tue, Sep 10, 2019 at 3:03 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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“picture a Govinda movie. And then replace Govinda with Ranbir Kapoor.”
Why would you do this to me :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
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And yet, a Govinda movie with Varun Dhawan kind of works!
On Tue, Sep 10, 2019 at 3:14 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Eh, I am not convinced. But at least it doesn’t give me the world’s saddest sad face. It even has Rishi in the Shaki Kapoor part :(((((((((((((((((((((
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I feel like Varun has probably been influenced by Govinda and Salman just from hanging around his father’s sets
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Have only seen Bombay Velvet, Tamasha, Besharam and Rockstar (Rockstar a few times) – I really didn’t like Bombay Velvet, not just because of Ranbir but as a whole.
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Yes, Nightmare Fuel!!!!!
On Tue, Sep 10, 2019 at 3:14 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I know this is crazy, but what bothers me the most is that Alia is dating him. She’s sooo good and he’s soooo not.
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Why do so many of his films, even the terrible ones, have great music? Like standout really top wonderful songs. Maybe people are confusing their love for the music with their love for Ranbir as a performer? Maybe it’s that song video effect I was wondering about a while ago where he gets a goodwill bump from being on constant playlist rotation because he’s been in movies with exceptional songs that get replayed all the time?
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I mean, I too am angered by the eternal manchild, but he does have a certain screen charisma and pretty good dance moves. Maybe the song video is his perfect medium. No extended exercises in empathy required.
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I’d say that except that Sushant Singh Rajput and Shahid Kapoor are even better in song videos (both started as back up dancers), AND they can act. So, why are we using Ranbir instead?
On Tue, Sep 10, 2019 at 11:33 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I think it’s the other way around. For whatever reason, Ranbir keeps getting hired for the really primo films everyone wants, and part of that is good music. And then it feeds into itself, the good music makes you think it is a good film which makes you think it is a good performance. Wake Up Sid was a really good movie, but I would say the songs had as much or more to do with that as Ranbir’s performance. Same with Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani. So, not that the song videos are helping his career, but the songs are helping the movie and the movie is helping his career.
Although, and this is a funny little thing, I have the impression that Ranbir, like his father, is thought of as a really good lipsyncher. Not dancer, but actually the fake singing part of the song. So maybe a director would be more likely to cast him in a movie like Ae Dil Hai Mushkil where he plays a singer.
On Tue, Sep 10, 2019 at 11:31 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Tamasha – It is a modern, picturesque, entertaining, and engaging film…. right up until Deepika finishes breaking off the engagement. Turn off your tv now, and you’ve got a nice little short-film. Ended here, it can be a cautionary tale to boys about how suppressing your artistic soul to live a conventional life to win the girl might actually lose you the girl since she sees right through the fakeness to the potential unrealized and the cowardice. Or maybe a cautionary tale to women that your exciting manic pixie dream boy is actually all smoke and mirrors, you are your own savior, girl! Ended here, this short would fit right into the Large Short Films YouTube channel playlist.
Instead, imtiaz ali tried to make, to misquote JHMS, “the manic pixie dream boy that you seek is seeking you” and failed with the ranbir-focused second half.
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I meant to add… and instead ended up making “the manic pixie dream boy that you seek is seeking himself”.
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Sanju – this is probably the most infuriating movie I’ve seen in a long time. Raju Hirani basically hijacked the feature film or biopic art form to bring us a propaganda film. And a poorly made one at that. So I felt swindled into actually paying money to see a propaganda film. So while I’d count this performance as a Miss for Ranbir (he played a man child imitating Sanju), imo this movie gets filed under “I hate Raju Hirani & his patronizing screenplays & his 2-part films (part 1 = promising movie, part 2 = pedantic lecture session) & all the credit he gets from the public and the critics” rather than an “I hate Ranbir” film.
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I agree, but I think I will land on 50/50 hating Hirani and hating Ranbir. When Hirani is dealing with a star who pushes him harder (like Aamir) or a star who has a more interesting and specific persona (like Sanjay), I feel like he gets out of his comfort zone and does something more interesting. But with Ranbir just doing the bare minimum for his performance, there was no creative spark to turn into a better movie.
