If YRF is going to do this whole “spy universe” thing, then they had BETTER give the women their own spin off! Katrina in the Tiger films and Dips in Pathaan both have really interesting strong characters, and great action moments, they can absolutely handle their own movie.

Does anyone else remember Birds of Prey? It’s a TV show, a comic series, a movie it keeps getting forgotten and then revived because it is such a cool idea. Batgirl, after being crippled, has turned herself into a computer genius. And she pulls together an all female team of superheroes to go on missions she coordinates. Also, they sometimes hang out together and have girl’s nights, and complain about the male superheroes, and lots of cool stuff.

Anyway, THAT is the spin off I want!!!! I think Vidya Balan would be the best to coordinate the team. Oh! And she could be injured not even because of who she is! Again, that’s what happened with Batgirl, she was shot because of who her Dad was. Vidya is a brilliant analyst, the one back at the office with the headset doing everything. She is married to a top spy (Maddy?), and then one of his enemies breaks into their house and kidnaps them both, kills him, and cripples her. She’s given compassionate leave and a pension and sent off to be a Sad Widow.

Fast forward 5 years, Vidya is SICK of being a sad widow. She has skills and no one seems willing to use them, she tries to go back to work but is told she’s too old, too female, too everything. Plus, she has a pension from her husband, it would be like double dipping. Everyone tells her how proud she should be of her hero husband and ignores her request for an actual job.

And then she looks at her old analysis reports about the former ISI agents turned renegades Dips and Katrina, and she has an idea. She reaches out to her husband’s old partner, Kareena, who is now a stay at home Mom to two kids. She couldn’t take the crazy hours of a full time job any more but admits she does “freelance” sometimes. Vidya hires her to track down Dips and Kat and offer them a dedicated phone, just in case they ever want to work together. And Dips and Kat both have things they want help with, so they agree to make a trade.

Dips wants them to help her take down a casino in order to ruin the casino owner, who she hates because she has seen how he destroys the lives of the gamblers. Vidya controls the games and screens, and Kareena and Dips and Kat do the glamorous distraction on the floor stuff, evil casino DESTROYED!!!! Kat wants them to take down an Evil Arms Dealer, which involves going undercover as Sexy Dancing Girls until they are able to steal his phone and liquidate all his assets. Kareena’s up for anything so long as they pay, because school fees are killing her.

After the little side missions, Vidya reveals her Big Complicated Mission she’s been building towards. There’s a kidnapper for profit working in India, he takes wives and children of powerful men and holds them hostage until he is paid off. No one is interested in going after him because the wives and kids are returned. But, what about the damage to the women and children? PTSD, physical scars, or like her permanently crippled. No one cares because that’s just collateral damage, the real attack was on their husband/father/son/brother/whoever. The closest the police ever came to investigating was when Vidya’s husband Maddy was killed. In that case, they were given the man who ordered the hit, and the man who actually killed Maddy, but the kidnapper got off scotfree. All he did was take Vidya (crippling her in the process) in order to use her as bait for the killer to get Maddy.

At first the other women aren’t that interested but go along with the plan because they feel they owe Vidya (and she’s paying Kareena). But then they find recordings of the women and children who were kidnapped and “not harmed”. But in reality they lose jobs, cut down their social lives, have all these things that effect them beyond just being kidnapped and then returned. The other women finally realize why Vidya really cares about this, and is angry that the police and everyone else just sees the bad in terms of how it affects the men, and not the victims. Kareena even offers to donate her fee, for once.

They set up their vengeance in an elaborate sting, which involves bringing in The Husbands. SRK and Salman in a cameo, and Kareena’s husband who is revealed to be Saif (of course). The Husbands pretend to be cowardly corporate types who want to hire the kidnapper to kidnap Vidya and her kids in order to take vengeance on Saif, their business rival. The Kidnapper agrees, including their demand that it be double blind, even his own team can’t know who hired them or who the target is until the last minute. Which allows the women to drug the kidnapper, dress him in a sari, put him in Vidya’s wheelchair, and get HIS OWN MEN to kidnap him. For 6 days he is kept in isolation, in a dark smelly room, with little food, no way to clean himself, etc. etc. At the end of it, he is drugged and wakes up in a hospital room, unable to move. Kareena and Dips and Kat show up as female police officers to take the statement of his wife, ignoring and shushing him whenever he tries to speak up. They explain she can prosecute for fraud for the kidnapping money, but there is no other crime here, her husband was returned after all.

Montage of kidnappers goons being rounded up for “fraud”, kidnapper being publicly humiliated as he is trotted out on TV shows as the “poor victim”, and the women dancing and drinking champagne together to celebrate. Ending with Vidya getting an alert on her computer and telling them “Ladies, we have another job to do.”

What do you think???