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So my rankings are similar to yours:
Sanju: a poorly-made propaganda movie masquerading as a well-made sensitive biopic
Jagga Jasoos: I have honestly tried 3 times y2k watch this film. I want to like it. But it’s so non-engaging that I can’t even with this film.
Bombay Velvet: never saw it, am afraid to try
Besharam: This kind of “toilet humour” movie usually finds an audience, becomes a guilty pleasure film or a cult curiosity film in its second act. The fact that it didn’t do either has to be blamed on a miscast Ranbir.
Saawariya: never saw it, am afraid to try. But in the decade since it’s release, SLB has become a comfort-food director of sorts. Even if I dislike the film, I’ll still enjoy the set design, art direction, costumes, songs, dance/choreo, and the requisite 100,000 lit candles floating on the requisite pond, even if it’s all incongruous to the time, place, class, caste, or setting.
Rockstar: never saw it, an afraid to try, but since it’s Imtiaz + good music, at least there’s hope for at least some level of synergy there?
And the two that I actually like…
Bachne Ae Haseeno: I’m mad at myself for liking this movie. Honestly even while watching it in theaters, I cringed at regressive stuff like a beautiful, desirable, still young Bipasha saying “it’s too late for me to find love now”. And I was happy that deepika got what she wanted moreso than being happy for ranbir’s journey or growth. But it has that entertaining pop and zeal and bright colors and beautiful locales and gay clothes and nicely pictured song and dance that the ’00s BW rom-coms are known and loved (or mocked) for. Comfort food.
Tamasha: this really should have been Deepika’s movie, with Dips as the protagonist and Ranbir as the MPDBoy, the encounter with whom inspires her to reach her potential. The whole first half is so beautiful and enjoyable, and deepika’s performance is so subtly remarkable, that I can’t be mad at this film for existing. I’ve rewatched the first half many times.
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Oh, I want you to watch Saawariya now! I am very anti-Bhansali in general, I don’t like the set design and costume type stuff. But that’s personal taste in film to a large extant. Saawariya I personally like better than Bajirao and Padmavat and even Devdas. I still don’t like it, but I like it better.
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Oh, interesting re Saawariya. I’ll put it on my list then. Thanks!
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Saawariya has Rani who is doing most of the heavy lifting in the acting department so that automatically makes it better than so much of schlock that he put out in this decade. Personally I think it’s more watchable than Devdas and Padmavaat. Also some of the music is nice. It’s also only 2 hours and 18 minutes which already makes it better than a lot of SLB films because it’s shorter.
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You would love this…. lol https://www.pinkvilla.com/entertainment/news/ranbir-kapoor-all-set-team-kabir-singh-director-sandeep-vanga-his-next-bollywood-film-473067
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I choose not to believe this. Which, since it’s coming from the Mumbai Mirror and Pinkvilla, is a valid choice.
On Wed, Sep 11, 2019 at 3:57 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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I would actually put Anjaana Anjaani at the top. I managed to watch only about 5 mins before I started to yawn. Rockstar at least I could sit through.
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Oh dear, this is not making me want to finally watch Anjaana Anjaani.
I feel mean picking on Ranbir, but really is there any other young actor with such an amazing list of terrible?
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The wonder is that he still has a career
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Yes, every time his casting is announced, I think “why”?
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 11:51 PM dontcallitbollywood wrote:
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Thank God there are other people who don’t like Ranbir. I feel like every Bollywood fan account I’ve interacted with worships the ground he walks on, and I don’t understand it. Sanju was fine, but ADHM (even though it’s not on your list) absolutely infuriated me. No clue why people like it. The music isn’t even that good. Alia deserves so much better than him.
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Clearly you are interacting with the wrong Bollywood fan accounts 🙂 Hang out here, with us.
I like ADHM, but Ranbir’s performance didn’t exactly blow me away in it. Anushka was better than him in a far less written role. Heck, Fawad Khan was better than him!
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